ACCIDENT
It was an accident.
That's what they told my family when they dragged the hunk of metal on land and checked the insides. Two bodies drenched in a wrap of death were found: one was my sister's, the other was mine.
They said it was an accident.
I didn't know what to think of death. My last moments as the car filled with unforgiving water was still fresh to me as the rain that fell that night. I remember thinking about death, since I was soon going to be dead. How nice it might be despite how I died and how I wouldn't be alone. I was afraid of being alone when I died. Now that I am dead, it's not so bad.
But I still had no thought on what to make of it.
When I died, there was this bright light. For ten seconds I was fixated on it, and before I had the chance to realize what really was happening, my soul left my body. You see, when a person dies they are automatically dead, but there spirit is still inside of them. Something or the other has to happen before their souls are pulled away from their vessels. It doesn't make much sense, but after some thought you start to think: Since I am alive, I really don't know, do I?
So now my soul was from my vessel and I watched as the ambulance drove away from my house carrying our bodies after showing them to my mother and father for identification. I floated there, high in the deep sea sky that humans took for granted, watching, wondering, feeling nothing as my mother broke down into tears of sorrow. My father was there, trying comfort her as his own set of tears ran down his cheeks.
What could I do?
Slowly I turned from the scene. It was bad enough seeing my parents cry on the pavement, but even more terrible to bare the fact that I couldn't do anything to comfort them. The dead can't help the living. I wanted suddenly to find my sister. It had just accrued to me that I haven't seen her, or what's left of her, from the accident. Was it possible that her soul was pulled away from her body also and was now wandering around looking for me?
Yes.
With something to do I set out to search for her, hopping that when I did, none of us would be alone.
It was a funeral.
People lined up in black clothing, mourning, weeping, still as the dead themselves. They were all gathered to visit the family who lost both daughters in one terrible rainy night. Above the house, watching, I gave myself a front row seat. Funny, how you can watch your funeral, yet your body is down there when it feels like it's up here. That's how it was right now.
That's how it will remain.
I had come back three weeks later having no success in finding my sister. There was a fear that maybe, she did something bad and went to the other place. Yet, there was a bright hope that she was already in heaven. However, that meant that I was alone and I personally did not know the way. Unfortunately, they didn't sell road maps on how to get to Heaven in stores.
"Is that Shawn?" I asked myself peering down into the crowd below me. Sure enough he was there with his mother, holding her hand and clenching a bouquet of flowers in the next. He too wore black.
Shawn was a boy in my class who always picked on me. For every little detail, right or wrong, he would find some way to tease me. I didn't know why and just thought it was a stupid boy thing. So, I was puzzled as to why he was here. Can't the dead, even when they leave all their troubles behind, rest in peace?
Behind him came a line if children I knew in my class. This too took me by surprise. I never thought of myself to be that popular. Already here, I gazed on in silence as more and more people came. There were grown up kids from my sister's school there. I wasn't surprised. My sister was always out going, strong, encouraged a lot of other people and smiled every day even when it was raining. I admired her for that, and smiled softly, remembering the time in the car before we crashed.
She gave me her last smile.
I would always remember it. That smile, how it made me happy despite the gloomy dark rain outside. Everything in that car was just me and her, no one else. So why did it happen?
It was accident, remember?
And I did.
I continued to watch the people as they cried and bid me goodbye. My parents had placed three pictures on the fireplace where it was surrounded by flowers. When I got a closer look at them I saw that one of them was on the right, my sister smiling brightly at the camera. This was one of her pictures she took when she did a little modeling. She looked so beautiful. Sighing, I looked at the picture on the left. It was me. I was smiling my biggest smile at the camera, the background showing the park I had visited just last year. Then I looked at the one in the middle. In it both my sister and I were smiling away like a couple of idiots. There was nothing special about it, my sister had taken the camera and was taking pictures like a lunatic of everything. This was one of them; with me and her. This is the place where people came and paid there respects. Even Shawn placed his bouquet down, said a prayer, and a few words. I listened.
"You dummy, why did ya have to go and die?" he whispered, head bowed. "You were always such a clutz and always smiled that stupid smile. So why…what did you do to deserve it. I never even got the chance to…to tell how I really felt."
I fell to the ground when I realized what he was getting at. Quickly recovering I hovered next to him, shouting. "What are you saying? You were always mean to me and never once apologized! So why are you…"
"I really liked you." And with that he turned and ran out of the house, crying. I floated there, lost in words. He…liked me?
I guess the saying, 'You might never know what tomorrow brings' comes into play here. Love, is something that shouldn't be held in the heart.
Now that the feeling of shock had passed I continued to watch as people came in, cried, bid their goodbyes and left something at the picture. It was interesting, listening, to people talk about you. I guess you never know what or how someone feels about you unless you ask them. Even then, they might not tell, but at least you asked.
