Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Once again, I don't own the title, which is a line from the song "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks.
A/N: This chapter is shorter and it took me forever to write. I really don't like it that much, and nothing happens, but the conversation between Christina and Addison is slightly amusing, and I really wanted for everybody to know how nice Steven was, so I introduced him. The whole chapter I had to fight my Addek cravings because, no matter how much I tried, they didn't work when I put them in. And, admittedly, Addison is becoming slightly pathetic again. I mean, she's all conflicted and contemplative and she can't act professional even when she wants to because, lets face it, she was actually doing well when she was curing everybody and their brother's problems…it seemed to fit her nicely. Next chapter, though, will be much better, I promise…so please don't give up hope on this fic, and please, please, please review, so that I can be super happy like I have been after posting my most recent chapters! xD
They Say Time Heals Everything
The day after Christmas, Addison found herself at Seattle Grace Hospital, working. Unlike in most other professions, doctors can't stop for the holidays, and especially not surgeons. Despite the fact that she was working, and perhaps in part of it, Addison was still happy. "Miranda!" Addison exclaimed, catching up with her friend, "I need an intern."
Miranda looked at her, and demanded, "Why are you so cheerful?" Addison shrugged, and Bailey glared. With a sigh, Bailey decided that she probably did not want to know why Addison was so happy. "Fine, pick your intern," Bailey said.
Addison thought for a moment, but she already knew who she wanted. "Karev," she said, pointing. "Be in OR three at nine o'clock, and explain the risks of the baby's surgery to the parents, in room 1323 before you show up, or you're not scrubbing in." Alex looked at Addison questioningly—she hadn't asked for him since he had gotten off her service months ago.
"You're back on the gynie squad," Christina informed Alex, who glared at her. Addison couldn't understand why people didn't think that neonatal surgery wasn't as important as any other field of surgery, but that seemed to be the common belief. Sloan had been caught telling interns (generally Alex, but not always), more than once, that if they didn't get him his drink or do his laundry, then he would make sure that they ended up on Addison's service. It was moments like those that required Addison to recite Mark's good qualities so that she didn't completely lose it with him. He, too, was trying to fix his life, and so Addison tried to respect that and treat him as civilly as possible. For some reason, however, Addison was in no mood to tolerate this sort of behavior from interns.
With a wry smile, Addison turned to Christina. "Dr. Yang," she said, starting Christina, who almost spilled her coffee on herself as she turned around to face Addison. "You're quite the storyteller," Addison informed Yang, who immediately turned pale. "I heard some very…interesting…stories from you last night. I'm sure everybody here would like to hear them too, wouldn't they, Dr. Yang?" Christina shook her head frantically.
"Oh no, Dr. Montgomery, they really weren't that great," Christina said modestly, half panicked. Though she couldn't exactly remember everything that she had said last night, Burke had told her some of the things that she had said, and they were enough for her to almost vow never to drink again.
"Dr. Yang, you underestimate yourself," Addison responded, aware that she was being slightly cruel, and enjoying it. "They were some of the best stories I've heard in years, and I'm sure that those who have not already heard your stories," Addison shot a pointed look at Nurse Debbie, which was enough for Christina to visibly cringe, "would love to hear them. There was one in particular that comes to mind…something about you and Burke in an OR during a night shift a few weeks ago…"
Christina bit her lip, and glared at her friends, all of whom were trying not to laugh. With a smile, Addison turned around and walked away slowly. As she walked away, Addison heard Christina ask her friends, "She wouldn't, would she?" and had heard Izzie respond, "Nah, she won't, she's too nice for that, but seriously, it was not the best move to call it the gynie squad in front of Dr. Montgomery."
Dr. Karev ran to catch up with Addison. "Dude, that was amazing what you just did," he told Addison, causing her to blush. She hadn't meant to say what she had said, it had just somehow come out. She had resolved just last night to act more professionally, but already, here she was, threatening to tell the nurses stories that an intern had told her at a Christmas party when she was clearly intoxicated.
