Disclaimer: If we owned Grey's…Patrick Dempsey would actually be the lead instead of a pretty face. What? No…we're no still bitter. Not at all.
I held Meredith's hand tightly in mine as we made our way to the kitchen, squeezing her small fingers once or twice in assurance. Dillon trailed behind us, still talking animatedly to Mark, who seemed to be enjoying the company of the six year old and his bear. I smiled slightly and then turned to Meredith, prepared for her reaction to the busy scene in my mother's kitchen. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Her eyes widened as we entered the room, where the men sat around the table talking and the women buzzed around the kitchen, cooking and talking loudly. My family was never quiet, I didn't think my family could do quiet. I had grown up with this, and I loved this. But Meredith, the interns were quiet compared to this and I wasn't quite sure how she could handle this.
I looked around the kitchen and tried to see what Meredith was seeing. I knew my family was huge, I mean, nine nieces, five nephews. My family was huge. But the look on Meredith's face told me she hadn't expected so many people. I squeezed her hand and she looked up at me, fear in her eyes. I wanted to tell her again how much my family would love her, but my sisters were suddenly upon us.
"So this must be Meredith," Nancy said, looking her up and down.
"Of course it's Meredith, Nance," Leah laughed. "Who else would it be? Derek's other girlfriend?'
"Nice to meet you Meredith," Kathleen said. "Derek hasn't been brave enough to bring a girl home since college."
"That's not true," Erin said. "Remember Kendra? No wait, that was Mark wasn't it?"
"That was Mark," I nodded, rolling my eyes at the way my sisters buzzed around us.
"It's great to meet you, Meredith," Leah smiled, pulling Meredith in for a hug. "I'm Leah."
"And this is Nancy, Erin and Kathleen," I finished for them pointing to each one as they gave her quick hugs.
"Um, hi," Meredith smiled, her hand automatically finding mine again once Kathleen had let her go. "It's uh, really great to meet you guys. Really, really great. Derek's told me so much about the four of you."
"We're not as bad as he makes us sound," Nancy laughed, hitting my lightly on the arm.
"No, you're worse," I shot back at her. Nancy was fun to tease, mainly because she could tease right back. Leah and Erin always tended to freak out and stammer. Nancy was ready with a comeback.
"Just because we used to dress you up like a girl, you'd think you'd be over that by now," she said shaking her head.
Meredith turned around to find Dillon, who was already stepping forward, a huge grin on his face. "Hi," he said, looking at my four sisters. "I'm Dillon Grey. I'm six. And I'm in school. This is Sam. He's six too. He's a bear."
"So you're my son's new best friend," Kathleen said, having apparently heard all about Dillon from her son Sullivan. "Nice to meet you Dillon and Sam."
"Nice to meet you too, Sullivan's mom," Dillon shook her hand. "Sam says it's nice to meet you too. And he thinks Sullivan's bear is the coolest bear in the world."
"I'm glad to hear it," Kathleen nodded.
Dillon turned to me and grasped my hand. "Derek, you have a lot of brothers and sisters."
"I do," I said kneeling down. "Be thankful you don't."
"I want brothers and sisters," he said seriously. "Mommy, can I have a brother and a sister for Christmas?"
I watched at Meredith's face flushed quickly. "Umm...well..." she stammered, looking at the ground. "That's not how you get brothers and sisters."
"How do I get brothers and sisters?" he asked. When Meredith didn't answer, he turned back to me. "Derek, how'd ya get so many brothers and sisters?"
"This is definitely something that can be talked about later," I told him, nodding seriously, hoping he wouldn't keep the subject up. Because if we kept talking about Dillon having siblings I might let it slip that I hope to give him them.
"After dinner?" he asked me. "Cause Sam
wants brothers and sisters too."
"When we go home your
mommy and I will talk to you about it," I told him, looking up
to find Meredith looking nervous but nodding.
"Okay," he sighed. "When's dinner ready? Sam's hungry."
"Dillon, I told you and Sam to use your manners," Meredith warned quietly.
"Sorry," he said. "Sam's sorry too. When is dinner ready, please?"
I chuckled softly. "Soon bud."
"Okay," he nodded and then turned to Kathleen. "Can Sullivan sit by me, Sullivan's mom?"
"Of course he can! What a good boy you are for asking," she told him.
His face lit up and he turned to Meredith. "Sullivan's mom says I'm a good boy, Mommy!" he laughed and then turned to Mark. "Mr. Mark, can you sit next to me and Sullivan?"
"Sure kiddo," he said and then moved to slap my back. "I think he likes me more than you."
Dillon laughed, "No, Mr. Mark. Sam just finds you very, very...um...fast nating!"