My mother came down with my father, they were wearing all black. The rings under my mother's eyes showed how she spent the night crying for her two lost children. My father had a stronger look to his eyes, not much, just a little bit. They had to talk with the guests. What really took me by surprise, though out of all of the people here, was my big brother standing next to my mother as people wished her their best. He was dressed in his army suit, crisp, not a single flaw shown, not a single thread out of place, not a medal un-shined. His shoes were equally taken care of.
Such a gentlemen,
I noticed that he grew his hair since coming back from the war in Iraq.
It was now the way it was when he left; dark and long covering his left eye. He was really handsome, standing there. If I recalled correctly, there was a time when the girls were all over him, luckily he had my sis and me to fight them off. We were picky about the girls he dated and he was over protective of us. His handsome features compared nothing to his eyes, slick and full of mystery and love towards his younger siblings. But, even now when I looked at them, I saw that the light had gone, nothing was there; just an empty shell filled with sadness.
I watched as he got up, excusing himself and went outside. Silently I followed. It's sad how we don't miss the little things, like baking cookies, watching a movie with your family or even getting a hug from your older sibling and hearing them say the words, or close to it, I love you. Right now as I watched him move his way around and away from the crowd, I suddenly realized that I would never be able to do those things again. And that was my sadness.
His name's Matt and he was nineteen years old. He stood underneath the tree in the back of our yard, a tire swing attached to the highest and strongest branch. I remember that swing and how he climbed all the way up there just to tie it for us. Strange, though, how the dead can remember things like this or don't remember at all.
It's like our memories become a stand still.
"…" he sat down, not caring if his uniform got dirty in the process and slowly rocked back and forth on the rim of his heels. I could tell that he was thinking.
Or, remembering.
For the next fifteen minutes I sat next to my brother, legs tucked underneath me. Too much of my energy was used when I floated. I didn't want him to be lonely; I didn't want anyone to be left along. Even the dead can feel the cold.
"Hey." I looked up and gasped. It…it was the same boys from the night of the accident. Only thing was they weren't fighting a monster.
"Oh, hey Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama. How's it going?" my brother greeted them standing up. By the way he talked it was as if he knew them. There was time my brother started hanging around these group of boys, but I never really got a good look at them because he always sent me to my room. Even sis was sent upstairs.
"Us? What about you?" Yusuke asked concerned. My brother sighed, running a hand through his hair, but he didn't let it drop.
"I just can't believe something like this would happen," he spoke, softly. "When my mom told me, I was just coming off the plane from base. The news was so shocking, god…"
His voice tightened.
"My god, it was my sisters and they got into this accident while Lilly went driving. It was raining."
As he spoke the memories of that night stirred, and flashed through my mind. I grunted, fighting them back. Why did I still have these? His friends remained silent.
"Right over the edge and into the river. When they brought the bodies to be confirmed my mother went all hysterical. I said there might have been a mistake in identifying them. But she said it was them, the birth mark on my baby sister's shoulder was there…god, it was there." The tears that fell from his face flowed freely and he wasn't ashamed to cry in front of his friends, he wasn't ashamed to cry for his sisters.
I've never seen him cry.
"Matt, don't cry," I said getting up from my position and floated next to him. "Please, you said big boys never cry! Come on, it was an accident, it was something we couldn't control."
It was an accident.
He didn't hear me, couldn't. How I wished that I could hug him or tell him its all right, being dead isn't a bad thing just another phase of life, just like grandma said it would be. To see a strong man like him, a man with medals of bravery and courage cry was moving and unsettling at the same time. It was like watching someone being broken right before your eyes.
"My mom told me, how happy they were with me coming home," he said, wiping away his tears on his sleeves. "She said that they bought me a gift."
Matt.
From the house came a loud wail. Matt snapped up his head and looked towards the house. He bid a goodbye then rushed inside. I floated after him, through the walls and into the living room. There I saw a sad sight. My mother was huddled over on the floor crying and wailing like a lost mother would. It became too much for her. My brother came rushing in and, helping her up off the floor calming her down, he helped direct her upstairs.
Mother.
"My babies, I won't ever see my babies again!" my mother cried, clinging to her son. She faced him and grabbing his shirt, shook him crying, "Why! Why my babies! They didn't deserve this! Why were they taken from me! Lilly, Susan why!" she was screaming so loud that you could hear her from outside in the back.
"Mom, please, they wouldn't want you like this," Matt explained trying to calm her down. He was at the same trying to prevent himself from asking the very same question: Why? "They wouldn't want to see you cry."
The tears poured from her eyes in gushes. "But, my babies, they were so young, so…young." She passed out.
