Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight-series, nor any characters in this story. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer. The same thing with following chapters.

Alright, everybody, so here's the next chapter! It doesn't happen that much in it, but I'm coming to it. Think I'll put up Edward's date with Bella soon...

Please comment! That way I'll be more eager to put up more chapters.

And, also, do you want me to write long chapters but update less often, or vice versa?

Well, enjoy!

/Sinael

Chapter 3 – Talks, thoughts

BPOV

I wasn't really as mad at Jake as I had pretended to be. But I was hurt. He had acted just the way Edward always used to act – like I was a breakable piece of porcelain. Unable to take care of myself. Just thinking about how he always used to carry me everywhere made my slightly angry. I could walk by myself.
Jake had always been different. He always treated me as an equal, while I had noticed that Edward usually didn't. Sure, he said that he was a monster and that I was the best, but actually, he always decided everything for me and not with me, as Jake used to do.

That was why I'd reacted the way I had when he said I apparently wasn't able to take care of myself. I didn't want him to turn into some Edward-look-alike. I wanted to learn Jake a lesson, before his behaviour got out of hands.

I didn't want a lifeguard, I wanted a friend. A boyfriend.

Well, whatever, I thought as I stopped in front of my locker and took out my things. Mathematics. I hated it.

"Would you mind me accompaning you to algebra?"

I turned around just to see Mike leaning against my neighbour's locker.

"Not at all."

He opened his mouth as if about to say something, but then closed it.

"What?" I questioned him.

"I was going to ask you if you'd let me carry your books, but then I remembered..."

I laughed. I'd started to yell at him last time he'd asked me that.

We started to walk silently side by side to the classroom.

"So, what's up?" Mike asked.

I sighed, not knowing what to say. I couldn't be totally honest with him – that way Edward surely would know within a few seconds – I was possitive he listened to our conversation somewhere, plus the fact that I didn't want to encourage Mike. Neither could I lie – I wasn't really a good lier. So, I decided to tell a part-truth.

"I've had a minor fight with Jake..." I drifted away in thoughts.

"You did?" He tried not to smile, but didn't really succeed in not looking pleased.

"Yeah..." I paused, "but nothing that big."

His expression changed slightly discomforted.

Suddenly he stopped, his eyes staring at something. I frowned.

"What is it?" I asked. Sometimes I hated being so short I couldn't see over a crowd.

Mike swallowed. He was just about to say something when I saw what – or rather who – he was staring at.

Edward.

The crowd divided, like the ocean under the rod of Moses's, before Edward. I could hear people starting to whisper, I could see people looking at me, not to forget Edward.

He stared at me. I stared back.

He was neatly dressed in khakis and a white T-shirt. His hair was just as messy as it ought to be for the best effect, his eyes were like butterscotch. He wore his crooked smile and my legs almost crumbled. I could hear my heartbeat fasten, and I knew damn to well that he could hear it too, 'cause his smile widened.

I could feel Mike touch my arm gently, and I fell down into reality. Before Edward was gone, I looked away from his gaze. I was not going to give in. No. I wouldn't allow him to hurt me once more.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"C'mon," he said worriedly, "or we'll miss class."

We were just about to walk into the classroom when Mike took my arm.

"Listen, Bella..." I waited, "Don't go back to him. It's not just because I'm partial – I don't want you to get hurt again, I don't want to see you so and broken-down again. I'd even prefer if you stayed with Jake rather than going back to him. He isn't good."

He looked down at his shoes, and I pitied him. I couldn't have been very easy to say all that. But I did like the fact that he had spoken his mind.

"I won't," I said. "I've promised to date him, but I won't take him back. I aint going back to the state I was in before."

He breathed out, and I could feel his muscles relax.

"That's good." He said before we went into the classroom.

Unfortunately, there was only one seat left for me. That's for being so late, I thought to myself before I sat down next to my ex-boyfriend with a sigh.

He looked sad.

I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty for saying that I wouldn't go back to him so he could hear me. However, I was sure that he wouldn't care anyway, so what would it matter? Plus, I wanted him to suffer. I'd suffered, more than any human could survive. I was still not sure I lived sometimes.

But then there was Jake.

I open my math-book and started to count. 38/a equals b² added with thirteen and divided by a...

A werewolf and a vampire... life was surely strange. I loved Jake... My puppy, I giggled, imaging him with small, furry ears and big paws instead of hands and feet and ears.

A cool thing touched my hand. I looked up, just to see Edward eyeing me three inches from my face. I drew back, partly from the chock but also to prevent myself from kissing him.

He looked down then.

"Listen, Bella. I..."

I turned my face back into the book.

"I'm sorry. If I could just..."

"Just do what, Edward?" I sighed. "You left me. I really don't want to talk to you, okay? You'll get your chance to explain, but don't think that I'll take you back, 'cause I won't. When you left, I was dead. I won't allow myself to die again, nor be in the riskzone. Just tell me who I'm going to meet on Saturday."

"Me..." He sais silently.

"Well, great then," I added sarcastic. "I'll see you then. And, 'til then, please leave me alone.

I ignored him the rest of the lesson, and when the lesson ended, I hurried out, with the rest of the class staring at me.

EPOV

If I could cry, I would have. The whole day. Everyone that saw me started to think about Bella, after I left her.

