I was correct in my assumption that the following week would be long, but how correct… I could never have guessed.
For the next few days, things were copasetic. They weren't perfect, but this was to be expected. Stacy didn't make any effort to talk to me, but when we were in a forced situation that required he be around me, he was civil. There was actually very little awkwardness between us, almost to my disappointment. I think that, in some ways, I wanted Stacy to be a little less above the situation than he was. Perhaps I even expected him to be more brought down by it. I knew that wasn't evenhanded of me to wish for, but I couldn't help it.
Jay seemed happy enough, not noticing my mild unhappiness towards the situation. He was happy with us and even I had started to enjoy the way he was with me. It was a less playful affection and more of a serious, doting kind of thing. I enjoyed the closeness we had in a new light, though I remained unsure of it all.
The shock at the news that we'd begun dating didn't seem to exist; everyone had seen this coming longer than we had, apparently. 'It's about time!' had seemed to be the general consensus on the whole ordeal. The only person who was to be in the dark about us was my mother, who would then insist I stay home, alone, every time she left town.
Soon, it didn't matter to anyone but me, it seemed. Don't get me wrong, we did hold hands, quick kisses were snuck here and there, as were hugs and squeezes. But we weren't that overly cute couple, running around tonguing at each other and talking about how much we loved each other. We were the same good friends we had always been when we had an audience and saved anything sickeningly sweet for more private moments. And believe me, Jay was sickeningly sweet at times.
Then there were other times that he left me slightly jilted. I suppose that in my state of elevated ego, I'd assumed that I was going to be this major focus in his life. I was a major focus, but for some reason, I'd assumed he'd be a little more helpless and devoted. It should've made me happy that I made him strong enough to stand on his own, but damn it, nothing was how I thought it would be. My expectations were so far from realistic that the reactions of everyone and the things that went on… they all felt like this terrible letdown.
Jay said he loved me, but he never managed to keep all of his flirtation limited. I pretended it didn't worry me and, for the most part, it didn't. I knew that he was the kind of guy who got addicted to a person, but the fact was, there were a few instances that bothered me, a lot. We went to a restaurant with Sid and Tony, who I'd been on my best behavior with lately, and Jay didn't have enough money to choke down the whole check. Instead of doing the usual and asking Sid to foot it, he called our waitress over. Our tall, thin, blonde waitress who'd been giving the boys eyes the whole time we were there.
Don't get me wrong, some competition is good. I don't mind girls who look a few times; it reminds me that I've got something that other people want. Staring him down, however, is different.
"Hey, uh," he pointed to the check and gave her his signature grin, "Any way we can knock this down, just a little?"
She looked at it in utter confusion before biting her lip. "I don't know," she said, mock-hesitantly.
"Aw, c'mon," he said, touching her upper arm. "I'm sure you can do a little something about it, can't you?" I just watched, understanding that he was trying to get us out of paying the whole amount, that he wasn't showing actual interest in her. Sid just kept glancing between Jay, me, and the waitress, wide eyed.
"I guess I could probably get you down like five or six bucks," she said, winking at Jay and taking out a pen to recalculate our check.
"Thanks, beautiful," Tony said, smiling. Tony wasn't attached to anyone, so it was alright for him to make comments like that, whether to cheapen a bill or in seriousness.
She giggled at him and pranced off. No, really, she pranced. Walking is too ordinary a word for the bounce-hop-swivel thing that this girl did, obviously trying to capture the attention of the boys behind her, who she must've known were watching her wiggle awfully closely.
And they were, even Jay.
I cleared my throat, bringing Jay and Tony back to life, though Sid still followed the curves of her body in that pale yellow uniform with his eyes, as she stood there, still in sight but at he front of the restaurant.
"So, uh," Jay said, slightly nervously, "we ready?"
Both the guys nodded and grabbed their boards from under the table where they'd been hidden so they could be allowed into the restaurant. Tony and Sid headed for the door but I caught Jay's sleeve.
"I'm going to go use the restroom. Wait for me?" I asked him, jerking a thumb in the direction of the bathroom. He nodded and I headed that way. The restrooms were disgusting so I didn't linger any longer than I absolutely had to.