"Fass nating...that's a big word for a little guy like you," Mark said.
"My daddy says I'm smart!" Dillon grinned. "Are you smart, Mr. Mark?"
"Of course I'm smart. I surgeon things, don't I?" he asked.
"You surgeon plastic," Dillon giggled.
"That's true, Mark," I said nodding sagely. "It doesn't take much smarts for that."
"Shut up, loser," Mark said. "And anyway, at least I'm the attractive, good son with a healthy social life."
"I have a healthy social life, I have a girlfriend," I laughed, wrapping my arm around Meredith.
"Correction," Mark winked at Meredith, "you have a MILF."
"Who is my girlfriend," I nodded.
"Mr. Mark," Dillon tugged on Mark's sleeve. "What's a MILF?"
"He is not answering that question," I cut any answer Mark could give off, not quite trusting Mark not to answer the question honestly.
"Why not?" Dillon pouted at me, turning on the puppy dog eyes he had recently learned and mastered. "I wanna know what a MILF is."
"Bud, you're too young to know what a MILF is. When you're older I promise I will tell you the answer but not now. And you have to promise to never say that term? It's for grown up," I said nodding at him.
"Is it a bad word?"
"Yes, it's a bad word. I'm guessing your mommy told you and Sam not to say bad words," I explained.
"Yeah," Dillon nodded. "No bad words. Okay, Mr. Mark. Bad words are very bad. You can't say them or you get your toys taken away. Like one time when I said shit. I got my toys taken away for three days."
"Well I wouldn't want to loose my toys," Mark said.
"So no bad words," Dillon nodded and then grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's see if Derek's mommy needs us to set the table."
"I don't set the table, that's what the women are here for," Mark argued, reluctantly following Dillon.
"But if you set the table, you get dessert," Dillon said slowly, almost as if he were talking to a toddler. "And Derek said his mommy makes good dessert. So we gotta set the table."
"Mom gives me dessert regardless. She likes me," Mark said, smiling at my mom.
"Actually, Markie," she smiled right back at him, "I think it's a wonderful idea for you and Dillon to set the table. And Sam, of course."
"I think Derek should help," Mark said, sounding like he was about Dillon's age.
"Derek is keeping his guest occupied," she reached for her towel. "When you bring home a girl, you can be relieved of table setting duties, too. Now, go with Sam and Dillon. You could learn a lesson from such a well behaved boy."
I watched the two stalk towards the cupboard and leaned over, brushing my lips against Meredith's hair. "You okay?" I whispered into her ear.
"Intense," she murmured, and she sounded a little breathless.
"You'll be fine," I reassured her.
"Do they like me?" she murmured back to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I think so," I told her, noticing that they were all watching us together and how she leaned against me. I caught Erin's eye and she gave me a wide smile, which I matched with one of my own. They liked her.
"Dinner everyone," my mom called out and then turned to Sullivan, who was the first to run in, his own teddy bear clutched in his seven year old hands. "Sul, go get your cousins and siblings."
"Okay grandma!" Sul yelled running back out of the room.
Dillon came in from the dining room, his eyes shining with laughter. Mark followed closely behind him, a smile plastered on his face. "This is one kick ass kid, Shep," he said to me. "Kid knows his shit."
"Do I want to know what you're talking about?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in my best friend's direction.
"Probably not," he laughed. "But that's what makes me the uncle everyone is a little embarrassed of. I corrupt the kids."
"I'm sorry Meredith. I didn't mean to expose Dillon to this," I told her kissing her quickly.
"It's fine," Meredith smiled. "He's dirty Uncle Sal."
"I'm glad you're okay with this," I said, smiling. Because Mark was a lot to handle, and if Meredith could handle him she could handle anything.
"Dinner, everyone," my mom said again, this time standing in the kitchen, a wooden spoon in her hand. Mark, my sisters, and I scramble towards the kitchen, knowing that if my mother is holding a spoon, well, it's time to run. The kids are ushered to their spots, close to their parents, and Dillon is seated in between Sullivan and Mark, who is staring at the food like a starving man.
Meredith grabbed a seat beside me, looking around nervously until I pressed a hand gently against her thigh, getting a small smile from her. "Looks good, Mom."
"Thank you, Derek," she smiles. "Now, should we say grace?"
"Go ahead, Mom," Mark said.
"You've never said it, Markie," she said to him, a huge smile on her face. Mark had said it once. He had literally said the word grace as a cop out. I laughed slightly at the memory and then put my arm around Meredith.
"Come on, Mom," Mark whined.
"I'll say it," Derek piped up from beside Mark. "Can I say it, Derek's mommy?"
"Of course you can," my mom answered smiling broadly at Meredith.
