Title- Here Without You
Pairings- Luke and Lorelai (JavaJunkie all the way)
Set in the fourth season, after 'Afterboom' and before 'Luke can see her face'
Summary- Liz has cancer and she and TJ broke up. Who will be her savoir? And how will Lorelai react? It will start out a story then turn into a series of letters and each chapter will be in a different person's point of view. (Luke and Lorelai have been friends for 11 years.)
Disclaimer- If I owned it, there wouldn't even be an April or Christopher.
Chapter 4- Luke (Friday- 9:30 P.M)
I was in the diner- which was strangely a little busy- probably because it was closing soon, I reminded myself, and my thoughts drifted immediately to Lorelai. She was so broken down today, and it scared me a little. She never breaks down unless she has too much going on in her life and when I tell her I'm leaving she ends up losing it, rambling on about Santa Burgers and Chuppahs. It was a side of her not everyone was able to see, most of the time it was only me, and I was leaving her, I knew Liz was sick, but I couldn't bear to think about what this was doing to Lorelai.
The weird thing was, as I was thinking about her, her and Rory all of a sudden came in with excited smiles on their faces as they rushed up to the counter where I was standing. "Luke!" They kept repeating, as if I wasn't giving them my undivided attention.
"Yeah?" I asked and then watched them get a little nervous; I gave them a look to tell them to continue but instead Rory turned to Lorelai.
"We should have planned this out," She told her, who in turn, nodded eagerly back.
"What is it?" I asked annoyed by their antics but secretly loving it at the same time.
"Well, Luke," Lorelai started but Rory interrupted her talking quickly.
"You remember when I had the chicken pox when I was younger?" She didn't even wait for an answer and continued talking, "Well, you know how you ended sleeping over? We were wondering that if you weren't too busy tonight, if you wanted to, um, you know, have a movie night and a sleepover at our house?" She finished her question, getting more and more quieter and shyer as she went on.
As I contemplated whether or not I should go- I still had to pack up my stuff- Rory and her mom started to stick out the lower lip and pout. And if that wasn't enough, Lorelai started to do the hair flip, the one that drove me crazy while Rory shone her big blue eyes at me. It was obvious I was going. "What time?" I asked as I watched their pouts turn into smiles, and not just any ordinary ones, ecstatic ones that showed off their sparkling white teeth.
"Asap, Luke, the night is half-way over and we need to get on this, pronto." Lorelai told me, as if I should have known this, but when you're with a Gilmore, they expect a lot. Especially food. Lorelai took my pencil and pad of paper from me and wrote down a bunch of food I should bring, like burgers, fries, pie, ect.
"Why all this food? It's only one night?" I asked incredulously as I stared at the list she had just handed me.
"Because, Luke," Rory explained slowly, like she was talking to an eight-year old. "You won't be here anymore and we need to savor the taste tonight."
I sighed, because that actually did make sense. "Fine," I reluctantly agreed. "I'll be there in about a half-hour?" I asked, making sure that'd be long enough for them to set up whatever they were going to do.
Lorelai nodded, "Don't forget your pajama's." She reminded me, still smiling, "And would you mind stopping at Doose's for some marshmallows? Thanks, you're a doll, see ya." She spoke so fast that by the time I realized what she had said, she and her mini-me were already out the door.
So I was spending my real last night in Stars Hollow with the Gilmore Girls. I never would have thought I would be doing that, but then again, I never thought I'd be spending more than a year away from this town.
As I entered the Gilmore house, with about seven bags of food in my hands, Rory and Lorelai helped me take them away. "Wow," Lorelai commented as she saw all the bags. "Did we really order this much food?"
I chuckled a little at her awestruck expression. "No, some of this is for tomorrow." I explained, carrying the remaining four bags into the kitchen and setting them on the counter.
"Tomorrow?" Rory asked as she set two of the bags on the kitchen table.
