Magical Development

Part 5 of 7

Love InCousinly

Since becoming aware that she had a cousin her own age, Pansy had started to talk more to GOB about his likes and dislikes. In fact this was probably the worst time to start talking to GOB.

This was due to his little problem that usually happen after pageants that he had a tendency to have small affairs. However, his latest conquest was of age in the wizarding world, so it really wasn't an issue. No, the big issue for GOB was that he had not come to work the next morning, and with his assistant on leave, he nearly had gotten sacked if Dumbledore hadn't just walked into defend GOB for his tardiness. So, he had become increasing stressed especially with Pansy following him.

"So, does George Michael like chocolate frogs?"

GOB was a bit disturbed by this question. Looking at the girl in robes with a green and white tie, he just looked at her like she was surely insane. "That's insane!" Closing the door on his young cousin, GOB sat down to the other thing bothering him. "So faker! Have you been fired yet?"

Ever since GOB had taken a certain 3rd place Ravenclaw to his quarters, he had been haunted by a ghost. Then again, GOB had gotten to know quite a few ghost at Hogwarts. His favorite was the Bloody Baron due to the fact that he reminded him of his brother, Michael always in remorse. However, this new ghost really bothered him. In the empty classroom, GOB just wanted to get rid of the fellow.

"Ok, I gave up smoking my afternoon delight! Will you leave me alone?" The ghost smiled. He wanted to make life terrible for GOB. In all honesty, he didn't mind if Cho went out with wizards like Harry Potter, but GOB was a totally different issue. Especially since, he was just in it for the other type of "afternoon delight." That was why Cedric kept on bothering GOB trying to get him fired. "So, have you guessed my name yet?"

Banging his head, GOB just fell over. When he raised his head, the first year students entered the room. "Ah students . . . I just was trying to get rid of a . . .," GOB for lack of words couldn't think of anything to say except something that he had heard the strange fifth year student say. "Nergals. Best method is to bang your head." In a way, GOB was correct since Nergal was a Babylonian Deity who was ruled over the underworld. So it might be possible that he had demonstrated the correct method for ignoring a ghost. In fact, he had.

In fact, it was his best lesson in his short history at Hogwarts. Though the first years had severe headaches afterwards. However, GOB needed help. And there was only one person that he had ever trusted in such things. Between his break from the first years and seventh year, he decided to send that someone a letter. At the same time, he would have to get help from his cousin. "Until I discover that stupid specter's name, I'm going to continue to have headaches."

Back in Anaheim, Michael arrived at his mother's apartment after not receiving a letter. At that moment, his mother was looking at a strange item. Holding open the strange parchment was Oscar Bluth. "Would you hold it higher, Oscar?" Ever since losing her main source of csh, Lucille had been looking for a way to get her fortune in galleons back. To no avail, so she had received a Wizarding family tree from someone in England.

Michael watched as his mother traced her name down from her father. She ignored her younger sister's line. "That wont work! And Tom is to busy with his attempts at world domination to turn for anything." Looking at the chart, Michael saw three separate forks on the chart odd of Luxille. Of course, there was her connection with George Bluth Sr. that resulted in GOB, but what Michael was shocked by was the word squib by both of his parent's names. Then he noticed next to his name was the most unsurprising fork. He had guessed for awhile that Oscar was Buster's father, but squib was written next to Buster name. Oscar had Wizard written next to his name, but there was a stranger aspect. It also said hyphenated next to his uncle was written depowered. His eyes looked at his own name again next. Below him was George Michael, but again squib was written next to his wife. What did that word mean? There was no Lindsey for some odd reason, but what surprised him most was who his father was listed as . . .

"Mom, what is this thing?"

Lucille nearly jumped out of her skin. Oscar who was in one of his trances hadn't noticed anything. "Oscar, why didn't you say anything?" The man who had apparently been out of it just kind of looked at the ceiling. "You said Lopey not Michael. Also, I need my medicine or else the CIA will come and get me again," announced Oscar who plopped over to get his "afternoon delight."

