Chapter Twenty-Nine

Choosing Sides

Harry was sitting in melancholy silence in the drawing room of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Sirius was in bed, but he still held Charlotte, asleep in his lap, as he'd been holding her for over an hour after she'd been soothed into dreams by Harry's murmured comfort. Two years old and a daddy's girl in every way, not to mention the spitting image of her mother at that age, she was the only good thing in his life at this particular moment. Matt and Sirius were both angry with Ginny for leaving and angry with him for not bringing her back. Matt had only taken a few days to recuperate from his ordeal before going back to school to finish out the year. He suspected Matt had just wanted to get out of the depressing house and away from the fighting. The house was much too quiet with only Harry and the two young children in it.

He'd given up after Matt had gone back to school, and the storm of emotions was quiet. He was just restless, unsleeping and unable to eat. It had been only a few weeks, but Harry was already going crazy, or slipping into some kind of depression. He knew he had to pull himself up out of it, for Crash and Charley's sake if nothing else, but he hadn't been able to yet. He'd apologized and apologized to Ginny, and promised to try harder, to open himself up more to her. He'd even said he would try marriage counseling. But she was finished with him, it seemed. She'd called their marriage a youthful mistake, something they'd done too early, before they were ready. Harry had bitterly said that sometimes you had to soldier on with your mistakes, especially when there were kids involved, and she hadn't liked that at all. She'd said there wasn't supposed to be kids yet. When they'd talked about marriage before, as teenagers, they'd planned on maybe starting their family at this time. When she'd been forced to adopt Matt—forced—she'd given up on that plan and decided Harry must just want kids now and what she wanted didn't mean anything to him.

"Why'd you marry me, then, if you thought I didn't care about you?"

Ginny's liquid brown eyes were lost and sad. "You were a hero. And a good man. You loved me and wanted me. I was in love with you. A girl could do worse."

"And now?"

"And now all that high-spirited love is gone, and I just see how incompatible we really are. I can't do this anymore."

"How long have you felt this way?"

"Since I was pregnant with Charlotte."

"But it took Draco turning out to be a good person to set it off?"

She flinched like he'd struck her. "Are you trying to pick a fight? You know I think he's not a good person. You know I think he'll turn around and sell us all for his own gain someday. And a lot of other people seem to feel the same way, given how many are pulling their kids out of school at the end of the year."

"At least they're waiting that long," he said bitterly. "Two families took their kids out already. I think people will calm down, though. There's still two months of school left, and Draco will prove during those two months that he's not a danger to anybody, that's he's good at his job."

"They all trust you so completely. It's incredible the way so many will just take you at your word."

"It's frightening, Ginny. It scares me, how much responsibility I have just because of . . . Ginny, please, I need you back. I don't have what it takes, not on my own. I need you."

She just shook her head. "No, you don't. You just need somebody. Women will line up for that, you know. You're an attractive man, in many ways."

"None of them are my children's mother. None of them are you."

"Give it a little time, and that won't matter much."

She'd ended the conversation there. Nothing Harry said was making a dent in her resolve, though he continued to send messages nearly every day. And he'd just been moping, for weeks now. He hadn't been to work, he'd been staying home to take care of Sirius and Charley. He had to go back to work, he knew, though he didn't know what he'd do with himself now that he had no real threats to stop. And he didn't know what to do with Crash and Charley. Their grandmother would take care of them if he asked her to, but then he'd have to deal with her alternating between pleas for him to fix whatever he'd done and relations of arguments with Ginny on the same topic. Molly was a wreck, and it showed in her inability to shut up. Arthur was just quiet, and that was somehow worse. Harry had never felt unwelcome in the Burrow before, but until he and Ginny got back together, his parents-in-law were acting stiff and distant. Ginny had already taken a small flat somewhere here in London and gone to work full-time. She obviously wasn't moping.

He sighed as he watched Charley sleep, and he knew he didn't have much choice, at least until Sirius started primary school in the fall. It would be their grandmother or a professional caretaker, and he didn't want to add to the trauma by introducing a stranger into their lives to take their mother's place at the moment. He just dreaded the moment when Ginny found out that it wasn't him taking care of them, after the fuss he'd raised about keeping them with him. Everything about Ginny was painful right now. Thinking about her was like pressing on a bruise, every touch was sharp and lasting. Better not to think of her, but that was impossible. She'd been his wife for six years, and he loved her, no matter what she thought.

The embers in his fireplace stirred, and he came to attention, sitting up carefully so he didn't wake Charley.

"Who is it?"

Could it be Ginny? Did she want to talk?

The face flickered into being. "Harry?"

His hope fell flat. "Zacharias."

"I hope I'm not calling too late."

"Not at all."

"I've just got a great deal on my mind, and I needed to talk to you about a few things."

"Just to save time, I'll assume that 'a few things' means 'Draco Malfoy,' shall I?" Harry said dryly. "Fine, but keep your voice down. My daughter's asleep."

"Yes, I see that. Very well. I'm uneasy, Harry."

"That Draco won't perform his job as adequately as he's done since the year started?"

"Please, Harry, don't be flippant. I'm serious."

"So am I. I'm tired of people reacting as though he hasn't already been teaching there for months."

"I'm not reacting that way. If you'll recall, I've been uneasy about him all along. And I don't like the way you've got the Ministry wrapped around your little finger, either, providing support like this."

