Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: Wow, first of all I want to thank all of you who reviewed the last chapter. Sorry about the longer wait for getting this one up but I had a sudden overflow of homework this week and didn't have the time to write it. Anyway here it is and I hope it meets your expectations. :)

3. If Only…

…Ray hadn't walked off when he saw Gates and Neela on the terrace.

Ray watched in disbelief as he saw Gates caressing Neela's cheek. How dare she? How could she do this to him? Say all those things on the roof, give him even more hope that they could finally happen and then turn around and do this. It was like they were doing this complicated dance that never seemed to end and the music was really starting to bore him. He thought about stalking off but quickly decided against it. He wasn't going to keep letting her do this anymore, keep letting her play all these games with his already severely damaged heart. It was time to confront her and set her straight, it was now or never.

"What the hell is going on here?!" he shouted, marching towards the two of them.

They both jumped clearly startled.

"Ray!" Neela exclaimed. "What - It's not what you think!"

"Oh! And what am I supposed to think, Neela?" he shot back. "What happened to what you said upstairs? "Tony was new, there was no history, he didn't make me think about things from before," Ray mimicked. "Huh? I can't -"

"Excuse me! What is he talking about, Neela?" Gates interrupted agitatedly.

"Stay out of this, Gates! Can't you see I'm talking to her?" Ray shouted.

"Whoa! Listen, Barnett. I don't know where the hell you're coming from, but I'm not going to stand her watching you smart talk with my girlfriend!" Gates argued.

"Girlfriend?! You got to be joking me! She's not your fucking girlfriend, for -"

"Both of you shut up!" Neela shouted angrily standing in between the two men who looked like they were ready to beat the crap out of each other.

"Let me speak for a second, okay, please, Ray, I need to get this out." Neela began casting him a pleading look.

She took a deep breath.

"The past year has been hell for me. I know I didn't handle Michael's death the way I should have or could have and I never, ever should have pushed you away, Ray, there's no excuse for that, but you don't know what it was like for me. I was already in love with you before he died and I already had a bad enough guilty conscience about that, knowing that I was betraying him and when he did die it became worse. Everything just caved in at that moment. I mean he died thinking he had a loving and faithful wife but I'm the one left knowing that wasn't true. I betrayed him without him even knowing I had betrayed him and though it might sound crazy but that just makes it even worse to me because now I have to live on carrying that guilt of what I can't change or undo. I know that it's not all my fault and Michael's is also at fault after all, all we had, had was a whirlwind relationship and then he proposes to me and within 24 hours we were married and then not even a week later he was already back in Iraq. At that instant I should have realized that it was not right but I left it and just continued depending more and more on you, Ray. What hurts even more is you were everything Michael was supposed to be, it was like you simultaneously took his place. So please understand that the reason I couldn't let you be there for me after he died was because it would have been even more of a betrayal."

"Hang on. What are you trying to say here, Neela? Because at the moment all I seem to be gathering from it is that you were and still are in love with Ray." Gates said, with a pure look of wrath on his face.

"Yes, Tony, I'm sorry but that's exactly what I'm trying to say."

She turned her attention to Ray whose face only showed pure shock.

Gates let out a counterfeited laugh.

"Wait a second, so you got involved with me when you were already in love with someone else. What do you think I am? Some sort of toy? Something to play with when you needed to take your mind off Barnett screwing Alvaro." he stated angrily.

"Wow, wow, wow. Hold it right there, Gates." Ray exclaimed, stepping in between the two of them. "First of all, you do not yell at her like that and secondly don't you dare bring Katey into all of this!"

"Why? She's already a major factor in all of this. In fact, where is she? I haven't seen her around for a while. What happened you finally get bored with her?" he provoked.

Ray's eyes fumed with rage. Just as his arm went up Neela grabbed him.

"Ray! Don't! He's doing this on purpose." Neela said evenly. "Thank you, Tony. By acting like a complete wanker you've just made what I was going to tell you a whole lot easier."

"So? What? We're done?" he asked.

"Yes, we're done."

He shook his head angrily.

"Whoa! Big shocker there. With your reputation with ER docs I should have never gotten involved with you. Watch it, Barnett by the end of the month she'll probably be running low on candidates and be screwing Morris." Gates smirked.

Neela tightened her grip on Ray's tensed arm as his eyes again flamed with anger watching as Gates furiously stalked off the terrace.

"Ray, I truly am sorry. I never should have done any of this to you. I never should have moved out with not even so much of an explanation and I never should have shut you out after Michael died, you didn't deserve any of it, but I meant what I just said. I love you…" Neela began after he had left, still not letting go of his hand.

He avoided looking at her and kept his eyes firmly fixated on the floor.

"Please don't do this again, Neela…"

"Do what?" Neela asked confused.

"As much as I want to believe what you're saying, how do I know it's true? Because lately we've been playing this little game where you get all my hopes up, telling me all these things and then just go retreating back to Gates. How do I know you won't turn around and do it again?" he asked.

"But I do mean it. I do want to be with you. It's over with Tony, I promise you. I'll never go back to him. In fact right now I don't even know what possessed me to even get involved with him." Neela said disgustedly.

Ray let out a soft chuckle.

"You were blind sighted to all his flaws." he said mocking a high class British accent.

Neela smiled.

"You're so beyond correct but please do not talk like that ever again. You know from previous occasions that you do a terrible impersonation of a British accent."

"Why, that's a very unflattering thing to say to someone you're trying to make amends with." Ray told her in the accent again, feigning an offended look.

"Ha – ha. So am I forgiven?" Neela asked hopefully.

He shook his head.

"Not yet, how bout we just take it step by step for a while?" Ray said.

"Yeah, sure." Neela said softly.

"Well I think it's about we head back inside because Hope's soon going to realize that we've disappeared." he said.

"Yeah." Neela nodded, making a move for the door but Ray grabbed her hand pulling her close to him.

"But before we do, let's just get a head start in completing step one." he murmured before bending down to kiss her gently.

As their lips parted, he lightly put his mouth near her ear, to whisper:

"Also for the record, I love you too."

End 'If Only' Fic 3

What did you think? Too mushy? lol, I told you I was going to try and end all of them on a happy note. Also just would like to tell you this might be the second last chapter. At the moment I've only got one more scene left to alternate, which is obviously the (awful, tragic, fateful, sad .etc. I could rant on forever) end Ray scene.

You know the drill. The more the reviews the more quicker it will appear ;)