Hey, guys, i'm finally back again.
Okay, first things first. I'm deeply sorry for taking so long. School has been HELL lately, and I don't have much free time anymore. Thanks to those who were patient. Since I made you wait so long, here is a longer-than-normal chapter. After this, there are only...um...three or four more chapters, i think. Maybe two... Let's just say it's not much.
And to Phillip Clark, hey, man, sorry about the wait. But hey, this is a FAN FICTION. A lot of people just write them for whatever reason, as you probably well know. I don't know how you can take 'Pikachu's death' so hard, especially since it's just a fan fiction and in reality (pokemon reality), Pikachu is very much alive. And, I might note, I am pretty sure that other people have killed Pikachu in their fics, so it's not like I'm the first one. I'm not a coward, I am simply busy. I think a regular person would know that sometimes the authors here can get sidetracked with school or their job or whatever, and not be able to update. This doesn't in any way mean they are cowardly. So you can scew me as much as you want, but if you really hate the story so much, just go on and read someone else's.
To Righteous Fury, I am not giving up on this, and I am not doing this to get people's hopes up just to let them down. AND, by the way, I am not a he.
Okay, enough of THAT. Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, and hopefully I'll get the last few chapters up soon, if I get the time.
I STILL don't own Pokemon. don't forget it.
Another morning, another day, Ash thought as he finished his breakfast two days later. Even though he had been home for a little while, his mother was still giving him that look. He hadn't told her anything else. In fact, he hadn't really talked to her at all. He knew that she was worried about him, but he just didn't feel like talking. He spent the last two days in his room. Redecorating. He was sick of the little kid crap. So Ash had thought 'out with the old and in with the new.' His room didn't really look that much different, but at least it didn't have all the little kid stuff in it. He spent his free hours listening to music on his portable CD player and trying not to think about what happened. Because as much as he didn't want to admit it, the whole thing was still eating him up inside, and he knew his mother knew it.
"Ash, phone for you!" Delia called from the other room.
Ash got up and went to the phone, where Professor Oak's face filled the screen.
"What's up, Professor?" Ash asked, his voice strangely monotone.
"It's your Torkoal. I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with him, but every time I run a check-up on him, he always comes out perfect. But he's being crying almost nonstop since you left… I was wondering if you could come down and help me out, because if he keeps crying much longer, he will get sick."
Ash nodded. "On my way."
"You see? He won't stop crying. I don't know if it's because he misses you or…" Professor Oak shrugged. "And as you can see, it seems that Torkoal really found a friend in Bayleef."
Ash smiled wryly, seeing his Bayleef sitting next to Torkoal, trying to help him out and whispering comforting words.
"In fact," Professor Oak continued, "an hour or two after you left the other day, all of your pokémon started acting strangely. They seem…" The professor trailed off, looking at Ash and thinking, They're acting like you're acting now.
"Don't worry, Professor, I'll help out." And Ash went down to Torkoal and Bayleef, seating himself down next to Torkoal and placing a hand on his shell.
"Bay," Bayleef said, pulling out a vine and rubbing Ash.
Ash smiled slightly. "Hey…" He rubbed Torkoal's shell. "C'mon, buddy… I know you're sad, but…but…" He took a deep breath. "I'm really, really, crushed about this. But you don't see me crying. Not that I don't cry, but you don't see it. It's called putting up a brave front. You've got to try it, Torkoal. I'm not saying you can stop crying forever, because sometimes it's okay, and sometimes you can't help it. But you gotta try to be brave for all of us." He gestured to Bayleef. "See, Bayleef here isn't crying, even though I'm sure she's crushed as well. But she's being brave to help you out, and maybe one day you can do the same."
Torkoal looked up at Ash, his tears stopping. "Koal…torkoal…"
"You've got to tell everyone to be brave. We'll get through this…"
Torkoal got on his feet and nodded to Ash. He walked away with his head high, planning on telling the other pokémon what Ash had just said.
Bayleef looked back to Ash, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Leef bay bay? Leefbay…l-leef?"
Ash rubbed her back. "It's okay, Bayleef… It's—it's my fault, anyway…"
"Leef?!" Bayleef took out one of her vines and whacked it lightly against Ash's arm. "Leef bayleef leef leef!"
Ash laughed a little. "I know you think that it's not, but I just…I just don't think that." Bayleef gave Ash a look. "Yet," Ash hastily added. He nodded off in the direction where Torkoal had gone off in. "Take care of Torkoal for me, Bayleef. Make sure that he and the other pokémon know that they've got to hang on."
