Chapter 6: Apologies, Surprises, and Pictures

Finally! A long chapter:D This is full of J/L fluffiness, so watch out if you don't like that sort of writing. This is the chapter you've probably been waiting for, after reading the previous ones, so I hope this is to your satisfaction. :) I know I spent ages trying to get it right, and I'm rather happy with how the conversations flowed together. Reviews at the end!

Disclaimer: None of this is mine; it's all J. K. Rowling's.

He was in his room when I found him.

He didn't look miserable or anything; he was just flipping through some pictures. I walked in with a quick knock on the door, and he looked up at me. His face didn't show too much emotion, but I sat on his bed anyway.

"Hey," I said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "What are you doing?"

"Looking at pictures," he said unnecessarily, gesturing to the piles around him. He then began to collect them all, and said, "Give me a minute; I want to put all this away."

"No, let me see," I said, pulling him back and taking the pictures, looking for any excuse I had to procrastinate my mission.

"You don't really want to see those," he warned me, blushing deeply red.

"That's up to me to decide, isn't it?" I began to flip through them, but as I did, my smile faded; they were all pictures of me. I had never known that he had made it a hobby to photograph me at every possible second.

I remembered a few of the pictures; James had asked me to pose for a few with my friends (because he had known that I would never have done it if I had been alone) but there was a whole stack of candid shots as well. Me at parties, me lounging about in the common room, me talking to people, me smiling, me staring out into space…there was even one of me when I fell asleep in the common room a few months ago while I had been studying for O. W. L.'s. The incident had been well-remembered, since I was the only one to fall asleep by the fire surrounded by books, but I had never known about the picture.

"James, why have you taken a million pictures of me?" I inquired, flipping a few over.

"I don't know, to be quite honest," he said, looking at the ones I moved away. "I had my camera, there were no available models, and I couldn't resist. I told you that you wouldn't want to see these though, so you can't blame me."

"Why did you take a picture of me tying my hair up in the corridor?" I showed him the picture, almost indignant. I hated pictures and he knew it.

"Sirius thought that you had put on a little weight, you were looking particularly skinny then, and I took it as proof," he explained, going, if possible, even redder. "I kept the picture because you looked nice."

I couldn't help but snort. "So you've made it a pastime to take pictures of me when I'm not looking?"

"Well, yes," he said. "I liked that picture of you laughing the best, like I've already told you; that was why I framed it. I was going to frame that one too, but I hadn't gotten around to putting it up." He pointed to the photograph of me leaning back on the sofa, looking moodily at the fire as he told me.

I gave a reluctant giggle. "You are such a stalker. But somehow it's okay when you do it. I wonder why that is."

"It's because you're in love with me," he said, batting his eyelashes playfully. "Right?"

I bit my lip. "I wouldn't say I'm in love with you, so to speak…maybe I've decided to accept you."

"So I'm your friend now?"

I sighed. "I suppose you are." I hated opening up to him like this, and I hoped that it showed.

"Will you sit next to me in class when school starts again?"

I gave him a revolted look. "Of course not."

"Will you sit next to me during meal times?"

"No!"

"Will you let me kiss you in public?"

"James, I'm still nobody's girl." Why did he forget this so much? Why did I forget this sometimes?

"Well, now you're my girl," he informed me, grinning, as he put his arm around my shoulders. "Is that all right?"

"No," I refused. "I don't want to be anybody's girl. I'm not in love with you either. It's something…else."

"Right." He gave a short, disbelieving laugh. "You just told me yourself that you like me."

"I don't want to talk about this," I said, trying to dismiss the topic. "I'm really here because I want to apologize." I didn't like beating around the bush, so the apology seemed to be coming out more blunt and far more quickly than I had intended. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch before."

"You are being a bit of a bitch lately," he said, looking thoughtfully at me. "I'm not going to lie; you are. Would you like to tell me why?"

