Disclaimer: We don't own Grey's. Because apparently characters run amock in our heads...and if we actually owned the show, who knows what the hell could happen.
It had been only four days since Meredith had told me she was pregnant. And in those four days, I hadn't stopped smiling. Not once. I was going to be a father. Well, I was already a father. Dillon was my son. But I was going to have a baby of my own. A small baby with my hair and Meredith's eyes, and hopefully her nose. I had plans, already. Things I would teach my son or daughter to do.
I had never been this excited before. I'd have to make my office more baby friendly. It had already gone under the Dillon makeover, everyone that came over here loved it. Toys sat through out, toys that were supposed to be put away but never managed to make it there. Hand drawn pictures sat on the desk and hung on the walls. But now there was going to be baby, so it would have to change again. A playpen would have to be added, every socket would have to be covered, I would have to look into finding a way to cover the edges of my plastic desk. I knew I was planning way too far in advance, but the thought that I would be a daddy had taken over my every thought and action. I walked around with a huge moronic grin on my face. Mark was threatening to never speak to me again.
Of course Mark was secretly thrilled for me, I knew he was. The rest of my family didn't know, Meredith wanted to wait. She wanted to do the whole wait for 3 months just to make sure, I was okay with that. Not that I believed her. I knew that telling my family would make everything more real and that she wasn't ready for it, and that's why she didn't want to say anything. I was okay with that too.
I knew I'd have a hard time keeping Mark's mouth shut, but bribes were working pretty well thus far. It was Dillon that couldn't stop talking about being a big brother. Every night as Meredith and I tucked him in, he asked how many days it was until his little brother got here. He didn't believe he could have a sister, a brother was the only kind of sibling he wanted. And he was ecstatic.
Now he played in my office, drawing pictures of fish for his little brother. Because he had decided since he hated fishing so much that his little brother would love it, so I'd be able to share that with him. Of course I couldn't share the pancakes, according to him that mine and his thing. So he drew the pictures of fish, planning to decorate his little brother's room with them. I assumed it was a form of brainwashing and worried about what Yang had done to him as a baby. I would have to talk to Meredith about it in a very gentle way. Dillon was a great kid, but he had the tendency to get snarky and cynical. It was cute, but I imagined it would be a pain in the ass once he reached his teenage years. My child would probably need to be protected from his or her parents' best friends. I shuddered at the thought of what Mark could "teach" my child.
"Bud, maybe you should draw a picture of a pony or something?" I suggested gently.
"Nope," he shook his head. "Fishies. Brother is going to like fishies. Just like you."
"Dillon, we've talked about this. The baby might be a sister," I tried to explain for what might have been the millionth time.
He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the orange crayon from the box. "But Sam and I don't want a sister," he explained slowly. "Sam and I want a brother."
"You don't always get what you want," I tried to tell him, even though I knew it was a waste.
"It's gonna be a brother and he's gonna like fishies," he told me. "So his room will have fishies."
I got up from my desk and walked over, grabbing a spot on the ground beside him, looking at the blue fish he was drawing. "Dillon, I just don't want you to be disappointed if it's not a brother. I know it's what you want, but if it's a sister, you have to love her too."
"Can a sister like fishies?" he looked up at me, his eyes wide.
"Well yeah," I shrugged. None of my sisters like them but it wasn't outside the realm of possibility.
"Then I'll try to like her," he shrugged. "But I want a brother. And so does Sam."
I laughed at a lack of anything else to say. Because I could try to think of many things to respond and Dillon would still stick to the same thought, that it was indeed a brother because that's what he wanted. And that was that. So arguing was worthless and really it was kind of cute. "Well if you don't get a brother we'll go out and get Sam one."
"Okay," Dillon nodded as he bent his blonde head down to draw another fish. "Derek?"
'Yeah, bud?" I asked ruffling his hair.
"When I was born, I had Sam. What will my brother have?" he asked seriously.
"I don't know, bud, I think we're going to have to talk to Mommy about that when you get home Sunday," I answered.
"Daddy's late," he said frankly, as if it weren't a surprise or even something new.
"He'll be here soon," I reassured him. "He is probably just finishing up a surgery."
"Derek, does my Daddy still love me?" he picked up a black crayon.
"Of course he does," I answered a little shocked the question and more shocked at the matter of fact tone he said it in.
"I don't think he does," he started drawing a black fish now.
"Why not?" I asked, trying to keep the concern from my voice.
"Cause he told Kimmy I was a 'take," he said softly. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad."
Anger ripped through my body. Because Dillon hadn't been a mistake. Meredith sleeping with Lucas maybe, but never Dillon. I wanted to punch the man for even saying it. Instead I pulled Dillon into my arms. "You were not a mistake, Dillon. Never let anyone tell you that. Your mommy and I love you very much."
"Will you love me after my brother comes?" he asked. "Because Tommy at school said his mommy and daddy don't love him anymore since his brother was born."
