I remember in college, I was dating a girl who firmly believed in love at first sight. She thought it was entirely possible that you could look at someone and fall completely in love with them at that moment. I had never completely bought it. Even with Mer, I knew I needed to know her, but the love didn't come immediately. It took time. Not much time, but time all the same. Love at first sight just didn't seem possible to me. And then I saw my daughter, bright red and screaming at the top of her lungs. She was perfect, she was everything. And I loved her, completely totally immediately I loved her. She was everything I had dreamed of. Her hair was dark like mine, her eyes a piercing blue. She was tiny. She had ten fingers and ten toes. And she was perfect.
From the second Addison beckoned me to cut the umbilical cord, I couldn't imagine loving anyone more than my little girl. She was covered in blood, but she was perfect, absolutely beautiful. I kissed Meredith quickly on the forehead and then rushed over as I watched the nurses clean her off, as she cried and kicked her feet in the air. She was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. And now she was in my arms, wrapped in a tiny pink blanket, resting gently against me. No one else had held her yet, I didn't want to let her go. She was my princess, more than I could even imagine. And I wasn't letting her go. Ever. My princess had finally come, and nothing was ever going to be the same again. But that was okay.
"Derek," Meredith smiled from the bed, where she looked beautiful. Exhausted, sweaty. But beautiful.
I smiled back at her, ignoring the feeling of tears in my eyes. I moved from my spot and slid onto the bed beside her. "Mer..." I whispered.
"She's beautiful," her thin fingers pulled back the blanket to look at Megan, who was alert and happy. Even Addison had said Meggie was the most alert baby she'd ever seen.
"She's perfect," I whispered.
"Do I get to hold her?" Meredith giggled.
"Eventually," I laughed quietly. "When she wants food."
"Derek, she's my daughter too," she pouted. "I went through hours of labour and I haven't even gotten to hold her."
"Meredith, I'm not sharing. Not right now," I shook my head.
"It isn't about sharing," Meredith sighed. "She's not your toy, Derek. She's our daughter. Who I just pushed out of me."
"But she's my princess," I breathed.
"And what thanks do I get?" Meredith stared at me. "Seriously, Derek. I just pushed her out of me. Lots of pain. And what thanks do I get? I don't even get to hold her? Seriously?"
"Mer," I laughed. "Calm down, I'm not stealing her away. Here," I sighed, shifting Megan into her arms and moving to hold Meredith in mine.
"Hi, Megan," Meredith whispered, running her finger along our daughter's cheek.
"I love you," I whispered in Meredith's ear.
"I love you too," she whispered back. "She looks like you."
I nodded, feeling a tear run down my cheek. "She has your mouth though."
"And my nose," Meredith laughed. "Thank God."
I laughed and pulled her closer, burying my face in her hair, hoping she wouldn't notice the tears that streaked down my face. "I love her."
"I know," Meredith nodded. "This...you...unconditional love. Your heart just bursts."
"I didn't...I didn't know it would feel like this," I shook my head.
"I had forgotten," she sighed, and I realized she was crying too. "I had forgotten it felt like this."
"This is everything I have ever wanted," I whispered. "I...before you, I thought of settling for someone I could stand, just to have a family. But now, god, I'm so grateful I didn't."
She nodded as Meggie reached her hand out of her blanket, stretching and yawning. "I'm glad you didn't either," Meredith whispered.
"Want another one?" I laughed, kissing her neck.
She giggled. "Not yet," she replied, turning to kiss my lips, gently. "Not for a while yet. Remember, no more kids until we're married."
"Accidents happen," I told her, winking.
"Not anymore they don't," she giggled. "We're going to start using C-O-N-D-O-M-S. All the time. Every single time."
"You say that now, but Ms. Grey I think you are forgetting you can't keep your hands off me," I smiled.
"Mrs. Shepherd," she whispered as she kissed Meggie's dark hair.
"Mrs. Shepherd," I corrected myself.
She smiled slightly and reached up to wipe the tears from her face. "I think there are other people who want to meet Meggie. Especially her big brother."
