Disclaimer: This is a happy update. We like happy. If we owned Grey's...well happy things would happen. Not thing we refuse to talk about.
I wasn't exhausted. Last night I had slept soundly, Meredith sound asleep in my arms. After Dillon calmed down we had put him to bed together and then gone downstairs and talked about everything while finishing the sparkingly grape juice. And then we had gone upstairs and had the most mind blowing sex, and then collapsed in each other's arms. It had been perfect. And now I was whistling.
Whistling. I hadn't whistled in quite some time. I wasn't exactly the whistling type. Especially these days. But after I had woken up with Meredith naked in my arms, I couldn't help myself. The night before had been perfect. Dillon had wanted to watch the tape of his baby sister moving again and again, and we had indulged him that, because, well, we enjoyed seeing our daughter just as much as he enjoyed seeing his sister.
Today had flown by, nothing had seemed as tedious as it had for the past months. I had thought the emptiness, the sadness, the overwhelming pain had been all about my mom, but really some of it was because Mer and I, we were off. But now we weren't. I felt whole again. Now I needed to find Lucas to see if him and Kim could take Dillon for the night, I had things I had to take care of.
He was just finishing up surgery when I found him and I waved to him to talk to me when he was done. I waited patiently in the scrub room, whistling something. I wasn't sure what it was, but I had a feeling it was a Disney song of some sort. But I wasn't entirely sure. "Hey, Derek," Lucas greeted me as he came out of the surgery, untying his mask and surgical cap.
"Lucas," I nodded. "Can you take Dillon tonight?"
"I get off at eight," he said after a minute. "Sure, what's up?"
My smile grew wider. "I'm proposing to Mer tonight."
"Oh," he grinned at me. "Congratulations. I figured it was going to come sooner or later. How's she doing?"
"She's exhausted and stressed," I answered honestly. "But things are going to get better now."
"Good," he nodded as he washed his hands. "Anything I need to know about Dill? He's been acting a little down lately."
"Partially my fault, I haven't been around much and it's gotten to him. We talked last night and it's good. And he's been stressing about the little sister. He thinks that when she comes we won't love him as much. And that when you and Kim get married, you won't love him as much," I explained.
"Oh God," he rolled his eyes, turning to look at me. "I'll try to deal with that. And it is a girl, for sure?"
"Found out yesterday," I smiled.
"Congratulations," he grinned and then looked down at his beeping pager. "I've gotta run, consult in the pit. You wanna drop him off at daycare and I'll pick him up from there?"
"Sure. Thanks Lucas," I told him.
"No problem," he nodded. "And good luck tonight."
"Thanks," I smiled, back to my whistling as I headed towards my office, glad I had taken care of that and today was nearly done. I had to go see my mom, who was at home now. And then pick up Dillon, bring him here and get home to Meredith. And then tonight, tonight would be easy
I changed quickly into my street clothes, keeping up the whistling the entire time. Thank God Mark wasn't here. He'd kill me for whistling. Or maybe not. Mark was in love. It was weird to think that Mark could be in love. And with Addison. I wasn't sure how to take it. I was supposed to be the sappy one, not Mark. And yet, he had found his Meredith. He was done. I'd find him tomorrow and grill him then. He wouldn't be pleased Dillon had let it spill, but that's what happens when you use a chatty six year old as your main confidant. Especially a chatty six year old who adores me. I'd find Mark tomorrow. I'd have to ask him to be my best man anyway.
I got into my car and drove to my mom's house, The Clash blaring from my stereo as I sang along. I had forgotten this Derek. I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. Meredith had reminded me. And I knew that I needed to be with her. I knew I needed to marry her. We hadn't even known each other for a year, but eight months was enough for me to know.
I got to my mom's house and ran inside. I didn't knock anymore, there was no point of making Mom get up if she didn't have to. I found her resting on the couch watching some medical drama I knew Meredith was addicted to. "Hey Mom," I told her kissing her quickly. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," she sighed as she muted the TV. "How are you? How's Meredith? And my grand daughter?"
