A/N: I learned from a source that Luann was spelled Luanne in HM, so I'm gonna spell it like that…
Chapter 11: Nothing On Us
My boyfriend was kissing my cousin.
I thought he could tell the difference between us.
Maybe he can. Maybe he just likes her more.
I couldn't take my eyes off my nightmare. It was if I was force to watch.
Jackson put his hand on my shoulder, as if for support as we silently watched Jake and Luanne.
Jake's hands were on her waist. It looked like he was trying to push her away. Luanne's hands were holding his head forcefully, keeping his lips pressed on hers. Jake's eyes were squinted, like he wasn't enjoying this.
He better not be.
Jake pushed her away and wiped his lips with the back of his hand.
"What the hell Luanne?!" he exclaimed.
She just stood there smirking. If she weren't family, she'd be so dead right now. I cleared my throat and Jake turned around.
"Miley! It isn't my fault. I didn't know it was her until she kissed me," Jake said quickly.
"Jake, I know it isn't your fault," I said while walking over to him. "It's hers." I glared in Luanne's direction.
"It's not my fault your boyfriend came with me outside," Luanne said.
Okay, that's it.
"Oh, screw family!" I yelled, raising my fist. I was about to punch her, but Jake and Jackson each grabbed one of my arms and pulled me back.
"Calm down Miles, I'll just tell dad so she can leave early," Jackson says.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Luanne says, continuing to smirk.
"Oh and why not?" Jackson asks her.
"Because," Luanne says before turning the other way. "Jeff!"
Some guy walks on to the deck with a camera around his neck. Luanne holds out her hand and the guy who is supposable is named Jeff puts two pictures in her hand. How she does these things? I have no idea.
Jeff left the deck and Luanne held out the pictures. I cautiously grabbed them and look at them.
The first picture was Luanne and Jake kissing. He still had his wig on, so technically he was Jared. The second picture was Luanne kissing Jake without his wig on. It took a second to register. Luanne took the pictures back.
"If you tell your dad, I'll tell the press that Jake Ryan is cheating on Hannah with Miley."
"Why I outta," Jackson threatens, trying to grabbed the pictures.
Me, not wanting Luanne to tell the press, pulled him back. Jake was apparently thinking the same thing, because he also pulled Jackson back.
"Ah, ah, ah," Luanne said to Jackson. "If you don't want me to tell the press now, you won't tell Uncle Robbie."
Jackson grumbled, but stayed still.
"Good boy," Luanne said, patting him on the top of his head, and walking inside.
"Great, what are we gonna do now?" I ask after a moment.
"What about we just not do anything till Wednesday when she leaves?" Jackson suggests.
"But then she'll still have proof that Jared is really me," Jake says.
"And if she decides to show the press, Jake will be known as a cheater, and me, Miley, will be known as a slut. Then I'll have to reveal my secret," I said.
"Ugh, living a double life is complicated," Jake says, picking up his wig from the ground and putting it on.
"Ya think?!" I ask sarcastically.
"I have an idea," Jackson says.
"What?" Jake asked him. I looked at Jackson, gesturing him to continue.
"We should get the pictures while she's sleeping tonight."
"But I have to get home soon. She won't be asleep before then," Jake says.
"Aw, what will we do without our Zombie Slayer," I tease.
"Fine, we'll do the plan tomorrow, but you have to make sure you can sleepover then," Jackson says.
"Alright," Jake agrees. "Well I should get going."
"Need a ride?" Jackson asks.
"No, I was going to walk home… in the dark… where strangers can murder me-,"
"Oh, come on," I said, taking him by the arm and walking him towards Jackson's car with Jackson following behind us. "You're so over-dramatic."
The next day, Jake and I had to do a few simple things for Luanne, nothing too big that my dad would notice. I'm guessing that's how Luanne planned it to be. Jackson has been having problems with Saint Sarah.
Apparently, from what Jackson told me, Rico likes her, so he was telling her, but she got the wrong idea. Sarah thought it was Jackson that liked her.
"Okay, that's it!" Jackson exclaimed as he walked into my room that afternoon. I had been sitting in bed, reading a magazine.
"What's it?" I ask.
"Sarah! I tried convincing her not to like me, but that only made her like me more. I told her it was Rico that liked her, but Rico got a new girlfriend. Now, she's going to 'wait' for me," he says, using air quotes around wait.
"Hey, at least you didn't have to deal with Luanne today," I said.
Around eight, Jake came over. We went to Jackson's room, and as I promised Jackson, the three of us were going to watch a movie.
"Jacob, do you mind if we watch Norbit?" I ask, sitting next to Jackson's TV with the DVD in my hand.
"Not at all, we didn't get to see the whole thing anyways."
"Kay." I popped the DVD in and we waited for Jackson before we started it.
"Ready," Jackson said, coming into the room with a bowl of popcorn and the sodas.
After the movie, it was 10 o clock, so we played board games until midnight, when we figured Luanne would be asleep by now.
"I'll go and check. I'll be right back," I told the boys. They agreed, and I tiptoed down the hall to the guest room; where she was staying.
The lights were off in the room. I could easily tell. The door was opened only wide enough for my to stick my finger in there. I gently pushed the door open wide enough so I could walk in.
Once inside, I saw the she was sleeping in a weird, uncomfortable looking position. Her body was sideways, so her feet were hanging from one side of the bed, and her head and arms were hanging from the other side.
Yet the girl still manages to hold the pillow.
She was snoring like a pig, loudly, I might add. Gosh, and people wonder why I named our pig Luanne.
I walked back into Jackson's room, giving them a thumbs up. Jackson and Jake followed me back to Luanne's room. Once our eyes got more adjusted to the darkness, I was able to see that the pictures were on the night table by Luanne's bed.
"Guys, over there," I whisper over the snoring, pointing at the night table.
I started walking over to the table. Jake and Jackson had followed until we got near the bed. I continued, carefully avoided bumping into Luanne's head. I got the pictures and started back to the guys, but Luanne's hand grasped a hold of my pajama's pant leg. I looked down and noticed that she had done that in her sleep. I tried tugging, but she wouldn't let go. I couldn't do much without waking her.
"Sweet niblets," I mutter before turning to the guys. "Take the pictures," I said to Jackson, who was closest. He reached over and grabbed them, then, returned to his spot next to Jake, not knowing what to do now.
I tugged my pant leg again. This time, she reacted.
"Mmmmm," she said. I froze, thinking she woke up.
She let go of my pant leg and turned, so that she was on her back. I took this opportunity, and Jake, Jackson, and I rushed out.
When we got back to Jackson's room, we all let out the breath each of us had been holding.
"What do we do with them?" Jackson asks.
"We should rip them up," I said.
"Yeah," Jake agreed. So, Jackson got the pictures and cut them into little pieces.
"The food disposal works, right?" I ask Jackson. He gave me a strange look at first, but then understood.
The three of us went to the kitchen and disposed of the picture pieces.
We had gotten rid of the blackmail.
Jake, Jackson, and I did a three-way high-five.
Luanne's got nothing on us.
A/N: Review… please?