As I started to remove some of the items from the bag and put them in the fridge or cabinet, I explained, "Tomorrow morning you'll be hungry, right?" She nodded. "Then I was thinking I could cook some pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, waffles, you know, the works." Rory watched me in wonder and started to smile as I finished putting the breakfast items away.
"Where's your mom?" I asked her warily, remembering she had one of the bags.
Rory backed up a little and looked into the living room. "Living Room. Grab the food and get in there." She told me and walked away into her bedroom. She then poked her head out and said, "You know, you can use the bathroom upstairs to get changed first, if you want. We're all sleeping in the living room tonight." I nodded and grabbed the sweatpants and t-shirt from my bag and walked upstairs to get changed, passing the living room that looked completely different then always.
The fire place was actually lit- I didn't even know it worked- the couch was pushed back against the back wall and about eight blankets and fifteen pillows covered the floor, along with the contents of the bag Lorelai had brought in- marshmallows, chocolate bars, red vines, and a bag of M&M's. The Tv was in its original spot and there were a bunch of movies sprawled out if front of it, where Lorelai was sitting, dressed in a blue tank-top and grey cotton pants. "What movies you got there?" I asked.
I must have startled her because as soon I spoke, she jumped up and clutched her chest. "Jeez," She exhaled, her breathing heavy. "Don't ever do that!" She said exasperated.
"Sorry," I told her, trying not to smile. "Just wondering what movies we're watching."
She sighed and looked down, "I was thinking Hardbodies, since you never got to finish it, then Dirty Dancing, and then to finish it off, A Walk to Remember, very sad movie. Sound good?" She asked me like she thought I really had a clue what she was saying.
I just shrugged, told her that was fine and that I was going to go get changed.
When I came back down, her and Rory were going through the food I had brought from the diner and sorting it out. "Hey," Rory said, looking up at me.
"Hey," I replied, continuing to descend the stairs and sit on the floor with them. I then looked over at the fire place. "Did that always work?" I asked with a hint of amusement in my voice, pointing over at it.
"Of course!" Lorelai said, trying to act offended. "We just never had a chance to try it out."
"Right," I said slowly. "So what is this night about?" I asked the question that was haunting me since Rory had asked me.
"Well," Rory began slowly, "I guess it was just because we wanted to spend your last night here with you. We're going to miss you, you know." She told me sincerely as I watched a sad smile appear on her face.
"Okay," I told her, sitting down. "So, when will we start the movies?" I asked, trying to break the unbearable silence and focus on the fun aspects of tonight, which according to Lorelai and Rory, are the movies and junk food.
"Right," Lorelai said, focusing back on the movies. "I was just telling Rory the line up for tonight-"
"And I agreed," Rory interrupted, as she settled back on one of the pillows closest to the kitchen hall.
"Yes," Lorelai shot Rory an annoyed look, "She agreed, so I was thinking, we eat our food, a.k.a the diner's food that you brought, during Hardbodies, then the good stuff, the candy you brought us, during Dirty Dancing, and then roast the marshmallows on the fire during A Walk to Remember." Again, she was looking at me as if I had a clue if this was good or not so I just agreed.
"Right." I said, collecting some food by the Tv and bringing it back to where Rory was sitting as Lorelai popped in the first film.
"Now, Luke," she told me as I walked back towards the Tv to get my own food. I looked back at her to see her settling in her spot in the middle, leaning up against the couch. "Bring me my food, please."
I looked at her and smiled. "You get your own food." I told her walking over to my seat next to the fireplace.
She frowned and looked taken aback. "Wh-what? But you got Rory's food for her!" She pouted and I tried to restrain myself from getting up and walking over to where her food was.
I sighed, "Rory was already sitting back here, you simply had to grab it own the way back to the couch." I told her, trying not to look at her and her pouting face and flippy hair.
"Lukey," She started off, and immediately I interrupted her.
"Do not call me that." I told her sternly.
"Will you get my food?" She asked again.
"No," I told her.
"Will you get my food, please?"
"No,"
"Please, will you please, get my food?"
"No," I told her, sounding tired.
"Do you like my hair like this?" She asked in a sweet and flirty voice.