"Just Dillon at first," I smiled. "Not everyone else, just Dillon. I'll go get him."
"Okay," she nodded. "Derek."
"Yeah?" I asked, slipping off the bed.
"Thank you," she said quietly. "For this. For...you know...this."
"This is my life," I shrugged, heading out of the room to find my son.
"Derek!" Mark and my mom saw me first and they both came running up to me.
"Where's Dill?" I asked, not bothering saying anything more.
"Lucas has him," my mom replied. "They're in the waiting room. How is she? Who does she look like? Is Meredith doing all right?"
"She perfect," I sighed. "She looks like me but with Mer's nose. And Meredith is...perfect. I'm going to take Dill to see her. And then you guys can come in."
"Daddy Derek!" Dillon came running up to me, Sam in one arm and the teddy bear he had made for his sister in the other. "Is she here? Daddy said Megan was coming!"
"Megan's here," I smiled. "Want to go say hi?"
"Yeah," he nodded excitedly. "Is she ready to play with me?"
"She's too small for that still," I explained laughing.
"Did she come early?" he asked as I picked him up.
"No, she's a week late. But babies are small when they first come," I smiled.
We went into the room where Meredith was still holding Megan close, still staring at her tiny features. "Hey, Dill," she smiled softly.
"Dill, that's your sister Megan," I whispered to the boy that was in my arms.
He peeked under the blankets and then looked at me and Meredith, a confused expression on his face. "That's her?" he asked.
"Yes Dill, that's her," Meredith giggled.
He frowned. "I think you should put her back in your tummy, Mom. She's still too small."
I laughed and hugged him tightly. "Bud, babies are always that small. You saw the pictures of you."
"Yeah," he nodded and then looked inside the blanket again. "Hi, Megan. I'm Dillon Grey. And I'm seven. This is Sam. He's seven too. He's a bear. And this is Sammie, she's only a baby, like you."
Megan garbled sounding happy as she reached out and lightly hit Dillon's nose. "I think that's her way of saying hi," I laughed.
"She shouldn't hit," Dillon shook his head. "Megan, I'm your big brother. You can't hit me. You gotta listen to me."
"Babies sometimes hit," Meredith answered. "They can't talk. And they're too tiny to know right or wrong, so they sometimes hit."
"When's she gonna talk?" he asked. "Megan, say my name. Say Dillon."
"She's not going to talk for a long time, Dill," I laughed.
"Oh," he frowned and then shrugged. "Okay. You can take her back now."
"Dillon, she can't go back. She's part of our family now," Meredith explained.
"She's kinda boring," he sighed.
"She might be right now," I nodded. "But when she gets a little bigger she's going to be a lot of fun, and she's going to need her big brother to play with."
"How come she doesn't look like me?" he asked as he stared at her, his chin in his hand.
"Because you don't have the same Daddy," I explained. "Megan looks a lot like me."
"Yeah," he nodded. "She has brown hair and I have blond hair. But her eyes are blue, like mine!"
"They are," I nodded. "And she has the same mouth as you and Mommy."
"She does?" he asked as he bent down to look at her mouth. "It just looks like a mouth to me."
Meredith giggled. "It looks just like yours."
"Can I give her Sammie?" he asked. "Even though I think Sammie's bigger than her! She won't be able to hold her!"
"Sam was bigger than you when you got him," Meredith nodded. "She'll love Sammie."
"Okay," he said. "Megan, this is Sammie. She's your sister. Just like I'm your brother. And Sam's your brother. She'll make sure the monsters stay away unless they're in your closet. Then you gotta get Daddy Derek to spray them for you."
"I'm just Daddy to her," I sighed happily. I adored being Daddy Derek, but now there was someone who would just call me Daddy.
"Why?" he asked. "Does that mean my daddy will be Daddy Lucas to her?"
"Nope, Meggie only has one daddy," I answered.
"Oh," he frowned. "Sorry, Meggie. Two daddies is a lot cooler. Cause then when one says no, the other one says yes and you get whatever you want!"
"Dillon!" Meredith laughed.
"What?" he giggled. "It's true!"
