It really is quite pathetic. I'm with her practically every waking hour, I know her every mood like the back of my hand, and I can hear her call from anywhere. Not only that, I hold her freely-given soul…but it isn't enough.
I can never get enough of the life that is Rosette, and it's killing her.
I want to wish for Rosette to end the contract, or to find some demon that could finally kill me, or that somehow, something would make her save whatever time she has left for herself and not waste it on me. I want to believe I feel this way, but they're all just lies meant to make me feel better. Yeah, as if wanting to martyr myself could possibly ease the fact that I am KILLING her second by second…especially since I really want the opposite.
I knew this truth the moment Rosette asked me to contract with her. I had vowed never to do this again, not after the guilt of Magdalena. Furthermore, I knew Rosette was far too young and upset to realize exactly what she was giving up. I shouldn't even consider mentioning her attempt to talk me into it as an excuse, because Rosette's never been that eloquent. She aims for the gut, not the heart. (It's a bigger target, especially on demons.) I could have, and should have, refused, but I was already far too wrapped up in one little girl. Too addicted to her.
That truth I found? I don't want to die.
I should rephrase that. I don't want to die while Rosette is still here. If there is room for me beside her, I want to be there. Even if there is no room, even if she goes so far as to banish me from her presence, I will find a way to be near. As long as there is the slightest chance to be together, I will not go. I am too selfish to give up a moment of Rosette when I can have it for myself.
Where she is, I will be.
Her faithful shadow, always.