"Dear God, thank you for food. It's good. And Sam says thank you too. Even though he's a bear and he doesn't really know what it tastes like. But he says thank you anyway. And I bet Sullivan's bear says thank you too."
"Dillon…" Meredith warned as she gave her son a look.
"Okay, okay. Sorry. Amen."
The table all laughed at his simple prayer and started to dig in. We grabbed for bowls and started all talking at once, like we always did. Passing dishes, yelling for different things. It was loud. It was boisterous. The table was large and you could barely see the other end but yet it always felt close. I threw some potatoes on my plate and turned to hand them to Meredith. "Still good?"
"So far," she nodded. "Dillon's happy."
"He is, he's fit right in," I nodded. "I'm glad."
"Me too," she sighed and then looked down at her food. She was starting to panic. I could feel it. Something about this felt very weird.
I reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it securely in my own. "Meredith, you'll be okay. You're doing great," I attempted to reassure her.
Before she could respond, Dillon asked very loudly, "Mr. Mark, did you make yourself pretty?"
"What? Why do you think I made myself pretty?" Mark said, sputtering slightly.
"Cause Derek said you make people pretty," Dillon reminded him. "So did you make yourself pretty?"
"No, this is all natural," Mark said confidently.
"Sure?" Dillon asked. "Did you make Derek pretty?"
"No, I do much better work than that," Mark nodded as if he had just said the most intelligent thing in the world.
Meredith giggled and I turned to Dillon. "Am I not pretty, bud?"
"Derek, I'm sure Dillon thinks your pretty," Meredith cut in, still giggling.
"You're okay," Dillon shrugged. "Your nose is funny though. Mr. Mark, you can fix Derek's nose, right?"
"I've offered and he always turns me down," Mark explained.
"I can't believe Dillon doesn't think I'm pretty," I winked at Meredith but put a frown on my face.
"You'll get over it," Meredith said rolling her eyes at me. "Besides, I think you're pretty."
"Aww, really?" I laughed and then kissed her softly.
"Is that going to go to your head now?" Meredith said giggling again. I was happy that her tension of minutes before had apparently dissapeared.
"Not if you keep me in line," I winked at her. Dirty sexual jokes at the dinner table with my mother less than six inches away? Probably not my best idea.
"Derek, your mother is at the table," Mark interrupted us.
My mother just smiled appreciatively at me, her eyes shining with tears. "I'm just happy my son has a healthy social life."
"Derek, how pathetic were you before I showed up?" Meredith asked me, raising an eyebrow flirtatiously at me.
"He was disgusting," Mark rolled his eyes. "Moping around. Listening to The Clash and staring out into the rain. He's such a girl."
"Derek's been career orientated for just about ever," Nancy added from further down the table. "And then he got established and just didn't have a life."
"Which meant while the rest of us were getting married, Derek was working over time at the hospital," Kathleen supplied. "Which made him a serious loser."
"You can all feel free to change the subject whenever you want," I growled.
"There are theories he didn't get laid for at least a year," Leah laughed and then winked at Mark.
"I hate my family," I muttered under my breath turning to Meredith. "We never have to come here again."
"I love your family," she laughed. "A whole year, Derek? That's sad."
"It wasn't a year," I said pouting.
"Ten months," Mark laughed.
"But he has you now," Kathleen cut in.
"Which means he's getting laid," Erin smiled. "And he's in love. Which is weird enough. My big brother being in love."
"Can we not talk about my sex life with Dillon sitting right here?" I asked.
"What's sex?" Dillon asked, looking up from his plate. "What's sex, Daddy Derek?"
"Sex is another one of those things you don't have to know about until you're older," I told him, grimacing.
"Okay," he nodded. "Daddy Derek, Sam would like some peas please."
"Here you go, bud," I answered, passing the peas that were in front of me to Mark so he could serve him.
"That's really cute," Leah smiled. "He calls you Daddy Derek. Are you going to try to adopt him when you two get married?"
Ever since I had met Meredith I had known the feel of her beside me, I could sense what she was feeling just from the air surrounding her. And in the second I felt it change. She had been relaxed and now it vibrated with nerves. This was not good. "Umm...no, he has a good relationship with his dad," I answered.
Meredith dropped her fork and stood up. "Um, uh, I'm um...excuse me," she murmured and then got up, my mom calling out to her where the washroom was located.
"Thanks Leah," I said, shooting my youngest sister a dirty look.
"What?" she asked, her eyes wide. "What did I do?"
"Meredith is...nervous. She's had a hard life and she's nervous. She's not ready for the marriage talk," I explained.
"Oh," Leah blushed. "Sorry."
"I'm sure Meredith will be fine," Kathleen reassured me.
