Ok. Here's some more I-can't-sleep-and-it's-early-morning crack for you. Enjoy! Wait, lemme check… nope. Still don't own Heroes.
"EEEEEW!!!"
"What? Mohinder, what's wrong?"
"There's a cockroach! Quick, find me a book or something I can squish it with!"
"No, don't!"
"Wha—why not?"
"Because he's my friend, that's why. We met in Texas. I call him Sylar and if you kill him I will be very, very angry."
"You call him Sylar? Why on Earth did you name your pet cockroach after yourself?"
"Can I just point out that we are standing next to a lizard named Mohinder as we speak? Anyway, I'd rather have a cockroach named after me than a lizard. Cockroaches are the pinnacle of evolution, remember?"
"Okay, first of all, I didn't name Mohinder, my father did—"
"—That doesn't make it any less creepy—"
"—And second, I would rather have a lizard than an icky, creepy, crawly cockroach."
"Sylar could survive a nuclear holocaust. Can Mohinder do that?"
"Erm…well…no, not exactly."
"See? I win."
"Hmph."
"I have an idea! Let's put Sylar and Mohinder in the tank together, so they can be friends. They can represent our love!"
"Ew, I don't even want to think about the implications of that…"
"There, see? They seem to be getting along nicely."
…
"Aaaaargh!!! Nooooooo!"
"Sylar! What's wrong?"
"Y-your lizard… it ate m-my best friend!"
"Mohinder ate Sylar?"
"…he was my only friend… he was there for me when I was all alone…"
"So… he could survive a nuclear holocaust but not a hungry lizard? That's ironic."
"…he loved me, even before I knew you… he didn't care about all the things I'd done…"
"Okaaaaay, this is getting creepy. Cheer up, alright? We'll get you a new cockroach! In fact, I think I saw some run under the refrigerator this morning. Maybe you… could… look there? Sylar? Why are you staring at me like that?"
"…"
"Sylar?"
"You'll pay for this…"