I starred, speechless. Not saying anything I turned and phased back outside and went back to the group of boys. I floated over their heads, checks puffed out. This sucked. The group was silent. I let out an angry cry. I hated to see my family cry! It…made me feel sad and responsible for the whole thing.
So sad.
The tallest boy, red haired, snapped his head up and starred at me. Did he see me? Could he see me? I looked at him, and he looked at me. When I followed his gaze I realized he was starring past me. Hope dwindled. I thought that if he could see me, then he could tell my family how sorry I was and was trying my best to find sis. But, the dead aren't meant to be heard. Still, it looked like he knew I was here.
With a sigh I floated over to him and stared at his face. Yup, it was the one from the night I died. He was one of the boys who ran down the hill trying to save me. He didn't make it, which was obvious. I had a feeling that he thought it was his fault, part of it. But I didn't want him to feel like that. I wanted him to smile, at the least.
"Take care of my family please, especially my brother," I whispered to him, even though it was likely he couldn't hear me, but the act of asking him put me at ease.
With that said I floated high into the sky and, with one final glance back at my past life, I sped off into the distance to continue my search for my sister's soul.
I didn't want her to be alone any longer.
It's been a year.
A year since the accident. And it was the day…
The day spirits found their way to heaven with the help of little paper flowers of the person's favorite color.
It was performed once every year for the lost souls of children or any other poor soul who couldn't find their way to heaven. I was one of those children. The days, months passed so quickly from the day of the accident. Time, I realized, when you are dead does not matter. Waiting on time is something that you cannot do. The day of my death was still fresh in my mind. Why I still had my memories were a mystery to me and why I still couldn't find my sister puzzled me more and more everyday. I wondered if she left me and already went up to heaven, if she did I was happy. But then, I was alone.
The place where the festival was held is at the old temple near the river, a river called Floating Vessels. The name stood up for its fame and was constantly used during the time of this festival to help the lost spirits home.
I was there.
In a light cotton dress, with dancing fish my mom set out for me on my birthday, I floated over the scenery with other spirits, other children who were lost like me. My sister wasn't amongst them. I watched as people come with lanterns held by strong sticks and sturdy hands draw near to the lake, flowers in hand of different colors. I spotted my family there, dressed for the occasion like me. I smiled upon seeing my mother, she looked better.
She looked alive.
During the year I learned so much by just watching people. It amazed me why I never did that before; sit, watch, and learn. I was truly taken by that fact. Something caught my attention. I turned to see my brother walk over to the same group of boys who came at my funeral and on the night of the accident.
They were dressed as well, out of respect.
The gong sounded from the temple, giving the signal for the start of the festival.
People started to sing the song for the lost spirits so that they could find their way here, to this place, and to home. I rocked my head to the beat, smiling. It was so light, so deep that the dead would have no choice but to stir in their slumber. So soothing. Then people came forward and, lighting a candle, placed the flower on the water with the candle on top and pushed the ship off. The light from the candle gave a deep aura that seemed to mesmerize and light up the night in a deep glow.
Slowly, one by one, spirits around me floated down to their flowers and sat atop of them, floating above the flame yet not being burned, and drifted down the lake to the center where they all gathered. Some of them were young, like my age or my sister's. Others were in their thirties or twenties, and even in dinosaur ages. I guess that death isn't picky.
My flower was there, set out by my mother. And my sister's, set out by my brother. My father set one out for my grandmother. We were all there.
I started to sing.
You're walking in the air,
We're floating in the moonlit sky.
The people down below, are sleeping as we fly
We're holding very tight,
I'm riding in the moonlight blue.
I'm finding that I can fly
So high above with you.
I descend to the ground, choosing to walk. I wanted to say goodbye, even though they couldn't hear me.
All across the world
The villages go by like dreams
The rivers and the hills
The forests and the streams.
Children gaze
Opened mouthed, 'taken by surprise
No nobody, down below
Believes their eyes.
My body started to glow, a heavenly thing, but I was hardly aware of it as I drew closer to my family, my thoughts on them.
We're walking in the air
We're dancing in the midnight sky
And everyone who sees us
Greets us as we fly.
Matt, who was standing beside my mother watching the little flower boats, slowly turned around, as if he heard me. When his eyes landed on me his expression was complete shock. "Susan?" he whispered in disbelief.
I stopped abruptly and starred at him, confused. Could he see me? I hesitated before answering. "Hello, big brother."
He gasped, drawing attention of the others. My mother turned, saw me and slowly her face paled. My father looked the same, right about ready to pass out. The group of boys looked, surprised.
They could see me.
I walked forward, speaking. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Since we last spoke with each other." I smiled, stopping a few feet in front of them. "I missed you."