In their thoughts, she looked terrible. I saw one girl in our stream remembering her waking down the corridor, looking like a living corpse. Another girl thought about when Bella had been found in the forest.

The forest where I'd left her.

I had been so sure that she'd go straight home that I hadn't even looked after her. And, because I was sure that if I stayed any longer than just a few minutes, I would change my mind.
And that decision almost killed her.

Their thoughts hit me like bullets. I was unable to protect myself from them. I couldn't hide, and my conscience almost ripped myself to pieces.

The only comfort was that she'd healed a bit after she meet Jake.

But that thought was almost worse than the other. Thinking about what Jake and Bella had done, that they'd been a couple... That they'd touched each other...

I was very close to tear the whole school down when I thought about it.

When I started to talk to her in class, she snarled back at me. And that served me right. But that didn't prevent my heart from falling into pieces, my mind to stop functioning.

I hated myself.

Bella had always claimed that I wasn't a monster. But I'd never felt like one more than this day.

The day I understood really how much sorrow and suffering I'd caused Bella.

I escaped to my car. I needed to think, but didn't want to. I put on a cd, but didn't care which. The music filled my ears, but not my mind. It couldn't keep me from thinking, remembering.

I had had everything. Now I had nothing. 'Cause Bella was my everything. And if I didn't have that everything, I had nothing.

"An easy equation," I spoke aloud to myself, "Everything minus everything equals zero."

I turned around as I heard someone tap his or her fingers on my window.

Alice.

"Go away, Alice." I said, feeling that I had lost all my energy. I didn't even think I would be able to move, if I tried.

"Listen, Edward, you can't give up! She loves you!"

"She did, you mean. You heard her yourself. She won't ever go back to me. She hates me."

"Oh, don't be ridicolous. Yes, she hates you right now, but you can change that. Prove yourself worthy her, and she'll come around eventually. Just be patience."

"But am I worth her? She is right. I left her, when she needed me the most. And she has that mutt now. He helped her when I wouldn't."

Alice opened one of the doors in the backseat, obviously tired of speaking through a window.

"You've got to decide whether you will try to win Bella back or not. You can't just zombieing around forever."

"Zombieing around?" I lifted one of my eyebrowns.

"Yeah, you know, like a zombie."

I rolled my eyes.

"Either you start to win her over with all your charm, or you forget about her. Then we'll leave again, and you'll let her live happily ever after with Jake. And you'll never see her again."

Later on, I understood that Alice had thought about that last sentence for a while, that she knew what effect it would have on me.

The thought of never seeing Bella again made my mind clear.

I would get her back.

No matter how much effort I would have to put in, no matter the price. I loved her, and we belonged together. She was not going to spend the rest of her life with a dog. A dog that would get to touch her, to feel her warmth, to..."

I stopped my thoughts from drifting away, knowing that I'd probably tear down the car if I did. But the thoughts had gotten me determined, and my mind was clear.

I would get her back.

JPOV

I wasn't really sure why Bella was so mad at me. Sure, it had been stupid of me to say that thing, but really, was it so bad?

But I loved Bella, and sometimes there are misunderstandings between lovers. I just hoped that we'd get them cleared out.

That's why I called Bella in the afternoon. It was almost five, and I figured that she must be home by now, preparing dinner.

She answered after the first tone.

"Hi, it's Jake."

"Oh, hi Jake. How have you been?"

"Well, I must admit that I've missed you. But otherwise, things have been pretty good. But how about you? Did you survive a day with that leech?"

She sighed in the telephone, and I immediately regretted having brought up him in the conversation. Why the hell did I do that?

"Listen, I'm sorry, Bella," I stated before she got the chance to answer, "for everything. I aint totally sure what exactly it is that made you so upset, but I should never had said that. I'm sorry." I repeated.

She was silent, and for a moment I was worried something had happened.

"Bella?"

"Jake, I really don't know what to say. The thing is, that I'm tired of people treating me like an inferior, like someone who needs protection all the time. I want to be the hero once in a while as well."

"But you are a hero, Bella! My heroine!" I stated, satisfied with how the sentence turned out. Kind of clever, don't you think. But Bella did, for some reason, just get sad.

"I need to go. See you later, okay?"

"Sure," I said, but she had already hung up on me.

I sat at the table in the kitchen, sweating. I'd tried to pursue Billy into having open windows, but it hadn't helped. Like it was my fault I was a werewolf.

I cringed my T-shirt off and headed to the shower. A cold shower.

But when I went past the mirror, I stopped. It was full-lenghted – but too short for me, anyway. I had to bend over to see myself in it.

Was I good-looking? I didn't really know. I'd never really seen myself in a mirror before. Well, maybe when I commed my hair or brushed my teeth, but I hadn't never seen my features, studied them like I was a stranger.

And the person in the mirror was a stranger.

"Jake." I said aloud.

The person in the mirror moved his mouth, but it still didn't feel like the person in the mirror was me.

How did other people see me? Like a handsome, nerdy guy? A fun person? The ugly one who thought he was cool and hot?

I didn't know.

I had to admit that the blood-sucker was handsome, not to say beautiful. But how much better looking than me was he? At least I'm taller, I thought to myself before I started to wonder whether Bella preferred shorter ones as she was so short herself.

Finally, I gave up worrying. Worrying wouldn't change me, nor would it help me get Bella back.