Disclaimer: Apparently, we're starting to pick up on this, Meredith and Derek don't talk vibe the writers are getting into. However, since we don't own Grey's, you know it will be fixed.
I stared at the phone in my hand. I stood in my trailer and stared at the phone. For the first time since I had met Meredith I was teriffied of calling her, because I didn't know what to expect on the other end of the line. Meredith had wanted nothing to do with me last night since Leah's comment and now I was terrified of calling her. I was frightened of calling my own girlfriend.
I hadn't slept at all the night before. True to my mother's testament about my bad habits, I paced the entire night. Just paced back and forth. Trying to think of a way to fix this. Of making Meredith calm down. Not panic. But all I could do was pace. Pace and stare at the phone. I took a deep breath and sighed, staring at the number in my phone. I had to call her.
Not calling her wasn't going to solve anything at all. Not calling would just give her more time to panic and retreat to her place, wheever it was. And she still hadn't even let me see it. I needed to call her. Ignoring the fluttering in my stomach I stared some more. I wanted it to ring, that would make my life a lot easier.
But I knew Meredith wouldn't call me. I knew that wouldn't happen. After the way she had looked at me, after the way she had told me to go away, I knew she wouldn't call me. I took a deep breath and pushed the call button on my phone. It rang and rang, over and over, taunting me. And then finally, "This is Meredith Grey. Leave a message after the beep."
I didn't bother leaving a message, she wouldn't call me back. She wasn't even answering the phone. This was not good, nothing at all was good about this. This wasn't even back to square one, the night I had met her in the bar was better than this. At that point I had to fight to get her to agree to give me a number, and now she wasn't answering her phone. A night ago she had been in love wtih me, now she wasn't answering her phone.
I stared at the phone in abject misery, suddenly hating it. This wasn't right. What the hell had gone so terribly wrong? We were in love. We loved each other. People who were in love didn't just stop talking to each other. I thought about calling the house, if Dillon answered, then I had a way in. But if the phone just rang, then nothing would change. And still not getting an answer would hurt even more. I coudn't face another unanswered phone. Meredith ignoring me and pushing me was worse than anything else I had ever imagined. I looked at my phone again, figting off the urge to dial the number again. Calling numerous times wouldn't help. She would get annoyed and pull further away. If that was possible.
I stared at the screen, willing a voice message to pop up. I had only used the phone once, to call in to work, and a part of me hoped that maybe Meredith had called me then. But there was nothing. Suddenly, my phone rang shrilly in my hands and I picked it up, not even bothering to look at the display. "Mer?"
"No, but if you beg enough I might sleep with you," Mark's voice came from the other end.
"Mark!" I growled. "What the hell are you calling me for? I'm a little busy."
"Someone is grumpy, no sex last night?" he mocked.
"Jesus Mark, there is more to my relationship to Meredith than sex," I grumbled. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Nothing, I was just calling to check on you three...after last night I thought I'd check," he explained.
"Oh," I sighed. Mark was being nice? And concerned? This was weird. I wasn't sure how exactly to react to this. "Everything is...fine."
"Is that why you sounded like a cuddly warm puppy when you answered the phone?" he laughed.
"What exactly does a warm cuddly puppy sound like?" I asked him. "And I thought it was my girlfriend calling. I wasn't exactly going to sound like a jackass."
"It sounds like you, and sorry to dissapoint," Mark said. I coud see him shrugging through the phone.
"It's fine," I sighed, running my hands through my hair.
"Der-bear," Mark said, using the annoying nickname my sisters had bestowed upon me at a very young age. "It's not okay, is it?"
I wasn't sure how exactly to have this kind of talk with Mark. We didn't do this. We had never done this. Mark had only seen me cry once. And we had been eleven. I wasn't sure how to tell him that the love of my life was gone. "No," I was pacing again. "It's not okay."
"Umm..." Mark said clearng his throat, obviously just as uncomfortable with this conversation as I was. "Want to talk about it, or something?"
"She told me to go away," I said quickly, painfully reliving the moment, Dillon's huge eyes, and my own heartache. "She wouldn't even look at me."
"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing Derek, just give her a call," Mark said.
"She won't answer," I admitted. "I tried. She won't answer her phone." The tears were starting to come now, and I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to hide my pain from my best friend, who had never shown an ounce of emotion in his life.