"Not anymore," I shook my head laughing. "Lucas and I aren't going to let you get away with that one, bud."
"Shit," he muttered and then clapped his hand over his mouth. "Sorry!"
Meredith opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. She didn't need to yell, not today. Today was happy. "Mer, we've already talked about it. Blame it on a certain uncle."
She sighed and nodded carefully as Meggie started crying. "We need a new village," she sighed. "And I think this little one is hungry."
"I'll let you feed her," I said, kissing her forehead. "And I'll go talk to the family. I'll tell them they can come visit soon."
"Okay," she nodded, smiling at me. "Dill, say goodbye to your sister."
"Bye Meggie!" he smiled and waved.
We went out into the hallway where my entire family was now gathered, waiting anxiously for a glimpse of the princess. "Derek," Kathleen sighed, her hands on her hips, "are we ever going to meet my new niece?"
"Mer's feeding her right now," I answered. "You can all go in when she's done."
"What does she look like?" Mark asked. "I hope she doesn't have your ugly mug, Shep."
"She looks like me," I laughed. "But with Mer's nose."
"Thank God for that," Mark laughed. "I was worried I'd have to do a rhinoplasty on your daughter."
"I like my nose," I pouted.
"It's a wonderful nose, dear," my mother soothed. "But we want details. How much did she weigh? How big is she? Is she a happy baby? Healthy?"
"Seven pounds, twenty one inches. And she's happy. She's really happy. And healthy. And perfect," I nodded.
"How's Mer doing?" Nancy asked. "Have the hormones gotten the best of her yet? Addison said the labor wasn't long."
"She's good. Happy. Tired. Beautiful," I sighed.
"Vomit," Mark and Cristina both said at the same time.
"Oh shush you two," my mom chided them. "He's happy. Let him be happy."
"I bet she's beautiful," Izzie sighed happily. "Dillon was the cutest baby."
"She's gorgeous," I breathed.
"Hi everyone," Addison smiled as she came up to us, out of her scrubs and into a black dress. "Have you all met Megan yet?"
"No, they're not sharing," Mark pouted as he gave his girlfriend a quick kiss hello.
"She's not a toy, Mark," she laughed as she accepted the kiss. "And she's absolutely beautiful. And so alert and happy."
I smiled proudly. "I swear, the second she's done feeding her you can all go in."
"Is she trying to feed her?" Addison asked, walking towards Meredith's room. "Most of the time, babies don't take well to the first feeding. Mer might get frustrated."
"Addie," I said grabbing her arm. "Before you go in I have to talk to you about something."
"What?" she asked, leading me away from the family. "Is everything okay?"
I cleared my throat. "When you said six weeks, did you mean six weeks? Or did you mean four or five weeks, but six for the safety."
"Derek," she sighed.
"Six weeks actually means five weeks and six days?" I sighed. "Because, god, she looks beautiful. She looks amazing. She looks perfect, and I love her and it's been a damn long time."
"Derek, you do realize she just pushed a twenty one inch, seven pound person out of her, right?" Addison looked at me, her hands on her hips. "Do you really think sex would be even remotely comfortable to her after four weeks?"
"I'm hopeful," I winced.
"Six weeks, Derek," she said firmly. "Maybe longer. It's going to depend on how she feels. When the bleeding stops. How comfortable she's feeling. How tired she is. How hormonal she still is. You're going to have an infant at home. Who is going to stay up all night and cry. I'm saying six weeks but there is a possibility it could be longer."
"Longer?" My jaw had dropped open. I loved Meredith, I loved my daughter, but I also loved sex.
"Yes, longer," she nodded. "And you're not going to pressure her into it, Derek Shepherd. You were a teenage boy once. You remember how you relieved sexual tension then, don't you?'
"Are you serious? I'm 40 years old...and in love. We...people...I don't do that," I shook my head.
"Derek," she stared me down, looking frighteningly like my mother. "If I hear that you even asked Meredith for sex before she was ready, I'm going to extend it to eight weeks, understood?"
"What if she asks?" I asked. "Because I'm pretty desirable, and well, she can't usually keep her hands off me."