"Your mommy and I will never stop loving you," I reassured him, gently pressing my lips against his nose. "You will always be my bud."
"What will you call my brother?" he asked as he turned and went back to his coloring.
"I don't know yet, because it might be a sister," I gently reminded him.
"It's gonna be a brother," he giggled.
"Want to make a bet?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Okay!" he nodded enthusiastically.
"If it's a boy I'll do your chores for a week. If it's a girl you do my chores for a week," I suggested.
"Hmmmm," he scrunched up his face, "and you'll buy me and Sam ice cream."
"It's a deal," I told him, holding out my hand for him to shake.
He shook it and then turned his head as there was a knock at my door. "Daddy!" he cried, jumping up to open the door for Lucas.
"Hey Dillon," he greeted. And then he looked at me, probably a little thrown off at finding one of his bosses sitting cross legged on the floor, colouring on a piece of paper. "Dr. Shepherd."
"Daddy, guess what I'm doing!" Dillon grabbed his father's hand and led him over to the small table.
"What?" Lucas asked, sounding less than enthused to be being dragged further into my office.
"Drawing fishies for my brother!" the six year old proclaimed proudly as I winced.
"Brother? You mean Sam?" Lucas asked, looking at the bear that sat on my lap with slight disgust.
"Nope!" Dillon shook his head, laughing a little bit. "Sam doesn't like fishies, Daddy! But my baby brother will!"
"What baby brother?" Lucas asked, sounding angry now as he looked between Dillon and I.
"Mommy and Daddy Derek made pancakes and now I'm gonna get a brother," Dillon explained.
I cleared my throat and tried to not turn bright red at pancake mention. I had to make sure Dillon stopped repeating that story. "Sorry, you probably shouldn't have found out like this," I tried to apologize.
"Meredith's pregnant?" Lucas stared at me, hate and disgust burning in his eyes.
"Yeah, we uhh...we just found out," I told him, meeting his gaze head on, even if my voice faltered slightly.
"Typical for her," Lucas snorted. "Has she dumped you yet?"
"No she hasn't dumped me yet and she won't be. Ever," I told him.
"That's what you think," he grinned. "Meredith is just like any other S-L-U-T."
This was going to get messy. This wasn't even a talk I should be having, Meredith had wanted to tell Lucas herself. It hadn't occured to us that Dillon might say the wrong thing. So now it was my mess to deal with. My mess. "Bud," I said leaning toward Dillon. "Remember where Uncle Mark's office is?"
"Yep," he nodded. "Go to the 'levator and press 5. And then turn to the window and go down three doors. That's Uncle Mark's office."
"Good job. I have to talk to your dad for a few minutes, can you go see Uncle Mark? You can show him all the nice pictures you drew," I said.
Dillon nodded and gathered his pictures, leaving the office excitedly. Lucas stared at me. "Who the hell is Mark?" he growled. "Where did you just send my son?"
"Dr. Sloan's office. He's my best friend, I grew up with the man," I said, walking back to my desk.
"Mark Sloan?" he asked. "I've heard about him. And none of it was good."
"Well I wouldn't suggest sending your sister to his office," I laughed. "But he loves Dillon, and he's great with him."
"You know, for once, I'd love to get a say in what happens to my son," he stated.
"Have all the say you want," I spat at him. "But you didn't want him in this room right now, because there's some things I want to say to you that your son definitely does not need to hear."
"I don't want to hear a damn thing from you," he said. "Not one damn thing."
"I've had to watch my pregnant girlfriend walk around our house beyond stressed for the past month, so you're going to hear what I have to say," I said, venom in my voice.
"Look, if this is about the custody case, I have every right to make sure my son is being raised properly."
"You do," I agreed. "And Meredith is doing a hell of a job of it. She's an amazing mother."
"Really?" he laughed. "Getting knocked up by a guy she's been dating for a few months? Promiscuity doesn't make a good mother."
Don't you dare talk about Meredith that way. Have you even bothered to find out what kind of woman she has become? The woman that dropped out of med school and gave up all her dreams for your child. The woman who has no role model as a mother, she knows nothing about a mother and yet raised one of the most remarkable children I've ever met. She hadn't even had a boyfriend in I don't know how long. Don't you dare talk about that Meredith!" I shouted.
"You know, Dr. Shepherd, I feel sorry for you," he shook his head slowly. "She's got you believing she's this amazing person. Meredith was drunk for half of the six months I was with her. She's not capable of feeling love for anyone but her damn self. I raised Dillon too you know."
"You see Dillon every second weekend. Actually not even that, I know how many times you cancel on the poor kid. And you...Meredith is amazing, she's the most amazing person I have ever known. You are fortunate that she ever bothered touching you," I yelled.
"I have a job, Dr. Shepherd," he yelled. "A job that requires my attention. Meredith knew and understood this when I moved to Seattle to be closer to my son for my internship. I love my son, Dr. Shepherd. And I want the best for him."