When I emerged from the bathroom, I couldn't help but do the cliché, obligatory huff and arm cross at what I saw; Jay and the waitress were at the front of the restaurant, standing rather close, when she pressed a piece of paper into his hand. I was too far away to hear any of what I was sure were juicy details, but I could tell by his faux-bashful 'look down and smile' routine and her 'toss my hair over one shoulder, look up, giggle' bit that flirtation was definitely occurring. It made something bubble quite angrily in me. That was my Jay that was flirting with her. We hadn't been together that long, around two weeks, and he was flirting with someone else.
I walked over, timed correctly so that they were already apart when I got over there. There may have been an argument waiting to happen on the tip of my tongue, but not in public. That wasn't my style. I smiled as best I could before breezing past him and outside. Sid and Tony were skating in the parking lot and didn't seem to notice my presence much.
Jay was right behind me, looking as cool and collected as ever. Nice touch, the nonchalant attitude was. The guys were going skating, but I politely told Jay that he could 'Oh, just go spend sometime with your boys, I'd rather go home'.
"Ya sure, babe?" He asked, putting his arms around me. I slipped out of his hug.
"Yeah, we'll talk later," I said, a bit more gravely than I intended to.
"Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?" he asked, waving the guys away. I rolled my eyes; I was trying to avoid a big thing now.
"Maybe it has something to do with what's in your pocket," I said, calmly. He scrunched up his face in confusion, before some light bulb went off in his head.
"I only stole like a couple of the peppermints off the table, no biggie," he said, smirking. "Want one?"
After a minute or two of my unpleased glare being directed at him, he went for another hug, which he was denied. "Baby, it's not that serious… it's just peppermints," he chuckled.
"I meant that bimbo's number, Jay," I said in a sharp tone. His eyes grew wide and he gulped.
"What?" he stammered around the word a little. His bafflement amused me, greatly.
"I saw you take her number, Jay, there's no point in denying it," I said, crossing my arms. He looked almost genuinely puzzled. I reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper; he made no moves to stop me.
'Carly 555-6755' it said, in curly writing.
"Are you going to tell me this is invisible? I planted it on you? What's the excuse?" I asked in a rather accusatory way. He scratched his head and sighed.
"Lily, it doesn't mean anything…" he said, placidly. "You can keep it if you want, I wasn't going to call."
It didn't mean anything, he said. That always seems easy to say, but it's never true. It's cake to tell someone that something you did was in the moment, that it didn't mean a thing. The truth was, you always had to want something for it to happen in the moment.
"Fuck you, Jay," I said, shaking my head. "You're a dick." He tried yet again to give me some affection, grabbing my hand.
"I was trying to get our food free, babe," he said, squeezing my hand lightly. "I wasn't actually trying to get with that." He made it sound like that was the most ridiculous idea anyone had ever had.
"You didn't have to go back and get her number after you'd paid," I said, shaking his hand off of mine. That persistently upbeat smile faded from his face.
"This isn't a big deal, stop turning it into one," he said, growing a bit frustrated.
"It's a big deal for me, Jay," I said, returning the sentiment with a rising voice. He rolled his eyes and blew out some air.
"Why? I told you I only wanted to be with you. You think I'm going to randomly feel like that for some girl I've met once?" He wasn't happy, but neither was I. I knew the next thing I was going to say was downright bitchy and would definitely hit a nerve.
"You never flirted like that when you were with Mary," I said, coldly. He shrunk a little.
It was one of those things that I knew I'd crossed the line but didn't care.
I was momentarily more mad than I had reason to be, but didn't care.
I knew I was grasping at straws as for reasons to be angry with him, but didn't care.
"You're not Mary, and you probably never will be," he said, turning away from me. I expected some big emotional thing after that small explosion, but instead, he only got on his skateboard and left me there to process what he'd just said.
Perhaps I thought I was his new Mary. I thought he'd worship me and put an end to his flirty ways with me like he had with her. I had forgotten all the girls, time, and growing up that stood between the Jay I'd just pissed off and the Jay who'd loved Mary.