A/N: Thanks to all who did and will review. Also be sure to check out August 18th, 2005 which is in the time line of The Kids Are Alright
"I can still hear you when you drown"- Drown- Gish
After Ryan has a dream about Jennifer drowning he goes into a deep depression. The only way he can relive himself of it is by writing songs. But what happens when Jennifer is attacked by Luke and pulled underwater down by the lake late one night?
A/N: I do not own or work for That '70s Show or the Smashing Pumpkins. All I want to see is that the Smashing Pumpkins reunite. The only thing I own are the gang's kids and the songs that Ryan writes.
Point Place, Wisconsin
February 5, 1997
12:45 A.M.
Ryan Forman's Bedroom
There he was. He was sitting on the side of the bed thinking about her. She was dragged to somewhere in Alaska for some stupid modeling show Jackie had to be in. She asked her to stay, but no she had to be dragged along so hopefully some of Jackie's talents rubbed off on her. "What talents?" Ryan muttered. "All she can do is clog dance." He sighed again and knew she would be up. His eyes were shutting so he went under the covers and drifted off to sleep. They were sitting on the lake shore talking to each other. Then something pulled her into the water dragging her deeper and deeper into the lake. He dove in after her to find that he was too late. She was dead and there was nothing he could do. He swam bake to the shore slowly and collapsed on the shore. He broke down and started to cry. He shot up in his bed. "No. It can't be real." The phone rang downstairs and he went to get it. He walked slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen where the phone was. He picked the receiver up and put it to the side of his head. "Hello?"
"Oh my god it's so good to hear your voice." her voice said.
"Same here Jen." Ryan replied. "So why did you have to call me at-" He glanced over at the clock. "1:53 A.M.?"
"Felt like it." she replied. "And I miss you. I just want to strangle Jackie. She's so annoying." The conversation continued on for awhile and then the line went dead. He shrugged and went back to bed. The dream came back and kept replaying itself over and over again until he woke up in the morning. Gwen had come wandering in. Her golden hair appeared in his face.
"Ryan where's MJ?" Gwen asked. Ryan wiped the sweat off of his face.
"I don't know Gwen." Ryan replied. He slumped out of bed and felt like he would never be happy again. He walked out of the room and down the stairs.
"Hey Ryan.'' Christian said.
"I'm not in the mood for any zany schemes right now Christian." Ryan said. He walked into the kitchen.
"Ay no." Christian said. "Ryan will never be the same again. And I had a really good idea this time." Christian sat down on the couch.
"It'll all be good Christian." Justin said. "He just misses Jennifer."
"I hope you're right man." Tyler said. "Cause if he ain't our band is gonna suck."
"Knock it off." Justin said. "Just cause Ryan is depressed doesn't mean we're gonna suck. And he writes some of his best songs when he's depressed. He's like Billy friggin' Corgan."
"Talking about Billy Corgan." Tyler said. "Did you hear that the Pumpkins are actually coming to Point Place?"
"Holy shit!" Justin exclaimed. "We've got to get tickets!"
"They've got a competition for backstage passes for the show." Tyler said. "But you gotta have a band of four. It's the day after Jen gets back and we've got to sign up by today."
"Well maybe we should sign up then." Justin said.
"Good idea." Christian said. He pulled a Twizler out of his pocket and took a bite out of it.
"You are a freaky little man Christian." Justin said. "And don't ever change." Justin and Tyler got up from the house and headed down to the WFPP station. There was what felt like a never ending line into the station. "Damn it Tyler! Why didn't you tell us earlier?" He hit Tyler on the back of the head.
"Well with Jennifer gone I didn't know if she wanted to!" Tyler exclaimed.
"Didn't you hear her say, 'I'd do anything for Smashing Pumpkins tickets'?" he asked in a girly voice.
"No." Tyler said. "I don't pay attention to her that often. She gets on my nerves most of the time."
"God you're an idiot." Justin said.
Point Place, Wisconsin
February 5, 1997
12:00 PM
Forman Kitchen
Ryan sat at the table and took a half hearted bite of his sandwich and set it back down on his plate. Donna walked over to him and sat next to him. "Come on Ryan. Why are you so down?" she asked. Ryan sighed and pushed a bit of hair out of his eyes.
"I had a dream that I didn't find particularly happy last night." he said in a depressed drone.
"What was it about?" she asked him.
"Well." Ryan said. "Jennifer and I were down by the lake and something pulled her underwater. I tried to save her but I couldn't. By the time I had gotten into the water she was out of sight." Donna squinted a bit.
"So you weren't having sex right?" she asked.
"Mom. This isn't the time for jokes." Ryan said. "I may have a problem." He got up and went down to the basement. He walked slowly down the steps and pulled out a notebook and pencil. He started to scribble words onto a blank sheet. He finished and titled it "Running Away From It".