"We're all great. I went home last night, made them all supper. Things are good, Mom," I sighed, falling back onto my favourite chair.
"Good," she nodded, looking at me carefully. "You still look a little tired. You need to be careful, Derek. Don't run yourself into the ground. You'll be losing enough sleep when she's born."
"I know, Mom. I slept well last night, maybe a little later than I should have, but well," I laughed.
"It's good that you're getting sleep," she smiled. "I've been worried about you." Leave it to my mother to be worried about everyone else when she had cancer.
"I'm fine, Mom. You have nothing to worry about. Worry about getting better," I said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.
"Oh, I'm fine," she shook her head. "Addison says there's still a chance. I just need to recuperate before they start again."
"Mom, you have to grab onto that chance," I pleaded squeezing her hand. "I want my daughter to meet you."
"I want to meet her," she said earnestly, tears coming to her eyes. "Have you thought of any names yet?"
"We're not sure of a first name yet, but her middle name is going to be Elaine, after you Mom," I said, blinking back tears. Today was a happy day, I wasn't going to cry.
"Oh, Derek," she sighed, tears starting to come down her own cheeks.
"Mom, don't cry," I begged her. "Today's a happy day, no tears today."
"And why is today such a happy day?" she asked as she wiped her cheeks with a tissue.
"Well...ummm..." I cleared my throat, not quite sure how to ask for it. It was mine, it was passed on to the oldest Shepherd boy, the ring was mine. I just, I just had stopped believing I was ever going to need it. "I came to ask you for the ring."
"Oh, Derek," she smiled, squeezing my hand. "You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of you sayint that exact phrase."
"I haven't even considered asking before, not till Meredith. She's it, Mom," I said, feeling tears in me eyes again.
"I know," she nodded and then moved to get up. "I've known from the minute you said her name, Derek. Just let me go get it."
"Mom, don't get up. Just tell me where it is and I can grab it," I said, moving to get up myself.
"Upstairs in my jewelry box," she sighed, obviously exhausted from just the attempt to get up. "In the left compartment. The key is in my bedside drawer."
"I'll be right back," I said, running up the stairs. I found the ring in seconds and picked it up with shaky fingers. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. And how perfect. It looked like the ring Meredith would pick out for herself, it was her ring. It had been made for her. And I couldn't wait to slip it on her finger tonight.
It had been in my family for so long that I couldn't remember where it had started, or how it had turned into an heirloom. But it was meant as an engagement ring, to be passed on to the oldest Shepherd boy when he was ready to get married. My mother had worn it until I was around fifteen, and then she had taken it off, tucking it gently in the jewelry box. Now it was my Meredith's. I put the ring in my pocket for safe keeping, until I was ready to ask her. It felt wierd thinking of asking her. It had been ages since we talked about it, since she had told me she was ready for this, ready to marry me. And I had meant to take care of it a lot sooner, but life had gotten in the way. But not tonight, tonight was it. I was going to ask her, she was going to say yes. Tonight would be perfect.
"Do you have it?" Mom asked as I came down the stairs, a ridiculously stupid grin on my face.
"Yeah," I nodded, patting my pocket. "It's perfect for her."
"It is," she nodded, pulling the blanket up around her. "I just hope I can see you marry her."
"Mom, don't talk like that, you'll be there," I told her, slipping onto the couch and putting an arm around her.
"You didn't seem so sure yesterday," she sighed. "I'm tired, Derek."
"Yesterday I was an ass. And I was scared. But you're going to make it through this, you have to. You're not done yet," I nodded gently. And for some reason I believed the words this time. My night with Meredith had saved me. And now I believe, I had to believe that my mom would be okay.
She nodded, a smile on her face and then, "Both of my boys have grown up, it seems."