Bayleef was about to reply when she looked up to the sky. Dark clouds filled it, and Ash flinched at the sound of thunder.
"I—I have to go," Ash said, as if he were in a trance. With that, he strode away.
"Has he talked about it more?"
"Oh, no, he's been almost completely silent since he got here. He's really beginning to worry me." Delia shrugged halfheartedly. "He's at Professor Oak's now, so he should be home soon…"
Brock shot a look at the three others. "Okay, then. I guess we'll wait."
May nodded. "Yeah."
"Well, I'll go make you some food. You must be tired from all that walking…" Delia's sentence trailed off as she went into the kitchen.
Brock sighed. It had all worked out eventually. He, Misty, and Max had made it to Ash's house just an hour or two ago, and May had just arrived.
"So, May, who did win the contest?" Max inquired.
May smiled. "I did. I've got my fourth ribbon." Her smile instantly turned into a frown. "Drew couldn't come with me… He did say I'd probably see him at the next contest…" Her eyes went distant.
-Flashback-
"Yes! Bulbasaur, we did it!" May cheered, coming out of the contest arena. She had just won her hardest contest yet, and she was ecstatic about it. Another step closer to the Grand Festival.
"Bulba!" Bulbasaur said with a wide smile.
"You deserve a nice long rest, okay, Bulbasaur?" And May returned the little pokémon to his pokéball. She then turned around to see— "Drew! Can you believe I actually beat her?!" She threw her arms around him.
"I have to admit, you were really good," Drew replied, not seeming uncomfortable in the least. "Now we're even. You have four ribbons, I have four ribbons."
May nodded. She then realized that they had their arms wrapped around each other in a close hug, and their faces just a few inches apart.
Drew didn't seem to notice though. May didn't blame him. They had been hugging a lot lately. When something good happened……
She blushed furiously. "I—I'm sorry…"
"For what?" Drew asked, staring into her eyes with his emerald ones. "I think I like holding you." Right after the words left his mouth, he began to blush as well. "I…"
May smiled shyly. "It's okay…I like being held by you." This just made Drew flush a deeper shade of red, if that was even possible.
Drew leaned his face in a little closer, and May found herself leaning in as well. Closer and closer until…they stopped.
"Uh," Drew's voice came out as a whisper, his breath warm on May's face. Their foreheads were touching, and their lips were just centimeters away. "Are… I don't want to do this if you don't want to…"
"Oh, I want to," May breathed back.
And with that statement, their lips finally met.
-End Flashback-
"May! Snap out of it, will yah?!" Max snapped his fingers in front of May's face.
May's eyes clicked onto Max. "Oh, sorry, Max. Just thinking." She exhaled. "Anyway, since Drew couldn't come, I told him I'd meet back up with him next time I see him at a contest."
"That's good," Brock commented, ignoring Max's sour look.
Suddenly, a huge boom of thunder sounded, making the four look out the window.
"I'm glad we got here when we did," Misty said. "I wouldn't have wanted to walk on a muddy path all day. Water I can stand. Mud is just…ick." And as she said this, rain began to pour from the sky.
Delia then came back into the room and handed out food. "That's the third thunderstorm this week! We've been getting so much rain around here lately…… I really hope it stops soon. It depresses Ash more. Which, of course, worries me more."
The other four exchanged glances but remained silent.
"Oh! And there he is now!" Delia indicated out the window, and the four others took a glance.
They spotted a lone figure walking in the pouring rain, hands deep in his pockets. He had a black sweatshirt on with the hood up, and he was already drenched.
"Ash," Misty breathed.
Ash climbed the last stair on the porch and cocked his head to one side. His mother surely wouldn't like it if he came in soaking wet. Shaking his head, he made his way around the back side of the house. Looking up to his bedroom window, he climbed the vines that had grown up his house. Prying his window open, he hopped into his room.
Stripping off his wet sweatshirt, he began to dress in clean, dry clothes.
Why did it have to rain again? Every time, he could just relive the moment he buried Pikachu. Every pound of thunder just reminded him over and over. He had hidden himself in the corner of his room last time there was a thunderstorm. And if he saw the lightning, he'd just be reminded about Pikachu's power. The power of electricity.
Ash sighed and ran a hand through his hair and straightened his dry sweatshirt. In times like these, he felt like he could use a cup of hot chocolate… Creeping downstairs, he stopped on the last step, hearing voices from the other room.
"Gee, he's been out there for a while. What do you think he's doing?" That was Max's voice. If he was here, then… Shit, Ash swore inwardly. And they had spotted him too. That was great… Ash sighed again and crept into the other room, standing on the threshold, waiting for someone to notice him. As he had expected, that person was his mother.
