Magical Development
Part 3 of 7
"Storm Before the Pageant"
It all started simple enough. Sure Snape had been for weeks teaching his new "boss" how to actually control his powers instead of creating horrible magical creatures that scare the living tar out of the female population of the institution of higher magical learning.
Actually the Beaverman got a job as a foreman at the Blouth Company after no wizard could get rid of him. Actually after the magic, he looked like a construction worker from Texas who claimed to be a Millionaire on a certain network that has the same name as an animal. He gets punched out a lot in Anaheim now. However that was the least of Snape's worries as he escorted Professor Bluth to the weekly staff meeting in Dumbledore's office.
Snape sighed as GOB walked in. "Hey McGornicle, how's those lions?" McGonagall hated her named being mispronounced, but she held her angry by looking indifferent as she always did. Ice water for blood there folks. Ok, she does have emotions, it just that she is a school spinster. What do you expect? "Professor Bluth, my name is McGonagall." George Oscar Bluth laughed at off, and he said her name exactly the same. "Yeah, it's McGornicle. I know. I know." It this point the transfiguration teacher just shied away and muttered to herself.
Due to the fact that Snape had been "demoted," he was no longer the head of Slytherin. Professor Slughorn was now once again the head of the house after Dumbledore explained the situation. In fact, the old round fellow enjoyed it, and he had fostered a sort of strange relationship with GOB due to the resemblance between him and his grandfather. They used to go drinking together during their days at Hogwarts.
"Ah George my boy, I'm glad to see you. Here sit down. Sit down, boy!" offered Slughorn to GOB who took it without even looking at a dejected Snape. Snape sneered, but in his lifetime, this had only gotten him nowhere. Though once and only once, it got him a date with a woman who later went on to marry and have a daughter and promptly died with her husband due to a strange mixture that appeared to be ordinary water. The investigations into the death during the former days of Voldermort last attempt at world domination have not concluded anything conclusively. However, it is known that there was a note from some fellow named Prince claiming that he did the crime. Nothing has ever been concluded on the issue.
Snape as it turned out had to sit on a stool at the faculty table. "I wonder if I still can get fresh mermaid scales this time of year," he pondered. It was at this point that Aldous Doubledore arose like a mighty titan, and promptly introduced this week's issues. "Now, I would ask that we all conserve our supply of pumpkin juice since the pumpkin crop this year has been horrible. I'm currently of the opinion that this is do to Voldermort."
GOB had heard the name only from the old man who his mother Lucille Bluth once had a crush on. This was before she became bitter from the knowledge that she was a squib. GOB continued to listen or pretended to listen to Doubledore. It was at this point that Horace Slughorn asked a pretty important question. "So my boy, I know that you are American, but I checked and you didn't graduate from Salem Academy? So where did you attend school?"
In fact, GOB had gone to a magic school of sorts. "Well, I attended Orange County Wizard Academy." In this case, it was not a lie. He had attended that school after high school and a rather interesting affair with a young Miss Holt. The school was in fact a wizarding school run by a real wizard who couldn't make it in the magical world of America.
Due to many issues, wizards and witches in America never really found much of a use for their powers due to Thomas Jefferson who made sure that they would not be able to influences election by creating a massive magical barrier across the then country and new Louisiana Purchase as well. Doing so lead to Wizards in America unable to use their powers except for in Massachusetts and later in California. Ironically, John Adams was a wizard, and people wonder how John Quincy was able to win the election in 1824. It wasn't his catchy tune!
Regardless, it was ironic that GOB's reteaching by Snape was going so smoothly. It also explains why he was the worst "Illusionists" ever. He was just better at magic. Then suddenly, Doubledore needed a suggestion on what to do to keep Pumpkin Juice shortage unknown.
That's when GOB suggested his favorite pastime. "Why not have a beauty contest?"
Flitch had an odd question. "Can I enter my cat?"
Slughorn smiled at GOB's suggestion. "Splendid suggestion, lad. You do old Parkey proud." Snape really wanted some mermaid scales. Doubledore just smiled as everything went according to plan thanks to his handy-dandy book on the issue.
Back in Anaheim, Michael was noticing that his new Dam houses were doing great. Thanks to the new foreman who suggested them, the Bluth company was making money again. Though his foreman seemed to attract undue agression. "Louise, can I get the quarterlies?" he asked. That's when someone else answered the intercom. "Michael have you seen Tobias," asked his sister Lindsey.
Walking out of his recently rebuilt office, Michael noticed that his sister was going through one of her withdraws that she seemed to get if she didn't get shop or have Tobias. "So not that he is gone, you can't live without him?"
Her mascara was running, and she looked absolutely terrible just like wearing a slut shirt to her father's own fake wake. "I haven't seen him in two weeks, and he hasn't shown up as Mrs. Featherbottom either," Lindsey complaining about the housework awaiting her. That and that new hamster that Maeby had collected. It apparently left a lot of housework to clean it up, and it never seem to accomplish anything. You have to wonder if she realizes that hamster shares a lot of traits like husband?