"You know about Mark?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up.
"Of course I do," she laughed. "I've seen them together."
"What? How long has this been going on? How did I not know? What the hell happened to the manwhore?" I asked quickly.
"Derek," she warned, giving me the look. "Language, please. And it's been going on for a little over a month and a half now. And you didn't know because he didn't want anyone to know. Derek, you had Meredith to keep you afloat. Your sisters had their husbands. But, Mark, Mark needed someone. And Addie was there. She stabilized him. She made him grow up."
I got it, well I kind of got it. I would have gotten it had it been anyone but Mark. And Addison. "I'm happy for him, Mom. I am. I get it. It's just...it's Mark, Mom, Mark."
She laughed. "It had to happen sooner or later. He had slept with most of the women in Seattle."
I laughed along with her, happy to see she still had a sense of humour. "Maybe you didn't do as badly with Mark as we all thought."
"He's a good boy," she smiled lightly. "And head over heels for Addie. You should hear how he talks about her."
"Is it worse than when I found Meredith?" I asked laughing.
"Not quite yet," she laughed. "He feels guilty. He feels he shouldn't be happy right now. I've learned quite a bit about our Markie recently."
"I should talk to him," I nodded. "I know a thing or two about being happy when I really feel I shouldn't be. But you don't want us miserable. I'll talk to him,:
"No, I don't want you miserable," she said firmly. "I want you to live your life and be happy. All of you. Moping around won't solve anything."
"It won't," I nodded. Moping had nearly killed Meredith, Meredith and my princess. "I'll talk to him. I owe him one, after yesterday I definitely owe him one."
"Good," she nodded. "Now, I need to get some rest. Go home to Meredith. She needs you more than I do right now."
"Okay," I kissed her gently on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."
"Love you too, Derek," she smiled as she hugged me. "Good luck tonight."
"Do you think I need it?" I asked her, letting a little doubt creep in.
"No," she shook her head. "She'll say yes."
"Thanks, Mom," I smiled. "I'll bring Dillon by to see you tomorrow if you're up for it."
"Okay," she nodded. "Love you."
"Love you too," I smiled, leaving the house. That was taken care of, I had the ring. That was the first major step. I had the ring. And now I just needed to get Dillon to Lucas's without incident and get home to Meredith. She needed another night of relaxing, of being taken care of then. And then I would ask, ignoring any butterflies that would enter my stomach, I would ask.
I picked up Dillon from school again, this time he came running to me with a huge smile and open arms. "Hi, Daddy Derek!" he yelled, jumping into my arms.
"Hey bud," I smiled, swining him around. "Have a good day?"
"Yeah!" he nodded. "Did my sister move again?"
I laughed. "I don't know bud, I haven't been home. I went to work and then went to see Grandma."
"Is she okay?" he asked seriously.
"She's fine, Dillon. Maybe tomorrow we'll all go and see her if she's up for company, okay?" I asked, buckling him in.
"Okay," he nodded. "What are we gonna do tonight?"
"Actually, we need to talk about that," I told him, slipping int my seat. "I was thinking you could do me a big favour and stay with your dad and Mommy Kimmy tonight."
"Why?" he asked. "I was at Daddy's last weekend. Now it's your's and Mommy's turn."
"I know, bud. And tomorrow we'll pick you up first thing in the morning and you can spend the rest of the weekend with us. It's just...I don't want to share your mommy tonight," I laughed.
"It's not nice not to share," he told me.
"I know, Dillon," I nodded. "But remember when we talked about me marrying your mommy a long time ago, when we went fishing?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Tonight I'm going to ask her to marry me. If that's still okay with you," I told him.
"Wow!" he laughed. "My mommy and daddy are both getting married. But not to each other!"
I laughed along with him, relieved that he was taking this well. I had been a little worried about a repeat of last night. "So you're okay staying with your daddy, tonight?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "But you gotta say good night to my sister for me."