"Ash, sweetie, we didn't hear you come in!" And with that one sentence, all eyes turned to him.
"Of course not, Mom," Ash said quietly. "I'm as quiet as a Delcatty on the prowl."
Delia laughed slightly. "I made some hot chocolate for you. I knew you'd want some."
Ash smiled his thanks and went into the kitchen, coming back out with his mug and sitting in an empty chair.
"It's good to see you," his mother said. "With the thunderstorm and all, I half expected for you to stay in your room."
Ash looked at her for a second and didn't comment.
Max spoke up. "How are yah, Ash? Hope you're doing better than you were before you left like that."
"I've been okay," Ash replied. "Just needed to come home. Dropped the pokémon off at Professor Oak's, and just came back from checking up on them." He looked to his mother. "He's been having a little trouble with Torkoal."
"Isn't he getting along with the other pokémon?" May asked.
Ash smiled a little and nodded. "He's getting along very well. The professor was just worried because he wouldn't stop crying. So I went, we had a talk, and now he…… Well, let's just say the professor is really glad I talked to him."
Brock nodded. "And how's your other pokémon?"
"Ah, they're good. Bayleef and Torkoal are best friends, and of course Bayleef was happy to see me. Even if she did give me the same kind of 'talk' I gave Torkoal. I know the others are alright, and Professor Oak said that Pigeot even dropped by yesterday." Ash looked down. "And I'm sure she's going to spread the word to Charizard, Butterfree and the others…," he mumbled under his breath.
"So, Ash…when do you think we can go back to Mossdeep? I mean, you've still got two more badges to win," Max pointed out.
"Oh, I'm not challenging the Mossdeep City Gym," Ash stated. "If fact, I'm not continuing my journey at all." He shrugged. "It's just not…… It's just not……" His voice trailed off.
"But—but, Ash! You can't just stop now!" May cried. "You've got six badges already! You're more than halfway there, and you can't just give up!"
"I can and I will. There's nothing you can do to stop me. Just go on without me. Get into the Grand Festival and win."
"Ash…," Misty began. "You don't give up. It's not in your psychological makeup. How many other times have you given up? The thing is, you haven't. Sure, you might have been close sometimes, but the point is, you kept going. You wouldn't let one little bump in the road slow you down."
Ash's eyes flashed dangerously. "So you think Pikachu's death is a just a little bump in the road? What would happen if someone killed one of your pokémon, Mist? Like, I don't know, your Starmie or your Gyarados or your Corsola? What if you felt that you were responsible for it all? Would you want to keep being a Gym Leader if you thought you'd kill another one of your pokémon?!"
Misty's mouth fell open. Did Ash really think he was responsible? Did he really think he was going to kill another one of his pokémon if he kept going?
"You know what? Forget it. Forget I came here. Forget you ever met me. Just go on with your lives and forget that I exist!" Ash shouted, shooting up and going upstairs, swiftly walking into his room and closing the door with the slam. He sat down in front of the door, flinching as another boom of thunder seemed to rock the world. Lightning cracked across the sky, lighting up his room for a split second before throwing it into utter darkness again.
Shuddering, Ash grabbed a blanket from his bed and wrapped it around himself. He went into the far corner of his room and sat down, staring out the window and waiting for it to stop. Who knew, maybe he'd fall asleep before it did. It had only taken a few hours last time. This time would be no different…
Downstairs, the others were stuck in an uncomfortable silence. That is, until May spoke up.
"If Ash doesn't want to continue his journey, should we go on anyway?"
"I don't see why not," Brock replied carefully. "I can come with you if you want to enter more contests, May, and of course your brother would have to come along as well. And Misty, you've got to get back to the gym sometime."
Max looked unsure. "But the whole thing's completely different without Ash. It's just not the same!"
May sighed. "But we can't do anything about his attitude. We can't help him if he won't let us. Even if he did let us help him, I would have no idea where to start."
"We can't just give up on him like that!" Misty exclaimed. "I'm not leaving until he's himself again. I'm not going back until he continues his journey."
"But it's your responsibility as a Gym Leader to be at your gym," Brock pointed out.
"It's my responsibility as Ash's friend to be with him when he's feeling this way!" Misty retorted. "I don't care how much trouble I might get into. I'm sticking by him, no matter what."
"We can't stay here forever," Brock said. "We've got to carry on with our lives."
Misty stared at him forcefully. "Don't you even care?!"
