Disclaimer: you all know it's Rowling's

Remus Lupin knocked gently on his friend's bedroom door. Sirius had moved into what was once his parents' bedroom. He refused to justify to Remus his assumption of the position of master of the house, and Remus had stopped asking. It was just Sirius being Sirius.

"Sirius, please let me in." No response came save silence, which to Lupin was answer enough. "Open the door, Padfoot." That was another of his 'teacher voices.' There was a click and the door slid open. Lupin stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him.

Sirius was sprawled on the bed, the kitten on his chest. He hadn't bothered rising for his friend, but remained on his back, his head against the wall. His left arm dangled limply, his fingertips playing over a half-empty bottle of firewhisky. That was not the only bottle in the room.

"Scourgify." Lupin's spell affected the empty bottles. He flicked his wand and sent them clustering by the wall with a silent incantation. "Sirius, would you want Harry to see you this way? To think you live this way?"

"Oh, he won't. Harry doesn't know where I sleep."

Lupin frowned, but chose to ignore Sirius's lack of cleanliness. He would be a few days at Number Twelve yet. Idly he replaced his wand and wended around the bed. "May I sit?" Sirius inclined his head, and Lupin sat beside him.

"Just so you know," Sirius said, pouring a mouthful of firewhiskey into his mouth and letting it burn his cheeks and tongue before swallowing, "I know what you're up to."

Lupin couldn't help it: he loved his friend too dearly. He ceded and played along. "And what am I up to, Sirius?"

"Don't be stupid, Remus. You're trying to see what Harry remembers. You keep bringing things up. Or am I not suppose to know that my kitten looks like Lily's? Did you really think he would remember the Hebrew and the menorah?"

Lupin lowered his head. "Guilty as charged," he admitted. "But I don't think it's wrong, what I'm doing. Harry thinks James was a saint. He's very protective, and that tends to spit in his face. What did you think of Fred and George's Hermaphroditic Chocoballs?"

The answer was obvious, and the first thought Lupin had had upon hearing of the candies: "Ingenious. I'm only surprised James and I never thought of them."

Lupin admitted, "I was, too, at first."

"But…?"

"Well, I should think it obvious. Fred and George invented a candy that lasts forever because they couldn't always afford candy. The Weasleys haven't much money; that seems to have started Fred and George down their path to genius. You and James were bored. So," he went on almost casually, "you're still having nightmares?"

Sirius laughed. "However did you know, Remus? I took cares. None of the others has noticed, and you've only just arrived."

"I hardly think six school-age wizards are likely to detect Imperturbable Charms if they aren't chucking dungbombs. D'you feel like talking about it?"

"Do I ever?"

Lupin grinned wryly. "As long as I have known you, Sirius, you have only liked to talk about Quidditch and yourself."

Sirius took a deep drink of firewhiskey and swallowed quickly. "You're a cruel man, Remus Lupin. Not a very kind wolf, either."

"I was proud of you until I saw this room," Lupin said. Sirius mimed stabbing himself in the heart. "It seemed you were taking care of yourself. Thriving in spite of everything. And I thought, I could never be so strong. How am I to look up to you now, Sirius, that I know the truth? I always thought you were brave."

He was bluffing, and Sirius called it. "As you said to me years ago, Remus: we're not brave until we're scared. Are you scared, Remus? I'm not."

"Oh? Are you hiding for fun?"

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you." Sirius let his now half-full bottle of firewhiskey thump to the floor. "You going to try that Jewish guilt again? Are you going to tell me that I'm hiding from Harry, keeping from him the one person he truly cares about?"

Lupin remained silent for a long while. Sirius took the opportunity to say, "I'm doing this for him as much as for me. Harry needs his self-indulgence at the moment. I'm giving him what you gave me. I'm letting him indulge his self-pity. There are some things he doesn't need to know." Sirius's eyes closed. "He's much better off thinking evil dies with Voldemort, anyway."

Lupin was too soft to say it openly: No, you're right, Harry doesn't need to know about parents who use curses to punish their children. "Do you want me to stay, Sirius?" When Sirius did not reply, Lupin rose. He was halfway to the door when his name was called. "Never tell anyone," Sirius threatened.

"Did I ever?" asked Lupin, settling beside his friend on the bed.

Nothing passed between Sirius and Lupin. They slept in the same bed, but did nothing more than sleep until Sirius kicked Lupin awake. Faint light burst through the window, leaving no impression. Sirius continued to kick out, whimpering. Lupin moved at once, gathering Sirius to him and holding him as a mother holds a child. This was, coincidentally, the name Sirius whined from his nightmare. He wept to his mummy and apologized, pleaded and, very occasionally, cursed her.

To the casual onlooker, the sight would be terrifying. To Remus Lupin, nothing was abnormal. Sirius's sobbing fits had been commonplace in their dormitory.

When Sirius awoke, he was clinging to Lupin, who in turn held him in a restraining embrace. "Mummy, I'm sorry--!"

"It's all right, Sirius. It's over, remember? Your mum's dead. It's me, it's Remus. Sirius, shh…" In a school as small as Hogwarts, rumors passed like colds. When some vicious student (Sirius suspected Severus Snape) had circulated in their fifth year that Remus, James and Sirius were 'more than friends', Sirius had laughed it off easily. More than friends? Of course we're more than friends. We're brothers, and yeah, that's a little more than friends. He had never openly said it, but Remus always suspected Sirius meant these nights by that remark; they were brothers not for running through Hogsmeade under the full moon, but for holding one another through tears and terrors. Though all boys prefer a façade of boldness and few openly touch in public outside of the occasional high-five, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin often awoke from nightmares and took comfort in the closeness and comfort of the other.

When at last Sirius disentangled himself from Lupin's arms, brushing away the last of his tears, he said, "Thank you, my friend."

There came a knock at the door.

to be continued!

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