"I promise I will," I nodded.
"And for Sam too," he said.
"Will do," I nodded again.
"Okay," he nodded and then went silent, staring out the window as we drove to the hospital. I dropped him off at daycare, giving him a hug and promising him I'd pick him up first thing Saturday morning and then went back to my car, a grin on my face. I was going to propose to Meredith. Everything was in place. I was going to ask my Meredith to be my wife.
I sang along with the radio the entire way home. If I didn't know the words I made them up. Tonight was going to change everything. After tonight nothing would be the same. It would be better. More bright and shiny. More perfect. I laughed as I pulled up to the house and I basically skipped to the door. "Honey, I'm home!' I yelled, walking in, like some cheesy 50s show.
"In the living room!" she called.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, walking towards the room.
"Exhausted," she admitted, curled up again on the couch, a blanket over her. "Dr. Galveston wants me to take early maternity leave. I'm not even six months pregnant yet and he wants me to take early leave. He says I look like a ghost."
"You do," I walked over and sat beside her, running my hand gently over her forehead. "It's a good idea, take the time off, relax."
"I can't just sit around the house," she sighed
"Maybe I should take the time off too. I haven't taken a vacation in years, I have enough saved up to last me months. Maybe I should just take a break. We can both be here, at home, together," I suggested.
"What?" she stared at me. "Seriously?"
"Seriously," I smiled. "I could use the break. Have more time for everyone."
"Derek, can we do that?" she asked. "I mean, we're about to have a baby. We need money. And, and, we'll drive each other nuts."
"Mer, for the first couple of months I'd still be getting paid my vacation time. And after that, I have enough saved up to take a leave. That's what happens when you make a lot of money, live in a trailer and never take time off," I laughed. "And I'd love to go nuts with you."
"But you love your job," she sighed. "And, Derek, you're the head of neurosurgery. The head of neurosurgery can't just leave for a few months to take care of his pregnant girlfriend."
"The head of neurosurgery can do whatever he wants. And I'll still be in town, if something comes up they can reach me," I nodded. "And I love my job. But it will still be there after she's born."
"Maybe just pick up a lighter rotation," she suggested. "A couple days a week. Maybe that's what I'll do too. One or two days a week."
"Meredith, if you're doctor wants you done working there is no way I'm going to let you in that building," I told her firmly. "We are both officially off work."
"Addison didn't say a thing about me not working," she said stubbornly. "I just need to sleep more. Eat a little bit more. And then I'll be fine. I'll be perfectly fine."
"Meredith, stop pushing yourself. No one is going to blame you for taking time off. We've been through a lot, we both need time off," I told hre.
"I don't know," she whispered a little.
"Mer, it's okay to be weak sometimes, you're not alone anymore. It's okay to let go, to just relax," I whispered pulling her close.
"Fine," she sighed. "But I'm not going to pretend I like being a housewife...housegirlfriend..."
"Oh god, Mer, housewives cook. I beg you to never try to be housewife," I laughed.
She hit my arm a little bit. "Ass."
"I do have a rather nice one," I winked at her.
"Yes you do," she laughed. "Where's Dill?"
"So the lady finally notices her missing son," I laughed. "Lucas and Kim are keeping him tonight. We'll pick him up in the morning."
"Why?" she asked. "It's our weekend."
"I thought we could use the night alone. Have a quite romantic meal, a bubble bath, get a good night's sleep," I told her, trying to look like a concerned boyfriend even though I was grinning like an idiot on the inside.
I was almost too happy. I couldn't stop dancing, moving, whistling, singing. This wasn't even the usual me. But Meredith would be my fiancee soon. My real fiancee, not my sorta fiancee. We would be engaged and we would get married, and we would soon have our baby girl. This was more than happiness, this was cloud a hundred. "What are you doing?"
I turned around to find Meredith standing there, actually looking well rested for once. There was still some tiredness around her eyes but she didn't look like she was about to fall over any second. "Making supper," I shrugged.