Michael being the caring brother took that moment to remind Lindsey that Tobias disappeared a lot. "Remember the time that Tobias went missing for two weeks, and it turned out that he locked himself in your closet."
"Wait, I never checked the closet. I haven't been there in three weeks." It was at this point that Michael discovered that Lindsey had gotten some money from the Bluth Company through you guessed it, Lucille.
So Michael was off to confront his mother at her apartment where she was looking over some letter with dark lining and a skull. No, it was not a recruiting letter from the Hell's Angels either.
"Ah Michael, I just been informed that you accepted a scholarship on behalf of George Michael to Durmstrang Academy," she said as she put down the letter. Michael sat down, and he noticed that neither his uncle or brother were around. "Yeah, I figure that it was a good opportunity to get George Michael away from this environment of hate, backstabbing, and lies. Like the one that you told me that you wouldn't raid the company's assets, any more."
"Michael, though I have a reasonable explanation of the money that I received from the company, I am more worried about the fact that you sent George Michael to a Magical Academy off the coast of Denmark!"
"You mean this is all part of your side of the family. I was trying to get him away from that. Do you think it's possible to get George Michael back?"
"Not in this life time especially since you also signed him for two years to be trained to use his powers."
"Like Army!"
"Not now Buster, but I had noticed that George Michael had started to develop powers. You know this is all you fault Michael. Everything would have been fine as long as you had just kept paying Fudge."
Michael rolled his eyes for five weeks he had heard it at least twice a day how he had doomed them all from his mother. His father on the other hand had just retreated into a constant tea party. And for some unknown reason his biggest problem the ongoing investigation of the Bluth Company had suddenly and without warning just ended. Apparently CIA West had bigger issues to worry about.
Thus Michael wanted what was best for his son, so without thinking he let his son go with the mysterious floating gentlemen who just screeched.
"Well, you better be happy when your son gets back that he doesn't turn you into a toad."
After his blowout with his mother, Michael went to the model home to read the document that he had received from out of nowhere. That's when he noticed his niece on the coach with her new pet that seemed to shed everywhere. "Maeby, have you seen the scholarship letter for George Michael?"
It was at that point that as Maeby looked up at her uncle Michael. "Nope, I just been shredding paper for my little hamster, Baldy." It was at this point that the hamster began to be indigent being called by that named that Maeby had given it after noticing that it was bald at the top.
It this point there was a knock at the door. Michael walked over and noticed that there was an unusually girl at the door. "Maeby were you expecting anybody?"
"Mr. Bluth, it's me Ann Veal," said the girl from the other side. At this point even Maeby looked up.
As Michael opened the door and was shocked by what he saw. "Ann, what happened?"
Instead of a pale chubby girl, there was a tanned and slender girl looking at him. "Oh, I'm looking for George Micahel since he hasn't been at school for two weeks," she said as she slid her head around looking for him. "Unfortunately, he went to a new school off the coast of Denmark."
Ann looked dejected, but there was something about her much larger blue eyes that endured her. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to thank him for his secular love later," she said as she went back out the door in her new blue form fitting dress.
It was at that point that Michael suddenly figured that his son might have been behind the change in Ann. Looking at a shocked Maeby who couldn't figure out what was going on. "What happened to Bland. Maybe I should show up to school more than I go to work, Baldy." Maeby continued to play with the hamster as Michael continued to look for the document since all he heard was Bland and Baldy.
As for George Michael, he was been trained in his magical abilities by being taught in an accelerated manner. "Duck or you will be hurt," screamed his instructor in the red and black uniform. "Geez! When they said private school was different, they weren't kidding."
George Michael barely escaped the assault from magical energy when from a distance he thought that he saw a reptilian like man watching his performance. No, it was not a Hollywood producer or a lobbyists. No, he will have more of a place in this strange story later.
For now, we go back to Hogwarts where it was announced that Pumpkin Juice would no longer be served due to some reason other than bad pumpkin crops. No, it was then announced that there would be a fall festival that year to remind the students to be ever vigilant against encroaching evil.
However what had excited the girls of Hogwart was the announcement of a beauty pageant to be hosted by the most exciting man in Wizarding World that's right, Harry Potter. Recently due to the popular media stating that he was insane, his popularity had gone down hill, but due to equivalent of alternative media, the boy who lived had bounced back in popularity.
Though the person most upset about the issue was Hermione. "I hate beauty pageants," she said as looked at the poster announcing the event. It was at this point that Pansy Parkinson walked up to her.
"Always running the other direction when it comes to being a women, Granger," she laughed as she left with other Slytherians. As Pansy left she strut her stuff like she had seen one day when her guardian had left on the television while watching "Girls with Low Esteem." It was at this point that the gaggle of Slytherian women ran into Professor Sprout who deduct points for while being well sluts. Then again, Pansy had just signed up for the pageant before the incident, but she wasn't doing it for beauty. No, it was for something that most writers call revenge, but that will come later.
