Pairing: Edward/Bella
Warning: Character death, and much angstyness ahead. ;) Takes place sometime after New Moon.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or New Moon, or any of the characters from either books. Stephenie Meyer does, and her writing is far more brilliant than anything I could ever write.
Author's Note: This was a little weird for me to write. I haven't written in first person POV for a long time, and normally I don't write much angsty stuff. At least, not as much angst as what's in this fic. At first I considered changing it over to third person POV, but then I decided not to. I think it's a little more depressing this way. Oh, also, I don't see anything like this happening in Eclipse, and I don't want this to happen or anything, because that would be depressing. Stephenie Meyer doesn't seem like the type to kill of her main characters, thank God. ;) I'm not exactly sure where this idea came from either. I think I just thought about how sad it would for something like this to happen, and then the angsty!plot bunnies ambushed me. ;)
Anyway, I'm going to stop babbling on now. Enjoy :)
Ghosts of the Afterlife: A Twilight Fanfic
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
'The Ghost of You' by My Chemical Romance
I still watch you. Even though you don't know I'm there, even when I'm an inch away from your face. Even when you stare straight at me. I know you can't see me.
I know that you wish you were dead too. But you promised me, you swore to me, on my deathbed that you wouldn't. As I lay dying and bleeding in your arms, I made you swear that you wouldn't kill yourself. I didn't want you to lose your life over me. If you were in my position, you would've done the same thing.
I wish I could tell you that it wasn't your fault that I died. That it wasn't your fault that Victoria got to me. I knew someone would eventually, I was wanted dead by too many people. I was on too many hit lists to stay alive for that much longer. Especially when those who wanted to kill me were ten thousand times stronger and faster than I was.
I know you still blame yourself. You think that you weren't quick enough, that you were too careless. You were so sure that you would protect me, but you failed. I don't think any of these things. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was too slow, too weak, too human. As you put it so many times, danger attracted to me like a magnet. This time it succeeded.
I wish I could tell you to stop blaming yourself, but I can't. I wish I could comfort you, hear your laugh, touch you, feel your cool breath on my face, even just one last time. I'm not sure what I am; spirit, ghost, apparition. Whatever I am, I am invisible and undetectable to humans, and vampires. And werewolves too, for that matter. Sometimes I think that you sense me in the room, because you'll look up and stare straight through me with those golden eyes of yours. They're strangely dull now. But then you'll look away.
I watch other people too, occasionally. Jacob, Charlie, Renee, Alice, and the rest of the Cullens. It makes me feel a sharp pang of sadness, because it hurts to watch the family I so desperately wanted to belong to but now never can. But it hurts much more to watch you that it does the rest. Because I know it affected you much more that the others, much more than they can even comprehend. I only watch them for a brief period of time, and then I always return to you. I wish I could return to you for real. I'd sell my soul, my life, my humanity, my mortality, everything I owned, just to be with you for even a minute. But that's not the way the world works.
It would make things so much easier if I could cry, scream or hit something to relieve the pain and frustration I feel about being separated from you. But I can't. I try to scream, yell, but nothing comes out of my mouth. No sound. Nothing. I can see the agony in your eyes every single day, and the pain of it nearly tears me in two.
I know that if you could cry, you would.
I wish I could tell you not to be sad, and feel your stone arms around me and your wintry lips on my forehead again. We are both in the same position, you and I. Both of us feel horrible anguish, but yet we cannot help one another, because we cannot communicate. It is very desolate, this situation that we're in.
I wish I could tell you I love you again. Lately I've been wishing far too many things.
If I could go back in time and change it all, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd have ran faster (not that that would've made any difference), fought harder, made sure that I had stayed with you. Foolishly, I'd gone out by myself, and Victoria had gotten to me. I'd known it would happen eventually, just not like that. I don't blame you, but I don't blame myself either. For a while, I did. But then I realized that I'd been no match whatsoever against her. After all, I was only human.
And she was a vampire.
It was ironic how desperately before I wished I were "dead", like you, but now I wish with all my heart that I were alive again. I hadn't planned on being dead without you. You were the undead, and I was just…dead. It would almost be funny, if the situation wasn't so depressing.
When I'm watching you sometimes, I notice certain things. Like how your jaw muscles in your face tighten whenever you see an old red truck. And how any mention of Romeo and Juliet makes a flush of pain appear across your face. And whenever a Linkin Park song comes on the radio, you switch it off. You don't go to the meadow anymore, either. You don't watch TV anymore, or read, or even listen to music.
I know you're doing it because it reminds you of me. Just like what I did when you left me.
Except this time the circumstances are different. This time I'm dead.
Perhaps the reason I'm still on earth is because I'm waiting for you. Perhaps when you die, then our souls will be joined together again. But I don't see how that's possible, because you're immortal and the only way you could "die" was if you had help from another vampire or other such creature. And perhaps when I made you promise not to kill yourself, I doomed us.
I don't know anymore.
Maybe eventually you'll crack and break your promise. I know I would.
Although, strangely enough, I still know somehow that we will end up together again. We will be together again, like we were meant to be.
Too bad life isn't like in a fantasy, where you have the ability to bring back the dead.
Instead, we got a nice nasty dose of reality.
I just wish that I'd said yes when you asked me to marry you.
Perhaps then things would have ended differently.
End.