"Thanks," Addison said after a moment pause, unsure of what else to say.
"You have a mean streak," Alex said, his voice clearly expressing how shocked he was. "I mean, that was something that I would have said, or that Sloan would have said. Though, Sloan would probably have just told the nurses instead of using it as leverage."
Addison grimaced. "Mark wouldn't have told the nurses," she said knowingly, hoping that Alex would not be able to guess that she was speaking from experience. She had told Mark more than one or two embarrassing stories after having had too much to drink and, though he had given her hell about it, he had never actually carried out any one of his numerous threats. "And," added Addison bitterly, "Can you be that surprised that I have a mean streak? I did keep you hostage to my service for months."
"Yes, but still…" Alex began, but he was cut off.
"I'm trying to forget what I just did," Addison informed him, slightly angry, "So it would be nice if you would stop bringing it up."
Alex nodded, surprising Addison. Clearly amused by Addison's surprise, Alex couldn't resist having the last word. "Does it surprise you that I can actually be a decent human being?" he asked, and for a second Addison wondered if he was flirting with her or mocking her. Deciding it didn't matter, Addison told Karev to shut up, and left him standing in the hallway. She went to put on her scrubs, and the surgery proceeded on time. The surgery was a success, which added to Addison's feeling of happiness.
After the surgery, which took several hours, Addison got a coffee and talked with Callie for a while, before her pager went off. Addison hurried off to find the cause of the page. She found Alex and Izzie standing next to a gurney with a young woman. "What's wrong?" Addison asked.
"Patricia Farmer, twenty six, thirty eight weeks pregnant. Ms. Farmer crashed her car because she was driving," Izzie paused and glared at the young woman, clearly furious, "while high on drugs." Addison resisted the urge to hit the woman for being so irresponsible, and instead sighed. This day seemed to be testing her newfound resolution to be professional, keep her personal life out of her work, and to be happy and not emotional.
Addison shook her head. "Stevens, Karev, you know what to do. When the patient is no longer," Addison searched for a more gentile word, but decided that it wasn't worth it, "high, find me. I want to have a long talk with her about responsibility, check that the baby is okay, and somehow convince her to not do drugs again, even if she isn't pregnant."
Izzie looked at Dr. Montgomery. "I'm covering the pit today," she told her, but Addison shook her head.
"Once I am positive that she hasn't done some sort of long-lasting damage to either herself or her unborn child, then you can go back to the pit. Until then, you're my intern. I'll tell Bailey of the change." Izzie smiled gratefully—though officially she was allowed to perform surgery, she spent more time covering the pit than all of the other interns because a lot of the surgeons didn't feel that she was to be completely trusted. Even the surgeons that did trust her seemed to feel that she should perform in fewer surgeries than the other interns, with the exception of Addison and, oddly enough, Mark.
Addison excused herself, found Bailey, and then went up to her office. She sat at her desk, staring blankly at her computer, unable to really concentrate. She wanted to think that it was about her patient, but knew it would be a lie to believe that. She was worried about all of her patients, hopeful that the baby she had operated on earlier would make it through, furious at her newest patient, Patricia Farmer, and anticipating the arrival of new patients. Though she wished that was why she was preoccupied, it wasn't.
Would it be that terrible to admit it, wondered Addison. Would it be the end of the world if she were to just admit that she still had feelings for her ex-husband? She wished it was as simple as simply "no" or "yes", because Addison could work well in extremes. If she were advising anybody else on this, she would tell them to move on, to forget about their ex-husband, and move on with their life. This advice, however, was much easier given than followed, as Addison had found out.
A noise from behind startled her, and she was kind of horrified to find Derek standing behind her. Derek knew her too well, and Addison knew that there was a big chance that he had some idea of what she had been thinking about. "What are you doing here?" she asked him.
"Our patient from a few days ago, the pregnant teenager with the seizures, Madeline Pierce, she is going to need brain surgery." Derek looked at Addison, who seemed to be taking this all in stride.
