Title- Here Without You
Pairings- Luke and Lorelai (JavaJunkie all the way)
Set in the fourth season, after 'Afterboom' and before 'Luke can see her face'
Summary- Liz has cancer and she and TJ broke up. Who will be her savoir? And how will Lorelai react? It will start out a story then turn into a series of letters and each chapter will be in a different person's point of view. (Luke and Lorelai have been friends for 11 years.)
Disclaimer- If I owned it, there wouldn't even be an April or Christopher.
Chapter 7- Lorelai (Saturday May 15th 10:45 P.M-Test-Run)
I had just gotten back to the inn. I was at the house to grab some band-aids because as I was coming out of the dining room to get away from Digger, who had been chasing me around, begging me to be with him again, Kirk came running down the stairs, naked. I hurried up to get Jackson to go catch him while Sookie and I searched for band-aids. Once we couldn't find any, I volunteered to run home and get some. And a camera, because everything involving Kirk needs a camera.
That's when it happened. Well, probably not exactly when it happened, but when I realized what had happened. Rory slept with Dean. I don't know why, I thought she was over him, she chose Jess. But apparently she wasn't. She even told me she hated me when I tried to talk to her, comfort her, she just wouldn't listen. He was married.
I quickly slipped up the stairs past the minor commotion and into my room, number 7, locking the door behind me for privacy reasons. Then I contemplated on what to do. I assumed Jason was gone and that eventually everything would die down downstairs and I could just tell Sookie that Rory wasn't feeling well, and I offered to stay with her and by the time I got back everyone was asleep. Perfect.
I laid on my bed, my thoughts everywhere. Rory wasn't my baby anymore. She was an adult. An adult that needed to lead how to make the right decisions. She actually said that she hated me. Not ever did I think those words would leave her mouth and be aimed at me. It really hurt to hear her say those things to me.
I needed someone to talk to, badly. Rory was obviously out of the question. Sookie, well I just didn't feel right talking to her, and she had Jackson with her. I never really wished I had someone to share a life with, to depend on, but now, I wished that I had someone who could hold me close and comfort me.
With that thought I grabbed my purse off the floor and dug through it for my cell phone. I had recently set his number on speed dial on both the house phone and my cell phone. Number 4 for his cell phone and 5 for his house. I pressed 4, then send, and waited for him to pick up.
"Lorelai?" He asked, as if he was waiting for my call.
"How did you know it was me?" I asked confused and surprised, he couldn't be a mind reader, could he?
"Who else knows my number?" He asked. I stayed silent, pretending to think this over. "Exactly," He said dryly. "Any reason for the call?"
I felt my breath catch in my throat and I couldn't form any words. My thoughts were blurred and soon so were my eyes. "I-"
"Lorelai, are you okay?" His voice worried and dripping with concern.
"I just-" I could feel the tears wetting my cheeks and I furiously wiped at them. "I don't know what I did wrong." My voice was so small and I hated feeling so broken, especially in front of other people. But it was different with Luke.
"What did you do wrong?" He asked even more worried.
"I screwed up somewhere along the line. Now she hates me. She told me she hates me." I knew I was being vague, but I didn't now what I could say over the phone that someone in the hall might hear. "Now I'm all alone. She'll never talk to me again and I'll have to get cats to live with because she won't come back." I sobbed, knowing that I was stretching the truth but, I really didn't care. I was breaking down on the phone to a guy that moved about 300 miles away.
"You know what?" Luke asked me firmly, and not even giving me enough time to answer. "Give me 4 and a half hours okay?"
I was so confused as I heard him say this. "What?" I asked softly.
He apparently wasn't listening to me as I heard him rustling around in the background. "Where are you? At home? Oh, wait tonight's the test-run, right? So you're there?" He paused and I assumed he wanted an answer this time.
"Yes," I said slowly, still trying to understand where he was taking this conversation.
"Good, and room number?" He asked expectantly as he continued to move around on the other line.
"Wait, why?" I asked as my tears started to subside for a moment and confusion came over me.
"Because," He explained slowly, "You need me and I am not going to let you down. I promised myself I would always be there for you and even if I had to drive over 250 miles, I will, okay? Now, what room number?"