"Of course I care. But we can't just stay here forever, just waiting for Ash to open up so we can help. Besides, I'm sure Mrs. Ketchum doesn't want us around for that long."
"Oh, I don't mind how long you stay. It'll be nice to have guests," Delia said. "And it'd be great if you could help Ash out."
Brock sighed and looked down. "I'm sorry if I'm sounding insensitive or something, but we can stay for a week before leaving. If Ash isn't…better…by then, we have to leave him to recuperate by himself."
May nodded in agreement. "Maybe he just needs to be alone for a while."
Brock shrugged. "And if you want to neglect your responsibilities, Misty, I guess you can stay. I mean, me, May, and Max can continue with the journey……"
Misty put her hands on her hips. "Fine, just fine. I'm going to stay here for as long as it takes."
The next morning, Misty, Brock, May, Max, and Delia were seated around the kitchen table, eating breakfast.
"So… Where do you think Ash is?" Misty said, directing her question to Delia.
Delia sighed. "Probably still in his room. He doesn't come down for breakfast anymore. Maybe he's still sleeping, and maybe he's doing something else. I'm not sure…"
"He should be up by now, shouldn't he? Ash isn't really the one to sleep in," May commented.
"Well, I'll go get him." And before anyone could stop her, Misty went upstairs.
She hesitated at the door, wondering if Ash would mind if she didn't knock. Dismissing the thought, she opened the door quietly and looked around. Ash wasn't in his bed… Misty spotted him, asleep in the corner of his room, wrapped tight in a blanket. Going over to him and crouching down, Misty hesitated again.
He looks so peaceful sleeping… He almost looks happy…, Misty thought as she absentmindedly used her hand to brush Ash's messy hair out his face.
Ash began to stir, making Misty draw her hand back. He finally opened his eyes, blinking unsurely. "Misty? What are you doin' here?" He stretched his sore arms out and yawned.
"It's breakfast time. I'm here to wake you up."
Ash stood up and threw the blanket on his bed. "I'm not hungry right now, Mist."
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Misty said. "Isn't Brock always telling you that?"
Ash shrugged. "Ah, it doesn't really matter if I miss one meal or not. There are three in a day. Getting two out of three is pretty good."
Misty rolled her eyes and changed the subject. "About yesterday, Ash…… What I said about small bumps in the road. You have to understand, I didn't mean that Pikachu…" She left her sentence hanging.
Ash shrugged. "I—I guess I overreacted…," he said uncertainly. "I should learn to keep my mouth shut… Yeah…"
Misty sighed. "But I just want to say this. You've got to continue your journey, Ash."
Ash glared. "And why is that? Last time I checked, it was my life, and I can do whatever…"
"You know it's your dream to be a Pokémon Master. You're just going to throw that away? The Ash Ketchum I knew wouldn't do something like that."
"Well, maybe the Ash Ketchum you knew never existed," Ash retorted. "Maybe you just thought you knew him, but you didn't. You don't."
"I've known you since you were ten. Shouldn't I know you well enough by now?" Misty inquired.
Ash shrugged again. "So you've known me since I've started my journey. There's still ten years before that… Ten years that are unaccounted for. Ten years that you don't know."
"Then why don't you tell me? What really could have happened back then?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't say that anything did. I just say that I think that you don't know me as well as you claim."
Misty was silent for a long while before saying, "Fine, stay up here. Everyone else is waiting for you downstairs, so don't think for a minute that you can stay up here all day. Do you have any idea how much you're worrying your mother? I think you should stop being so selfish and let her know that you're alright. I know you're upset about what happened, but it doesn't mean you can just do whatever you want because you're depressed about it." And with that, Misty left.
Ash glared to himself. He wasn't doing anything wrong, was he? Being a little sad wasn't wrong… It's not like he was doing something terribly wrong. What was so bad about a little grief? Nothing, last time Ash checked.
Maybe she's trying to say that she just doesn't want me worrying everyone, Ash thought. Okay, fine, I can play that game.
"So I'm guessing Ash isn't coming down?" Max inquired when Misty came back down.
"I don't think so, no," Misty replied. "He's just acting so strange. I mean, I know Pikachu's death hurt him, but he really should try to move on. But he doesn't want to, he's just stuck there."
"He'll come to his senses soon enough," Brock stated matter-of-factly.
Delia looked uncertain. "I don't know. Ash could never take death very well."
"Really? Has someone else died that he knew?" May asked.
"Oh, he's never happy when anyone dies, but it's just when it's someone he knows personally dies………" Delia's voice trailed off. "I think……it's because……because of this one person who died. Ash was completely crushed. He wouldn't talk for such a long time, and I cried to see him like that." She looked to her son's friends, knowing that they were wondering who died. "He was young at the time, and I remember the day he finally said something again, but it wasn't at all what I expected."