We were so candid with each other all of a sudden; it was almost disconcerting how we could talk about such things. It was only now that I realized how we had been talking to each other; about love, about emotion, about how we felt about each other. I never would have thought in a million years that I would be having such conversations with a person of his status and ego. I hated fate.

"Would you like the whole truth, or an edited truth?" I asked unwillingly.

"The whole truth, if you don't mind."

"I do mind; very much," I said. "But I guess it's because I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" His eyes softened when he looked at me.

I fidgeted a little, trying to think. "Oh, I don't even know…I just am."

We were silent, just looking at each other, attempting (in my case, unsuccessfully) to read the other's eyes. My stomach began to flip-flop out of control, and my chest was fluttering harder than it had been before. My throat was dry, and there was a huge lump in it that just wouldn't go away. I was sweating a little, trying to calm down, but it wasn't working too well for me. My breathing got progressively shallower, and I really wanted to run away.

"James, do you promise you won't laugh at me?" I was going to be honest. I had to be honest. What else did I have left? Lying hadn't exactly done much to help me.

"Of course." His eyes were earnest now, like they almost always were.

"Whenever I look at you, my systems go ballistic," I confessed, my cheeks warmer than ever. "I can't breathe, my stomach goes all screwy, my throat is parched, and I can't think straight. It frightens me because I don't know why it happens. All I know is that it does, and to try fighting it off, I try fighting you off as well."

"I do that?" This startled him. "I'm sorry."

I stood up and paced around the room, looking for something else to say. "You know what else?"

"Yes?"

"When I was in the bathroom, I wasn't doing anything besides thinking about what to do about you," I said. "I decided then that I wasn't going to feel anything more for you. I decided to be nobody's girl then. I still don't want to be anyone's girl, but I thought I should mention it anyway."

"Would it help matters if I told you that I really wanted you to be my girl?" James asked. "Would it help your stomach if I told you that I did love you, despite your almighty bitchiness?"

I wanted to cry; this was going all wrong. "That just messed everything up again. Thanks a lot."

"I tell the truth, Lily," he said. "You know that I care profoundly for you."

"That's the problem," I said with a sigh. "I might feel the same way back." There I was, opening up again. Why did I do this around him so much? Why did I bother asking myself this when I knew it was hopeless? I really had to stop talking to myself. It was beginning to frighten me.

"You care about me too?" Oops; I had let that one slip, and now he was permanently fascinated in my response.

"I think I do," I admitted, my stomach lurching unpleasantly.

"That's…that's good to know." He was in shock, but his tone had a note of wonderment in it. "Sorry for losing my temper, by the way."

"No, its fine," I dismissed. "I deserved it."

"Nah, I was just overreacting." He was so casual about everything; it nearly made my heart break.

"You are too forgiving," I accused.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Sort of."

"Love makes you do crazy things sometimes. You should know." He grinned, pleased with his rather cruel joke.

"This is still new to me, so don't make fun of me," I objected. "For the record, I don't love you. I said I may like you, which is only a possibility. I also said that I wasn't your girl. I am not anybody's girl right now, and I don't plan to be. I also said I may have accepted you; that doesn't mean that I did. And furthermore –"

I was about to say something else, but I was cut off by James coming forward and kissing me right on my mouth. My stomach just about fell out of me, and my heart nearly stopped beating, but I didn't care; my internal organs could melt as much as they pleased so long as James was still kissing me.

Last time this had happened, I hadn't let him run away with it because I had been afraid. This time, I let him put one of his hands on the side of my face and the other on the small of my back. His lips seemed to be fused with mine, but I didn't care about that either; I applied my own pressure back. My hands were in his hair; his hair was ever so soft, and easy to put my fingers in. This was almost like another world – overwhelming and new – and I discovered here that I was in love. Yes, I was in love with James Potter. I hated the truth, but I couldn't avoid it anymore because I liked where I was.

Then, as quickly as it had come, everything came to an end. He separated himself from me, and slowly, my breathing began to regulate. My heart began to restart and my stomach started to inch back to its original position; I put my hand on my chest, trying to find my ability to speak.

