A/N: This chapter has undergone minor revisions since the final chapter of this story was released. Please note revised chapters may be inconsistent with reviews and author's notes from unrevised chapters.

Sun's Height 3, 4E1

(Surveys-from-above) Cheydinhal, near Lucien's sanctuary:

Much to my surprise, there was a shadowy figure emerging from the woods; It was Lucien Lachance himself. He was heading from the Western forests towards Cheydinhal.

It all seemed so...unreal. He had been a mentor to us since before I was born, and now I was being told to spy on him. But everything was different now, including the landscape around me. These last few days had been fraught with wonder, in almost overwhelming quantities.

I was instructed to infiltrate Lucien's sanctuary, but now I wasn't so sure now would be a good time. Lucien seemed to be heading to Cheydinhal, but I had no idea when he'd get back, and I was told I wanted to make absolutely sure I wasn't seen, let alone caught.

I decided to stay back, but I couldn't feel secure with any plan. I felt like I was dealing with higher forces here, which I wasn't trained to outmaneuver or outsmart. It seemed like my life had been taken to a whole new level before I was ready to go there.

I had to strain my eyes further and further to see Lucien in the dark covering the wilderness. I strained my eyes to a point where the dark looked like dully colored fuzz, but I couldn't see him. Now I wished I'd studied illusion magic.

The massive gates to the city opened, releasing light on the nearby ground, but still I saw nothing. Lucien was perfectly invisible. He was a Shadow as well, and had been practicing since before I was born.

Since Learns-fast had told me to be "cautious above all", I decided the best course of action was to walk around the astoundingly large city wall, enter through the stable gate, and tell him what I'd seen. Any bit of information was an accomplishment.

So much was happening all at once my life in Argonia seemed fogged like a dream I'd woken up from long ago. I knew I was living a rare kind of life, even for a Shadowscale. None of my fellows had ever come to Cyrodiil prematurely before.

(Mathieu Bellamont) Cheydinhal's Abandoned House:

I was feeling an unexplainable fear as I crept closer to the stairs. It wasn't fear of getting caught; I knew this sanctuary and the habits of its occupants inside-out. It was, for some reason, a fear of my older journal. I dreaded looking back on the words that might have been seen by others. I hoped every day that those pages were never read, and never entered into the memories of anyone else; When ever it came into my mind it was always a source of fear, but now the fear was so much more intense. Now, when I had the chance to change something about it, I felt a strong urge to just forget about it entirely. But I had to fight that urge.

When I made it to the top of the stairs, I turned to see the drawers I had stored it in. The fear was growing as my hand pulled out the very drawer it should have been in. There was a moment of suspense, wondering if it might be gone, which would mean something truly awful.

But it was right where I left it, seemingly untouched. The Dark Brotherhood had never used the attic for anything. I could feel the tension quickly float away. It was possible no one saw it. Possible.

But despite the relief, I still felt sickeningly nervous to look back on those words: the anguish and childish sense of vulnerability persisted. I hesitated to open it. I was so foolish back then. It would be painful to look back on such things, yet I'd need to reread it eventually. Otherwise it would defeat the journal's purpose.

I felt a flicker of courage and decided to act on it.

I slowly opened it to the first page, dreading the fact that I'd be bringing myself back to a world I wanted to forget.

I forced myself to read the text:

They all trust me. They all treat me as any other member of the family. I have confirmed this. I have listened into their conversations when they were unaware. I must continue to monitor this trust. I must write on this subject regularly, so I will know with certainty if their trust fluxuates. Once I understand their trust, I can control it. I must never forget that if I am to succeed. Remember this.

Yet I almost didn't recognize the voice of young Bellamont. It sounded surprisingly...collected. I'd expected childish stupidity and incoherence. And even more importantly it was pleasingly vague. It didn't make my identity obvious. Was this the constant source of tension and worry?

But before I could reflect further, I heard the door to the sanctuary creak opened. Out of reflex I dropped the book as the startle sent an unpleasant jolt through me. The book hit the floor with a perfectly audible thud. I felt my physical being go numb as I realized the horror of what was happening. It made no sense, but it was happening. Someone had arrived in the sanctuary.

Whoever entered immediately began to dash up the stairs, mercilessly intent on apprehending the intruder. But the area was full of shadows and I quickly found a shadowy corner which I hoped would be adequate. I could feel my heart pounding, and an odd pulse between my chin and lower lip. I tried to hold still, doing my best to abate some pointless but seemingly inevitable movements.

Lucien Lachance himself emerged from the lower floor. The hate came back to me. The urge to destroy that infuriatingly smug face began to flow through me.

But Lucien wasn't as collected as usual. His face seemed stern, almost as if he found the situation genuinely challenging to analyze. This is my chance. I can kill him right now. The rest of the sanctuary will never know who did it. The hate, the exhilaration, and the confidence came back. But I'd felt these things before, and that was when I'd made the mistake with Blanchard. I needed to suppress the rage, even when it suppressed everything else in me. Or do I? It was hard to truly answer myself when I saw an opportunity so rare and precious paired with the loathable face of my enemy.

I stood as still as possible, despite emerging aches, as Lucien inspected the room. He stared right through me as he looked unto my shadowy corner. I could kill him, but I knew, in the unlikely event I was found out, it would cost me my entire mission. I couldn't act against an enemy until I'd been in their shoes.

Then he kneeled down gently, not breaking the sacred silence, and picked up the book I had dropped, my diary.

