-1Author's Notes
- Thank you to everyone who puts up with my insanely long update times :)
- I hope everyone enjoys this chapter as it should dispel all angstiness from the last chapter!
- This is for everyone who reads this mess and still enjoys it :)
- To Fuyu no Akegata: ice cream sundae giggles
- Hi Anise!
- If anyone missed me ( or my reviews :D) for the past few weeks, I apologize. I cut myself off from fandom when I'm trying to finish a chapter as an incentive for me to hurry up so I can read all the yummy updates. It usually only lasts a couple of days, but this time I got stuck on something so my self enforced isolation lasted a little longer xD So I'll be reading and reviewing and returning emails over the next couple of days. Promise!
Story Notes
- This story occurs several months after the events of Tolerant Intolerance, perhaps a month or so after the events in Along the Way: CDs2.
Warnings: NC-17 SMEX!!! Coarse language, malexmale sexual dialogue, biseinen-ai, etc.
Disclaimer: Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. 'The Gift' is by Seether. 'Glycerin' is by Bush. ' Everlong' is by Foo Fighters. The abuse of these characters and songs is by me.
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Show and Tell
Chapter 6
Rainbows and Teddy Bears and Smex...
Kakashi looked on as Iruka was embraced by the young women, first the grinning Sakura, then a giggling Hinata. Then Genma hooked the brunette into a headlock, grinding his knuckles into the dark head, mussing Iruka's neat ponytail. Once released, Iruka received a companionable pat on the back from Raidou.
The foursome turned their backs on the training field and headed towards their respective homes in Konoha's village proper. Raidou's voice carried above the others' as he slung an arm across his husband's shoulders, hugging him close. " What would you like to have for dinner tonight, babe?"
The silver haired man stood still, gray eye following the largest man's figure as he walked away. Babe, baby, baby... and none of them knows. What would happen if they did know?
" You're thinking about it, again." Iruka ambled towards the cluster of fallen logs that had been used for seating. His legs folded gracefully, his rear end thumping on the ground with less grace. " About telling Raidou. That's why you were distracted. "
Kakashi's legs moved across the hard packed earth until he reached his lover's side. He leaned against the broken stump and stuck his hands into his pockets. " Somewhat, yes." Actually, I was wondering what your child would have looked like. Kakashi cast his lonely gaze down, taking in the disarrayed ebony, the brown curve of his ear, the wide line of his shoulders. Would the baby have your dark skin, or her pale complexion? Your wide grin, or her sweet smile?
He hadn't been preoccupied with such thoughts when they had begun the day's training. Kakashi had spent the entire morning sparring with Genma and Raidou, the tokujo switching off with him and Iruka. After a late lunch, the jounin had remained focused during his matches with Iruka, easily blocking out the sounds of the older men sparring ( fooling around) nearby. Then Sakura and Hinata had shown up, the kunoichi practicing their genjutsu on the neighboring field before joining their seniors. Once they arrived his concentration had slowly deteriorated with their joyful voices, the sound reminiscent of a school yard at recess. Kakashi's mind couldn't shake the notion of children playing happily.
During Kakashi's last match with Iruka, Hinata had turned her wide eyes towards him, watching as the two men fought, her high pitched laughter filling his head as his imagination conjured images of a dark haired toddler romping with a shaggy puppy inside a picket fence; his idyllic scene of childhood. That was the moment Kakashi forgot about the match, the audience, his partner. And Iruka had landed a kick to the side of his lover's head.
Slender white fingers gingerly touched the bandage that was peeking out from underneath the edge of his hitai-ate. It was covered with rainbows and teddy bears and Iruka had produced it out of his vest pocket, the one he kept full of first aid items for his six-year-old classes, hence the juvenile designs. Kakashi dismissed his previous ruminations, he did not want to get into that emotional mess with Iruka. " I understand why you won't tell him; ' Ignorance is bliss' and all that. " In fact, Iruka had been adamant that Kakashi not tell the older brunette about Hisaye's pregnancy. Raidou had apparently suffered quite a bit of guilt over the young woman's death, taking months before he could stay in the same room as Iruka without apologizing or becoming depressed. By default, protecting Raidou also meant protecting Genma, since the two tokujo shared in every aspect of the other's life. So Kakashi understood why Iruka had kept the secret for so long. " I just wonder... I don't know. "
" Sorting through all the ' What if's' ." Iruka smiled up at the jounin as he pulled the tie free from his hair. The dark mop fell in sweaty strands over the hitai-ate. " I still have those moments, at least once a day. Even more when I visit the Namiashi home. " The unkempt hair was quickly straightened and pulled back into its proper tail, Iruka's deft movements marked by the endless routine. " You know Rai's youngest niece is seven, almost the same age as..." Iruka paused, his face directed towards the scraps of grass by his feet, expression hidden from the man standing beside him. " ... our child would have been. "
Kakashi had noticed that it had become easier for Iruka to talk about his late fiancée and their lost child. As in, discussing them at all. The morning after the confession had mostly involved Iruka's pleading for Kakashi's silence and a tight lipped sorrow that seemed to fade as the sun made its way across the sky. By nightfall, the chuunin had volunteered a few happy details of Hisaye's life. As the days passed, Iruka was able to speak more freely about the young woman, though the infant remained a delicate subject and Kakashi did his best not to bring it up. More than a month later, the chuunin was able to speak at length about Hisaye, even with his oldest friends, and occasionally a comment or two regarding the baby would slip between curved lips to enlighten Kakashi when they were alone.