Lucille shook her head. Picking up her hourly bourbon on the rocks, she sat down as Michael sat down. "Where's Lindsay for that matter on this chart, and what the hell is a squib?"

Lucille took a big slurp of her drink. It was time to tell Michael the truth. "Well, you see I am a squib. Basically, I'm a disgrace to my entire family due to having no power. However, you and GOB are wizards. Your father and I didn't want you to grow up in the American Wizarding World especially with its great example of Wizards."

In fact, the American Wizarding Community was known for such great historic event as the Salem Witch Trials, the American Civil War, and advising Franklin Delano Roosevelt to use a bit of magic on the Constitution. In fact, that wasn't the worst of their crimes. Though the using of black magic to acquire more land in Salem by blaming innocent people was a pretty big crime, it was the creation of almost ninety percent of the newer illegal drugs American Wizard in an attempt to control the American population. Problem was that they became addicted to it more than the regular population. Since the 1960's, the American Wizrads were nearly impossible to distinguish from hippies.

"If you had succumb to some of their same mistakes, what would my father say. Lilly Lucille, you have let your sons become no better than muggles. So I had Fudge put the protective charm on you to supplant GOB and your powers. Though . . ."

Michael interrupted his mother. "What about Lindsay!" That was when Lucille finally revealed. something that was to say the least disturbing. "Lindsay is the daughter of a gypsy family that we used to get over that damn baldy Stidwell. I think that they were the Van Dooms or Van Dammes. It was Van something."

With news that his twin wasn't, Michael wondered why his father wasn't listed with a name. "So, who is my father?"

"He can't be named. For a long time, he looked for ways to get a pureblood bride, but by the time that he was at his zenith, he lost his ability to reproduce due to his magic. However before that, we had a rendevous that resulted in you due to him disguising himself as George."

Michael was distraught. "So, you are telling me that my father is not George Sr., and that wizards try to run the country."

Lucille smiled. "You've got the basic idea. The problem is that the wizards in this country have no idea how to use their magic correctly. Instead they just blunder over themselves in attempt to use their magic on television ads that just end up seeming insane."

Michael had one bigger question other than why there were about a hundred names under GOB. Really, it is quite absurd that GOB has been to that many pageants. However, you have to realize that he lives in Southern California where there are always pageants going on. "So why haven't I done any magic?"

Lucille smiled. "That's because I weeded it out of you by crushing your spirit. GOB on the other hand, slipped through the cracks. It was a two prong attack in combination with Fudge."

It was at this point that Michael decided to go to Hogwarts to see his brother. It was also it this point that the plan of two different men had suddenly turned the corner.

Albus Dumbledore smiled proudly as he realized that his plan that he had realized four months ago right before he might have put on the Gaunt ring when he read GOB's autobiography that was written by someone other than GOB. "Soon, I will not have to worry about risking anymore lives. Everything is going according to plan."

"It better or me and the other headmasters will just make fun of you for the rest of time," said the Current holder of the Title of Worst Headmaster Ever, Walter E. Mudd. The fact that he lasted twenty minutes in the job after a student had accidently left a baby horntail dragon in his chair still caused much mirth among the paintings. He always hoped for someone to take that title away.

As Michael made preparations to go to the United Kingdom, GOB was meeting with Pansy. "So Pansy. Have there been any dead Hodgepuffers recently?"

Pansy was a little taken aback but a sly smile crossed her face. "You mean a Hufflepuff, and there was Trevor Glass who shattered last year right before his NEWTs. And oh there was Martha Shortening who feel in a vat of cookie dough right before her transfiguration final. Such a tragedy, I almost got her on my tongue."

"No, this guy seems competent and almost too good to be a Hodgepuffer."

It was at that point that Pansy knew exactly who her cousin was trying to describe in her six years at Hogwarts. There was only one Hufflepuff who ever seemed to matter, and that was the most celebrated Hufflepuff actually. However, Pansy being a Parkinson wanted something else. "Well, I know who you are talking about, but I need George Michael likes and dislikes immediately to give you this information."