Hermione afraid of what might happen ran off down the halls holding back the tears. She ran into the first dungeon that she could fine. Her mousy appearance was more due to hiding her beauty behind a facade of security. In fact, Hermione had often wished to more of one of the girls, but it was a fact that as a Prefect, she was even more outside the girl circles.
"Well well. What's a pretty young thing like you doing crying?"
The voice seemed well mannered if a bit wolfish. "Professor Bluth, I didn't expect you to be here." It was a known fact that the new Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts liked to go to Hogsmeade this time of day. "Well, I was preparing my lessons for tomorrow." In fact, GOB was about to smoke a bit of "Afternoon Delight" which was the only type of marijuana that he could get there.
Not wanting to let anyone known that he smoked it in the school, he decided to hide it by throwing it through a cubbyhole. Ironically an annoying House Elf picked it up, and it was now being put into the cake for tonight for taste. Regardless, the effects of this will be felt later.
"That's good, but why not in your office." It was at this point that GOB got a bit of a strange look on his face. "What I have an office! Snape told me that the desk was my office. Oh well, you look upset. Why don't you tell GOB what's bothering you, little lady."
For whatever reason, Hermione instantly told GOB of her problems. GOB nodded as he usually did with women. This was a talent that he learned from years with his mother. "Well the worst part is that Pansy Parkinson has to act all smug because she comes from a pure blood family that she is the only known descendent of."
It was at that point that something from clicked in GOB's mind. "Parkinson. . . Wait, Pansy is a Parkinson. No wonder, I've been getting weird vibes from her," he said as he considered the situation. "Well to answer you're insecurities, I believe that the best remedy is be in a beauty pageant. It sure did help my niece Maeby."
In fact, it had help her become a bitter individual due to the hypocrisy of calling such things an inner beauty pageant. Just call it what it is, people! Regardless, Hermione had been swallowed by the strange and swell voice of GOB, and she decided to take him up on his offer.
In the grand hall, it was a zoo as Doubledore couldn't figure why Professor Sprout suddenly felt complied to lay on the ground and claim she was a beautiful flower waiting to be deflowered. Snape was in a corner crying about not having mermaid scales and the unjustice of the world.
As much as the students were a bit insane, the Hufflepuffs were all singing a song about an angry little Goblin named Merlin. The Ravenclaws were pretending to being birds. The worst was that the Slytherians had taken their cloths off save their underwear and were all on the floor just looking at the lights. Gryffindor had yet to arrive due to a discussion that Ron Weasely was having with the whole house on how to control one's urges. Doubledore was grateful for one silver lining, but he wished that he had the other Prefects do the same talk right now.
He wondered why everyone was acting crazy when Pansy Parkinson ran up. "Head Master, you have to destroy the cake. I didn't eat and I perfectly sane. There is something untimely about all this," she said.
Then Doubledore realized that the child was correct. "Abba Cake," he said as the cake disappeared across the hall. Somehow, he knew that he accidently caused this all. Turning back to Pansy, he made a decision. "Pansy, I want you to find a Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw who aren't affected then I will have you each take your houses back to their rooms. Flitch will assit along with myself and Professor Bluth who is not affected."
It was lucky for GOB that no one knew that he was responsible yet.
GOB escorted Hermione to the sign up just as students seemed to be staggering around from the Great Hall. "Anybody got a banana?" asked one student who kept on mentioning a song about a "big yellow joint."
"Well, I guess that's why they are called hufflerpuffs," laughed GOB as he recognized the aftereffects of "Afternoon Delight." Then he suddenly realized something was up, so GOB ran for it.
It was around this time that he ran into Dumbledore who was leading the affected Slytherians with Pansy back to their dungeon. "Ah George, I need you to help Ms. Parkinson to the Slytherian Dungeon. There has been a terrible accident. I need to help Luna Lovegood with the Ravenclaws. Then we shall both get to the bottom of this."
Helping a Slutherian first year to stand, GOB called out to Pansy. "Ms. Parkinson, could you please take the head. I have no idea where your dungeon is."
Pansy went from the back where she was making sure that Draco hadn't started to sing another song about how his father hates potatoes.
"Just as long as you agree to make sure this moron doesn't start singing againg," she nearly bit her tongue in angry. She went to the front of the line, and barked out orders.
"It must run in the family," he mumbled. Draco heard this, and he nearly started to sing another one of his tunes. GOB put his hand around his mouth. "Trust me, it's better to keep silent when no one understands your art."
"You're a nice Bird," was all that GOB got as he dragged the older Slytherians back to their dungeon.
Next Time on Magically Development
- Hermione faces Pansy and other girls of Hogwarts for the title of Miss Hogwarts. Luna Lovegood gets an interesting proposition.
- George Michael meets the snaky man.
- And Lindsey finds someone to fill the void in her heart. "You know I like making Dams!"