"She just gave birth to your baby," Addison replied. "She's going to be hormonal and sore and Megan is going to keep her up all night. Trust me, she won't be asking."
"But if she does?" I asked hopefully.
"She won't," Addison stated firmly.
"I hate you, you get that right?" I asked walking away.
"Stop acting like a horny teenager, Derek," she sighed as she walked towards Meredith's room. I wasn't being a horny teenager. I was being a man in love who hadn't been able to act on that love in a real long time and was feeling ever so slightly impatient. Because she was my Meredith and I wanted her. It had nothing to do with being a horny teenager.
"You look like someone skinned your puppy, Shepherd," Alex Karev laughed as I came back to the group.
"Addison's an evil woman," I sighed.
"That's my future..." Mark trailed off and coughed slightly. "That's my girlfriend you're talking about there, Shep. So watch it."
"Future wife! You were going to say future wife!" Erin exclaimed.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Mark stated, shaking his head. "I don't marry chicks. I do them."
"Let's not talk about doing chicks," I groaned not wanting to think about all the sex other men were getting.
"Mark, is there something you'd like to tell the family?" Mom smiled. "Something to add to this very happy day?"
"No, Mom," Mark shook his head, groaning slightly. "This is all Derek, Meredith and Megan's day. Can we see her yet? Because this is boring."
"Markie's in love!" Kathleen shrieked.
"Derek. Meredith. Megan. Remember?" Mark said.
"But we can't see her yet," Leah sighed. "Have you proposed? Or are you just thinking about it? Because she's really great, Mark. We all love her."
Mark gave Leah a quick dirty look before turning to me. "Did you talk to Meredith about me being the god father?"
"You don't get to duck from this!" Erin shook her head. "You really love her! I can't believe it!"
Mark out right groaned. "Derek, your daughter has to eat faster."
"What's going on out here?" Addison asked as she stepped out of Meredith's room.
Mark jumped up immediately, terror in his eyes. I knew that terror, that had been me months ago. "Megan! Can we see Megan?" he asked.
"Yeah," Addison nodded, looking a little confused. "Mer's having a hard time feeding her, we'll try again later."
"That's normal, right?" I asked, walking closer to the room, wanting to get back to my family.
"Yes," Addison nodded. "Very normal. She's fine. And healthy. But Mer's getting a little emotional so let's limit this visit. Not very long, okay?"
"Okay," I nodded, heading into the room, knowing that everyone would follow me. I kissed Meredith quickly and leaned forward to kiss Megan. "Everything okay?"
"She won't eat," Meredith sighed, tears in her eyes.
"It's okay," I sighed sinking onto the bed beside her. "It's normal. She'll eat."
"She hates me," Meredith whimpered.
"What? She's not even a day old, she can't hate you," I laughed.
"She loves you more."
"Meredith, she's a baby, she doesn't love either of us more," I shook my head.
She just shook her head and looked up at everyone in the room, all of whom were standing very quietly. "Hi, guys."
"Hey Meredith," Nancy smiled. "How are you feeling?"
Meredith shrugged a little dejectedly. "Exhausted."
"It's to be expected," Nancy smiled.
"Derek," Meredith sighed, "will you take her for a bit?"
Mom came forward and gently stroked Megan's cheek, smiling up at me. "She looks exactly like you did when you were born."
"Do you want to hold her?" I offered.
"What a silly question," she laughed as she took Megan out of my arms, cradling her gently. "Of course I want to see my beautiful grand daughter. Hello, Megan. Hello. You are the prettiest baby, aren't you? So pretty."
"Thanks Mom," Meredith smiled, as I walked over to sit on the bed beside her, watching my mom hold my daughter.
Maybe it was the excitement of the day, or maybe it was just the sheer exhaustion of the whirlwind that had been the last nine months, but as I watched my mother hold my little girl, my first child, the little baby was apart of me, I couldn't help the tears that began to fall. I couldn't help wrapping my arms tightly around Meredith as my daughter cooed gently from her blanket. I couldn't help crying as I realized how perfect my life really and truly had become.
"The secret of the world is written in the stars, I'm carrying your heart in mine."