I was completely amazed with this man. I was so stunned I couldn't even speak. He was willing to drive about 4 and a half hours just to make sure I was okay. I knew it was selfish but I longed to have his strong arms wrapped around me again, soothing words coming out of his mouth muffled in my hair. "No Luke you can't-" I started to protest weakly but apparently he wasn't going for it.
"Room Number, now, or else I'll be knocking on every door here and waking everyone up." His voice was stern, yet comforting.
"Seven," I replied meekly, still feeling bad for making him come all the way to Stars Hollow. "Luke you don't have-"
I was cut off, his voice was rushed and I could tell he was looking for something in his room. "Seven, got it. Keep the door unlocked and try to get some sleep. I'll be there soon." And then he hung up.
I felt guilty for calling him, making him feel obligated to come and comfort me. He didn't have to, I wasn't some wife or girlfriend that he needed to sooth. I was just an old friend from a town he had left unwillingly.
For a second I forgot why he was coming. Then I remembered. Rory. Dean. Unmade bed. How the hell was I going to explain it to him? The tears came back on and I quickly got up and unlocked the door, then fell back on the bed, letting tears cascade down my cheeks as I clutched a pillow to my chest, wondering where I had gone wrong with Rory. She knew better. I thought I had taught her that.
I don't know when but around three thirty a.m. I awoke suddenly, feeling that nagging feeling that someone was watching me. I sat up and there was Luke, asleep, in a chair that was pulled close to the bed, probably if I needed him. I had to laugh a little. He looked so uncomfortable and tired, all because of me. Even though I knew it would be awkward in the morning, I slowly got up and walked over to his chair, nudging his slightly. "Luke," I whispered quietly.
He groaned and tried to shift in his seat but was unable to. "Go away," He grumbled. I stifled a chuckle and shoved him this side, adding more force. He shifted in his seat and sat up slowly, looking around the room, trying to identify where he was. He noticed me and his eye widened in acknowledgment. "Are you okay?" He asked bluntly, getting up and brushing my damp, make-up streaked cheeks with his thumbs.
"I don't know," I said, totally unsure if I was okay. I let him lead me over to the bed and sit me down.
"What's going on?" He asked soothingly, getting up and walking over to the dresser.
"What are you doing?" I asked, ignoring his questions and watching him open up the top drawer, pulling out a pair of pajamas. I was confused. "How'd you know where they..." I trailed off; gesturing to the tank top and sweatpants he dropped on my lap.
"Please," He said as if it were obvious. "I've been around you long enough to know how you organize your things."
"Wow," I said amazed as he pulled me up, my pajamas in my hands and steered me into the bathroom.
"I know, it's sad." He said, rolling his eyes. "Get dressed and we'll talk." He shut the door and allowed me to get dressed. The whole time I was wondering what the hell was going on. He was supposed to be gone but then he comes back the second he hears me crying? I was grateful, completely grateful, but I just wondered why he had to leave. I needed him.
I walked back in the room with a fresh batch of tears flowing silently down my cheeks due to my Luke thoughts. And a little Rory, but I didn't want to think about her. My breath was hitching as I tried to breathe in and immediately he noticed. "What is it?" He asked as I sat down on the bed and settled down under the covers.
"Rory," I said with a shaky voice. He sat next to me pulling my sobbing head into his chest, stroking my hair. I knew he was worried about Rory. It was the way he tensed up at her name and had that concerned father-esque look on his face. He was going to wait for me to continue, not push me; it was just something I knew about him.
I knew that Rory wouldn't want me telling him this but I had to. I needed to talk to someone about it, someone that I trusted and that was Luke. "Rory and Dean." I said trying to form sentences and make the sobbing subside. Luke was really tense and I could tell he would probably go and kill Dean with his bare hands once I told him.
He put his arm around my shoulder and brought his lips to my ear, his hot breath sending chills up my spine. But they were the good ones. "Do I have to kill him?"
I smiled ruefully and shook my head. "They, um, they slept together." I said uncomfortably. When I woke up this morning- more like yesterday morning- I never would have thought I would be talking about my daughter's sex life with my best friend.
He pulled back quickly. "They what?" He asked in an incredulous voice, then quieted down, "They what?" He asked softer.