"Susan?" my mother croaked, stumbling forward. She fell to her knees in front of me, trembling. "But, you're…"
"Dead? I know, but it's not as bad as everything leads to believe mom," I told her reassuringly. I wanted nothing more than to hold my mother. Maybe…slowly I lifted my hand and brought it closer to my mothers face, until, for the first time in a while, I felt the warmth of her body. Before I knew it my mother held me in a tight embrace, crying.
I could feel her tears, her hug.
My eyes closed as I burned this feeling into my soul so that I would never forget. People don't know how lucky they are to feel the embracement of a loved one. The living don't know how lucky they are. After a moment I pulled back and wiped the tears from my mothers face. With a sad smile I phased right through her and continued on towards the others.
"But, how? You're a spirit…spirits don't touch the living," Kuwabara stuttered, amazed. He turned his head to see if anyone else saw, but no other person moved or made any sign of seeing me.
It just happened.
I twirled and stopped in front of my brother. Looking up at him I gave my biggest smile. "Don't be sad. It had nothing to do you with you. Just be happy and look after mom and dad for me so that they can live on too. One day we will meet again, just not in this world."
"Susan…" Matt said in a hushed voice. He slowly smiled and gave me a thumb up. "Alright."
I turned to the others after my little talk with my father, who despite being a grown man cried like a little child. There was nothing I could say about the secret I knew they hid. If I did then my family would get suspicious, if I didn't then they wouldn't know. So, I did the only thing I could do. I straightened up and bowed respectfully and said, "Thank you, for everything."
And I meant it.
On the lake a bright light from the sky fell from the earth where most of the flowers had already gathered. It fell on them like a ray of light from heaven and they ascended to the place where they would find peace forever. I heard my family gasp as they say it, only them.
The light was so inventing, calling me to come to it, ready to take me home where I would one day see all my loved ones again.
"Hey, Susan!" I turned my head and gasped surprised. There, standing on a stationary red flower was my sister dressed in a pink kimono with dancing flowers. The same light that surrounded my body also accompanied hers; giving off a thing of beauty and making her look more breath taking. She loved flowers.
"Lilly!" I cried happily. Finally after all this time I found my sister.
"Hurry up! It's time to go!" she laughed, smiling. Spotting the group she waved at them. "Hello!"
"Oh my god," my mother breathed, not believing what she was seeing. But at the same time I think she wanted to believe, wanted us back.
With a heavy sigh I turned to the boys who were beyond understanding any of this, but at the same time I knew they did. "Well, I have to go now." I bowed again. "It was a pleasure meeting you."
"Wait," Kuwabara called stopping me. He paused, looking down as if trying to say it a different way. "I…we're…"
"I know it wasn't your fault. Things like this happen. Sometimes we can't take a hold of our lives and direct them the way we want. Sometimes, it becomes an accident," I whispered so only they could hear. With that said I turned and ran to my sister where she waited for me.
"Come on, I've been waiting forever for you!" she scolded, watching me hop onto the blue flower next to her. "Where have you been?"
"Learning, and watching," I told her simply as we pushed off the shore.
"Huh? What were you doing that for? Ever since that night I've been looking for you every where!" she exclaimed and whacked me on the head. I let out a shout. "OW, moooom! Lilly's picking on me again!"
"That's because you're always so clueless!"
"Am not!" I defended.
"Lilly, don't you hit your sister!" I heard my mom cry from the shore. "And take care of each other!"
"Aw mom, you're leaving me in charge of her, you know how she likes to wander! You should take those privileges from her!" Lilly cried back over her shoulders annoyed by it all. She sighed, turning back to the front and angrily mumbled, "I should be getting paid for this!"
"You're just a baby," I commented crossing my arms as we drew closer to the beam of light. Funny, this was going to be the last time I will ever take orders from my mother…How I will miss it. We were slowly lifted into the air when we went under the light. It felt like floating on the moon.
So, this is what it felt like going to heaven. A dream meant never to be broken. Death wasn't bad, I now understood everything. In the beginning I was lost, confused. I think that's how everyone feels sometimes about certain things. You just have to find yourself.
You just have to accept it.
Death is a natural event caused by various actions. What it is seen as depends on the persons view. But you must remember, death is all around us and only the start of something great. When you die your soul leaves your body, but the memories of you with others stays in tact. Through the sadness and pain, death rules all and comes to everyone, every single being.
Sometimes it comes by accident.
But that is just the way of life.
There are no choices there.
The End
The song sang in this story was not written by the author, but was used by her.
This is the last chapter for this.I dont think i'll do a second piece. Maybe, I dont really know.
About the BETA-READERS, I'll soon have one with the help of my sister. She said to check out the forums, so I'll check it out. If I do find one, then thanks for those who voluntered to be my BETA-READER. If I don't find one, then one of you guys still might have a chance.