Disclaimer So apparently there are new promos with Meredith bleeding and Derek running. If we owned Grey's NONE of this would be happening. We understand this kind of thing is not healthy for the fans at all.
Meredith sobbed in my arms, she was completelyfalling apart in my arms. And it was hard to hold somebody together when you had no idea why they were falling apart. But I held her tight, even though she smelled like vomit and obviously needed a shower, I held her tight. Because this was my job, to hold her together. But the sobs terrified me because I had no idea where they were coming from. And I didn't know how to fix them.
She shook terribly in my arms, her breath coming in sharp gasps. She was hyperventilating now, each breath becoming harder to take. I held her close, trying to stop the shaking, but I couldn't stop it. Her arms were limp by her sides, and her body was against mine, her head buried in my shoulder. "I-I-I," she gasped.
"Meredith, breathe, you have to breathe," I tried to calm her down, tried to sound soothing even though my heart was no racing in my own chest, and I wasn't sure who was shaking worst, her or me.
"I-I-don't know," she gasped, shaking even worse.
"Mer, what's wrong? Mer, just breathe," I told her, rubbing her back and pulling her a little closer still. "I'm here."
"Don't," she sobbed. "Please don't."
"Okay, okay, Mer," I said, even though I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to. But whatever Meredith needed was okay. So I just held her close letting my shirt absorb all of her tears, keeping my arms tight around her shaking body. And then my eyes fell on the empty box.
I stared at the box for a moment, my eyes going wide and then looked down at my crying girlfriend. She was gripping something in her right hand, gripping it tightly, and I reached down to take it. "Don't," she whimpered.
"Meredith, I need to know," I told her, nodding slowly and encouragingly at her.
"N-n-no," she shook her head and pulled away, still gasping for air. "I'm o-o-kay."
"Meredith, this...this is just as much about me asi it is about you, I need to see it," I told her, trying to grab for her again but she evaded my grasp.
"It's nothing," she shook her head, standing up a little too quickly, almost losing her balance before I grabbed her.
"Mer, it's something," I told her, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.
"Derek," she pleaded with me with her green eyes, tears still sparkling in them.
"Meredith," I pleaded back. "You can't avoid this, whatever this is, it's not something you can avoid.
She stared at me for a moment and then nodded, placing the stick in my hand. "Don't leave."
"I'm not going anywhere," I told her before even looking down at the stick. Postive. The stick said positive. Meredith was pregnant. My Meredith was pregnant. My Meredith was pregnant with my child. Pregnant. I was going to have a child, a tiny little one that was mine. That didn't have another daddy to cause the problems. Meredith was pregnant. A smile spread across my face. "We're pregnant."
"I'm pregnant," she sighed, and I saw panic flutter into those tear-filled eyes.
"We're pregnant," I corrected her. "Us. We're going to be parents again, Meredith."
"Derek," she sighed. "It's so soon. Too soon. We barely know each other. You just moved in and damn it, why didn't we use a condom on the ferris wheel?"
"We were on a ferris wheel, Mer. I don't think people think of condoms when having spontaneous sex on broken down ferris wheels," I laughed.
"This really isn't good," she sighed. "I mean, I thought I could do this normally for once. Be married for a while. Not get knocked up from a guy I've only been dating for a couple of months. God, what am I going to do?"
I took her face in my hands gently, forcing her eyes to meet mine, forcing her to see the smile on my face. "You are not going to do anything, we are going to do something. And no one ever said we had to do this normally."
"You're happy?" she asked, her fearful eyes meeting my own excited ones.
"Happy? Meredith, there is no word for this. Happy, I'm ecstatic!" I exclaimed.
She smiled slightly but her face fell into a frown again. "I should have known," she said softly, "my morning sickness with Dillon was awful. God, I don't know if I can do this again. Any of it. I didn't even think I wanted more kids."
"We can do this. Me and you and Dillon, we can do this," I told her, loving the confidence in my own voice, hoping it was enough to reassure her.
"Oh God, Dillon," her eyes filled with tears again. "He's about to go through a custody battle and getting a younger sibling? He's going to end up dark and twisty just like me and I've tried not to make him dark and twisty."
"Meredith, Dillon is not going to end up dark and twisty. Dillon is going to end up fine. He wants a sibling, he wants a family with us," I said, rubbing her shoulders .
"A family," she whimpered.
"Yes, Mer. A family. We're a family. We can do family," I smiled.
"I have no idea how to do family," she told me.
"You've been doing it beautifully as long as I've been with you," I told her.
She stared at me for a moment, trying to fight the emotions raging through her tired body. "You're not going to leave?"
"I am never going anywhere," I nodded, pressing my hand on her still flat stomach. "This is my child. Dillon is my child. And I am here from now on."