"I don't know, I went home during the test-run to get band-aids and a camera," I noticed the amused expression on his face and quickly explained. "Whole other story. Anyway so I get home and Rory and Dean are coming out of her room and then the bed was unmade and then she starts saying that they love each other and I tell her he's married and then the next thing I know she's screaming at me and telling me she hate's me." I started to cry again, pulling him close and laying my head on his chest. "She actually said she hates me." I mumbled sadly.
"Shh," He whispered softly, encircling his arms around my body and running them up and down my back. "She doesn't hate you, she just knows your right, she messed up and you were there to call her on it." He slung his legs under the blankets next me and continued to allow me to cry on him. "She's like you, she hates it when she's wrong, especially admitting it."
Luke was exactly what I needed in my life and I hated to think that I only noticed it once he was gone. He always knew how to comfort me and how to make sure I was fine. He was my knight in shining flannel. Perfect. "Thanks," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his back and adjusting myself to get comfortable. "Night Luke,"
He pulled my up a little and kissed the top of my head, a gesture that made my stomach get all tingly. "Night Lorelai,"
"Don't leave," I whispered sadly about to fall back to sleep.
"I'll be here when you wake up, don't worry. Everything will be fine, I promise." His voice was so reassuring and sure that I felt like I had to believe him. So for the time being, I did. Everyone knew that I never broke down, I was an independent woman, never needing help, never needing, really needing, a shoulder to cry on. Everyone knew, but Luke, the guy that I actually needed to depend on, to open up.
"Good," And soon after that, I fell asleep, thoughts of Rory and my parents and the inn out of my mind, only focusing on the man I was sleeping next to, whose arms circled around me in a protective way, the way he smelled and the way his chest rose and fell in a soothing pattern with the softness of his flannel against my cheek beckoning me to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to the sounds of banging on the door. I sat up and looked around, the same way Luke had the night before. I felt something heavy around my waist and looked down, noticing Luke's arm wrapped around me, pulling me close to him. I smiled and watched him sleep until I heard the banging again. I looked over at the clock and noticed the time, 9:38. Shit. I was late. I quickly scrambled up- waking up Luke in the process- and swung open the door.
"Rory," I said, shocked. Why on earth was she here? To apologize? To yell at me some more? Did Sookie make her come up here and make sure I was up?
"I'm going to Europe with Grandma." She said bluntly, averting my gaze completely.
"What?" I asked, confused. I mean, I had just woken up and then my one and only offspring says she running off to Europe?
"I need to think and this will be good for me. I thought about it last night and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I called Grandma and she said that would be fine. So I have to pack." I was astonished that she could sound so sure of herself.
"Are you sure?" I asked uneasily. "I mean, what about Dean? Are you just giving up on him?" I tried to sound comforting but I knew she would be offended by my words.
"I'm positive and before you think that I am doing this to get away from Dean, I'm not. I'm doing it to get away from you." Her voice was so even and her words stung.
I could feel a lump rising in my throat. "Weren't you supposed to go through this phase, like, five years ago?" I asked looking at her and noticing a shocked look come across her face.
"Is there a man in there?" She asked, wide-eyed.
I froze and wondered how she could have figured it out. Was Luke behind me? I quickly turned around to check. No Luke. "Um, why would you, um, think that?" I asked playing dumb.
She pointed at the boots lying lazily by the door. "Is it Jason?" She asked quietly, as if the night before hadn't just happened and she hadn't just said that she was whisking herself off to Europe to get away from me.
"No," I said, deciding that I would let her wonder. "You know, I have to get ready, I overslept. Make sure that you don't forget some extra underwear; you never know when you'll need it."
She looked confused. "Well, who is it?" She asked completely ignoring my good-bye.
I sighed and looked down. I knew that in the end I would end up telling her. "Luke," I mumbled quietly so she couldn't hear me.
"What?"
"Luke, I said, Luke is here and most likely still asleep in bed so I have to go." I tried to shut the door but she held it open.
"You're with Luke? And you didn't tell me?" Her voice sounded hurt and small. I hated how she could make me feel bad even though she had hurt me so bad the night before.