"Oh my," I said in stupefaction, still breathless.

"Oh my is right," he agreed, just as wondrous. "I've never kissed a girl like that."

"Really?" I was thrilled; the idea of doing something first with him was quite pleasing.

"Yeah," he said, putting his own fingers in his hair. "I liked it though. I liked it very much."

"I guess I'm in love with you," I said, looking at him with a bit of contempt. "Thanks a lot; you've stolen my affections when I was determined to hate you."

"Hey, you stole mine from the very beginning, no matter what you did to me, so don't even give me that line," he defended himself, grinning.

"I was trying to give you all the reasons why I was not in love with you, and you just had to kiss me then," I complained. "I don't want to be in love!"

"Well, your monologue was absolute crap and I was getting annoyed," he said, shrugging. "That was the only way I could think of to shut you up. You were lying through your teeth."

"Not completely," I tried to endorse myself. "I wasn't kidding when I said I was nobody's girl."

"Yes, you were," he said. "You're my girl, whether or not you admit to it. And why don't you want to be in love? Isn't it supposed to be the best feeling in the world?"

"No, it isn't," I countered. "Boys will break my heart and I just don't want that to happen. I don't want to give the best of me to someone who may not return the favor."

James threw his pillow at me. "Oh Lily; I've been smitten with you since I was eleven, and now we're sixteen. How much longer do you need me to prove I care about you?"

I mulled this thought over for a moment. "Well, I've seen the movies, heard the music, and read the books; heartbreak sucks, and I don't want to fall victim to it. And besides, you're James Potter; you have a million girlfriends, are always out having fun, and you hardly have to try to do well. You're funny, talented, and apparently you're good-looking too. You're everything that people want to be and more. Why don't you choose someone else who's interested?"

"Are you trying to doubt that you're enough for me?"

"No," I said at once. I wasn't so sure though; putting it like that was so simple when my feelings were much more complicated.

"Well, good, because you are more than enough to me," he said, smiling shyly. "I've never known you to have a low self-esteem, Miss Evans."

I grimaced. "Please. I'm all right, I guess, but you're way out of my league. You're out of everyone's league, really."

"You're quite complimentary tonight," he remarked. "Normally you like to pick at my faults."

"If you'd rather I did that, it can be arranged."

James laughed. "Okay, okay, relax. I'm just pointing out how you're a bit different right now."

"You broke my guard," I grumbled. "I can't seem to build it up again, so I'm being nice. Sort of."

He laughed again. "Lily, you never cease to amaze me."

I lay back on his bed, sighing. "I could say the same, you know. I have never let anyone get that close to me. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it have been someone else?"

"Thanks?" He was in such a good mood that night; everything felt comical when he was like that.

"You know what I mean," I said. "You are…you."

He smiled his dazzling smile, making my chest flutter all over again. "Well, now that things are a little clearer, will you go out with me this summer?"

I thought about this. "I'd have to say no, because I don't want our relationship to be like that."

"Then how do you want our relationship to be? I'm all ears." He leaned in closer, looking at me as though I was the most important thing in the world.

I didn't laugh this time, but I requested, "Can we just be almost-friends?"

"I've heard of being friends, but what's an almost-friend?" He was looking rather entertained now.

"I mean that we're just…we get along, and that's it. I still hate you, so to speak, but we aren't as mean as we normally are." He gave me a look, so I amended, "Okay, so I'm not as mean as I normally am. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I think I can," he said. "But only if I'm allowed to kiss you. I liked doing that."

"Not in public, but maybe a tiny peck on the lips won't matter too much when we're alone," I reasoned.

James rolled his eyes. "Please. Do you really think I'd settle for something like that? You were lucky that I let you go when I did this time; you have no idea how hard it was for me."

"You're getting all gooey now," I told him, chuckling. "Stop."

He ignored my claim, stood up, and opened the door to his room. "Let's go downstairs, shall we?"