"That sucks," she said, aware that if she was anybody else, he would ask her if that was her professional opinion on the matter. "I mean, it was expected, but you can't help but hope that somehow whatever the problem is will resolve itself, even if it is much more interesting to do surgery than to watch a healthy patient."
Derek gave her a look of understanding, a look which made Addison want to hug him for being so understanding. He looked at the conflicted expression on her face, and tilted his head slightly as he thought about what the cause of it might be. "I'm happy, Derek," she told him, forcing a smile. "I'm happy, and I'm going to stay happy. I am going to stay happy and professional. And we're friends, or something, which is great, but it's hard to stay professional when you're here."
"Yeah," Derek agreed softly, and reached out to put his hand on her shoulder. Luckily for Addison, before either one of them could do something that they would regret later, Addison's pager went off.
"I have to go," Addison explained hurriedly, standing up and putting on her doctor's coat. "A patient went into labor." She smiled quickly at Derek, and ran to put on her scrubs and get to her patient. She was glad to get away from Derek, the man who complicated everything.
Her patient gave birth successfully, after which Addison had a long talk with Patricia Farmer, her patient from earlier who had been driving while on drugs. Addison tried to get through to the woman, to tell her that drugs were bad, and it was especially irresponsible to use them while pregnant. She tried to get through to the woman that it wasn't just her own life she was ruining, it was also her baby's life, but the woman wouldn't listen. It frustrated Addison to see somebody so stubbornly through their life away, and saddened and enraged her to think about the consequences for the baby.
In a bad mood, Addison ordered Alex and Izzie to speak to her patient, and to, for no reason whatsoever, discharge Ms. Farmer until Addison was sure that she would not engage in any more dangerous behavior. Her shift over, Addison went to get her stuff together, check on Richard, and call Steven to confirm their date for tonight. While she stood, leaning against the wall, on the surgical floor, talking to Steven, Addison noticed that she was being watched. After she had said goodbye, Addison pointed to Christina and motioned for her to come over. Christina pretended not to notice. "Yang!" Addison finally called, and Christina turned around.
Christina walked quickly over to Addison. "Is there something you need, Dr. Montgomery?" Christina questioned politely.
"You were staring," Addison told Yang, who, though she looked embarrassed, refused to break eye contact.
"No, I wasn't," Yang said quickly—too quickly to have been innocent. Receiving a look from Addison, Christina looked around to make sure that nobody was listening to their conversation, before adding quietly, "You wouldn't actually tell people what I said last night, would you?"
Addison sighed, annoyed that nobody would leave her alone. She had said something that she wished she could take back, that had been needlessly cruel, and certainly not professional, and yet that seemed the most threatening thing that she could say at the time. In retrospect, it was a stupid decision but, Addison reflected, she was getting good at making stupid decisions. "No, I wouldn't. I'm sorry I said that," Addison said. Christina looked immensely relieved, but she wasn't off the hook yet. "Was there some other reason you were staring, or was that it?" Addison asked, and Yang shook her head.
"Okay, then," Addison said, excusing herself. She had a date to go to—a date with a person who cared for her and her feelings, a person who wasn't Derek or Mark Sloan. She took a taxi restaurant, and met Steven outside. They went inside and were about to order, when Addison saw two people enter the restaurant that she did not want to see.
Steven sensed that something was not right. "Are you okay?" he asked Addison, who quickly recovered.
"I'm good," she told him, though it was a lie. "It's just that my ex-husband and his girlfriend just came into the restaurant." Addison glanced at Derek, hoping that he had not noticed her, but knowing that this was not the case from the look that Meredith gave Derek. With a quick glance at Addison, who pretended not to notice, Meredith kissed Derek and took his hand as they walked to their seats.
To her horror, Addison found tears forming in her eyes, and she blinked quickly so that they would not fall. Steven put his hand over Addison's, which lay limp on the table, and squeezed it. "It's okay if you want to leave," he told her. "We can get pizza, or something, and eat it at my place." Though it was completely undignified, Addison nodded gratefully, and within minutes they had left the restaurant. Only when they were in Steven's car and out of the sight of unwanted onlookers, Steven asked, "Do you want to talk?"