Dillon was looking at me from his place at the table, and there was a sadness in his eyes I had never seen before. "Derek, you didn't make Mommy sad did you?"
"No, bud, you're mom is just a little nervous right now, she'll be fine," I told him, hoping I was telling the truth.
"She seemed sad," Dillon said, his head shaking a little. "Uncle George said mommy stammers when she's sad."
"Uncle George is right, but I'm sure Mommy will be fine," I told him. "Do you want to go check on her?"
"Sam wants to go," Dillon said quietly. It was the first time I had ever seen him like this. He seemed depressed almost, tears starting to build in those crystal clear blue eyes.
"Okay, bud, you and Sam can go check on her," I nodded getting up and helping him out of his seat.
He clutched Sam close and walked off, calling for his mom. I turned back to the table and sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm really sorry, Derek," Leah sighed. "I had no idea."
"It's not your fault. She's just...skittish. Maybe bringing them here so soon was a mistake," I sighed.
"No, Derek, it wasn't," my mom nodded sympathetically. "She's a little overwhelmed. But any blind idiot would tell you she loves you."
"I know she does," I said. "And I love her. I love them both."
"Okay, now that I've had to sit through this painful girl moment," Mark stood, "I'm going to grab a beer."
"Markie, one day you're going to fall for someone like Derek fell for his Meredith and you'll regret this crass attitude," my mom lectured.
"Shoot me if that ever happens," Mark rolled his eyes and then turned, running smack into Dillon. "Hey, there, kiddo."
"Is your mom okay?" I asked immediately. I wanted to go check on her but I was quite certain she needed a breath from all things Shepherd.
"She's crying," he said quietly. "Mommy's crying in the potty and she won't let me in."
"Shit," I muttered under my breath. "I should probably check on her."
"Derek?" Dillon lifted his arms up, begging to be held.
Without a word I picked him up and pulled him close to my chest. I could feel his tiny tears wetten my shirt and just held him closer. I hated seeing him like this, he was my son. And I hated him like this. I hated Meredith like this. We had made so much movement and still she ran. "It's okay bud," I whispered to him. "I love you."
"I wanna go home," he mumbled into my shirt and then sighed, "Don't leave, Derek."
"I promise I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him hugging him close. "We can go get your mom and head home."
"Okay," he nodded and then looked over my shoulder. "Bye bye everyone. Sam's gonna miss you."
"I hope we see you again soon," my mom answered.
"Me too," he nodded. "Bye, Mr. Mark. Bye Sullivan."
"Bye kiddo, nice meeting you," Mark said actually sounding like he meant it.
I carried Dillon down the hall to the wash room and knocked on the door softly, waiting for Meredith to tell me to go away. Instead, she opened the door and didn't even look at me. "I think I'm coming down with something," she said carefully. "I think it would be best if Dillon and I go home."
"That's fine," I said evenly. I wanted to talk to her and comfort and assure her that just because my family might be rushing things, that it wasn't what I wanted. But I knew pushing her wasn't needed, not right now. "Let's go."
"I should say goodbye," she said slowly, walking past me quickly.
"They'll understand if you want to just go," I told her gently.
"Okay," she nodded. "Tell them I'm sick please."
"I will," I nodded, leading her towards the door and trying to ignore all the bad thoughts running through my head. Because I had a bad feeling that Leah's small comment had changed everything and not in the good way I had hoped.
The drive back to Meredith's house was completely silent. Even Dillon stayed quiet as he clutched Sam to his chest and looked out the window at the rainy Seattle evening. Meredith didn't look at me, didn't touch my hand, didn't say a word. Except when we reached her house and she said, "Come on, Dillon. You have reading to do before bed tonight."
"Meredith..." I started, not sure at all what I had planned on saying after that.
She got out of the car and helped Dillon out from the backseat. "Good night," she said to me, not even making eye contact.
"Meredith..." I urged again, wanting something more, needing something more.
"Mommy," Dillon said from where he stood next to her, Sam still against his chest. "Derek wants to talk to you."
"Meredith, are you okay?" I asked, a full sentence now forming.
"Good night," she said again, this time taking Dillon's hand and walking him up to her front porch. Dillon turned back to look at me, his eyes begging for me to do something.
"Meredith, you can't just pretend I don't exist," I urged her getting out of the car.
"Just go," she hissed at me, anger starting to build in her eyes. Or was it something else? For the first time, I couldn't tell what was exactly the matter with my Meredith.
"I'll call you tomorrow," I said in an unsure voice.
She didn't say a word as she went into the house, slamming the door behind her as I stood in the rain, wondering what the hell had just happened.
"Somewhere in my mind, I know there's no tomorrow."