"And dancing?" she stared at me, a small smile on her face.
"I wasn't dancing," I argued, smiling.
"Oh, you were dancing," she nodded. "And singing. I don't know how I feel about you being so bright and shiny. Dark and twisty Derek is a lot more tolerable."
"I like being bright and shiny," I said, walking over to her and twirling her around.
"Are you on something?" she asked, sounding suspiciously like Cristina.
"No Meredith," I laughed. "I'm happy. You remember the emotion, right? It involves smiling, and dancing and sex, lots of sex."
"Hmmm," she smiled as she kissed me, hard. "I do remember sex. In fact, I remember sex on that very counter."
"Yeah, that's a fond memory," I said. "No sex now though, food. Sex later."
"But I like sex more," she whined playfully as she squeezed my ass.
"Hmmm...so do I. But I have a perfect meal planned. And we're eating it, Mer. My princess needs it," I said placing my hand on her stomach.
"What is your princess having tonight?" she asked, as she covered my hand with her own.
"Tacos," I smiled.
"Tacos?" she smiled. "You make tacos?"
"I make really good tacos," I nodded.
"All right, we're having tacos," she grinned. "You know, Dillon's going to hate us. He loves tacos."
"He doesn't need to know. I'll make them for him some other night," I responded.
She kissed me deeply, her tongue creeping into my mouth. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too, Mer," I whispered. And then I knew. This was the moment, not later after the bubble bath surrounded by candles. This was the moment. With shaky fingers I pulled the ring out of my pocket and held it up to her. "Marry me, Mer?"
"What?" she asked, staring at the ring in my fingers, tears filling her eyes.
"Meredith Grey, will you marry me?" I asked, repeating the question.
"Oh," she breathed, still staring at the ring. "Oh wow. Seriously? Seriously. I mean, you still want to after everything and all the crap? I mean, you want to marry me and I know I said I was your sorta fiancee but, I mean, wow."
"Meredith, marry me," I repeated again, nodding my head.
"Okay," she whispered softly. "Okay."
Tears filled my eyes. I knew she was going to say yes, there had never been question in my mind. From the moment I first saw her, I knew eventually she'd accept my proposal for marriage. But hearing it, hearing it felt damn good. With a shaky hand I slipped the ring on her finger. It was a little too big. "We'll have to get it resized tomorrow," I said through my tears.
"It's beautiful," she breathed, her own tears coming down her cheeks.
"It's...well I don't know who owned it first. But it's the family ring," I whispered.
"Really?" she looked into my eyes.
"Really. You're a Shepherd now," I smiled.
"Meredith Grey-Shepherd," she smiled a little. "Oh wow. I'm getting married."
"No more kind of fiancee," I laughed, tears streaming down my face.
"Does your mom know?" she asked as she cuddled into my chest, still crying.
"Yeah, before I picked up Dill I went there and got the ring," I told her, hugging my fiancee tight. Fiancee.
"This is..." she trailed off as she looked up at me and kissed me.
I kissed her deeper. "This is where we're supposed to be."
"I was going to say surreal," she giggled.
"You would," I laughed.
"So much for going slow," she laughed.
"It's been 8 months, I was ready to propose 7 months ago," I told her.
"Seriously?" she looked at me. "But you barely knew me. You didn't even know I had Dillon."
"I've always known you were it for me, even when I didn't know you, I knew you were it," I said, blinking back tears.
"Cheesy," she shook her head. "Very cheesy."
"You're marrying a romance novel," I laughed.
"Great," Meredith sighed. "I'm starving."
"What happened to wanting sex?" I asked.
"Your daughter is hungry," she grinned. "And she wants peanut butter."
"Peanut butter doesn't go with tacos, Mer," I said scrunching up my nose.
"Peanut butter with chocolate sauce," she said, licking her lips a little.
