-+-A Thousand Shades of Gray-+-
+The Shade of Endings+
"I don't know what you're lookin' for
You haven't baby that's for sure …"
"My Favorite Game"
The Cardigans
"… Thank you … for all you've done … but I … can't stay …"
"…"
"…"
"… I know …"
Despite his perfect face of acceptance, X felt something he's never felt for quite some time … he felt helpless and out of control … and he hated feeling that. Yet, hiding his hatred he gulped it down and swallowed the spiteful words that came close to vomiting out of his mouth as Raven, her deep natural-exotic violet eyes turned from him to look at Richard. Richard … the bastard that had to ruin everything! X found himself having trouble controlling his word vomit when he heard Raven's voice softly plead with the richest brat in the business-world.
The way she said his name … so softly, so familiarly, so … so, X gritted his teeth, he was starting to see red as the seconds ticked on by with Raven protecting him, "Richard … Robin has nothing to do with this … he had no choice but to keep me, X … X forced him to, he said if I or Robin said anything about my position he'd kill Robin's entire family. Please don't hold Robin liable for this … we had no choice."
It was an unbridled lie!
One that X had to look away and bow his head as if to play along as his face expressed the agony he felt for having to participate in the game. He was sick of it … he was sick of playing games … he wanted … he wanted … X gulped, for the first time in a long time he really didn't know what he wanted anymore. But he knew for sure that he wanted Raven to stay with him more than anything in the world right now. Not because she could be the perfect ally, and not because he had to act out for Slade, he just … he just wanted her beside him.
And the scary part was … he found that he'd actually give anything for that to happen.
He even calculated the possibility of throwing in his Red X suit just to have her with him.
If there was ever a time he felt so desperate to have something, it be now.
However …
He opened his onyx-eyes to stare at the carpet as reality sank in.
It was good that she was leaving, Slade, he was after him, and if she stuck around she'd probably only be killed in the process of eliminating him. No, she didn't deserve to suffer anymore because of his recklessness – and X knew, he was reckless to a dangerous fault - he calculated that more than likely Raven's death was assured. It was good that Richard found her and was bringing her back to her friends. Perfect timing actually … plus … she was a sorceress with unlimited supply of potions and spells and charms at her disposal.
She didn't need him anymore.
She had no reason to stay.
And that was why …
That was why he said: '… I know …'
Because even if it took him awhile to consciously admit the truth … the truth was the truth … Raven would have left him anyway.
She was still a Titan.
But why did it hurt so much to accept it?
"Whatever," he heard Richard reply as he walked up to Raven and gestured for her to follow him as he 'accidentally' shrugged his shoulders against Robin's. Robin gritted his teeth and fisted his hands, Fucking bastard … he thought and for the split second he looked up to glare at Richard. Raven shuttered when she felt his unbridled rage, looking back at him, she caught his onyx-eyes and held her breath when she saw how hard it was for him to hold back loosing.
Loosing?
What was he loosing?
And who was he loosing to?
Raven.
To Richard … no … to her team, to her life.
And he hated himself even more for being so selfish to want her to stay.
"Robin …" Raven whispered and accidentally, Richard perked up at the name, only to find that she was staring at the Xander kid, she sighed and shrugged, still playing the game, "… I'm sorry for getting you involved like this … take care of yourself?"
Richard narrowed his eyes and waited for Robin's response because never – never – had Raven, the Ice Queen of the Teen Titans had ever sounded so concerned. Of course, he snorted when Robin gave the expected response, a scoff and a smug smirk … however it seemed forced instead of natural this time. Then, his words, they were venomous, stale, and stiff, "Catch up with your boyfriend, sunshine, it's best not to keep Richy waiting … but it's been fun."
With a nonchalant two finger salute he trudged down the hall back to his room, leaving Raven to stand and stare after him. Never moving, until she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked up at Richard's sapphire blue eyes and understood what he wanted. She followed him out of the mansion into the courtyard where a Mercedes Benz was waiting for them; Richard opened the passenger side for her to enter. She did and waited for him to come around to the driver's side and when he did, the environment suddenly turned unbearably cold.
Richard's rich-boy exterior dropped instantly and he gritted his teeth, clenching the steering wheel of the car while they still sat in the Xander courtyard. His blue eyes turned to give her a confused glare as he finally said what he had wanted to say, "… You're covering for him … for X … why?"
