A/N: I hope you like this new chapter...its kinda different, but hopefully in a good way.

Quick update: Bella starts to FULLY change and is "dieing". Edward writes his thoughts and feelings in an old journal he has about Bella. (I've never been good at short summaries...sorry)

Chapter 7. Bella…

Journal of Edward Anthony Masen

(August 7th…)

I hadn't written in my journal in a long while. The last time I recorded anything was some time before we moved into Forks. This is probably the only thing that I have from my childhood…and from what I have read in here I can't recall anything from my past. Though it's almost painful for me to reread my history, I am glad that Carlisle had saved this for me.

But I haven't picked up this old "diary" to write about lost memories…I sit here now, watching over my Bella.

Carlisle has decided to write about her progress (knowing that he has never seen a slow progression of a human transforming into a vampire) and so I thought to, instead of writing about her progress, to just write about Bella. Though, we both find that there is nothing much to write. She just lies there…almost sleeping like the dead…

I remember the first time I watched her in her sleep. She would toss and turn…she spoke of her mother, Forks, me…She would cry and scream. Bella was on to never to have a calm night.

Now, as I stare her face, she lays quietly and motionless. Every now and then, she would growl or whimper in pain, but she never shed a tear.

As I write in here, I realize that I can't remember anything in this journal's previous pages (or those that were written by me as a child). What about Bella's memory?

Will Bella remember meeting me or any of the Cullens? After all, she met me as a human…

Will she know what is happening?

What about her family…Charlie and Renee?

Will I have to start this relationship with her all over again?

…Or will she not share the same feelings to even want to continue our friendship at all?

The last though I wrote frightens me the most. I couldn't bear to think of Bella looking at me like a stranger. We had been through so much together…For her to wake and look at me as if my face was so unfamiliar would
…I can't even begin to describe the heartache I would feel.

It sends chills up my spine to think these thoughts… Hopefully, she will remember bits of her human life. It has been hectic around here since we first discovered of her changing. We could never really go over the possibilities of her memory lasting after the complete transformation. I wished we had more time.

Or, maybe we did have enough time…maybe this is my fault. Maybe…I just fought the idea that she was really changing. It has been about a month and a half since we first took her to the hospital…

A last thought…Will Bella make it through this? I look at the date now, and realize that her birthday is only about a month away. Will she ever be 19?

But I told her…that if I ever lose her…I would soon follow. But right now, I can't handle the thought of her death.

(August 7th Later…)

Jacob came by this evening. He didn't seem to bother me nor did I to him. Alice brought him into the bedroom where I watched Bella. He hesitated for a moment, but I asked him to come in. I pulled up a chair for him and he sat down.

He looked upset, as I could understand, but his calm behavior puzzled me. I knew that it was I who had changed Bella and I had broken the Treaty.

"They don't know…" he finally spoke softly.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"Sam and the others…I haven't told them about what you did."

"May I ask why?"

"They could run you out of town…or worse. And if you leave…Bella will leave."

"Jacob, whether she wants to leave with us or not is up to her."

"She'll want to leave with you…" he whispered.

"Maybe…" I said.

"Maybe? Why maybe?"

"After one turns into a vampire…they can forget their human life. Bella might remember a few things or nothing at all. Meaning, she won't want to go anywhere I go if she doesn't know me." I confessed.

"Also meaning…she might not remember me?" he asked.

"Possibly…"

Jacob was quiet the rest of his stay. He walked over to Bella's bedside for a moment, said 'good bye' to both her and me, and left. As he walked out, he turned to me. "Thank you." He said.

I looked at him curiously.

"Thank you…for doing this. Saving her was worth breaking the Treaty. Thank you for keeping her alive." He said, staring at Bella.

I nodded and gave a weak smile. She was alive now…but could she live much longer?

(August 8th…)

Bella still hasn't awoken. Every now and then, she will stop breathing. Of course, it's not necessary to do so as a vampire, but it's so different so see her not breathe. I cannot hear a heartbeat. It just seems so unnatural to not see or hear any of this. Once, and if, she wakes, I hope to hear her voice. It'll be a great comfort to me.