GOB wasn't sure about this arrangement, but it wasn't like he had much choice. If he didn't get rid of that ghost, he'd have to replace more of the stuff that he accidently ran into like that odd bust with the female looking crown on it. Some real queens had either attended or run this place was GOB's reasoning. The fact that the crown that he had found fell into an open fire that seemed to cause great gobs of something like blood to appear hadn't really bothered GOB. Except for it now haunted him just as much as that damn ghost.

"Ok, George Michael has pretty simple likes and dislikes. However, his favorite thing in the world is Star Wars."

Pansy starting skipping out of the room. She had finally found a cousin that would date her; her dream of having nearly pureblood grandchildren was almost complete. Before she forgot she gave her cousin what he wanted. "Oh, the boy's name is Cedric Diggory."

As Michael packed, he suddenly realized that Maeby was home from school. "Maeby, what are you doing here?" Maeby who had been skipping school off and on for nearly a year had decided to take care of her hamster that day and also skip work as well where she was the youngest movie producer in town..

"Well Uncle Mike, I've got Spring Break."

"Oh, that makes sense. Just don't go stealing any purses, ok?" At that point, Michael suddenly realized that he had an idea. "Maeby since its Spring Break, I'm taking you to Europe with me. Plus, your mother seems to have neglected her duties as parent, so I might make sure that you are getting raised right."

Telling her to pack her bags, Maeby decided to do the request. However, Michael had to go to the attic where he had to hand someone over. Someone who had been lying to him for years.

"Dad, why didn't you tell me that you family was a bunch of wizards?"

George Sr. who was now wearing a Rastafarian hat and claimed also to be His Imperial Majesty shook. "Damn that Fudge, man!"

Michael sat there as his father stammered for a minute. "Well, you see your grandfather Walter Bluth was a great and powerful wizard, but he made a ton of mistakes not the least being he married a witch named Wendy Witcheson. My mother was batty and liked wearing red pajama all the time."

Michael rolled his eyes as he listened and glanced at his watch. "So, I couldn't do any magic thanks to Mom creating a horrible potion that later caused my hair loss and bouts of idiocy." It was at that point that George started to shake his head back and forth.

However, it was also at that point that George Sr. was saved from investigation that had tried to link him with Greywolf of Persia since CIA West and East finally went over their operations for the last ten years under Operation Let's Talk. That's when Michael got a phone call from Wayne Jarvis. "Michael, your father is a free man. It turns out that everything was just a simple misunderstanding."

Michael crushed put down his cell phone. "Dad, you are free to go. Apparently all the charges have been dropped. You mean that I can go back to my condo and punch that damn hairy and magical brother of mine." Michael nodded. Suddenly George Sr. ran down the attic stairs. This left Michael alone to figure out if he needed more socks.

Michael and Maeby that night bored a plane.

At the same moment, George Michael was walking with a man who had great interest in him because of his talents in everything except for the Dark Arts. For whatever reason, Geroge Michael just was not particular evil. In fact, he was practically nice. Considering that the lad had been in all honors courses, he was exceptional at picking up information.

"You did excellent on your transfiguration test, my boy. I do belief that I have never seen a better coat into cot spell in my life. Though your marks are not as good in Dark Arts. You must remember that they are merely tools for the common good."

George Michael had enjoyed his chats with the strange man, but his way of thinking was disturbing to say the least.

"But I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Then what are convictions if you are not willing to back them up. Most of all the greatest conviction is . . ." Snape interrupted what the Dark Lord was about to say with news. "My Lord, the man that you wanted tracked in America is half way across the Atlantic at the moment. Do you wish for me to greet him?"

Severius Snape hoped that his images in his head of green eyes helped as usual. This bored the Dark Lord more than anything, so he usually didn't stay in his mind. However, the Dark Lord seemed lighter than usually almost calm. "No Sanpe, you will accomplish me and this gifted student to Hogsmeade. Bella will be the one to greet him on arrival and guide him to Hogswarts."