"…" Raven took a deep breath and looked away, "… I was covering for Robin … not X …"
"But Robin is protecting Red X, which is just as bad!" Richard caught himself raising his voice and immediately controlled his composure, "Raven … I … don't get it, you act as if you're obligated to help him."
Raven sighed and finally found the courage to look her leader in the face and cover up the truth right before his eyes, "I am … he helped me … Richard, I … I killed two people because of what Slade did to me … Robin helped me control what's left of my sanity and even helped be gain it back. I can't just let that go unrewarded … he really doesn't deserve what you threatened him with."
"But X –!"
"Can't hide forever …"
Richard brought a hand up to massage his temple, brow's furrowing together as he huffed and hated to say it … just hated to say it … but he had to know, "Raven … do you … do you like Xander?"
"…" Raven blinked and tilted her head, feeling her heart rate sudden jump and her palms start to sweat, she kept them from fidgeting and centered her eyes on her leader. She had to make this convincing, "I don't see how that's relevant to our situation."
His sapphire eyes suddenly flared up as he glared at her, "It's damn well relevant and you know that, so answer the question Raven, do you or do you not like Robin Eli Xan –"
"No." Raven growled and matched his glare with her own, only far deadlier, just daring him to continue on the dangerous path he laid out, "Is that convincing enough for you? Or do I need to spell it out?"
"…"
It was his turn to sit speechless, and in the time that passed he reached for the ignition and turned the car on. Putting it in gear, he was about to pull out of the courtyard when he happenstance a glance back up at the mansion, only to see Lola Xander peeking out one of the high windows. Her sadden expression perfectly reflected off the glass momentarily before she closed the curtain and left Richard to drive he and Raven back to Titan Tower.
His search was finally over.
He found his friend.
Although … it wasn't exactly the reaction he was expecting.
Richard has known Raven for quite some time and it was only fair for him to notice that there was something off about her.
And he knew what it was.
She was sad … for some apparent reason.
((--))
"Robin?" without knocking, Lola entered her son's quarters to find him packing up a few of his belongs into his suitcase … but not only that … upon closer inspection of his room she found a 100,000 dollar vase shattered on the floor next to the door. With fragments of the antique embedded into wall and the window across the room broken, cracked as well with little droplets of blood on in. Lola frowned and stayed close to the exit to steer clear of her son's temper, because despite his nonchalant appearance when provoked he can be oh-so scary, "Robin … is there something going on that I should know about?"
"…" he didn't answer her, just ignored her and continued to throw random things into the suitcase.
Lola sighed, "Robin, please, talk to me … why was Grayson here and why did Rae go with him? What's going on?"
"I'm leaving." He finally responded curtly.
His mother huffed, "Well I can plainly see that, but you haven't told me what's –"
"You don't need to know!" he snapped with a vicious scowl, closing his suitcase he zipped it up and proceeded to haul it out of his room, forcing Lola to stand back and watch as he briskly walked his way to the exit.
She caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, "Robin! You're being rash! Stop for a moment and think! Where will you go!"
Without remorse he smacked her hand off his shoulder and continued on his way, "You never cared before, so don't even pretend to start now."
But Robin should have known better, where he got his stubbornness from as he felt his mother wrap her fingers tightly around his arm and yank him back. Forcing him to look down at her pricing blue eyes, he gulped and immediately flew up a mask to hide the frustration and anger he felt inside. Knowing his mother – besides Raven – would be the only one to see so clearly through his glass eyes, Lola glared at him and put her foot down to finally be the mother she hardly ever was, "You're running away again … when are you going to learn that you can't solve anything by pretending it doesn't exist."
He bowed his head, his hair falling to shade over his eyes as he shrugged her hand off him and straightened out his shirt, only to turn away and say in a low voice. So low, in fact, that Lola almost didn't catch what he said, but she did, and her chest tightened at the pain of hearing how sad her son was, "… There's nothing … there's nothing to run away from … the problems been dealt with."
Suddenly, it dawned on her and Lola sighed and shook her head, she didn't say anything. Now knowing that nothing she could say would pick her son back up off the floor he was left broken on. All she felt like she could do was follow him towards the exit, where a servant had appeared and opened the door for them. Offering to take Robin's bags, he never got the chance to decline because an 'S' shaped blade was embedded in his back and he dropped to his knees, dead.
