"Hope I didn't ruin your plans or anything," Jay said, stretching out on his bed. The unconcerned tone in his voice let on that he was merely offering this hope as an extension of courtesy rather than being truly worried about it. We were both used to the fact that I gave up a lot to watch out for him.
"Nah, I can always hang with Stacy some other time," I told him, flopping down beside him. He sat up against the wall and looked at me, with a yawn.
"So what's it between you all anyways? Sexual tension and that shit," he said with a light smile. I wriggled a little uncomfortably. I'd been entertained by the slight banter Stacy and I had lately, but I'd not really moved into a stage where I considered it visible to anyone else, let alone sexual tension. Flirting is one of those things that I just assumed was a natural progression of what Stacy and I had been over the last five years. Even Jay and I had always had some level of flirtation going, as that was what was in his personality. There wasn't anything between us.
I'll be forthright and say I'd entertained the possibility of something with quite a few different guys on the team at some given point. Could anyone blame me? A lot of Zephyr boys were quite handsome. Still, the idea of something with either of the ones so close to me left me feeling a little weird.
"I don't think so," I scoffed, "Wouldn't I notice if there was sexual tension between us?"
He laughed a little; "I think you've noticed, Lil. You're not stupid."
I got a little nervous and did a small mental rundown of any coy behavior Stacy and I'd exchanged. There wasn't much, and it didn't seem all that relevant. Jay was probably blowing things out of proportion. It was just his flavor of the week as far as drama went.
"Jay, I'd say we have more sexual tension than Stacy and me," I laughed. He looked at me weirdly for a brief awkward moment, but he ended up laughing.
"I've been known to create sexual tension with anything that crosses my path," he smiled to himself, "Just that damn good."
He was always so arrogant.
"Tamryn say the same thing?" I joked, talking about his girlfriend. They hadn't been together longer than a few weeks, but she was his thing at he moment. He got quiet and looked away.
"Uh, we're not together anymore," he said with a small laugh.
"Oh," I said, surprised. It was the first I'd heard of that. "Since when?"
"She ditched me for this guy with cash and stuff like a few days ago. I can't really compete if that's what she's in for, but hey," he shrugged, "What's it matter, anyways?"
That was his predictable attitude towards things of that nature. Either it happened or it didn't, and when it didn't, he was still fine. There'd only been one girl he really felt anything deep for, and he'd been dumped by her, too, right before he turned sixteen. Girls usually left Jay before he left them; he was a little intense for most of them. He always told everyone he broke it off first, but I knew the truth.
"I guess it doesn't," I said, yawning. I was pretty tired, already.
"Damn straight," he smiled. "There's no shortage of ladies for Jayboy."
We just sat there for a while, both thinking I assumed. It was eerily silent in the house, his mom having already gone to work. His room was dirty and cluttered, allowing very little space to think. It felt pretty claustrophobic, the room pressing in, him pressing into my side… wait, him pressing into my side?
He'd squished a little closer to me and closed his eyes. He looked so much like a little kid. Jay was like my kid brother, in a much different way than Sid. Sid was everyone's little brother because he was adorably quirky and awkward, kind of fidgety and needy. Jay was my brother because we were comfortable and close and, in his own way, he was needy, too. It was hard to explain.
"Goodnight, Lily," he said, with a yawn. I tensed up a little.
"I can't sleep here," I said with a hesitant laugh. He picked his head up and glared at me for a second before the look turned to confusion.
"Why not?"
"Because," I said, exasperated, "I don't know. Maybe I just better take the couch?"
"I'm not going to jump you in your sleep, Lily. You've slept here before, just stay…" He tugged on my shouldered and whined. He had a point; I'd been sleeping in Jay's bed since I was twelve. It just felt strange then, for some reason. It was probably just my overall mood of the night. Things had been so fast paced.
"Sorry," I said, in reply to his grumpiness. "It's just been a long night." He sighed and rolled away from me, fluffing the pillow under his head.
"It'll seem better tomorrow," he encouraged. It was the last thing he said before falling asleep peacefully. My mind was racked with a little more thought than would let me slip off to bed that easily.