"That's gross, Mer," I said, turning back to the meal.
"Oh, it sounds so good," she moved towards the pantry. "Do we have chocolate sauce?"
"I don't know and there is no way I'm helping you look for it," I rolled my eyes. "Remember sex, Mer? If you want sex you might decide against that disgusting concoction."
"Your daughter wants it!" she gasped. "Are you going to deprive your daughter of her peanut butter and chocolate sauce?"
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, eat it. But go to the other room or something so I don't have to witness it."
"You're terrible," she frowned as she grabbed a spoon. "You know what I was thinking?"
"I'm afraid to ask," I smiled at her.
"This Sunday," she said as she dipped the spoon in the peanut butter jar, pouring a little bit of chocolate sauce on the spoon, "we should host the Shepherd family dinner."
"What? The Shepherd family? My big crazy family? Here? Dinner?" I sputtered out. Meredith didn't do family. Things had improved, she wasn't scared of them anymore, but she still...my family over for dinner?
"This is so good," she moaned as she enjoyed her disgusting craving. "And yes. Because your mom can't do it, Derek. And I think it would be good for everyone."
"I agree, it's just...here? Who's going to cook? Because you might be surprised to hear this but most people don't like peanut butter and chocolate sauce," I laughed.
"You should try it," she offered, holding out her spoon. "And you can cook."
"No, I'm not trying that," I shook my head. "And if you think we can handle it..."
"Come on," she giggled. "It's good."
"I'm sure it is," I told her. "But I'll take your word for it."
"And I think we can handle it," she nodded as she took another bite. "How hard could it be?"
"Meredith, that's...I'm not doing the math, but it's a lot of people. We don't entertain," I pointed out.
"True," she nodded. "But, Derek, for almost three months there hasn't been a family Shepherd dinner. The last one was when your mom told everyone about her diagnosis."
"I know," I nodded slowly. "It's just, it's a lot to take on. And it's not like you miss the scary family dinners."
"I don't," she admitted. "But you do."
"I do," I said. "Are you sure about this? Because if we tell people, we're committed."
She nodded. "I really think we can do it, Der. And invite Mark. Tell him to bring Addison."
"Oh he definitely has to bring Addison," I laughed. "Do you want your family to come? Have an engagement party thing?"
"Um," she suddenly paused, putting her spoon down. "I don't...I don't know."
"We don't have to, my families enough," I told her quickly.
"Okay," she nodded carefully as she put away the peanut butter and chocolate sauce.
"I love you, Mer. Thanks for doing this," I told her, wrapping my arms around her.
"I love you too," she smiled. "Now, about that sex..."
"Oh, so now you want the sex," I laughed.
"Of course I do," she whispered, her hot breath tickling my neck.
"I already turned off the meat," I said, moving my lips to meet hers and kissing her deeply. Supper could wait, sex had waited long enough.
She kissed me deeply, her fingers going up to my hair, her body pressed against me. She tasted like peanut butter and I had to hold back a comment about the disgusting craving as her hands moved from my hair to my ass, squeezing it gently. Pregnancy definitely made Mer more carefree and certainly a little more porny.
"I missed this, Mer," I sighed, moving my lips to her neck and gently bitting in the spot I knew made her shiver.
She moaned under me, not saying a word as her hands moved to my pants, quickly undoing my belt and pulling my shirt over my head. Her movements were rushed, hurried, and she seemed to want one thing and one thing only. "I need you," she murmured.
I pulled her shirt off, and pulled her closer, depositing her on the counter we were both so fond of. My mouth moved to her chest, her breasts slightly larger than before the pregnancy. And so much more sensitive. Her breathing was ragged as she moaned with each movement I made and she held up her hand. "Der, Der," she breathed.
"Yes?" I breathed, pulling away slightly.
"Is this going to work?" she giggled, motioning to her belly. "Sex on a counter...can it...will it work? Should we...bed?"