Lola gasped and held a hand to her mouth to stifle a scream while Robin looked down the steps to see a black van and two Slade-bots standing in wait, for him. The moment they spotted the thief, they dashed up towards him and grabbed him and dragged him towards the van. X gritted his teeth and struggled for freedom, "Get the fuck off me!"
Reaching for the knife in his sock he pulled it out and jammed it into one of the robot's sides, and twisted it, the robot dropped him, freeing up his right side, he jumped and kicked the side of the second robot's head and dropped to the ground in a crouch. With the knife in hand he watched as the van opened up and at least four more jumped out, he scowled, "It's gonna take more than that to –"
BAM!
BAM!
BAM!
BAM!
BAM!
All four, plus the driving Slade-bot dropped dead in the courtyard with bullets lodged into the heart of their system; X looked over his shoulder to see his mother standing with a loaded silver magnum in hand. True to her former-assassin training from the US Government, her aim was as sharp as ever. Her blue-eyes were no longer soft and kind, but fierce and vicious, just the way he remembered her back when he was a kid. X sighed and stood up after his mother had stuck the gun back in its holster, apparently hidden under the summer-dress wrapped around her right thigh. He stuck his knife back in his sock and rolled his pants sleeves down while Lola came down the stairs, glaring at him.
"I see you still like to play with words. Mind telling me what Slade's creatures are doing on my courtyard?"
X looked away and shrugged, but winced when his left shoulder protested the movement, however discreetly covered it up and went back up the steps to get his suitcase, replying dryly, "You shot them."
Lola sneered and crossed her arms over her chest, "That's not funny, what do they want with you?"
"They want me dead."
"…" Lola blinked and her mouth suddenly fell open in shock, "Robin … did you steal Slade's toy?"
As if she stepped on a mine, her son's dark temper exploded on her and his onyx eyes blazed over with unbridled fury, "Rae. Is not a TOY! Now lay off my back and stay off, you're the wife of a billionaire, start acting like one and stop caring!"
"If I stop, then who else is going to care! Robin, at the rate you're going you'll be buried six feet under in a matter of days! Don't think I don't know what you've gotten yourself into."
"No, I wouldn't put it passed you to not figure out what's been going on in my life." X scoffed and tried desperately not to loose his temper again, because this would no doubt be the second time he blew up in front of other people. Not only didn't he like showing he had a temper to loose, but he hated feeling so frustrated. It just wasn't his style.
He was usually calm, cool, collected, and unreadable in a very nonchalant way … always hiding behind a smirk or a grin, masking silent calculations with an ominous chuckle. Being mad, blowing up, and showing he … and showing he cared … made him feel … human. He hated feeling human, feeling like he can be touched … just another reason why he felt so … easy to set off now-a-days, because she broke him down. Her impenetrable violet eyes, her uncaring, powerful aura that screamed radiance and independence. That … that untouchable vibe that came with her unreachable position in life … God! He knew she was off limit! He knew! But he still – he still – wanted her with him.
What happened to the indifferent thief?
What happened to being selfish?
He felt his mother's hand hover just inches close to his shoulder, hesitant to touch him, he moved away before she could and just like that, walked out of her life. Headed for the garage to get his car, out of sight from his mother, he was just about to reach for the button to open the garage door, but his entire being froze when he felt a blade press against his neck. He dropped his suitcase and held his hands up to show he wasn't holding anything as he felt a hand grip his left arm so tightly he was sure he'd bruise and he winced when that sinister voice loomed over his ear.
"I had a feeling you wouldn't have been able to handle that demon," Slade hissed in his head and his grip tightened, X gritted his teeth and held his breath when he felt the blade dig into his flesh for a shallow cut, "she's gone … where did she go, Robin."
"Kiss my ass," X growled, but flinched when the blade dug deeper, he closed his eyes for a minute then reopened them and glared at the ground, "I don't know where she went, so you're wasting your time harassing me."
"Don't tempt me, boy; you've caused me more trouble than I needed. If you had just followed through with my plan you wouldn't be in this mess."
X scoffed, "So I'm hard of hearing, and, tell me something I don't know."
"You'll take her place."
Okay … wasn't expecting that … X blinked, and blinked once more, then as much as the blade would allow he daringly tried to look over his shoulder to the masked psycho-path that held him captive. Saying in a very sarcastic tone, "… Excuse me?"
