Thank you all! It's been a rough couple of days... I'm working off dial up right now because my DSL fell through. Ick. I'm sore and tired, but I really wanted to give you all something. Thank you for reading! xo

Stacy and I spent the next hours together, talking and leaning on each other. He didn't have a lot to say regarding his father and had more than his fair share to speak of pertaining to me. He didn't want to speak about his dad, so I didn't make him. I let him transfer his anger to me and all the mess that surrounded us.

"How can you have second thoughts now, Lily?" He asked, me seriously. As much as I was trying to be supportive, being someone's constant scapegoat does get old very quickly. I gritted my teeth and went along with it, though.

I couldn't tell if that was a 'now' as in 'now that you've gotten him so deep into it' or as in 'now that I can't do anything about it'. I tried not to overanalyze it.

"It's hard not to at least entertain possibilities, Stace," I admitted, suddenly feeling like I'd given away more than I'd intended to about the way I was feeling. His face showed that, evidently, I'd said something to spark his interest.

"What possibilities? That's behind us now," he said, not sounding sure of it in the least.

"The possibility of what it would be like with you… Jay is so much different than I thought he would be, and I'd be an idiot not to wonder if I'm making the right choice." I couldn't help myself. That was my least favorite thing about Stacy; he could look at you and just summon information that you were doing your best to keep quiet. It was his way about things.

"You mean made; you wonder if you made the right choice," he corrected me.

"Damn it, Stacy, I'm not married to him," I shouted, feeling a bit boxed in with everyone's decrees of finality between Jay and I. As far as I was concerned, Jay and I were not meant to be the last great thing in each other's lives. I was not done with everything, yet.

"He loves you," he said, as though it changed anything about my statement. "He loves you, and you'd never hurt him."

So he had me, there. Knowingly hurting Jay was something I was almost positively incapable of doing. I would have to have some very impressive logic to reason out doing so. He looked somewhat hurt himself at this statement and at my silence.

"I know you're hurting right now, okay, Stacy? But you're hurting me with the things you're saying," I chided him, ever so gently.

"I just don't understand. I mean, every girl I've dated has said she's never dated a guy like me around here… I've got a job, a car, I'm faithful… I'm pretty much the opposite of Jay," he said, almost arrogantly. I'd never seen the side of Stacy that thought he was better than other people.

"And unlike him," he added, "I could keep you."

"Who says Jay can't keep me?" I asked, defensively. He merely rolled his eyes.

"The fact that you're here, and that you were last night, speaks volumes."

"It's not like you'd be with me after all this, anyways, so why worry about it?" I said, voice threatening to rise to a shout.

"Why does everyone think they know what to expect from me? Am I that boring? Am I that predictable?"

"You're Mr. Do The Right Thing, Stacy! You'd never recycle your best friends girl…" What was I supposed to say? Stacy was no rebel.

"Maybe I'm sick of doing the right thing, all the time," he spat, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe I get sick of being walked all over like what happened with you and Jay, with Kathy and Jay, with everyone, you know? Maybe I want to do what feels good for once, instead of what's right."

On that note, a somewhat newly liberated Stacy Peralta leaned my way and pressed a rough kiss to my lips. Stunned by the display, I was unable to kiss back, or even to move. It hadn't seemed like a loving kind of kiss, but more of a show of his ability to color outside the lines. I sat quietly for a long time, after that, waiting for some quick, stammering apology.

"Aren't you going to apologize for being rash?" I asked, still dazed. He scoffed at me.

"Lily, I'm sick of apologizing. Jay and Tony can do whatever they want because you expect it from them. But I do something just because I want to, and suddenly it's the end of the world…"

"Stace, I came to console you about your father, and now I feel very guilty for staying," I said, standing up. "I need to go."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to stay right here with me," he demanded, rising up to eyelevel. I bit my lip.

"I can't," I admitted, after some struggle with myself. He smiled, confidently.

"Then why are you going?"

I swallowed hard, but explained, anyways.

"Because, Stacy, I am with Jay. He isn't perfect… he's a puzzle piece from a whole 'nother box. But the truth is, I've made him believe it's the piece I think fits. And if it doesn't, then I'm going to let someone else have him. I won't do this to Jay, and the Stacy I know wouldn't either. I'll come by tomorrow to check on you again."

That was some speech. Now if this had been a movie or a perfect story, Jay would've miraculously been standing behind me, listening to me. But he wasn't. To find Jay, I had to walk back to his house and ring the doorbell fourteen times. He finally came to the door, bleary eyed.

"What?" he barked. He sounded like he'd been drinking or crying.

"I need to talk to you," I said, softly. I put one foot in the door so he couldn't close it, silently asking if I could come in. He merely threw the door open and retired inside.

"I thought I told you to leave," he said, quietly. I was opting that he hadn't been drinking.

"I needed to stay," I replied, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Why? Stacy turn you down?"

"No, because I realized something… you're my puzzle piece," I said, smiling stupidly. He looked at me like I was on crack, perhaps. "Er, never mind. All that matters is that you know that I can't promise you forever, but I want to be here."

"I want to believe you, Lil," he said, a bittersweet look coming over him. "I really do. But tell me something… did you do anything with Stacy when you stayed the night together?"

I shook my head 'no'.

"What about today?"

I swallowed hard and collected my thoughts. Being kissed didn't necessarily qualify as doing something, right?

"No. I mean, yes. Well, no. Sort of. He kissed me today, but it's just because he doesn't know where his head is at right now, Jay. He's confused," I explained, hoping to appeal to his better minded nature.

"Mother fucker!" He shouted, punching the couch next to me. I yelped a little, irrationally in fear. Jay had never hit me or any other girl in his life, so I wasn't sure why I was afraid.

"You thought… I'd hit you?" He asked, looking more hurt than before. "What the fuck, Lil… I'd never hit you…"

"I know, I know," I said, feeling bad for flinching.

"You kissed Stacy?" He asked moments later, in seeming disbelief. "How could you, Lily?"

"Jay, no, I swear… I didn't kiss him back. There was one kiss, and I didn't initiate it or even want it." That was the honest to God truth. There'd been times I might've succumbed to my weaker, more lustily driven side and wanted to kiss Stacy, but that had not been one of them.

"Why not, if that's obviously what you've wanted?" He asked, sarcastically.

"Because… I didn't want it. I wouldn't hurt you. Plus, I wouldn't hurt him. His mind is with his dad right now, he doesn't understand things too clearly right now," I told him, taking his hand.

For the first time since we'd started dating, I didn't wait for Jay to begin a kiss. Shaking inexplicably with nerves, I brushed my lips against his. It wasn't the best kiss, but he appreciated the gesture for what it was; a gesture of affirmation.

"You didn't want to kiss him?"

"I didn't want to kiss him."