"No, I am not with Luke. He stopped by last night and we ended up falling asleep talking." I know my tone had a hint of regret in it, considering the night I ran away from him after he and I kissed, I tried not to think about it, though. It sucked the way I ran away but still, I couldn't turn back time. No matter how much I wanted to.
"Oh, does he, um, does he know about me and Dean?" She asked quietly.
I knew she would ask this, but I didn't lie to her. "Yes,"
Her eyes widened, probably out of embarrassment. "Okay then, I'm just going to go pack." She said quietly, gesturing towards the exit. "Tell Luke I said hi." And she was gone. I could feel some tears pricking my eyes from the coldness of her tone.
I walked into the room and noticed Luke sitting on the bed. He had obviously heard the previous conversation. "Is she really leaving?" He asked perplexed. "Because of you? That is crap, you know, she's just using you as an excuse. You know that."
"I just- I feel like I could have stopped it, prevented it. Like I could have done something to make her realize what she was doing. She probably is leaving because of me." I hated that tone I was using. That 'hopeless, helpless, save me with a life preserver before I drowned.
"This was her choice," Luke told me firmly as he wrapped his arms around my waist, a gesture that he and I were completely familiar with. "You couldn't have prevented, it would have happened eventually. She needed to make this mistake, no matter how wrong it was. And once she gets back, you two will be best friends again and then she'll admit her mistake, cry a little and then you'll eat tons of junk food and watch some movies."
I was crying silently, sniffling against his chest. It was amazing how he could always be so sure and sound like everything would come out perfect in the end. He hands were rubbing my back gently and I had to admit, it felt amazing. His touch was sending sparks throughout my body, making it difficult to concentrate on the topic at hand. "I know. I know, I just, I hate how she can be so cold and say so many hurtful things to me and then act like nothing happened."
"I know." He paused. "You should get going, you know. You're going to be late and I should get going."
I pulled back. "You're going to leave?" I asked, hurt. "You didn't see the inn or anything, you have to stay. Why do you have to leave?" My voice was cracking due to the tears that had subsided just recently. I sounded so desperate; I truthfully never expected to hear myself beg for a man to stay. I know that it wasn't in the dirty sense, but still.
"I have to go, I don't want to, but I have to. I just want to leave before the crazy people downstairs start talking to me. I promise that I will come to the official opening but I have to leave now. Save me a room for next week, okay?" He asked pulling away and walking over to his shoes.
"Are you sure that you don't want to spend another night like that?" I asked gesturing toward the bed. "Me crying myself asleep while you comfort me for the thousandth time?" My tone was in a joking manner but I could tell that even though he knew this, he was contemplating it. It was one of those looks that I could read off his face.
"Hey," He said gently, ignoring what I had just said. "Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, I'm here. I don't care if you make a fool of yourself, you're still my best friend and I will always be there to listen." Just in those words I knew that Luke had to be perfect, like and angel sent from the heavens.
I smiled. "I know. And don't think that I don't appreciate it because I do Luke, I really do." I spoke in a genuine tone and watched a small grin play at his lips.
"Good. And I know. So I'll see you around, and remember, call me anytime. I seriously think that Liz just called me up for company. I know she's sick but she shows no symptoms, it is so freakin' annoying."
"I will and that sounds sucky," I agreed. "I should go get changed. You might want to hurry out now before everyone's done with breakfast."
"Right, bye." He said as an awkward silence began to fill the air. Both of us probably thinking about the last time we said goodbye in person. Or, at least I was.
I tentatively walked over and gave him a hug. He gave in quickly and wrapped his arms around me. "Bye,"
He pulled back, and I actually though he was going to kiss me, but he had a look in his eyes. It contained love, desire, and adoration. For me. I was a little surprised. But I quickly stopped thinking about it as he pulled away completely. "Bye Lorelai." And with a wave, he was gone, again.
Authors Note- Expect a lot of updates this next week because I broke my leg and will be in bed with my laptop all next week.
Authors Note 2- If you have been reading 'Just a Little Mistake' and have been wondering why I haven't updated it's because I haven't had any idea on what to write. I have to admit, writer's block sucks.
I need reviews badly. These next four weeks of boredom will consist of writing and the more writing you want then the more reviews I will need.