Her hand found mine and she squeezed it. "Don't ask me to marry you, though. I'm not marrying you just because I'm pregnant."
"No proposals from me, not today," I said, letting so of her hand and squeezing my arms around her, pulling her close again.
"I was so scared," she breathed into my ear. "We're not ready for this."
"We don't always get a chance to be ready," I whispered gently to her.
"You need to stop jumping me in random places," she was smiling now, I could feel it. Her body was beginning to relax against mine.
"But you like when I jump you in random places," I winked at her, loving that the smile was back on her face.
"Not when it leads to me being pregnant," she sighed.
"Sorry, I'll try not to next time," I smiled. "Should we go downstairs and tell our son he's going to be a big brother?"
"I don't know," she pulled away from me. "Maybe we should wait..."
"Dillon should know. Merdith, the kid acts like his teddy bear is his brother. He should know," I said, whiping a stray tear away from her cheek.
"I guess," she sighed. "But you get to explain to him how babies are made if he asks."
"Oh, I see. You raise him till he's six and then second I step in you pass him off to me," I laughed, grabbing her hand to lead her out of the washroom.
"You're the reason I'm pregnant," she eyed me sternly. "So you get to tell him how that happened."
"Do I tell him about the ferris wheel part?" I asked her devilishly.
"Only if you want to pay for the years of therapy he'll go through," she giggled.
"Fine, no ferris wheel," I told her as we headed down the stairs. Dillon sat at the kitchen table, Sam on the chair beside him as they talked with Izzie, Dillon still talking about everything we had done at the park.
"Hey," Izzie looked up, a smile on her face. "Do I get to say congratulations?"
"You knew?" I asked.
"I bought the test," she laughed. "Congratulations!" She jumped up and hugged us tightly.
"Thanks," I smiled, glancing over at Dillon who sat in his spot looking confused. "Bud, mommy and I have to talk to you."
"Was I bad?" he asked carefully.
"No. It's a good talk, a big talk but a good talk," I told him.
"Can Sam come?" he asked as he got up.
"Yep, Sam's going to want to hear this too," Meredith piped up.
Izzie stood and kissed Dillon on the forehead. "Bye, Dill," she smiled. "Bye, Mer. I'm so happy for you guys!"
"Thanks Izz," Meredith said as Izzie headed out and then she turned to Dillon. "So we need to talk."
"Have I been so good you're gonna get me the Jeep I want?" he smiled at her.
"No," Meredith said shaking her head. "But according to Derek it's something else you want."
"Hmmm," Dillon said, scrunching his face up. "Legos?"
"Not quite, bud," I told him crouching down to his level. "Remember that talk we had the other day when we made the pancakes?"
"Bout your daddy?" he asked, panic filling his eyes. "You said it was a good talk! Are you sick and you gotta go away?"
"No, no," I quicky corrected him. "The other part of our talk."
"Ummmm," he scrunched up his face again. "Bout Sam?"
"Kind of," I nodded. "Remember we talked about you being Sam's little brother. And how you wanted one of your own."
"A brother," Dillon nodded. "But not a sister."
Meredith giggled from behind me. "Dillon, you don't get to pick whether it's a brother or sister," she explained.
"Sam doesn't want a sister," he told her seriously.
"Sam might be getting a sister," I told him, smiling widly. All this smiling was starting to hurt.
"But Sam doesn't want a sister," Dillon repeated.
"Well, Sam might be getting a brother," I shrugged.
"Really?" Dillon grinned. "Can we go right now and get him?"
"It doesn't work that way bud, you have to wait," I told him.
"Sam doesn't wanna wait," he frowned.
"Sam's going to have to wait. Your mommy's pregnant," I started to explain, loving the words as they tumbled out of my mouth.
"Will Sam's brother look like Sam?" Dillon interrupted me.
"Nope," I shook my head. "It's your brother or sister and they will look just like you, your mom and I."
The look on Dillon's face was classic and frankly hilarious. He was staring at me as if I had grown another two heads and was talking in another language. "But you said Sam's gonna have a brother."
"Well Sam's your brother too, isn't he?" I laughed.
"Yeah," Dillon nodded slowly. "But I don't wanna share Sam."
"Okay, no sharing Sam. The brother or sister is all yours," I told him in a very serious tone.
"When is my brother coming?" he asked.
"In about 8 months. And it might be a sister," I reminded him.
"How's he gonna get here?" Dillon completely ignored anything I was saying about a sister.
"The baby has to grow in mommy's belly first," I said, reaching up to press my hand against Meredith's stomach. I could not wait to see it grow, to watch her carry our child.
"How'd he get in there?" Dillon was staring at my hand and then up at his mother. "Mommy, did you swallow a baby!"
"I didn't swallow a baby," she shook her head. "And I have to umm...call Cristina. So umm...Derek you can tell him," she finished sneaking out of the room just like I'm sure she had planned to all along.
