Title- Here Without You
Pairings- Luke and Lorelai (JavaJunkie all the way)
Set in the fourth season, after 'Afterboom' and before 'Luke can see her face'
Summary- Liz has cancer and she and TJ broke up. Who will be her savoir? And how will Lorelai react? It will start out a story then turn into a series of letters and each chapter will be in a different person's point of view. (Luke and Lorelai have been friends for 11 years.)
Disclaimer- If I owned it, there wouldn't even be an April or Christopher.
Chapter 5- Lorelai (Saturday 10 A.M)
A couple minutes after I heard Rory's car leave the driveway, Luke still hadn't come in. I knew he hadn't left, his stuff was still here and I was starting to get worried. I quietly walked to the front door and silently opened the door not to disturb him. There he was, sitting on the steps staring off into space with a blank expression.
I walked over to him and sat down with out saying a word. We continued to stare out at the yard in silence until he broke it. "Hey," His voice was thick and full of emotion I could tell he was having a hard time saying goodbye to Rory.
"How you holding up?" I asked sympathetically, leaning my head to rest on his shoulder, trying to show support.
"I am really going to miss her. It just sucked having to say goodbye. I mean, when I finally come back in a year or two, she'll probably be different, not the girl I watched grow up and I don't want to miss it." God, I didn't expect that, he was a guy that usually held his feelings in and now he was pouring his heart out to me and I felt my heart break. He had helped me get through so much before; I had to be there for him.
"You won't miss much, you two will keep in touch and if not, I'll tell you all about her when we talk, it will be like you weren't even gone by the time you get back, you'll see." I tried to be reassuring, because it was true, we'd keep in touch and he wouldn't miss out on much. "Why don't we go inside and watch Tv? It'll help get your mind off things."
"Nah, I've got to pack. Leaving early tomorrow morning so I don't have much time left here, sorry." I watched as he got up and ran a hand through his capless head. "I'm just going to grab my stuff and go; do you need any help cleaning up?"
I shook my head and began to get up as Luke held his hand out to me. I gladly accepted it and he pulled me up to my feet.
"Why don't I help you pack?" I asked once we were inside and he was gathering his things. He looked up at me surprised, probably not expecting it but I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him before he left.
"Really?" He asked me, throwing his bag over his shoulder. "You want to help me pack?"
"Well, yeah, I wouldn't mind." I really wanted to help Luke, and maybe take a look at all his thing he might have saved from his childhood. It could be fun.
"Okay," He said slowly, a small grin appearing on his face. "You wanna change?" He asked, gesturing to my pajamas.
"Right, I'll do that, you stay here and wait for me, okay?" I asked him, starting to walk up the stairs. He nodded and I rushed up the stairs, eager to spend my day with Luke, though it would be my last. For only a while, though, I reminded myself.
We had been packing things in boxes- there had to be about thirty- for about an hour with a comfortable silence amongst us with the occasional talk about old items that either he or I would find. While I was going through his closet, I noticed a bunch of pictures from not that long ago. Some were of him and a younger and Rory, some of all three of us. I grabbed the stack and realized that there were only about nine or ten. "Luke?" I called out, he said hat he was going to pack up his clothes.
"What?" He asked absentmindedly, I heard him continue to sort through his clothes as I called out his name again. "What?" He asked, now more focused and I heard his footsteps getting closer and soon enough he was leaning in next to me, peering at the pictures.
"Where are these from?" I asked ask I flipped through them.
"Oh," He said quietly as he kneeled down beside me and taking half of the stack that I handed him. "Wow, I forgot all about these," He continued to focus intently at each picture, as if he needed to memorize every detail.
A small smile grew on my face as I saw one of me and Luke a one of he firelight festivals that must have been taken eight or nine years ago. "Where'd you get these?"
"They're old, I don't really remember. I know a couple of them were taken by Kirk from when he tried to start his own photography business, but I don know about the rest."
"I think my favorite is this one," I said as I handed him the one of me and him sitting in the gazebo with Rory sitting on the floor. Luke's arm was around my waist in a way that if a stranger saw it they'd probably think we were an actual family. "Can I keep a couple?" I asked, looking back at the picture, it was almost as if I were back there, in that memory, but now, it was just in the past, nothing more than a memory.
"Sure, just make sure you leave me a couple." He told me as he got up to go back to his dresser full of clothes. "And Lorelai," He said in a more serious tone. I looked up at him with eyes filled of curiosity. "You look beautiful in that picture."
I felt my cheeks flush and I instinctively looked down, feeling self-conscious. "Thanks," I whispered because my voice was so small I couldn't raise it at all.
The rest of the afternoon continued like this, occasionally calling each other over to reminisce about old things and memories. There was a lot of laughing and occasionally some tears along with some stolen glances and at one point I swear I saw him checking out my ass. But in a subtle way. By the time we finished packing his stuff, it was already 5. "So, that's it." He said to me as he finished taping up his final box.
"That's it." I agreed, thinking that it wasn't just the final box we were taping up, but also some of our final memories.
"Wanna head downstairs and have some dinner? I have to check on the diner for a bit."
"Of course!" I exclaimed. "When have I ever turned down free food?"
He looked at me in a way that says, 'Like hell,'
I pouted my famous pout that had always got him to do anything for me. "Please?" I asked in a sweet voice.
He sighed and began to usher me out the door. "We'll see,"
Once we were downstairs, I carefully looked around, trying to memorize every detail. It would be a while before I came back here and I began to wonder if when he came back, he'd keep it the same, or even open it back up. "Hey Luke," I called out, my voice suddenly a little nervous, as he walked by with the coffee pot in his hands making the rounds.
"Yeah," He asked, walking back towards the counter where I was seated and refilling my cup.
"When you get back, are you going to open the diner back up?"