I heard him sigh on the other end. "Wow, man, I have no idea what to say. Just...because of Leah's comment?"
A wave of anger towards my younger sister came over me. She had ruined what otherwise would have been a perfect night. "She just...she doesn't do relationships," I explained. "She's new to this and she's skittish."
Mark made an awkward sound on the other side. Mark didn't do relationships, so he probably had no idea how to give me advice about my own. Or maybe he'd be perfect, maybe he's understand my skittish other half. "She just needs time to regroup, Derek. She's in love with you, disgustingly in love with you."
"Then why would she leave like this?" I asked him. "The family loved her. She fit in so well. Everyone loved her. Why would she pull back?"
"Because the word marriage came up. If she's just warming up the word girlfriend the word wife would be terrifying," he explained.
"I love her, Mark," I said. "I want to marry her."
"Thanks for the news flash, it's abundantly clear everytime you look at her," Mark laughed. "And she feels the same."
"How do you know?" I grilled him. "She won't even answer her phone. She wouldn't even look at me."
"We all saw the way she looked at you, Derek. She adores you, she wants to be with you. The fact that she even bothered coming last night meant a lot for someone like her," Mark reassured me, sounding entirely un-Mark like.
"What do you mean?" I asked. In my family, meeting the parents wasn't the biggest deal in the world. Actually, it was just a dinner. But then, we were a close knit family. "What do you mean, someone like her? She's beautiful and wonderful and everyone loved her."
"Derek she's amazing, and perfect for you. But she's me, except for because of the kid she doesn't get to pick and choose men. But she's me. And trust me, I have never met a girlfriend's family. Ever. To someone like us, that's huge," Mark explained.
"Meredith isn't you," I chuckled. "Meredith is...Meredith. You sleep around. You meet girls in bars and..." Suddenly I trailed off. Those were the things Meredith told me she did before Dillon. "Oh god. She is you."
Mark laughed into the phone. "Exactly, Der. You fell in love with the female version of me."
"So what do I do?" I asked my manwhore best friend. If Mark could fix this, I would never say a word against him ever again.
"Give her time to calm down from last night, a couple of days and call her again. It won't be long before she realizes she can't live without your stupid ass," he told me.
"Mark, you didn't see her," I breathed. "The look in her eyes...she hated me."
"She doesn't hate you. I saw the way she looked at you last night. No one in this world goes from that to hatred in minutes. She hates what she's going through, she hated that she's facing all this. But no she doesn't hate you," Mark said.
"Who would have thought you were this smart?" I joked, hoping he'd get that I was trying to say thank you.
"I've been telling you it all along," he answered laughing. "Want to go grab a drink, get you out of that tin box you live in?"
"It's ten in the morning, Mark," I laughed. "And don't you work?"
"Details, details, I'd take a day off if my best friend needed drinking," he responded.
"I don't know, Mark," I sighed. "What if she calls and I'm at a bar?"
"Well Dr. Shepherd, years ago this little device was invented called a cell phone. The neatest thing about them is that you can bring them places with you," Mark said.
"Smartass," I growled. "Fine, one drink. And no strippers."
"I said drink, I never said anything about strippers. Your mind is in the gutter, Derek," Mark laughed.
"Last time you offered me a night out with drinking it involved a stripper named Destiny or Fate or something," I reminded him.
"Derek, Derek, that was old Mark. Mark before his best friend fell sickenly in love and became an unofficial old married man," Mark responded.
"Whatever, you're jealous," I rolled my eyes.
"Yes, Derek, I'm jealous of a man who was near tears because his girlfriend didn't answer her phone. Not all of us dream of being pathetic, I happen to like sleeping around," he told me.
"I'm not pathetic," I growled. "And I should check my voicemail really quick."
"And in the same breath you say your not pathetic," he laughed at me.
"Whatever, asshole," I replied. "I'll meet you at Joe's in an hour."
"I'll be there," Mark said.
I hung up the phone and stared at it, willing for it to beep to tell me Meredith had called while I had been on the phone. Nothing. Tears came to my eyes and I took another deep breath, trying to keep the tears back. Despite Mark's promise that Meredith would be fine, that she loved me, I couldn't help but wonder if mabye I had lost the love of my life.
I was dreaming but you never believed...