Snape raised an eyebrow wondering if both men that he took orders for knew what they were doing. Bellatrix had also had horrible muggle driving skills, but then again Dumbledore had bet on this plan as well. "Then I shall do as you ask. Does the young master have a broom?"

"Of course, I have provided this prodigy with the finest broom, a Firebolt 7000 with optional golden coating. Only the best for one of his blood!"

George Michael was confused to say the least, but he followed his private tutor and Snape out the door.

George Oscar Bluth sat at his desk watching the ghost. "So, have you guess yet, numbnuts?" Though GOB had not yet being able to appriate or even make a descent potion that caused hair growth. He really wanted that one too. He had become a master at magical puppetry.

Suddenly a brownish puppet jumped down from the ceiling. "Yo Fool! The master of Disaster. The man with the Plan knows your name, Cedric Diggory. Oh YEAH!"

GOB smiled as the apparition feel back. This was almost better than getting Tony Wonder back. Actually that had occurred two month prior after GOB had used a FLOO network to go to one of Tony Wonder's shows. There he had exchanged the bottled water with a formula that caused the victim's bread to become pure mold instantly by touch. An old potion rarely used anymore since people don't survive on bread alone anymore. It was the best night that GOB had ever.

However, Diggory sighed. "You know the only reason that I did this was to prevent you from hurting Cho. My God man, you are almost her father's age. Then again, he is git too. I pray that you learn your lesson. Something Dark this Way Comes."

"Dark, I am the Master of the Defense Against the Dark Arts!" shouted GOB at nothing.

Michael arrived in the United Kingdom to something unexpected as a strange woman with a silvery streak down her hair in a fancy dress held a sign that said Michael Bluth. "Oh over here, you great man!"

Michael after several moments decided that the woman was talking to him. "Madam, I am Michael Bluth, but I didn't make any arrangements for my arrival only a hotel room for the night for me and my niece."

Bellatrix had to come up with a plan, but then again, she had a thing for him for some odd reason. He was so vibrant like her master. The only thing that she could think about was rabbits. Then it occurred to her that the Dark Lord had mentioned that his brother was working at Hogwarts. "Well, you brother Bob sent me." Michael who had once created a song as a child to prevent him from going with strangers broke the first line of the song instantly. "Well, I'm sure GOB probably figured it out when he got my e-mail."

Bellartrix nodded her head. "Yes, he . . . can I have your babies. . . received your message via the informuggle network several days ago. You know its faster for our type."

Michael followed the strange woman as Maeby carried a hamster cage with a quite annoyed hamster who was cranky.

Pansy was overjoyed that she finally discovered what Star Wars was. She had been playing with her hair all morning. After much conversation with the mudblood Hermoine Granger who was the first person that Pansy knew who would probably know what Star Wars was. She had decided to go to Hogsmeade that morning to investigate the Muggle entertainment phenomenon by going to a shop that carried information on such trivialities.

As she arrived in the town, she noticed an odd muggle with a hamster in a cage. "What is a muggle doing in Hogsmeade anyhow?" she wondered. Deciding that the girl might know more about the elusive Star Wars, Pansy walked up to her and tried to be on her best behavior.

"Ah girl, do you know anything about Star Wars?"

The girl was taken aback by that comment. When she had lived in Boston, her parents being the progressive type banned all forms of entertainment that might contain war or any form of violence. This basically left no Disney films at all or anything else entertaining. Even nature films were banned. The only thing that Maeby had been allowed to watch was movies starring Barbara Streisand which left young Maeby bored, unexcited, and quite disturbed.

"Yeah, my cousin loved the stupid thing. What's with the hairdo, trying to be a Princess?"

answered and questioned Maeby as she examined the girl. With one of the famous Princess Leia buns on the back of her head, Maeby could only guess that the girl was mental retarded just like the rest of her kind. However, Pansy could no longer take this kind of insult.