"It's just been a terrible day," Addison told him, no longer on the verge of tears, and considerably more composed than she had been a few minutes ago. As it often got when she was upset and trying to hide it, her voice seemed slightly emotionless, but somehow sad. "I was happy in the morning, really happy, and then I said something stupid and unprofessional, which I feel terrible about. And then I get a call from a patient who is thirty six, or something, weeks pregnant, and got into a car accident because she was driving while stoned. I tried to talk to her, I did, but she won't listen. But…"
"But that's not why it's been a terrible day," Steven finished, and Addison looked up at him in surprise. "It's okay to think about your ex, Addison, and it's okay to be hurt and upset and confused. You don't have to act like everything is okay all of the time."
Addison smiled in spite of herself. "It's not okay to think about him as much as I do," she said darkly. "And, if you're me, you have to be okay and in control all of the time."
"It's hard to lose somebody," Steven whispered, and Addison looked at him questioningly. "And, before you ask, no, I don't have a dead wife, and I haven't been divorced." They both laughed a little bit, but their laughs were strangled by the overall feeling of sadness in the car. "My sister and I…" Steven trailed off, and Addison was quiet, letting him think. "My sister and I, we don't talk any more. The last time I spoke to her was when our parents died. Then, last year, after having not spoken to each other for more then ten years, I learned from somebody at a function I went to that she's been married for seven years, and has a child. So I called her, because it's long past time that we reconcile, and she won't pick up the phone. No matter how many times I called, she wouldn't pick up, and no matter how many letters I wrote, she won't respond. So, yeah, it's hard losing somebody."
Addison looked at Steven, a mixture of horror and empathy in her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "Does the pain ever go away?"
"It never completely goes away, but it gets better," Steven replied slowly.
They sat in silence for a minute, before Steven started the car and suggested that they go to his house and order pizza. Addison agreed to this suggestion readily, so they drove to his house. At the end of the night, when it was time for Addison to leave, she hugged and kissed Steven. "Thank you for everything," Addison told him, and she meant it. The night had been lovely, in spite of the awkward start, and they had been able to really connect. Steven was sweet, caring, loyal, understanding, sympathetic…Steven was everything she needed, and everything she wanted. So, if this was the case, why didn't it feel right? Why didn't it seem natural, the way it had with Derek?
In the car, Addison had time to think. She knew she loved Derek, but she knew that she couldn't put her life on hold forever because of him. She needed to move on, and if only he could act mean and nasty and petty the way he had right after the divorce, she would be able to do it. But now Derek was acting kind towards her, and acting like he cared about her. They had talked, they had connected, they had even had Christmas dinner together.
What does it say when you still have Christmas dinner with your ex-husband, and then he finds you after dinner, despite the wrath of his girlfriend, to make sure that she was okay and to find out where they stood regarding each other? Why was it that, despite the months of stubbornly insisting that their failed marriage was all her fault, Derek now was able to have an adult conversation about why it fell apart?
By the time she got home, Addison still hadn't found any answers; however, upon entering the house, she did find a very naked Callie dancing to music with George, who was only slightly more clothed than Callie. When she saw Addison, Callie smiled slightly, as if this was no big deal, while George tried to hide himself completely behind Callie. Shaking her head, Addison waved to both of them before retiring to her room. That was one thing Addison wished she could change about Callie—Callie seemed to enjoy being completely unclothed more than any other person she had ever met. If she was more of a gossip, Addison knew that she would ask Izzie if, when Callie had lived with them, she had always gone around this unclothed.
Her thoughts were only temporarily taken away from Steven and Derek, however, and when she lay in bed, hugging her pillow, Addison found that she was, for the first time in months, not about to cry herself to sleep. Steven was amazing, and exactly what she needed, and even if things didn't feel right between them, Addison knew she was healing. "Perhaps time does heal everything," Addison whispered to herself, though fully aware that she was nowhere near completely healed, and aware that, perhaps, she would never be.