He felt the mad-man smirk, "I don't make it a habit of repeating myself, child. You went against the deal, and that leaves me without an apprentice … you're just as good as the next Titan, if not better."
"Fuck you –"
Just for that comment X was pushed away, spun around and slammed against the garage door with Slade's hand pressed hard against his still healing left chest. X held his breath, trying not to give Slade the satisfaction of screaming, but as he pressed down harder a gasp and a chocked cough escaped his lips. Slade hissed in his ear, "First lesson, apprentice, watch your mouth and respect your master."
Ignoring the pain, X reached up and grabbed Slade's wrist and with more strength than the mad-man had calculated the thief had flipped him and slammed him to the ground. Knocking the blade from his hand and gripping this throat, holding his body down with his own hard-pressed weight. X made sure they were both at an angle where it was easy for him to break the masked-man's neck if he tried to move the wrong way. With a darkened look that could frighten the devil himself back into hell if he ever tried to take over the world at that precise moment.
X scowled and through gritted teeth declared, "I am not going to be your little bitch to fuck with, got it hot-shot? I'm not a damn Titan with a conscious … unlike them; I will not hesitate to put a bullet in the back of your head while you scream for mercy."
Slade laughed, "Ah-hah, ha, ha … I wonder what our little bird would think about you now if she heard you say those exact words. I'm quite certain you never told her of your interesting little past, have you? A pity to … I was actually thinking you two would make such a cute couple."
Red flashed before his eyes and before he knew what he was doing he cracked the demon-in-human-form's neck and watched as it didn't go limp like any normal body … no … he didn't expect it to. This was Slade he was dealing with … the robot fizzled and sparked, the mask fell open to reveal the snowy monitor, X was furious enough to grab the blade in his sock and stab it into the monitor. Just imagining it was that bastard's face as he got up and massaged his left shoulder.
The pain from being pressed down, just now started to get to him as he gulped and continued into the garage. Never minding his belongings as he absentmindedly pressed a palm to the side wall, a scanner took his prints and the far wall of the garage opened to allow him access to the X-bike. Walking up to it he mounted it and started it up, staying seated for a moment revving the engine, hearing it roar he wanted it to go even louder in order to drown out the venomous thoughts in his mind.
"… Thank you … for all you've done … but I … can't stay …"
"If I stop, then who else is going to care! Robin, at the rate you're going you'll be buried six feet under in a matter of days!"
"Robin … take care of yourself?"
"… I wonder what our little bird would think about you now if she heard you say those exact words. I'm quite certain you never told her of your interesting little past, have you?"
X kicked off the brake and tore out of the garage; wanting to runaway from the first mistake he's ever made landing himself in this hopeless position:
He overestimated himself.
Yet, as he was busty pitying himself, the idiot would not know until too late that something was off about the Slade drone that held him down.
The eye was on wrong side … Slade's left eye was the only one showing on his mask … the robot's was on the right …
((--Titans East Tower--))
Everyone was making such a fuss … and who wouldn't?
Raven was back and order was finally restored as friends reunited and gathered around the star of the day the rather distant sorceress answered all their questions short, and to the point. Being careful to avoid Speedy and Aqualad, feeling their intense gazes from across the room, being more prone to hover around Starfire, at least the alien – for the moment – wouldn't question her reason for never telling her she was alive in the first place. The question was there, hovering dangerously close to the surface around all her friends, but … somehow, they all knew not to ask until the right time.
Instead, they all just enjoyed her company and fussed over how happy they were that she was still alive and that Robin was back – which she found to be rather odd that her leader had abandoned their team to look for her. She almost felt guilty – almost, being the key word – she never put it passed Robin to do something so rash. Robin, is Robin after all … she could never change that part of him and frankly she didn't feel like she had to.
It was one of the many qualities that made him such an exceptional leader.
So, sitting on the couch by herself – after requesting a few moments alone – she stared at the indoor pool – which she knew led right back out into the sea – just watching the water swish and sway from Aqualad's emotions. She noticed that the water in the room always moved with Aqualad's emotions, and right now it was swishing in a very probing way. Like it was curious, she wasn't surprised.