"We do not have sex in beds. We will make this work," I said, placing my hands on her stomach and kissing her again, deeply, all the passion we had missed of the past months.She laughed breathlessly and her head rolled back, allowing me to kiss every inch of her neck, trailing back down to her breasts. She was practically thrashing under me, her entire body tense with desire.
"God Mer," I said, my hands travelled to the fly of her pants, gently releasing the button and pulling them down her long legs.
She undid my own fly and rushed to get my pants and boxer briefs off, her hands shaking. "Derek, please," she pleaded with me as she gently stroked my erection.
I groaned and pushed myself inside her. She was so wet and warm and tight. Our bodies fit together awkwardly, her rounded belly in the way from how we usually fit together so well. But still this felt perfect, everything about this, about tonight felt perfect. Our fingers tangled together as I thrust further into her and I smiled against her lips at the unfamiliar feeling of her ring against my skin.
"Derek," she whimpered as she buried her face into my sweaty shoulder. "God."
"I love you, I love you," I repeated over and over again, under my breath as I held her close, burying my face in her shoulder.
"I love you too," she whispered as she ran her fingers through my sweat drenched hair.
I pulled away, finally, letting go of her hands and resting my stomach on her stomach. "You are amazing."
"That was...amazing," she said softly, placing her hand on her belly. "Though, someone isn't happy, I think."
"Something wrong?" I asked moving my hand around, rubbing her stomach.
"She's just moving a lot," Meredith smiled. "I think we woke her up."
I laughed gently. "Maybe she's hungry. She probably didn't like that crap you ate earlier."
"It was amazing," she giggled. "And she's the one who wanted it."
"Blaming it on my daughter," I shook my head, pulling away and helping Meredith off the counter.
She smiled and stood in front of me, completely naked and I caught my breath as I stared at her. She was absolutely beautiful. "I say we spend the rest of the night naked," she giggled.
"I am definitely for that idea," I laughed, rubbing my hands over her stomach.
She covered them with her own and looked at me, the smile fading from her eyes. "Der," she whispered.
"Yeah?" I question concerned.
"If something happens," she began and then stopped, taking a deep breath. "If your mom dies, you won't...you won't do it again, will you?"
"No," I shook my head quickly. "No. And if I, if I start you, yell at me, stop me. Don't let me do it again. I need you, you have to hold on to me."
"I need you too," she said, though this time entirely devoid of sexual meaning. "And I hate that I need you. I didn't used to be that girl who needed a guy. You and your stupid boy penis."
"And now you've never been happier than you are right now," I smiled kissing her quickly.
"You are so damn cheesy sometimes," she giggled and then leaned against me. "I'm tired."
"Supper won't be ready for another half hour, how about you go take a nap?" I suggested.
"Hmmm," she sighed. "You're warm though. Let's get chocolate sauce and feed it to each other in bed."
"You're getting strange, Mer," I laughed, as I grabbed the chocolate sauce.
"I'm not strange," she shrugged. "And if I am, then you like it. Because we're engaged."
"We're getting married," I smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her up the stairs. "And you have to eat, sometime before we go to bed tonight, you ave to eat."
"Not hungry," she murmured.
"Meredith, you're not getting a choice in this," I ordered.
"I'm supposed to be the bossy one," she said. "And I'm not hungry."
"Well then, we'll just have to get you to work up an appetite," I informed her.
She smiled at me a little and then kissed me. "Let's spend the entire night in bed. Let's order in and just stay in bed, Derek. We never get to do that."
"That sounds perfect, Mer," I smiled.
"I thought so too," she yawned as she crawled into our bed. "I love you, Derek Shepherd."
"I love you too, Meredith Grey-Shepherd," I smiled, pulling her into my arms. It wasn't her name yet, but it would be. In the future. One day it would be her name.
Love can move you, take you deeper every time, can make the darkest moments feel like heaven's come alive.