A wave of intense heat came over me, followed by an odd tingling sensation that seemed to be pushing from the inside-out. He flipped through the diary, containing my naked soul. An intense wave of heat came over me. His face looked almost angry, but only in the slightest. He closed the book and it vanished into this robes, likely stuffed in an unseen pocket.

Then he turned to leave, trotting down the steps.

My mind began to rush. Who will he inform? When will he read the whole thing?

Finally I heard the door to the basement creak open.

I had been holding my breath in his presence for the most part, and my chest felt like it would implode. I took a deep breath. The cold air swept down my throat.

I was now thoroughly humiliated. I was a fool, I realized, and the consequences might well haunt every hour of my remaining existance. I should have killed him when he was reading my diary, but I'd let my own promises get in my way.

I shifted my faith towards something entirely different. This is a nightmare, and I'll soon wake up. But when?

Never. This is reality.

The journal had indeed been found, but in a sickeningly ironic way.

(Fights-up-close): Cheydinhal

With my late dinner finished, I could feel the cheer build up gradually as I got closer to the sanctuary. It might have been leaving the sanctuary that caused the storm in my head, so I had faith that when I came back everything in my mind would be sorted out, and I'd see things the way I was used to again.

But, of course, it was hard to entirely convince myself of such an idea. I knew my mind was altering between sanity and insanity repeatedly, but which was which I couldn't yet know.

Either way I liked the feeling of walking through Cheydinhal during the night. The comfort of the shadows, the crickets chirping, the waters of the river lapping subtely against the shore. It was peaceful at this hour. Away from all other people, I could just let my mind drift along, without having to anchor it back in place to make judgements.

I stepped across the bridge, over the moonlit river. As I strolled along I recalled the previous adventures. What a ride Cyrodiil has been so far. I had seen the world from so many different angles recently, yet I was always afraid something would come along to shake it up again, finally throwing me off the edges of sanity.

Ahead I could begin to make out the abandoned house. In it was a plethora of warmth, security, and friends I knew I should trust. They would keep my mind in order. Without them, my thoughts would go wild. I needed to remember to trust. Then one day I could find mental security again. Through all this, maybe I'd even learn something to make it worth while. I'll look on everything with more appreciation, instead of just riding through life mindlessly.

When I made it to the house, I looked behind me as was normal procedure, and, as was normal, saw no one. I decided to use the well this time.

I opened the cold metal hatch, then grabbed the softer, less cold wood of the ladder and made my way down the cramped tunnel into my home.

Once my feet touched the floor I heard walking. It was getting louder. It sounded like it was on the verge of running. I turned to see Stabber.

"Ah, greetings once more Fights-," She called to me, I noticed she'd been shortening my name recently. It still sounded a bit odd to hear 'Fights-' in isolation. I turned to her and stared her in the eyes to show solid interest and respect for what she had to say "When you're ready I have a most important contract waiting for you: one that has been sanctioned by the Black Hand itself." Wow. Contracts sure weren't few and far between these days.

"I'm ready to hear about it, if that's what you mean." I responded, figuring I'd be able to wait until morning to begin my journey to whereever the target was.

"Do you recall the name Adamus Philida? The Imperial Legion pest? Its time he joined Sithis in the void. Think you're up for the task?" Such a widely known and weighted name, and I was being asked to assassinate him? For so long, that man had seemed more like a force than a flesh and blood human-being, so well protected that he never could be touched directly, but now I was hearing that name in a contract briefing? It seemed like hope could be found anywhere. I nodded, but I had to wonder why now, of all times, the Dark Brotherhood had decided to take action.

"Philida has spent his entire career investigating the Dark Brotherhood. Interrupting our contracts, killing our family members. We tried to eliminate Philida, of course, but failed on three separate occasions. Sergius, Soran, Maria were all killed in the process. By our third attempt, Philida had become so accustomed to dealing with our assassins her death wasn't even reported." Ocheeva sighed as I continued to wonder how we'd accomplish the impossible and stab a dagger into Philida's back. "He's a powerful man, and is surrounded by powerful assossciates." She paused, as something began to recharge her spirit. "Philida must not be allowed such a victory! His destiny is...darker. Now we have an inside source, a very...influential figure who has provided the intelligence we need to eliminate the Legion pig. Philida has been secretly relocated to Leyawiin to assist the city in its battle against the Renrijra Krin. Philida now resides in the Leyawiin city watch barracks: an honored guest of the soldiers there. In fact, he is more vulnerable than ever. Travel to Leyawiin, infiltrate the barracks, figure out when he removes that blasted Legion armor." Blasted Legion armor. I had a feeling Ocheeva had similar experiences "Kill Philida in anyway and the contract is complete, but to earn the bonus you must go beyond murder, you must send a message." Ocheeva took a step closer, as if to make absolutely sure I was listening. I continued to stare firmly into her wide eye. It was important to me that she still understood I was willing to help our cause, considering I inadvertently assossciated with traitors. "They must know we are responsible. You must carve the letters 'D and B' into his chest."

"It would be an honor, Stabber." I replied. Adrenaline filled my body as I imagined his last moments at my hands. All the sudden, I slightly regretted asking about this assignment; I knew I would have a hard time getting to sleep tonight.

As she walked off I continued to reflect on the assignment, walking around aimlessly. It was another emotional spike to further throw me off track, where-ever the track was. Still, maybe I should give up on the idea of a miraculous enlightenment through relaxation.

There wasn't anything I desired other than to start the contract, but I knew at this hour it would be foolish to journey to Leyawiin. I decided to train until it was time to go to sleep, so hopefully I'd be exhausted enough to fall asleep quickly. I wanted to be unconscious as long as I could before morning.