Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star. I do own some of the poetry and the songs used

Chapter 2: Searching

Tommy got home, and I was sitting on the couch when he came through the door. I was barely there, my eyes were half-open and I was dead on my feet. I was stressed and worried about Jessica and I knew that it wasn't good for they baby.

"Jude, go upstairs and get some rest." Tommy said to me.

"Tommy, it's been three days I want to look some more. I can't sit at home and do nothing."

"Girl, yes you can. You're pregnant. You don't need to stress yourself out." He said leaning down to kiss my stomach.

"Tommy-" I started to say but he cut me off.

"You're going upstairs to get some sleep end of story." He said. He scooped me up off of the couch and he carried me upstairs. He opened the door to our room, and he sat me down on the bed. "Now, sleep my love you need the rest." He said. He kissed me on the forehead, and he walked out of the room.

After he left me alone in the room, I just laid there and stared at the ceiling. I was bored out of my mind, and I knew better than to leave the room. I just laid there on the bed and rolled over on my side, and I looked out the big bay window that was on his side of the bed. I lied there and I let my mid drift to Jessica. I couldn't help but think where she was, and who had her. I wanted to find her, and I want to know that she's okay, for my sake and for Tommy's. After a few minutes my mind finally caught up with my eyes, and I drifted off into unconsciousness.

I knew I was dreaming, I had to be, I was in the old country house and Alicia was there. I was twelve, and Sadie was fifteen, and she was eleven. Alicia was singing at the top of her lungs to her favorite songs and I was singing with her. Sadie just laughed at us and went back to cooking. My parents were on their way back to the house. I was dancing with Alicia in the living room, when my father walked in.

"Dad, where is mom?" Alicia asked, running up to him and hugged him.

"She is at home, she's not feeling good."

"Come dance with me and Jude." She said and he came into the living room with us.

"So dad, what's wrong with mom?" I asked him. He was twirling me around in the room.

"A last minute stomach virus." He said. I knew he was lying.

"Oh." I said, and I continued dancing. We were having fun, and Sadie came into the room with us.

"All right, stop with the music, dinner is ready." Sadie said, and we all walked into the kitchen and sat down. I didn't know what was up and I wanted to find out.

When we were done with dinner my dad and Alicia were in the kitchen cleaning the dishes, and me and Sadie were outside watching the heat lightening. We had been outside for a while when I noticed something going on inside. I left Sadie for a second and I was going up to the door, and I heard screaming.

"No please, stop it." Alicia cried. I saw it and I couldn't believe it. My father was hitting Alicia. I knew that he resented her because she wasn't my dads. My mother had an affair and she was the result but, I didn't know it was that bad. I had a good idea that my mother wasn't sick.

I ran in the room, and I tried to pull my dad off of her. "DAD STOP IT1" I yelled. He pushed me off, and I fell onto the table.

"Jude, don't do this, leave." My father said.

"Dad, come on. She is just a little kid. Dad she's not conscious." I said. I finally pulled him off of her, and I ran over to an unconscious Alicia. She wasn't breathing and I couldn't feel a pulse. I started to cry, and I held my baby sister in my arms.

"What's going-" Sadie began to ask when she came in and saw what happened. "What happened to her?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

"She's, she's dead." I managed to say through the sobs.

"I'm calling the police now." Sadie said and she ran out of the room.

I bolted up out of the bed. I was breathing really hard, and fast. That was the first night that I had dreamed if Alicia since her funeral. I never talked about her, in fact I had almost forgotten about her which made me sick to my stomach. It made me remember a song that I wrote about her after she died.

I looked beside me at the clock and the illuminated lights on it said eight o'clock. I must have slept for the last six hours. I listened really closely and I heard the t.v. going downstairs. I walked into the mini studio we had at the house and I looked for an old c.d. It was the one of Alicia's song. I put it in, and I set up the soundboard. I set the recorder to a two minute delay and I went into the booth and I put on the headphones and I began to sing.

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
she stands hard as a stone
in a world that she can't rise above
but her dreams give her wings
and she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

I had my eyes closed the entire time, and when I looked up Tommy was standing there at the soundboard watching me. I guess he must have saw me in here when he came upstairs. I walked out of the booth and into the sound room.

"That was great." He said to me as I shut the door. "What inspired it?"

"A very long and complicated story."

"We have time." He said. I sat down and he did the same right in front of me.

"All right, it was about my little sister Alicia."

"I didn't know you had a little sister Alicia."

"Exactly, she was ten when she died. My father did it. My mother had an affair and she wasn't careful. She thought that when she ended it she was done and forgotten but Alicia came along and my father hated her. Alicia called him 'daddy' and everything. He never told her any different. But one night, at the country house he got a little angry for no reason and he beat her." I said with tears streaming down my face. "I tried to stop him but, I couldn't I was twelve at the time. He went to jail for three counts of aggravated assault and was out in one year because of good behavior." I said, and the tears kept on coming.

"Jude, I never knew about her."

"No one did. After that night and after the funeral she was never brought up again."

"I'm sorry. I guess I know now why you and your dad don't get along."

"Yeah" I said. Tommy leaned in and wiped the tears from my eyes. "I need to go and take care of something but, I'll be back in a few minutes." I said, and I went downstairs, and grabbed my car keys and put on my shoes and I left.

I got in the car knowing what I had to take care of but, I just didn't want to do it. Things were already complicated enough and I didn't want to add to them. But, I didn't want Tommy to search by himself, and I didn't want upset him with what I think happened. I got to my destination and I walked up the front steps and I knocked on the door knowing that this meeting wasn't going to turn out well.