"Scrimgeour made his decision on his own. You know as well as I do that he doesn't care for me much. He honestly believes that pardoning Draco in recognition of his services is the right move for the Ministry to make."

"And giving him the manor back, Harry? Was that the Minister's idea?"

"He might have listened to a suggestion on that one," Harry admitted. A suggestion filtered through someone else, of course. Scrimgeour didn't need to know it had originated with Harry. At least Draco had Malfoy Manor back now, however it was done.

"I don't like the idea it sends out, that's all. Risk your life doing something foolish, and all is forgiven."

"I'm sure you don't mean to imply that it was foolish to rescue my son from the hands of a violent criminal."

"I was talking about his vigilantism and taking Tyrell's life into his own hands."

"He didn't mean to kill him, only to incapacitate him. You saw the report from St. Mungo's. They looked at the Pensieve memory, and their official opinion is that Tyrell would have survived if he hadn't panicked."

"Look, Harry," Zacharias said in a short, annoyed tone. "I understand, all right? He made all the right moves to dig himself out of a very big hole, and he's got you convinced that he's harmless. However, given your fame, everyone knows I'm not the only one harbouring doubts about that."

"Don't you dare, Zacharias," Harry said furiously. "Don't even presume to think you can speak to me about my wife."

"Fine, Harry, I apologize. All I mean is, people are upset. They're very upset. A great number of them listen to you, and many of them were moved by the extra editions the Prophet put out. That's why Malfoy is getting his test run, through the end of the term. But I don't think I need to tell you that there are a number of parents sending their children abroad for schooling next year."

"I'm going to get as many of them back as I can," Harry said firmly. "And I don't think I need to tell you, Zacharias, how many children are ready to fight their parents to stay. Based on Matt's acceptance of him, there are a lot of kids who are on his side. You're there at the school, you know that."

"I do," Zacharias said grudgingly. "Never mind, Harry. I can see that there's no talking to you about this. You're not willing to discuss it logically."

"Logically? I've given some very logical reasons to keep Draco at Hogwarts, most of them having to do with his aptitude for the position. That's perfectly logical."

"No, Harry, you're so caught up in defining the moral high ground that you're not facing facts. The facts are that murderers have blood on their hands, whether they're sorry about it or not. It doesn't wash off, and it amazes me that you can talk people into allowing someone like that to teach their children."

Harry was distracted for a moment in stroking Charley's hair and keeping her under, as she stirred a bit and smacked her lips in her sleep. He looked up at Zacharias' head haloed in fire and wished he could punch him without the entire wizarding world finding out about it.

"Does McGonagall share your opinion, Zacharias?"

"You are well aware that she doesn't."

"And she is still the headmistress of the school?"

"She is. But she's old and getting absentminded. She offers very little reason for her decision."

"Well, we'll worry about her getting senile when she starts inspecting the castle barefoot or something, all right? Until then, it's her call."

"And it's something I simply cannot support."

"Well, Zacharias, what are you going to do, then? Picket outside her office?"

"I'm going to leave, Harry."

Harry nearly dropped his daughter. "You're what?"

"I'm resigning. I've already told Professor McGonagall. I won't be coming back next year. I'm taking a position at the Ministry. There are people in the Ministry who share my views and want to give me the opportunity to express them."

"Brilliant, Zacharias. You'll leave McGonagall short-handed again just because of your personal dislike for someone, just at a time when she's desperately going to need support to maintain a strong front against opposition."

"I guess I can't expect you to understand. Let's just forget this entire conversation, then. Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight, Zacharias."

He turned to the portrait on the wall. "Phineus!"

The wizard marched into his portrait, muttering to himself under his breath about the hour. "Yes?"

"Is McGonagall in the office?"

"She is."

"Would you tell her that I will be contacting her in five minutes or so?"

"If I have to," he sighed, and marched away again.

Harry went and laid Charley in bed, and checked on Sirius, who was asleep with a deep frown on his face that made Harry's heart ache. He returned to the drawing room to firecall the headmistress.

"Hello, Headmistress."

"Good evening, Mr. Potter."

"I just spoke to Zacharias and got the news. I'm sorry to hear it."

"He's done so much good for the school," McGonagall said in a bitter voice. "I hate to lose him now, but I will not back down on this issue."

"What did Dumbledore say?"

"Albus is being clever again. He's known Mr. Malfoy's identity since the moment the boy set foot in the office last year, and says the boy has had his full support and understanding since he was sixteen years old. I'm afraid you're the only one who is probably aware of his full meaning, but of course I know now why he's been so adamant about liking him all along."

Harry smiled. He did indeed know Dumbledore's full meaning. He'd been prepared to give Draco this second chance at the very end of his life. Harry had never fully disclosed the events up there on the tower. Many people weren't even aware that he had been present—he hadn't wanted to field the painful questions about why he hadn't stopped Snape killing the great wizard.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're holding firm. We'll ride out the next two months and see what things look like from there."

"We will indeed. Did you need anything else, Harry?"

"No, sorry for disturbing you."

"Anytime, you know that. Goodnight."

"Good luck, Headmistress."

Harry felt somehow comforted by the conversation with McGonagall, and the relaxation it brought on made him realize how weary he was. He barely managed to crawl into bed before his eyes slid shut and he drifted off into sleep.