Since Kakashi had found out about Iruka's little secret, the jounin had a phantom child wandering his thoughts, popping up whenever he passed by the academy or overheard random children frolicking in the village streets. The image usually had Iruka's eyes and the Photo-Hisaye's nose with skin the color of a caramel latte. Kakashi hadn't dwelt so much on the aptly named ' What if's' since Yondaime died and Obito before him. If this is how I'm dealing with it, six years after the fact, then I can't even imagine how messed up Iruka was when it actually happened. And he didn't have anyone to talk to, even the medic that performed the pregnancy test was killed during a rescue mission soon afterwards.
There was a little huff of air as Iruka grunted. ' Hn. I just realized that I never actually answered your question that night." He didn't have to specify what night.
But he would have to specify a question. " Which one?" Kakashi had many unanswered questions, but he wasn't in any hurry.
" About why I wasn't ready to top you."
" I figured we'd gotten beyond anything as trivial as that. "
" True, but that is kinda what started this whole ' Getting to Know You' series of revealing conversations. At least, that's what Genma told me." Iruka idly plucked the blades of grass near at hand, shredding them between his fingers.
Ah, yes. The infamous discussion with Genma at the club. And Genma's subsequent interference. " Genma's the one who brought it up, it just happened to pique my curiosity, too. But , again, that's neither here nor there when compared to what you told me. " Kakashi scratched at the edge of the bandage, silver hairs tickling his exposed skin.
" I meant to tell you that night, but after everything else..." Iruka's voice trailed off. Kakashi noticed that the brown fingers had abandoned the mutilated strips of vegetation and had moved on to the chuunin's pants, pulling at the wrinkles in the bend of his knee. " I had to tell you about Hisaye before I could explain myself."
" 'Ruka, you don't have to explain yourself to me." Kakashi assured his lover. " Everyone has their reasons for their actions. I'm sure yours are excellent. "
Iruka paused another few seconds, as though carefully weighing his next words, or gathering the strength to speak. " Actually it's a stupid, ridiculous reason. " The chuunin unfolded his legs, stretching them out in front of his body, crossed at the ankles. His hands fell to his sides, fingers making slight indentations in the dirt. " Like a child trying to rationalize his refusal to wear blue because the last time he wore a blue shirt he fell and scraped his knee. " Iruka chuckled softly.
The clouds floated lazily in the sky overhead, Kakashi bending his head back to take in the calming sight as he listened to his lover talk.
" Genma and Raidou were the first ones I began having intimate relations with after Hisaye died. In the beginning, it was about them comforting me and I wasn't really in any shape to take charge, so it made sense for me to bottom. I enjoyed it. " Iruka spoke calmly, his voice carrying upwards to the jounin. " But when I started sleeping with other people, both men and women, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The last person I had claimed was gone and it had gotten stuck in my head that I was betraying not only her, but our child's memory as well, if I claimed anyone else in the same way. " There was another soft laugh. " Then it became this entirely irrational belief that if I didn't actually top anyone, then I wouldn't cause or be responsible for any pain to myself or my partner."
One of the clouds had a startling resemblance to a pair of little socks and Kakashi immediately dropped his gaze back down. He was surprised to find himself staring straight into Iruka's dark eyes, the tanned face tilted up, back of his head resting against the tree. The chuunin actually looked amused by his own admission.
" So I haven't had anything more than oral sex with women since Hisaye and I've been uke for all my male partners and all because of one stupid little, paranoid bit of insanity that I allowed to lodge inside my brain. "
" We all have our little quirks, Beloved." Kakashi smiled down at the chuunin, eye curving to show what his masked face did not. And yours is far from being the worst I've dealt with. " And, if you haven't noticed, you do tend to top from the bottom. So it's not like you've been totally passive all this time."
" Yeah, I guess so. "
A peaceful quiet hung between them, their gazes never wavering. Then Iruka rolled to his feet, dusting off the seat of his pants. " I guess we should head back." He began walking towards the main path.
" Would you like ramen? Or I can make dinner tonight." Kakashi was quick to offer, straightening from his slump and falling into step beside his lover. I could pick up some beef and veggies, make that stir fry he likes. Maybe some strawberries for-
" I've got some things to do, so I'll have to skip dinner. " Iruka gave the jounin an apologetic smile and a kiss on the cheek. " Sorry, 'Kashi."
" It's alright." The silver haired shinobi looped an arm around the smaller man's waist and pulled him closer. " Can I come by later tonight?"
" I'd love that. In fact, " Iruka glanced upwards before continuing. " it looks like it'll be nice tonight, so why don't you meet me on top of the Hokage's Monument around ten? I'll bring some sake and we can watch the stars. "
" Sounds good. I'm going to run around and harass a few people. Maybe find Gai and challenge him to a burping contest or something. " Kakashi lowered his mask and caught Iruka's lips with his own. The kiss lasted several long minutes, yet ended too soon as Kakashi forced himself to break the contact and allow the man to run his errands. " I'll see you at ten tonight. Hokage's Monument."
" Don't be too late. Love you, 'Kashi."
" I won't, promise. Love you more! " Kakashi called over his shoulder as he leapt into the nearest tree and took off towards Gai's flat, the sound of Iruka's laughter following through the leaves.
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- There will be one more chapter for Show and Tell. A SHORT one, sorta an epilogue.