"How dare you insult me! All I asked was for a simple quetion, and this is the kind of response that I get from a muggle!"

"Oh is that some anti-American slang. First Colonials then Gumps, now muggles. Speak bloddy English already!"

"English, you don't even understand the finer dictates of the language. It took your kind two thousand years to actually speak it right!"

This attracted the attention of other students including one Harry Potter who was wondering why this was being discussed. Suddenly his scar just went blazing hot when it had been silent all summer and most of the last year. "Ron, it feels like he is coming."

Inside the castle, he wonder why his escort had changed when they boarded the train into an ebony woman with plainer robes. Then again, her constant drinking from a bottle had made him glad that she hadn't been drinking when she drove to Victoria Station considering how she drove, but this palace that his niece Maeby couldn't see for some odd reason was constantly changing.

"If that old goat hasn't moved everything around, the Defense Classroom should be here," said the disguised Bellatrix. She knew that her master would be in Hogsmeade in a few minutes, and she could drop the facade. Michael walked into the room as Bellatrix slipped away. Though it was tough for her. She really did want to have Michael's child since she had only married her husband due to the Dark Lord persuading her. Then again, he said that couldn't have children fifteen years ago. However, he had a son, and she possibly could bore the Dark Lord a grandson. It set her eyes with a dreamy gaze.

Skipping up the steps, she smiled as she noticed the various Death Eaters in the air following their Dark Lord. Now was the time, she raised her arm into the air with her wand.

It shot up the Dark Mark above the school.

GOB was speechless as Michael walked in. "Michael, I can't believe it."

Michael though annoyed about the trouble to get him sat down in a chair. "Next time, send a more normal driver to pick me up."

GOB suddenly realized that something was horribly wrong other than the screaming eleven and twelve years old outside. Plus there were a couple of Professors as well. "I've made a horrible mistake," said both brothers.

Dumbledore just walked by humming some odd tune. He pecked through the door. "Ah both Mr. Bluths, I dare say that everything is going according to plan. However, you might want to come to the battlements. I believe Michael's father has arrived."

Of course, Hogwarts had defenses for such a thing, but the one thing that it could never defend against was family. You see a rule that had been placed there by the Founder Helga Hufflepuff was that family could never be divided by Hogswarts, so any parent could see their child if he or she was in the building no matter what spells were on the school.

Helga Hufflepuff was not what most would call super intelligent. Nice and jolly woman, but not know for her brilliant moves.

Maeby watched as hundreds of hooded figures on brooms appeared. "You know this would make a great movie. Attack of the Witches. ILM could begin work next week as I get some hack writer like Akiva Goldman to write it."

Pansy had no idea what anything that girl said. However, she knew one thing. She didn't want to lose her only link to attracting her cousin. She grabbed the girl and ran into the Hog's Head. There she sees Harry Potter who with his friends was trying to formulate a battle strategy.

"Ron, I had no idea that Voldermort would be so bold."

"Harry, there is a Slytherian Spy in the room."

The various people in Dumbledore's Army turned their head to focus on Pansy who slowly lifted her hand and smiled as Maeby just complained. "Wow, this place is a dump."

It was at that point that Harry shouted.

"Just keep her and the other girl inside the pub. I think that we have bigger problems." And Potter was right as the magical barriers around Hogswarts designed to keep Voldermort out showed no effect.

But for Pansy who was being taken away suddenly noticed something of interest. "Oh Lucky Day, my cousin George Michael is out there!" Maeby was a bit shocked. "This country does have problems with its morals. Wait, did you say George Michael?"

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm your cousin too," annouced Maeby. Ron and Ginny looked at each other and gagged. "Blood Mania has reached a new level of insanity."

On the Next Magical Development:

- Certain Object from previous chapters have effects on the outcome of Voldemort's entrance into Hogwarts.

- A certain hamster is freed from his course only to discover that he is quite nude upon becoming human.

- Lastly a family will be reunited.