I sighed and got up, walking over to her food and going back over to my spot on the floor. It was obvious that question didn't need an answer.
"Oh, Luke," Rory said, in a voice I could just tell her about to ask me something I didn't want to do.
I looked over at her and just by her face; I could tell that I was right, "What?" I asked, trying not to be annoyed.
"Well," She said, drawing it out. "The remote is still down by the DVD player."
My face turned from annoyance to exhaustion. This was absolutely going to be a long night and I was going to enjoy the whole thing, I just knew it.
The first movie wasn't that bad, even though both of the girls broke all the rules, but I expected it. Lorelai would add her own monologue and sometimes make comments I'd rather not hear.
But as we put in the second movie, it got worse. We had a candy fight, (mainly Lorelai and Rory,) I just watched until I finally gave in and pelted Lorelai in the head with an m&m. She tried to act offended, I could tell, her face turned from surprise to hilarity. With the movie forgotten, we ended up having fun instead. We actually seemed like one of those families on a Tv show or a movie.
Now I had never seen 'A Walk to Remember' and as I was putting it in, Rory had explained that it was a sad story. What I didn't expect was when both girls burst into tears and full-on sobbing when the girl died. Lorelai on my left, Rory on my right- don't even ask how I got in the middle because truth be told, I had no clue. But the tears were so much. I mean, I had watched Lorelai cry for an hour earlier, but this, though it wasn't as bad, was crazy. They cried until the movie was over and when it finally ended, they were still sniffling. "God," I sighed in annoyance as I moved over to the spot by the fireplace.
"Sorry, 'bout that," Lorelai told me as she settled down into the covers on the floor. She looked tired and I could tell she was about to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
"Yeah, sorry," Rory said in a tired voice. "Could you turn off the Tv, Luke?" She asked me as she climbed under the covers and closed her eyes.
"Sure," I told her softly as I began to search for the remote. Once I found it, the Tv flickered off and the only light in the room was the fire place, glowing softly. I knew I didn't need to put it out, it was already dimly lit, so I left it as it was.
"'Night Luke," Rory mumbled groggily, already starting to fall asleep.
"Night Rory," I said as I settled under the covers. As soon I put my head on the pillow, Lorelai threw her arm over my chest and buried her face in my shoulder. I was obviously surprised, but she was either asleep or just didn't bother to pay attention to my reaction.
"Night Luke," I heard her murmur into my shoulder as she tugged on me closer to her body.
I relaxed as soon as I heard the words come out of her mouth and rested an arm over her waist. I shifted down a little so my head was near hers and whispered into her ear, "Night Lorelai,"
I have to admit, that night was fun, now I wouldn't use that word per say, but, hey. From what I know, the Gilmore Girls Movie Night was just the two of them, and, I don't know, I guess I feel a little honored to be included. I'm glad they invited me. And now with Lorelai in my arms, her chest pressed against my side, I really didn't want to leave. I never got my chance to be with her, really be with her. It sucks, but I wasn't going to let the sadness overcome me, I was going to enjoy the one night I had with her, so I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Eventually.
The next morning, I woke to the rays of the sun streaming in and as I tried to sit up and look around the room to recall where I was, I was pulled back down by the weight of something, or more like someone. I looked down and there was Lorelai, completely out of it with an arm thrown over my chest, her face nestled into the crook of my neck and one leg sprawled over my body. I checked the clock that was on the VCR and it read, '7:30'. It wasn't much of a surprise to see her still asleep.
I strained my neck to look over and see if Rory was still asleep, but she wasn't there. It was weird because I never thought that she would get up by 7:30. I then heard some shuffling around and saw her coming out of her room. "Hey," She said to me as she noticed I was up.
"Hey," I sad awkwardly, I mean, her mother was practically on top of me, it had to be awkward. "I didn't think you'd be up," I said to fill the silence.
I noticed she was trying not to laugh as she watched me squirm underneath Lorelai, trying to untangle my self and get up, but she wouldn't let me go. "Yeah, I have an early class at 11 this morning so," She let the sentence trail off.