(August 8th Later…)

Charlie came by today asking where Bella was. I gave him the excuse that she was outside somewhere with Alice and that they had left together. Charlie frowned at me and then weakly smiled. He has worked hard to build up his trust for me again…but I know that he still doesn't fully believe in me yet.

Carlisle came by, noticing Charlie and the door. I murmured to him about what I had told Charlie about Bella. Carlisle nodded and called out to Charlie in a booming voice. I'm guessing that they went out to talk. I saw them walk outside, but as soon as they were gone, I went up to Bella's room.

I walked in and headed towards Bella. For a moment I thought she was awake…her eyes were wide open. My heart jumped, but I realized that she was still in slumber. But, I noticed that her eyes were different. They looked…almost empty. I remembered the look of James, Laurent, and Victoria.

I stared into Bella's eyes. They looked just the same; the same bright red, piercing look about them. I know why they look the way they are…its because of the blood in her body that still lingers in her tissues. Only vampires who feed on humans have that horrid look in their eye.

I look down at Bella…almost unable to recognize her. She has changed…

Will she be the same Bella whom I fell in love with?

(August 10th…)

I didn't bother writing yesterday. I can't bear to think about what will happen to Bella anymore. Nothing has happened…and from what Carlisle told me, she should be awake by now.

(August 10th Later…)

Bella called out to me when I entered her room.

"Edward?" She said, her voice was strained.

"Bella…!" I ran to her bedside, hoping she was awake.

"I-I can't see you…Edward?"

"I'm right here, Bella. Open your eyes…" I begged.

She then became quite and was asleep once again. I touched her cheek and kissed it. The feel of her skin was hard and cold; not soft and warm as I would remember.

But, one thought lifted my spirits this evening. She remembered me and my name. Though, I do know that the transformation isn't complete…in time, she could still forget me.

(August 11th…)

Carlisle told me that Bella should wake soon. She wouldn't have the need to sleep anymore. He said, so far, everything is turning out good. But of course, we'll just have to wait…

I came into Bella's room to find her struggling on the bed. It was like she was crying; only…her cries were tearless.

What was she dreaming? I wanted to help her.

I then concentrated on her face and focused hard on her mind. Slowly, I drifted into her thoughts.

(Bella's Dream)

Bella stood in the middle of the meadow. Her hair flowed around her face, which was illuminated by the sunlight, but stained with tears. Her wet face shimmered in the light as she sobbed quietly to herself; her arms wrapped around her body. She wore the same dress that she had on at the graduation. She was beautiful…but not happy.

"Edward…" she whispered my name. At that moment, images of different memories flashed in her mind…all of which I could see. Memories of her as a child, her moving to Forks, meeting me and the Cullen's, the encounter with James…and when I left her. I saw her crying herself to sleep, moping around, risking her life just to hear my voice…she was lifeless…The memory faded as the field and Bella appeared again.

"Where are you, Edward? Why did you leave me…?"

It hurt to hear her say this… 'I haven't gone…I'm right here.' I thought.

Bella turned around, looking for something…It was like she heard me…as if she read my mind.

"Edward?" she called, "…Edward!?"

Her eyes then focused on…me. "Bella?" I asked. She could hear me…she saw me. I was there…but how?

She then came running up to me…and embraced me with a long kiss. "Why did you leave again?" she cried, "Why?"

"Bella…You're dreaming. I've always been here…everyday."

"Dreaming…?"

"Yes…but I'm not. I know that I am only allowed to read someone thoughts, but I can't interact or interfere with them…How am I doing this?" I asked. She stared at me; her expression confused and worried.

"It's not you…" she then said, "It's me…"

A/N: Sorry if this seems confusing. Don't worry; the next chapter or two will clear things up. And sorry about the cliffie thing...

I thought it would be neat to do some journal entries…I hope you liked them. I wasn't so sure about them….please let me know what you think. So I didn't just drag out the story by having Edward pace the floor…I was thinking that if you read his feelings and such you wouldn't have to waste your time with reading EVERY…SINGLE…THING. I know that Edward really likes to think things out and stuff…so yeah! A journal seemed kinda right for this…

PLEASE REVIEW!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!