"If you wanted what was best for your son, if you had any idea what was best for your son, you wouldn't be trying to take him away from his mother, from the woman who loves him more than anything," I said quietly, but with venom in my voice.
"I'm trying to make sure my son is in a stable environment," he shot back. "I should have done this years ago. Meredith was going to abort him. What kind of mother even thinks about that?"
"A mother who's scared and has no idea what she's doing! A mother that was planning on becoming a doctor!" I shouted. "We have a stable home. Meredith, me and Dillon. It's a stable home. With another family member on the way."
"Interesting that Meredith never learned to be careful," he snickered. "After what happened with Dillon, I figured she wouldn't want another mistake baby."
"This child, mine and Meredith's child is not a mistake. It's not planned, but damn the child is a mistake. No child is a mistake. And the pure fact you talk about your son like that, your son, tells me you have no right raising a child," I exploded at him, like I had wanted to earlier.
"Are you saying I don't love my son?" he growled, coming close to me, a vein in his forehead throbbing.
"I don't know if you love your son or not. But I know what he thinks," I told him quietly, hating being this close to the ass that had hurt Meredith so badly.
"What?" he reeled back as if I had slapped him. "What do you mean?"
"He heard what you said to that bimbo you're marrying. He heard you call him a mistake. That poor little guy thinks his daddy doesn't love him. He came to me, his unofficial step-dad to tell me he thinks his own dad doesn't love him," I told him, not masking the disgust in my voice.
He stared at me, hard and cold. "I love him. I don't know what kind of shit you're poisoning him with."
"Lucas, you're an ass. I can't stand you. And I have never said anything but positive things in front of your son. Your son has no idea how I feel about you. When he's with Mer and I he hears only positive," I informed him, my voice calm.
"I'm going to talk to Meredith about keeping Dillon after Sunday," Lucas stated. "I don't want him around you."
"What the hell is your problem? Are you that afraid I'm going to steal your son from you?" I asked, shaking my head in disgust as fear raced through my body. He couldn't take Dillon, Meredith had custody, he just couldn't take him. I couldn't be responsible for Meredith losing her son.
"Every time he's with me all he talks about is what he does with Daddy Derek," he mocked. "I can't even take him to the fucking zoo without hearing about the time he went with Daddy Derek."
"I make him happy and you want to take him away from that. Jealous. You're taking your son away from the mother that raised him because you're jealous," I said, biting back a bitter laugh.
"He's my son," he stressed irrationally. "For six years, I've held him when he's sick. I've taught him how to throw a baseball. I've laughed with him and cuddled with him. He's my son, damn it."
"Lucas, I'm not trying to take any of that away from you. He loves you, he's your son. I don't want to take him away from you. But I love him too and he loves me. I just want to be part of his life, that's all," I said calmly, not even feeling any anger anymore. Actually I almost felt sorry for him.
"He calls you Daddy," he said pathetically, and for the first time, I saw tears in his eyes. Dillon's eyes.
"He calls you Daddy too," I pointed out. "You're daddy, I'm daddy Derek."
"I don't hear him calling Kimberly Mommy," he sighed. "I'm supposed to be his one and only daddy. I'm supposed to be the guy he goes to no matter what."
"You are that guy, you're his dad. He adores you. I hear about you all the time," I told him honestly, even though it pained me somewhat to admit that Dillon really wasn't mine.
"You do?" he sighed, defeat settling into his body.
"I do," I nodded. "Dillon can have two families, it's possible you know."
"I don't know," he shook his head. "My dad died when I was seven. I'm completely flying blind here."
"Ten. I was ten when my dad died," I told him. Apparently I was now bonding with the enemy. "So don't think I know much more than you do."
He stared at me and sighed, "I'm going to go get Dillon."
"He's excited to spend the weekend with you," I told him, giving him a small smile, hesitating for a second. "You don't actually think he's a mistake, do you?"
"God no," he shook his head. "He's uh, my little boy. My Dill pickle."
I didn't have the heart to tell him Dillon hated the nickname. "Good," I nodded slowly. "You're not a bad guy, Lucas. You're not the enemy."
"I'm not trying to be," he nodded and then walked towards the door before turning to me. "You really love him?"
"I do," I nodded. "He's my bud."
He nodded again and then said, "Congratulations, by the way. On the baby."
"Thanks," I said a little shocked. "Tell Dillon I said bye. And Mer and I will see him Sunday night."
He smiled a little and then said, "Tell Meredith I'll talk to the lawyers. Maybe tweak the custody agreement a little."
"I'll let her know," I said, smiling at how much everything had just changed.
He smiled back at me and then closed the door softly behind him, leaving me in complete and utter shock. I knew he wouldn't back down immediately. And I knew his jealousy wouldn't go away, but I had the strangest feeling that Lucas had suddenly given me permission to help raise his son.
"This is the day, when everything changes."