Especially when moments later, Aqualad finally found the courage – and the gull – to walk up to the silent sorceress and sit beside her, but not too close, yet not too far. Just close and far enough away to give her the impression that this was going to be a serious conversation, but between friends, meaning she was able to tell him everything and not be judged for it. Raven wasn't going to take that chance even still as he sighed and looked at the water. Discreetly it jumped with his emotion of nervousness, but smoothed out and started with the same question everyone had been asking. Just to test to see if she'll be responsive or not, "So … how does it feel to be back where you belong? We missed you."
Belong … that's such an alien word now … do I really belong here? she asked herself, but was careful to build up barriers between her and Aqualad mentally and aurally. No way was she going to risk him knowing what she was thinking and Aqualad felt it, making him feel a little apprehensive with her defensive take on their friendly conversation. It only proved to him that she had something to hide. Even though her voice was cruet and too the point – as always where Raven was concerned, "Thanks, and it feels like it should."
A safe answer.
Aqualad established that this wasn't going to be easy, and since he's always such a nice guy, he felt guilty for doing this to her, but he had to know, "Back at the café … you knew we were there … we were following you … how come you didn't say anything?"
Raven's brow went up ever so discreetly as she turned away from the waters to look Aqualad dead in his shark-black eyes and answered, "Does it matter now? I'm back."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"The guy you were with, was he Xander?"
"Yes."
"…" Aqualad scooted a little closer, making sure that no one else heard his next question but him and her, making sure to pierce her violet-eyes with his own intense stare, Raven knew what he was doing and immediately countered. Growing so cold that the seawater would freeze at any second, "… Do you miss him?"
"No." she narrowed her eyes one him and controlled the urge to throw him into the water to cool off that heated glare in his eyes, how dare he question her loyalty! Maybe not so much as directly as Robin, but still, what right did he have to pry into her life? He wasn't even apart of her team, in fact, Raven went so far as to convince herself that they weren't even friends. Just mutual acquaintances, "Unless you have a better topic of conversation. Don't bother talking to me again."
And like that … she stood up from the couch and walked away to someplace quieter and less prone to attract daredevils like Aqualad who leaned over the couch and called back to her quietly. Still making sure to keep the others from hearing as he braved forbidden waters, "Does Robin know?"
Raven huffed in exasperation and spun around to glare at Aqualad, "Know what?"
"…" it took a moment for him to say it, but when he did, it was with such a conviction that it struck a very dangerous chord in Raven's heart, because Robin had asked the same question. However, Aqualad was stating it this time with so much reassurance behind his tone that it frightened her. There was no way she was that easy to read. "That you like him … Xander, I mean, you like him enough to protect him … am I wrong."
Raven gritted her teeth and with a dangerous look in her eyes growled, "You have no idea what you're talking about."
With that Aqualad let out a surprised yelp when he was picked up and thrown into the water, the rest of their friends saw and blinked in utter confusion as Raven stormed off into the halls to navigate her way towards the roof. Aqualad resurfaced and climbed out of the pool, Speedy was there to help him and the archer smirked in amusement from Aqualad's glare of annoyance, "So what did ya figure?"
The Atlantean sighed and smoothed back his hair, "You were right … she likes him."
Speedy hissed and shook his head, "Ooo … Robin's not going to be too happy when he finds that out."
"When I find out what?"
Both the archer and the Atlantean froze in shock as the Titan Leader stood with his arms crossed glaring at the two young men tapping his foot like a 'patient-parent'. Speedy and Aqualad glanced at one another mentally arguing who was to be the first one to make the death-leap into the pit of Robin's wrath. Aqualad suggested it was Speedy since he already suffered Raven's abuse, but Speedy urged it be Aqualad considering he was the cool-headed rational guy of the group. However, Speedy was Robin's best friend next to Cyborg.
So the battle raged on.
While Robin stood there glaring at the two Titans, wanting to know what they knew that he obviously didn't … or … maybe subconsciously did but wasn't willing to admit it.
"… I'm loosin' my baby …
I'm loosin' my favorite game …"
- "My Favorite Game"
- The Cardigans
((--))
Disclaimer: Do I look like I own the Teen Titans? For those of you that know me, you know what the outcome would have really been with this story thing.
A/N: Short chapter, blah, don't really like it, don't know why, when I never really rushed it … but how ya like that? Slade's wearing a different mask? Or somethin's up … (shrugs) … for you to decide and for me to type up the outcome … the only real question is how long will I take this time?
Depends on if you review or not, you know I'm good for it.
I love you all.
L8er daez.