"Hey," I said to get her attention, "Why don't I get her off me and then I'll cook you some breakfast before you leave while you wake her up to eat, and don't let her complain, make her get up."
To this, Rory nodded eagerly, "My last time eating Luke's breakfast," I heard her mumble as we both tried to shift Lorelai onto the floor next to me.
It was a tough job considering the fact that she wouldn't let go of me. "No, Luke, come back to bed," she kept mumbling over and over until finally she was off me and Rory was trying to shake her awake. I watched with a smile slowly appearing on my face as she kept repeating those words.
"Mom," Rory said, getting a little aggravated when Lorelai wouldn't get up. Rory looked back at me with pleading eyes, "Please get her up," Her tone was so desperate that I helped her automatically.
"Go start some coffee for her," I told Rory as I knelt down next to Lorelai.
"But your coffee's better," She whined. I looked back at her, more like glared.
"Fine," She said reluctantly, "I'll go get dressed instead." I noticed her pout and I could tell she was just kidding around to aggravate me, just like her mother.
"Lorelai," I said whispering softly into her ear. My lips were only millimeters away from her ear. I looked back at her face to see if there was any reaction appearing on her face and the only thing I could see was a soft smile, not one that you could tell she was just doing this as a joke, one that she wore when she was asleep or daydreaming. "Lorelai," I said a little louder, this time nudging her arm.
"Too early," She mumbled as she flopped over onto her stomach and buried her face in her pillow to shield her eyes from the light that was shining in. "Come back to bed, hon," She mumbled into the pillow and mindlessly patted the spot on the floor next to her, "I'm cold,"
I sighed; this was obviously going to be a difficult task. "Come, here," I whispered as I tried to sit her up so that she'd wake up and adjust to the light.
"No," I heard her groan as I pulled her up. Her face got scrunched up in an annoyed look as she vigorously tried to swat my arms away. Once I finally pulled her up into a sitting position on the couch itself, she opened her eyes and looked around, confused. "Where am I?" She asked me groggily, her eyes still squinted due to the sun coming in through the window.
"In your living room," I told her slowly, trying not to let my amusement show.
"Why are you here, then?" She asked me puzzled, her forehead wrinkling up in thought.
Again, I spoke slowly, "I slept over, Rory's in the other room getting dressed, she has an early class. We wanted to wake you up for breakfast." I informed her.
She slowly took this in. It was like she was a freakin' seven year old. God, she can be really slow in the morning. "Are you leaving tomorrow?" She asked bluntly, her eyebrows knitting together in a questionable manner.
I realized she must have thought all this to be a dream. I nodded solemnly. I watched her face fall and her take a deep breath and mutter, "Right," under her breath.
To get her mind off this I grabbed her hand and stood up, pulling her up with me. She looked at me, surprise evident in her eyes. "Let's go have some breakfast." I told her, dropping her hand. I thought she didn't have to know what position she was in when she woke up because with that and all the crazy things she was mumbling; she would have been embarrassed completely.
Breakfast went by quickly. The subject of me leaving was avoided completely, most likely to keep a happy mood amongst the three of us. We talked about Rory's finals and Lorelai's inn, most of the topics that I'd heard about a hundred times yet I still loved to listen to them talk about because they both get this happy smile on their faces, one that shows pride and complete content. Before long, though, Rory had to leave, that meant I had to say goodbye, something I was dreading to do.
"Bye, mom." I heard her say before turning to me. "Um, Luke," Her voice had gone to cheerfulness to sadness and nervousness, "Can we talk? On the porch?" She asked me, motioning towards the door.
I nodded silently and let her lead the way. I really wish I didn't have to leave her. She was like the daughter I never had. I wish that I didn't have to say goodbye, because that would mean I didn't have to leave.
Once we got outside we stood in the silence, as if daring the other to speak. "So, this is it," She finally said awkwardly, rocking back and forth on her heels and grasping and wringing her hands together.