"Well, yeah, probably, why?" He asked with a small chuckle, probably wondering how half the things I say end up in my mind.
"No reason, it's just, you are going to come back, right?" My voice was filled with nervousness completely and my heart raced with anticipation for his answer. Before he responded, I began o blurt out even more things, though, uncontrollably. "Like, what you meet some woman there and end up getting married and living there and then one day you'll come back to sell the diner for money to pay for your kid's tuition for school and you'll stumble upon little old me and you won even remember me and I'll be all alone?" I took a deep breath, trying to control myself.
"What?" Luke asked me, surprised. "Listen," He said firmly. "I am coming back no matter what, and most likely I will no be married when I return. I've already been through that, marriage sucks, no point going through I again. And what about you, who's to say you won't get married while I'm gone and then you end up moving?"
I paused for a couple seconds to think hen finally came up with a conclusion. "Listen, I bet you that by the time you get back, I'll still be living here and most likely not married. I'll still be the spinster lady you've learned to love the past years," I ended dramatically, because it's what I do.
"Right," He said slowly, most likely no listening to what I had just said. "You're food will be out in a minute."
We were finally the only ones left in the diner and it was only 8:30. "I think," I said, my breath catching in my throat. "I think I should get going." I could feel the tears begin to form in my eyes and my stomach twitch in a sad feeling.
"Right," Luke mumbled, getting up from his seat next to me.
"What time are you leaving tomorrow morning?" I asked, hoping to be able to catch a final glimpse of him before he left.
"Early. 4:30 in the morning early." He answered. I watched as his face turned into sadness, sort of like the one he was wearing when I saw him outside after Rory had left, but only this one held a bit of regret. Regret for what, I didn't know.
"Wow," I said, barely managing to get the words past the lump forming in my throat. "Can I have the number? And address? Please?" My voice was in a desperate tone that I hated using because it made me feel helpless, like I couldn't do anything but sit back and watch as he left me.
"Yeah, hold on," I watched as he went behind the counter and pulled out a pen and piece of paper, scribbling down a bunch of letters and numbers. "There's my cell, he house I am staying at and the address all written down. Don't hesitate to call." He stated in a firm voice as he handed the paper over to me.
I looked at the paper quizzically. "You have a cell phone?"
"I just got it, for emergencies."
"Right," I said with a sad smile and small chuckle. "And before you do anything, I want you to call me once you get there, okay?" I said, trying to be firm but my voice cracking in the middle of my sentence.
Apparently there were tears streaming silently down my face because Luke came over to me from behind the counter and cupped my face in his hands, wiping the tears off with his thumbs gently as I leaned into his touch. "Shh," He said soothingly. "Don't cry, okay?"
"How do you expect me not to cry when my best friend is leaving and I won't be seeing him for over a year?" I asked, choking on a sob as my knees went weak and I fell into his arms completely, burying my face in his chest as he wrapped his strong, comforting arms around me.
He continued to do this for a while, gently rocking us back and forth and rubbing his hands up and down my back, one occasionally raking though my hair. He would murmur soft words into my neck, sometimes letting his lips graze my ear when he would move his head on top of mine, causing me to shiver involuntarily.
After about ten minutes- or maybe and hour, I would never know- I pulled back slowly, allowing his arms to stay encircled around my body. I looked up at his face and took it how emotional he looked. He didn't exactly look like he was going to cry, but it held so much sadness and grief that it made my stomach twinge. "What's with the face?" I asked softly, vaguely aware of my hands caressing his cheek.
"What? You expect me not to get emotional when I am about to leave my best friend for at least a year?" He shot back with a sad smile. I let out a half-laugh-half-sob, still trying to make the tears flowing silently disappear.
I imprecisely remember what happened next, though it had been the most mind-blowing experience I have ever had. Luke had leaned into me, his lips growing closer and his hot breath meeting mine.
Then, he kissed me. Lips brushing over each other a first, then there was more need, more want, more desire added slowly until our tongues were grazing each others in a sweet and sensual matter. Before long, I was suffering from lack of oxygen and had to pull back slowly and as our lips detached, I felt like I wasn't whole, like while I had Luke, I was completed, as cheesy as it sounds.
"Wow," I breathed out, full of excitement, all thoughts of Luke leaving lost from my mind and the only thing I could focus on was his lips. And the way he held me while we kissed, and how my skin burned with desire as he gently touched me.
"Yeah," He agreed quietly, letting his arms loosen around me, causing coldness throughout my body. I wanted to tell him to put them back, but this time tighter, to bring me upstairs and allow him to have his way with me, to let him hold me as we fell asleep, but I didn't'
What I did do was much more crazier than that. I quickly drew back out his arms completely and did all I could to avoid his gaze as I grabbed my coat and purse off the counter. I could feel his stare burning into me and as I tried not to rush completely to the door. When I reached it, I looked back at his face, now full of confusion, hurt and sadness. But no longer the regret I had seen earlier. "Don't forget to call," I reminded him hastily as I slipped out the door into the cold spring air, vaguely hearing him call my name.
I stopped soon after passing Doose's and leaned my back against the wall, slowly sliding down. Luke and I had just kissed, it was amazing, and for some reason I could not quite comprehend, I ran. I buried my face in my hands, trying to clear the frustration clouding it, and felt wetness. "Great," I mumbled, I was crying again. But as I tried to clear my head I distinctly remembered Luke mumbling something after we kissed, but before I had bolted. I don't know how I had missed it, but it was a simple phrase. Three words, that's it. I love you. And I didn't get to say it back.
Authors Note- Okay, I loved the encouragement in the reviews. Hope for more his chapter. I know it was slow a first, but I didn't know what to write.
Authors Note 2- If you notice any words without a 'T', I'll let you know that my 't' on my keyboard isn't working that well, sorry.