Dillon looked horrified as he stared at me. "Daddy Derek, did my mommy swallow a baby?"
"No, bud. Babies aren't swallowed," I shook my head, clearing my throat. "They're made."
"How'd my brother get made?" he reached up his arms to be picked up.
This shouldn't be hard. I was a doctor, telling a little boy about baby making wasn't a big deal. I was one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, I could do this. "Bud, when two grown ups, old grown ups like mommy and me, and they fall in love they do stuff. And this stuff...this stuff makes babies."
"What kinda stuff?" he asked.
"It's like kissing, but a more grown up version of it," I tried to explain. I couldn't believe how idiotic I sounded.
"You mean like on the movies when people kiss with their tongues?" he asked, showing me his tongue as if I wasn't sure what a tongue was.
"Well kind of," I shrugged. "But to make a baby it goes further than that," I sighed. Meredith had trusted me with this, this big huge thing you have to tell your son at some point in his life that literally would change him forever. Meredith had trusted me and I was beyond fucking it up. "You know how boys and girls are made different, right?"
"Um..." he thought carefully. "Boys have short hair and girls have long hair?"
"Well umm...yes. But more than that. Like mommy has breasts, and I don't."
"What's breasts?" he asked.
I cleared my throat harshly. "The umm...mommy's chest."
"Oh, okay," Dillon nodded. "So the baby comes from Mommy's chest?"
"No, actually the chest has nothing to do with the baby. It's just one of the ways boys and girls are made different. Just like you have a penis. And I have a penis. Girls don't," I explained awkwardly.
"How do girls go pee pee then?" he asked. This was getting awkward.
"They have other parts," I tried to tell him. No six year old boy needed to know what parts girls had.
"So how did the baby get in Mommy's tummy?" he asked.
"Well umm..." I coughed. This was most definitely the complicated part. "As I said, when a man and woman love each other they do things. Things that involve the boy parts and the girl parts and a lot of kissing."
"And how'd the baby get made?" he stared at me, confusion written across his features.
I suddenly remembered my dad having this conversation with me. It was on Sunday morning over making pancakes together. And somehow it had worked. "Well, it's kind of like making pancakes."
"Pancakes?" the confusion deepened.
"You know how we take different ingredients, that definitely aren't pancakes and mix them together to make them pancakes?" He nodded. "Well it's like that. Mommy had ingredients in her, stuff, that are part of the baby making. And I have the rest of the ingredients. So they need to be mixed together. And when they are, in the right way, a baby is made."
"Oh," he nodded. "But pancakes only take a few minutes until they're ready. Why does my brother take so long?"
"Because they have to grow a little before they come out," I told him.
"Well, he needs to come soon," Dillon said, a smile on his face. "What are we gonna name him?"
"It might be a sister," I told him, ignoring his question, as Meredith walked back into the room.
"Nah, it'll be a brother," he turned to Meredith. "Mommy, Daddy Derek says you two made pancakes and now I have a brother!"
"We made pancakes?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow towards me.
"Oh, uh," I stammered, a smile on my face.
"Cristina and the rest of the family want to take us out for dinner tonight to celebrate," Meredith said.
"Mommy, can Mr. Mark come too?" Dillon shouted. "And Sam. Sam wants to come."
"I'll call Mark and let him know," I volunteered. "Dillon, want to run and get me the phone?" I asked, knowing the portable sat in the other room.
"Yep!" he shouted and then turned to leave but turned again and hugged Meredith. "Mommy, Sam's glad he's getting a brother." And then he ran off to get the phone.
"Sorry about the pancakes thing," I shrugged. "You kind of left me high and dry and that was the best I could come up with."
"What exactly did you tell him?" she giggled as she cuddled into my arms.
"I honestly don't remember. Something about girl parts and boy parts and kissing. And about how we both had baby ingredients and they had to be mixed together," I grimaced. "It was bad."
She laughed and kissed me. "Probably better than I could have done," she sighed. "Derek, are you sure we can do this?"
"No," I told her, still smiling. "But I'm sure we can try damn hard. And that's all anyone can ask for."
She nodded against my chest and then sighed, "I guess I should take a shower. I still smell like vomit."
"It's kind of charming once you get used to it," I joked.
"Well, I'm sure everyone else will be disgusted," she pulled away from me and started walking towards the stairs. "Don't wear any cologne!" she called to me over her shoulder.
Meredith was pregnant. The love of my life was pregnant with my child. And god she was right, this was far too soon. We had just started talking about marriage and even that felt fast. And now there was a baby. Meredith and I had been moving at warp speed since the moment we had first kissed. And now I was going to be a dad, again. Now I was really starting my own family.
I've discovered englightenment holding your hand