"This is it," I whispered. I saw a tear slip down her cheek and I reached out and wiped it away.
"I'm going to miss you, Luke," She whispered, so softly I barely heard her against the slight breeze. She threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck as a round of tears swept through her system. "It's not fair, it's just not fair." I rubbed her back soothingly, the same way I had done to her mother just the day before and whispered reassuring words into her hair, though there weren't many to be said.
She took a step back and looked up at me a couple minutes later. "I just," She started out, but paused, trying to even out her breathing, "I want you to know that I always though of you as my father. You were always there, taking care of me and mom. It won't be the same. I know I never really said thank-you before because I, well, I guess I just expected it to happen but," She hiccupped, and the tears started to flow silently down her cheeks. "Thank-you, Luke, for everything you've ever done for me and my mom." She said it so gratefully it was amazing that a nineteen year old could sound that appreciative and mature. But then again, this was Rory who was talking.
"You don't have to thank me," I told her softly as I felt tears forming in my own eyes. "I've always thought of you as my daughter and I would do anything for you and your mom. You two have been the main reasons I got up in the morning for the longest time."
She dragged me over to the steps and sat down, pulling me next to her and rested her head on my shoulder, hugging my forearm with both of hers. "You know," She said softly, "When I was younger I always thought that if Mom should date someone, it should be you. You were the constant man in our lives that we needed, it was nice. Like once, I think I was eleven, on my birthday I wished that you and Mom would get married and we'd all stay in Stars Hollow and be a family. It's not that I regret not having that, I love me and my mom's relationship, it's just, sometimes part of me wants that. That family type of relationship, just not with my real dad, with you."
I was shocked; Rory wanted me to date her mom? Let alone date, but get married? God, if she would have told me that ten years ago, I would have done it in a heart beat. I just didn't know how it would affect her and her mom. And it mattered if Lorelai really wanted it, too, though. "I'm sorry," I told her quietly.
Her head snapped up and her expression was puzzled. "For what?"
"For not being able to give you the family you've always wanted, for leaving." I added as an afterthought. I couldn't bear to think that the tears cascading down her face were my fault, that I was the reason they were there. "I wish I could have given you that." My voice was barely audible and I wondered if she had even heard me.
She must've because she began to talk quickly in a reassuring tone. "No, Luke, don't be." She told me. "As much as I wanted that, I still had you in my life for good. There were no chances of you and my mom splitting up and me not being able to see you. I appreciate all you've done for me Luke. Just, don't be sorry."
I nodded and looked down at her. "You know, with me gone, your mom will probably get a little more lonely. I mean ever since you went off to Yale, she's been coming in more, so be expecting more calls." I told her with slight amusement in my voice, trying to stop her tears and make her smile.
"Really?" She asked in a tone that held uncertainty. "I guess you'll just have to give her your number, you know, to even out the phone bills." She added with a small laugh.
I was glad the topics were getting lighter; I chuckled a bit with her, enjoying her smile that I wouldn't see for such a long time. "Yeah," A silence filled the air, but this one wasn't uncomfortable, it was just one that held memories and loving, father-daughter feelings towards each other.
She looked at her watch, "I have to, um, get going." She said slowly. I got up and grabbed her hand, gently pulling her up into a hug. "Bye, Luke," She whispered almost inaudibly into my ear. The tears were streaming down her face again, hot and wet when they hit my skin as she buried her face into the crook of my neck. "Make sure you give mom your number and address, just incase." She told me as she pulled back, sadly walking over to her car and waving slightly.
"Bye, Rory." I whispered softly. I had known this amazing girl for about eleven years, I watched her grow up, graduate, move into a dorm, I thought about her future sometimes, like where should would be in ten years or so. And as she got into her car to leave, I realized that this was one of the things I never thought would happen: Me leaving the Gilmore's.
Authors Note- Okay, I need at least, 18 reviews of the story total before I update next. So tell people to read this, please.
Authors Note 2- I don't know if I have Luke down completely. I need advice and comments.
Review Please. It's only a click away.