-Flashback-
Seven-year-old Ash climbed onto the couch, next to his mother. He looked up to her with tear-filled eyes and looked like he was trying to say something.
"What is it, honey?" Delia asked worriedly. "Is it the nightmares again?"
"Mommy…," Ash began, his voice hoarse from not talking in so long. "You're not going to leave too, right? I don't want to be alone, Mommy… I don't want to have more nightmares…"
"Oh, honey," Delia whispered, hugging her son close. "I'm not going anywhere, darling. You're not going to be alone. But, sweetie, I've told you that it helps to talk about your nightmares and your feelings about this, but you stay quiet. Why? Why can't you tell me what's going on inside?"
Ash looked down, deep in thought. "Mommy, there's a hurt spot inside of me. I don't wanna talk about it 'cause I don't want to share the hurt with you. I don't wanna make you cry. I don't wanna give you my nightmares."
-End Flashback-
Misty took in this story. "You don't think Ash still thinks…"
"I don't know," Delia said. "I don't know how much damage that……event…caused, but I'm sure it was a lot. It's normal for Ash to be quiet. He's never really been the one to talk about what was going on inside." She paused for a second. "I guess it's a little better now. Ash doesn't stay completely silent. Nightmares…well…… He's had a few…"
"Maybe if you told us more about Ash's childhood, we could help," Misty suggested.
Delia shrugged. "That's really more Ash's story to tell, Misty. But I guess if it helps, I could tell you some…" She exhaled, gathering thoughts looking around the living room, which was where everyone was seated. "Okay… Well, when Ash was born, it was all great. Before I knew it he was already five years old. I had to send him to kindergarten soon enough. But Ash didn't want to go because he was scared. The only other kid he knew was Gary. So I home-schooled him for a little while. By the time he was seven, the event had passed, Ash was in a bottomless pit of silence, and the friendship between him and Gary crumbled away."
"Ash was friends with Gary?!" Misty asked, eyes wide. "Oh, wow, I always thought that they hated each other forever."
"Oh, yes. But as they grew older, Gary grew more……arrogant I guess I can say. Ash didn't like that at all, and he seemed to be angered at Gary's constant ability to seem on top of the world while he was down in the dumps," Delia said carefully. "And Gary didn't like Ash just disappearing. One second they were playing, next thing he knew, Ash was completely different. When Ash did start talking again, the only words he and Gary exchanged were…well…what you're used to now. The end of the friendship didn't help Ash at all. He didn't have any other friends, and he was eager to leave Pallet Town. He learned that older kids went out of pokémon journeys, and he learned that Gary planned to too." Delia looked down. "That's when he decided he wanted to do that as well. He already knew he adored pokémon, and he soon swore that he'd become a Pokémon Master one day. So he was eagerly waiting until he was ten. The scars of the event seemed to have passed. Maybe an occasional nightmare here or there, but otherwise, it was great. I kept home-schooling him, and realized that he wasn't at all happy with all the home-schooling. It was a week or two before he started his journey when he told me that he felt cut off from the real world. Excluded. It didn't matter, he said. He'd learn plenty when he went on his journey. And a while later, he left."
"That's it?" Misty asked. She understood the whole story, but it just seemed something was missing. And who was this person that had died? Why did she get the feeling that she was forgetting something?
"As I said before, this is Ash's story to tell. If you want deeper information, you're going to have to ask him. There have been a lot of little incidents in his childhood. Some terrifying, some happy. I'll never forget the day that he came home all beaten up. He had just smiled at me and told me not to worry, it didn't hurt that much." Delia shook her head. "Boys can be so hard to raise… He had gotten into a fistfight with Gary Oak, over something unreasonable I assume."
Misty raised her eyebrows. "That's it! I know who to ask for more information!"
"Ash himself?" Max inquired sourly, getting the feeling that Misty didn't mean Ash.
"No, I already tried that. We can talk to Gary. He's at Professor Oak's, right? He's known Ash for a really long time, right? It's perfect." Misty stood up. "Let's go."
"I'll stay behind. I'm sure Delia needs help with something," Brock said.
"Oh, Brock, that's so nice of you," Delia replied with a smile.
"Well, I'm in," May said, standing up herself. "How 'bout you, Max?"
"Me? Miss a trip to Professor Oak's ranch? Where tons of cool pokémon are? No way!"
Okay, so... Wish me luck with school, and try being patient, everyone.