There I go I can't stay here
And I can't face it
It's too horrible
I have to run
I have to run far away
I cannot face the truth
It is too horrible
It's bleeding on me
It's bleeding the truth
All about the skeletons
In my closet
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
It's the sad truth
That I cannot stay here
I really want to
But it will just put another nail
Into my coffin
One day I might be able to come back
But until then
I must run from it
Its ugly head
Is destroying me
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
Why oh why
Must I run
It isn't my choice
It just follows me everywhere
And it destroys
Everyone I love
For it is a ticking time bomb
Set to destroy the world
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
So goodbye until then
I will see you again
All I can do is hope
That this skeleton in my closet
Never gets out
And I'm running away from it
And I cannot face it
So I'm running away from it
I cannot face it
Or look it in the eye
The last thing I ever say to you
May be goodbye
I just hope it isn't
So goodbye and I hope this will not
Be the last thing I say to you
He tried to smile at his work but he couldn't. "Well I guess it's a good song for me." he sighed. He started to write again. Two hours later he had another song written. He titled it "The Girl Next Door". It was an homage to his favorite comic book character Spider-Man.
I'm looking out my window
She's right there
He red hair
And her blue eyes
She's the fairest of all
And I really wish
I could say
That I love you to her
But I can't
Cause I'm just another nerd
She'd prefer the jocks
Or maybe my best friend
But until then
She's still just the girl next door
I hope some day that I'll tell her
That I love you
And that she'll say
She loves me too
But until then all I can do
Is hope that she loves me too
I'm just staring out the window
Until then all I can do
Is hope he loves me too
Until then she's still just the girl next door
They tell me not to worry
I'll find the one that's right for me
But all I can say is that
She's the only one for me
But until then
She's still just the girl next door
I hope some day that I'll tell her
That I love you
And that she'll say
She loves me too
But all I can do
Is hope she loves me too
All I can do now
Is look out that window
Until then all I can do
Is look out that window
He sighed again and shrugged. Tyler and Justin walked into the basement. "How are your song writing skills right about now?" Justin asked.
"Here are your two fucking songs." Ryan said. "Preform them for whatever reason I don't give a damn."
"Whatever Forman man." Justin said. "Listen. We're doing a thing at WFPP for Pumpkins tickets on the 13th. Bring the guitar and be ready to play some of their songs.
Point Place, Wisconsin
February 13, 1997
8:00 PM
WFPP Station
Ryan, Jennifer, and Tyler stood outside in the heatwave that had swept over Wisconsin just yesterday. Ryan had his guitar in its case with the strap around his shoulder, Jennifer with her bass in the same fashion as Ryan and Tyler had his drumsticks and looking over at the drumming procedure for every last Smashing Pumpkins song ever recorded. Justin walked out. "Ok they're ready for us." he said. The three of them walked into the station with big grins on their faces, excluding Ryan due to the depression he was in.
"Band name?" a man asked.
"Uh." Justin said. "One sec." He pulled Ryan, Jen and Tyler toward him. "We need a band name."
"Uh, Kung Blue?" Tyler said.
"No!" the three exclaimed.
"Point Place Experiment?" Jennifer suggested.
"Too corny." Justin said.
"Falling Down Stairs?" Ryan said.
"Excellent Forman man." Justin said. He turned back to the man. "We're Falling Down Stairs."
"Ok." the man said as he tried to hide his laugh. He opened the door and the four stepped in. Billy Corgan, James Iha and D'Arcy Wretzky were sitting behind a table. Obviously Jimmy Chamberlin was out for the day after having too much to drink or having a tad too much heroine. They set up and plugged the guitar and bass into the amp.
"Uh let's go with Bullet With Butterfly Wings." Billy said. The other two nodded.
"Bullet With Butterfly Wings." D'Arcy said. Justin nodded and cleared his throat. Ryan gulped and Jennifer pushed her hair into her face. Tyler sat behind the drum set unnerved as cool as a cucumber. "One, two, three, go." Justin said. Behind his glasses his eyes widened.
"The world is a vampire'' There was a few seconds of a bass solo and then Justin started to sing again.
", sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show
And what do you want, I want to change
And what have you got
When you feel the same
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved"
Tyler, Jennifer and Ryan played their hearts out while Justin sung the best he had ever done. "Wow." James said. "That was impressive."
"May I ask who writes your songs?" Billy asked. Ryan stepped up.
"That'd be myself." he said.
"Guitar and writing the songs." Billy said. "Now that shows that ya don't need to be lead singer to write."
"Actually Justin does is just sit around while I write." Ryan added. The entire room laughed.
"Good one." D'Arcy said. "Good one."
"Ok now we're going to need to hear a song that you have written." Billy said.
"Ok." Justin said. He walked over to the rest of the band. "What the fuck are we gonna do?"
"The Girl Next Door." Ryan said.
"I don't know the words to that!" Justin exclaimed in a quiet voice.
"Fine I'll do it." Ryan said. "Just play some guitar in the background. I thought you the entire song so play it." Justin nodded and Ryan walked up to the table. "We are going to need to borrow a guitar for one song."
"Ok." Billy said. "Where do you plan on getting it?"