"Sure," I said, letting him take my hand. "My mother will probably put me on a pregnancy test if I'm gone any longer."

He laughed as he led me down the stairs. "Somehow, I can believe that."

I sighed. "When will I see you again?"

"If you'd like to get a muffin or something, you can see me as early as tomorrow morning." He grinned. "Would that work?"

"No," I said. "Never mind. Forget I asked that."

He played with a lock of my hair. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

We were downstairs by his front door now, and he pushed me up against it, his nose in my neck, making me giggle. "Fine."

"Stop it," I said, pushing him away from me. "That tickles."

He kissed me briefly. "I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven," I said, gently brushing a bit of his hair on the side.

"James, Lily!" It was my mother's familiar shriek, calling me down when I wanted to be left alone. She did this to me often enough, but this time, I was not in the middle of kissing James. That was a step up from the last time.

She bounced over to us and beamed. "Hello kids! Lils, are you ready to go?"

"I suppose," I said, looking back at him. "Am I ready to go?"

He rolled his eyes and pretended to look defeated. "Fine. You may take her back, Mrs. Evans."

"Thank you, James," Mum said, grinning as she put her hand on my shoulder. "I'd like to keep my daughter, unfortunately, so you'll have to see her in school. Lily doesn't date."

"I don't?"

"No, you don't," Mum confirmed for me.

"Are you leaving then?" It was Mrs. Potter; she had come out to the front door as well, and was smiling at James and me. "You must be; James looks upset again."

Mum laughed. "Yes, we must get going now. We still need to fetch Petunia. Say good-bye, Lils."

"Good-bye," I said robotically, nodding at Mrs. Potter and Mr. Potter when he came around. "Thank you for having us tonight. I had a lovely time." I turned to James then, and I could feel my face light up. "Bye, James," I said. "I'll see you at school then?"

"I think you will." He leaned forward, and, even though our parents were watching, he kissed me very softly on my lips. "Bye."

My mother looked about ready to explode with horror and enthusiasm, but she held it in for once as she ushered me out the door with many thanks to the Potters. She obviously didn't want me to get near James again, but I still waved to him timidly. He waved back to me, and my heart could have exploded like my mother was about to when I was out of the door. Maybe fate wasn't too bad after all.

"Lily! I think that that boy is in love with you!" Mum shrieked once we were getting to the car.

"I think he is too," I said. "I think I feel the same way."

"This is fantastic, Lily bear!" Mum drew me into a crushing hug. "I'm so excited for you!"

"Thanks Mum," I choked. "Do you mind sparing my rib cage?"

"Sorry sweetie." Mum let go of me, still beaming. "Oh my goodness! What are we going to do with you, Lily?"

"You can…leave me alone and let me love James in peace," I suggested hopefully. "Like, don't make a big deal and embarrass me?"

Mum laughed, her mood too joyous to be brought down. "Of course I won't! We'll talk about this later; let's fetch Petunia, shall we?"

"Must we?"

Mum laughed again. "Yes, we do, unfortunately. Get ready for the explosion."

"I'll grab my helmet," I said. "Would you like a blue one or a green one?"

"Blue, if you don't mind," Mum said as we pulled into the driveway of Petunia's friend. She honked the horn a few times and a very disgruntled Petunia arrived, looking exasperated.

"Mother, why couldn't you just leave me there for the night?" she grouched.

"Because we want to keep you," Mum said. "I apologize."

"You'd better. You are so unfair! You take the fun out of life!"

"I do not, Petunia!"

And so began the life-long argument; my mother and my sister were so prone to these, but tonight, it was all right. I had time now to reflect on what had happened, which made me want to scream with gratification. I was in love! I had been kissed in the way I had wanted to be kissed since I had read my first romance novel! I was floating on my own personal dream cloud by this point.

Have I mentioned how much I love fate?

Lol my favorite joke; the fate one. I'm sorry, I won't use it again. Anyway, leave me a review! I'd be insulted if you didn't. :D