Man, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Soon, though, you'll see a new collection of Avatar fics. Hopefully. I'm working on them. We'll se how it goes.
So, the third season's air date has finally been announced. Did anyone else feel giddy when they heard the news? Did anyone else put on some really loud music and dance crazily because you couldn't wait? No? Just me? Well, all right then. Onto the fanfiction that you came here to read.
This fanfiction was three firsts for me: first songfic, first fanfiction that will ever come close to Zutara, and first fic written entirely on the computer. Never Again was inspired by the song Never Again by Kelly Clarkson, in case you already didn't know. I immediately thought of Aang and how he would feel if Zutara were to ever happen. Which we all know it won't. But on the off-chance that it does, this is how I envision it. To make it work, I needed to change a few of the pronouns, since it was written by Kelly, a female. Hopefully, my shiny artistic license covers such things. Apparently, it's depressing and a downer (says my amazing beta Liselle129) so if you aren't in the mood, you might want to read this later. But definitely read it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or Kelly Clarkson's awesome song.
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Founding member of the Aang Fangirl Squad (AFS)
Members of the Aang Fangirl Squad: Kumori Doragon, libowiekitty, Aechigo, TTAvatarfan, Invaderk, Twilight Rose2, KataangNutyBabe, and goldenwing57.
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Never Again
I hope the ring you gave to him turns his finger green.
I hope when you're in bed with him, you think of me.
I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well.
Could you tell by the flames that burned words?
Aang couldn't believe it. Katara was trying to explain herself. To him! As if he needed the explanation or the obvious pity in her voice. He didn't need her to justify her actions – however ludicrous they may have been – when he couldn't quite bring himself to care anymore. He was done caring.
"Aang," Katara pleaded. "I do care about you. More than anything. Didn't you read the letter I wrote you?"
He hadn't.
In fact, he was downright indifferent to this whole thing. The engagement, the wedding, the celebrations - the whole thing was a farce. A lie. Nothing was happening as it should have. If Aang were to be truly honest, he would have told Katara exactly how things should have gone. She was supposed to marry him. They were supposed to live together forever.
But he didn't care anymore.
"I explained everything, Aang," she repeated. Her eyes sparkled, almost as if she were about to cry. He didn't think she would. She was just trying to manipulate him. Just like she had before. Back when she had loved him. Back when he had loved her.
Now it didn't matter what she had to say. He wouldn't believe anything she had written in that letter anyway. So he had clenched his fist around the parchment, burning it until there was nothing left but a small pile of ashes and a wisp of smoke.
Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere.
It was you who chose to end it like you did.
I was the last to know. You knew
Exactly what you would do.
Don't say you simply lost your way.
He may believe you, but I never will.
Never again
"Do you miss me, Katara?" he asked flatly. She sucked in her breath and took a moment to chew on her lip. He spoke again before she could answer. "I wasn't the one who wanted to end it, you know." She seemed taken aback at his tone, so devoid of emotion that it didn't even sound like him.
"I know. I love you, Aang." He nodded, expecting the lie. "But Zuko is my husband. And I love him, too." There it was. The issue of this entire argument. "It should have been you, Aang. I wasn't thinking about all this."
Of course, Aang didn't believe a word of that. She had chosen the new Fire Lord. Aang was no longer hers to take back.
If he really knows the truth, he deserves you.
A trophy wife, oh how cute.
Ignorance is bliss,
But when your day comes and he's through with you,
And he'll be through with you,
You'll die together but alone.
"Aang…" she sighed.
"No!" He shouted, finally allowing his anger and resentment to show. "You do know that you're nothing but a figurehead, right? A marriage for the sake of peace?" he hissed. Katara flinched, and he knew he'd hit his mark. She'd suspected. And he knew it.
"He will never love you the way I love you." Seeing the look of hope in her eyes, he corrected, "Loved you." She squeezed her eyes closed, and he turned away, fully intending to leave through the open window.
You wrote me in a letter.
You couldn't say it right to my face:
Give me that sunday school answer
Repent yourself away.
"Wait." There was something in her voice that made him turn back, but he couldn't be sure what it was. She hesitated. "I made a mistake, Aang." He let out a breath, more of a huff than a sigh.. "I don't love him. You're the one I want. The one I need." Aang's head twisted away. He didn't want to look at her. He knew that if he did, he might forgive her. And he needed his anger. Getting burned again wasn't worth the risk.
Exactly what you would do.
Don't say you simply lost your way.
They may believe you, but I never will.
Never again.
"When I pass you in the halls, when I sit across from you at the peace talks, when I see the posters of your face put up to celebrate the end of the war, that hurts, Aang. It hurts to look at you when I know that it should've been you. And I…" Her voice caught in her throat and she stopped.
Moments passed without either one speaking. At last, Aang looked at her, and she met his eye squarely. He took a moment to choose the right words.
"Do Toph and Sokka… do they know?" Even he noted the resignation in his own voice, and Aang stopped lying to himself. Katara loved him. And he thought he might still love her. He couldn't be sure.
Katara let out a breath of relief and shook her head. "No. They believe that I love him." Aang nodded. "Aang, you have no idea how difficult this has been: trying to pretend I care for someone else when I see you all the time." She paused, looking at the floor. He glanced at the locked door and wondered how much longer they had before they were discovered in their out-of-the-way room. "When I told you that I had accepted his marriage proposal… I… I think I really did love him." Refusing to acknowledge her words, the Avatar averted his eyes. "But then I realized…"
When she didn't continue speaking, he caught her gaze and held it steadily. He knew what she wanted to hear and he knew what he wanted to say. But he also knew what needed to be said.
"Katara, I can't." At first, she looked confused, not registering the words. "You're married. We can never be together." He easily read the hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she stepped back. "And I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again." He looked away, the weight of his next words pressing heavily upon him.
"I never want to speak to you again. I will never address you with anything but formality, and I hope you'll do me the same courtesy" I never want to be hurt by you again, he thought bitterly. A sharp gasp confirmed the result. Katara would hate him. It was how it needed to be. It was how he wanted it to be. This way made it so much easier for him to hate her for all the things she'd done to him.
Aang faced her but avoided her eyes, knowing exactly which emotions would be displayed in them. He knew her well. He had known her well. The Katara he had loved would never have done this to him in the first place.
"No…" she breathed. "No." She said it stronger this time, conviction evident in the single word. Katara was ready to fight for a relationship. But Aang was done. His mask of stone was back, effectively shielding any emotion he felt. He was slightly surprised when he realized he felt nothing. The mask wasn't a lie this time. He didn't want to love her anymore. His heart hurt enough, and his mind easily obeyed.
Exactly what you would do.
Don't say you simply lost your way.
They may believe you but I never will.
I never will.
I never will.
"Aang," she pleaded again.
"Goodbye, Katara." He cut her off with his sharp, icy words. Her shocked stare was tangible to him as he bowed stiffly. Her wet eyes shone, and her mouth worked soundlessly. Aang couldn't help but feel justified – vindicated – like the world had righted itself.
He didn't return her look of longing. He turned his back on her and walked purposefully towards the window, opening his glider and flying away from the only woman he had ever – would ever – love.
Never again.
Don't forget to review! And keep an eye out for a new set of collections!
Kumori Doragon