''Uh, maybe you could lend us one?" Ryan said. James nodded and handed a guitar over to Ryan. Ryan handed his guitar with the Smashing Pumpkins logo on it to Justin. Ryan tuned the guitar and stepped up to the microphone. "The Girl Next Door." He played a quiet little 30 second guitar solo and a soft drum roll was played by Tyler. Soon another soft playing of chords came from Justin and Jennifer. "Go!'' The song picked up pace and became louder and faster.
"I'm looking out my window
She's right there
He red hair
And her blue eyes
She's the fairest of all
And I really wish
I could say
That I love you to her
But I can't
Cause I'm just another nerd
She'd prefer the jocks
Or maybe my best friend
But until then
She's still just the girl next door
I hope some day that I'll tell her
That I love you"
There was another soft playing of chords and Ryan walked over to Jennifer and looked her in the eyes and started to sing again. The truth was he had really written this song for her.
"And that she'll say
She loves me too
But until then all I can do
Is hope that she loves me too
I'm just staring out the window
Until then all I can do
Is hope he loves me too
Until then she's still just the girl next door
They tell me not to worry
I'll find the one that's right for me
But all I can say is that
She's the only one for me
But until then
She's still just the girl next door
I hope some day that I'll tell her
That I love you"
Jennifer blushed and smiled at him. She tried not to get distracted and then Ryan walked back to the front with Jennifer walking over by him. He played a loud, sharp guitar solo and did a rock star kick. They sing the words into the same microphone together.
"And that she'll say
She loves me too
But all I can do
Is hope she loves me too
All I can do now
Is look out that window
Until then all I can do
Is look out that window"
There was a soft playing of chords and then the song stopped and Ryan dropped down onto his knees. D'Arcy clapped and smiled. "So you two have something goin' on don't you?" she laughed.
"Aw they're just like us D'Arcy." James said laughing.
"Ha ha." Jennifer said. "Very funny. This isn't "Lets Make A Date"." Billy nodded.
"So you guys were the last band of the day." Billy said. "Results will be posted tomorrow morning." Ryan handed James the guitar back.
"Keep it." James said. Ryan shrugged and kept it. His own guitar that his guitar hero had used and that he had played in front of.
"So get some rest and don't let the results get to your head." Billy finished.
Point Place, Wisconsin
February 14, 1997
1:57 AM
The Lake
Jennifer walked down to the lake to calm herself. Dressed in just a bikini she jumped into the lake. For a few minutes she swam around. Minutes later Luke stood on the shore. "Hello Jenny." he grinned.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY LUKE!" she yelled. He jumped in and dunked her head underwater. She fell to the bottom. Someone heard this and saw her drowning. The person swam down to the bottom after her and rescued her. Jennifer was taken to the hospital and Ryan was called. He ran to the hospital in a heartbeat and was standing in the waiting room.
"Good news bad news." the doctor said. "Good news is we saved her. Bad news is the person who tried to kill her got away and she has brain loss. Too much water got into her head. Temporary side effect. Last about a week or two." Ryan nodded. His dream had come true. Jennifer was injured and he couldn't help her. Tears ran down his face and he entered her room. He kissed her lips tenderly. They were blue and cold. He sat by her as he cried.
"Please don't leave me Jenny." Ryan said. At noon Tyler and Justin ran in.
"WE GOT THE TICKETS MAN!" they exclaimed.
"SOME FUCKING FRIENDS YOU GUYS ARE!" Ryan yelled. "JENNIFER ALMOST DIED AND YOU SHOW UP AT NOON CELEBRATING ABOUT SOME FUCKING TICKETS! YOU FUCKING HEARTLESS BASTARDS!" D'Arcy Wretzky for some reason was standing outside the door and heard all of this.
"You really love her don't you?" she asked. She put her hands on her shoulders. "Things happen."
"No." Ryan said. "I should have been there. I could have saved her."
"There was nothing you could've done." she replied. "Just be glad she's alive."
"DO YOU THINK I'M NOT FUCKING GLAD SHE'S ALIVE?" Ryan yelled. "DO YOU THINK I'M A FRIEND WHO JUST CARES ABOUT TICKETS AND COMES IN ALMOST 11 HOURS AFTER WHAT HAPPENED CELEBRATING ABOUT TICKETS? FUCK NO! I WAS HERE IN A HEARTBEAT!" Ryan stormed out of the room. He grabbed something by the staircase and walked up onto the roof. It was his guitar. He played it softly. Tears ran down his face. He sat down on the edge as his legs dangled over the side of the building.
"I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill
'til a landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
I'm getting older, too
I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hill
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down"
"That was beautiful." D'Arcy said. "I've never heard that song played with so much soul in it before."
"Well maybe that's what happens when you see your girlfriends death in a dream a week before she gets seriously injured in the same way as in your dream." D'Arcy shook her head.
"You know I went through like something like this when I was starting out with the Pumpkins.
"Whatever." Ryan said. He got up and left.
A/N:More on the shocking developments in the next chapter. I hope this gets more people to review. I put my heart and soul into this chapter. All you have to do is say great chapter or something, and I don't mind flames.