Title: Movie Night

Characters: Bobby (Ice-man), Toad (Mortimer... –snicker.-), Rogue (Um… Rogue), Jean (Marvel Girl), Scott (Captain Dumb-ass/Cyclops) and Steve Rogers (Captain America), Pietro (Quicksilver) Wanda (Scarlet Witch) and Peter Parker (Spiderman).

Summery: After Bishop took off to make new X men Scott felt like a douche, so Jean set up a play-date with the Ultimates. And Spiderman's there too. Cause.

Spoilers for: Ultimate X men (Up to issue 83) Ultimate Spiderman (Up to issue 110) The Ultimates Volume 2 (Up to issue 13)

Reasoning for this: I don't know. Two guys liked it, so I said, cool and did another one.

Fade in:

We cut inside the X-mansion big ass living room. Right on the big ass couch that's in front of the big ass TV. Yep. And all you have to do to have all of this is live with a manipulative old telepath who has a thing for teenagers. And wear tight revealing clothes. Except not anymore. Cause He died.

So sad.

Title: The Fucking Big Ass Mansion for Gifted Freak Shows.

So anyways. Scott and Jean are curled up disgustingly on the couch. On Scott's side (left) sits Captain America looking at the screen somewhat disapproving. On Jean's side, sits Quicksilver. Totally feeling up Jean's boob several times, too fast for anyone to notice.

On the floor sits Rogue and Bobby, together, but not touching. Aw. In contrast, 16 year old Peter Parker sits with a stripper on his lap. Oh. That's Wanda. Difference? I think not.

Peter: (Inner thought bubble) OH MY GOD! There's a Woman. A real live woman. Sitting on your lap. Oh my God. Oh my God. I have a girlfriend. And I just got back together with her. She'll leave me again if she sees I left her for a mutant. Twice. Oh God. Wanda's moving. Oh God. Please don't let her feel that. Shit. I'm in so much trouble. Try to think of something else. Your Aunt's still in the hospital, Peter. Yeah. That's sad. Oh God… she's wearing leather on my crotch.

He sees Jean. He freaks.

Peter: (Inner thought bubble) Oh no. Please tell me she didn't hear.

Jean: (Inner thought bubble) I so did. Be grateful, Parker. At least you're not dating a piece of Wood.

Scott: (Inner thought bubble) I'm so cool. I can be in a dark room with glasses. You're a sexy man, Scott. You got the hottest chick in the room. Oh yeah. I'm sure everyone wants to tap some of that Jean ass. And I do. In the good Christian way, each Saturday night.

Jean: I need a new dildoe.

Silence.

Jean: Did I say that out loud?

Wanda decided to use her powers to create a probable change of the awkward scene. Toad came in.

Wanda: Shoot. I hate when I get the math wrong.

Toad: Wanda, hey. What you doing with the Spider runt? Don't you wanna come sit on Toad's old lap?

Pietro: If I wasn't so busy pawing at Jean right now, I would hit you, Toad.

Jean: Hmmm. Pietro. Meet me in the bedroom in 15.

Scott: You said that out loud too.

Jean: I know.

Peter: I still fail to understand why I'm here! (Off Wanda's look.) Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Captain America: Such raw display of lust and profanity is such a sin.

Pause. Bobby ice-blocks Captain America again.

Bobby: You're welcome. Now if we're all done here, I want to play my video games.

Rogue: You are such a teenage stereotype.

Bobby: Am not! Now, excuse me while I go blog this on my myspace.

Bobby heads upstairs. Wanda is grinding against Peter. Pietro and Jean left elsewhere. Toad sat next to poor neglected and generally stupid Scott.

Scott: You're my friend, Toad. Am I that lame?

Toad: Yes.

Peter: I got a girlfriend…

Wanda: Peter, live a little.

BOOM!

A huge massive explosion has taken out the X-mansion. Everyone gathers at the foyer and looks out in the wall left by the impact.

It's Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D agents galore.

Nick: Alright. Who the hell is the idiot who declared movie night and not invite me? I'm only the coolest person in the world. Especially now that I'm black, bitch.

Everyone wisely points to Scott.

Nick: Soldiers. Fire.

A bunch of guns shoot off, some even from members of the X men near the house. Everyone took a million shots all ripping to shreds the stupid moronic waste of space that is Scott Summers. Because God I… they hate him so.

Cut to: Next morning.

We're behind the X mansion. A funeral, very X3, is being held for Scott. His body, what little is left of it, descend in the whole. Everyone is there and shit but no one looks particularly sad.

Jean: I just keep wondering…

Toad: What it would've happened if we tried to save him instead of beating his remains with baseball bats?

Jean: What? No. I meant I wonder what Pietro had planned to do with his tongue right before the shooting started.

Pietro: We can still do that? Bathroom in 10.

Jean: Sweet.

Peter: I didn't even know the dude's name.

Wanda: You know, I was the last person to kiss him.

Peter: No you weren't.

Wanda: I know, I'm trying to sound sympathetic so you'll wanna sleep with me, any problems with that?

Peter: None.

Both the Maximoff siblings leave with their respective bootycalls.

Cut to the night time.

We know it's nighttime cause of the helpful title.

Title: Night time.

See? We focus on Scott's grave. A hand pops out. Lamely.

The end?

Well… maybe not.