I did, eventually, fall asleep, but I felt like I woke up as soon as I drifted off. I woke up around eleven, surprised to be next to Jay. Well, in reality, I was more like under the arm of Jay. He had draped half his body over me while laying on his back. I slung his shirtless, wiry little frame off me with some effort. He growled in his sleep. I pinched him on the side of his ribs and, rather than a growl, he made a sort of yelp.
"Jay," I whispered. No response. "Jay," I said, louder this time, and again three times. His eyes eventually fluttered a little.
"Mornin', Sunshine," he said, hoarsely. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and blinked at me. "Prettiest thing I've woke up next to in a while, considering the dogs I've brought home." He stuck his tongue out at me.
"You're a dick, Jay," I shoved him. He rolled out of bed and onto the floor.
"I've been told," He replied, standing up and stretching. He glanced back.
"No eyeing my morning wood, hear me?" His usual joke.
I rolled my eyes and collapsed back into the mess of sheets and pillows. I still felt so drained, so tired.
"Still sleepy, huh?" Jay asked, startling me as he emerged from the doorway. He sat beside me and pushed a piece of hair behind his ear. I nodded.
"Then go back to sleep, then," he said shrugging, "I'll wake you up in an hour or so."
"You sure?" I was more than willing to sleep in the overstuffed, broken-in bed underneath me, though it smelled of salt and natural smell that could only be described as Jay. I couldn't decide whether either of those was good or bad.
It took a moment for me to remember that I couldn't afford to go back to sleep; I'd made plans with Stacy. As good as that bed felt and as tired as I was, I was letting him down a lot lately. I groaned, a bit frustrated.
"What?" Jay asked, confused. I slapped my forehead.
"I got plans with Stacy today, I can't go back to bed, damn it," I said, pulling the covers over my head. He pulled them back down.
"Bail," he said, very nonchalantly.
"I can't just bail," I scoffed, "I've done that a lot lately with him…"
He shook his head. "He'll live."
"I had plans with him and I backed out to take care of you last night. He seemed pretty mad," I mused, looking out the window.
"Fuck him, Lil. You're like, my best friend. Everyone knows that. You love me," he smiled, very self confidently. It was a little heartbreaking that was so immature looking, smiling like an idiot. He usually had the presence of someone twice his age, but he looked around six just then.
"I know, Jay," I said, giving him an apologetic grin, "but you're both my boys. I have to spend a little time with him, too." I wasn't sure why I felt bad explaining that to him. Perhaps it was in the way his face sort of melted into an unexcited expression.
"Do you like him the same way he likes you?" He asked, seriousness coming over him. I was a little troubled by the sudden change in tone with him.
I wasn't sure I could ever envision a 'thing' with Stacy, but I enjoyed the pursuit at the moment. Wait, what? I enjoyed whatever was going on. I would've rather not called it a pursuit. I didn't look at it as anything, really. Did I?
"Jay…" I muttered. I suppose something following his name was expected, by the look he gave me, as if to press me to go on.
"I guess that sums it up," he said, standing up and pulling on a shirt. He seemed rather angry at the moment, yanking it over his shoulders and putting on shoes hastily.
"I'm gonna go skate a while. If you want to come back later since you're mom's not home yet, feel free. You know it's never locked," He said, not looking back at me. I tried to interrupt by shouting his name, ready to tell him to chill out, but he only countered my attempt by talking over me.
"Tell Pretty Boy Peralta that I said hey," he said, disappearing out the door.
"Damn," I mumbled to myself, falling back on the bed once more, in awe of the continual emotional rollercoaster named Jay Adams that had gone from sleepy and puppy dog eyed, to happy and nurturing, to pissed off and some unnamed thing in less than ten minutes.
I hadn't even said anything about liking or not liking Stacy; I didn't know what to say at all, therefore I said nothing. Funny that they say silence is the better alternative since it can't be repeated.
It can sure as hell be interpreted a thousand ways, repeatable or not.