Chapter Three: Nosey Schemes and Volatile Pancakes
Nightshroud: All right, time for the other member to come out from whatever rock they were hiding under.
Demyx: I wasn't under a rock, I was in the bathtub! grabs rubber duck Under the sea! Under the sea! Darling it's-ack!
Axel: proceeds to strangle Demyx
Nightshroud: Thank you.
Larxene sighed and shifted slightly, trying to snuggle closer to Axel. She heard a sound coming, but before she realized what it was, the door swung open.
"I don't think that's the case. If Demyx had really inhaled the carbon monoxide, then he-"
Zexion placed his hand over Vexen's mouth. "Oh my god..." he said.
Larxene's eyes flew open as she saw Vexen and Zexion standing in the doorway, looking as though their jaws had just completely dropped away from their faces. She sat straight up and jabbed Axel in the ribs.
"Just five more minutes..." he mumbled.
"Axel!" she screamed in his ear. He sat straight up and rubbed his eyes.
"Huh? What is it?" He turned and saw Vexen and Zexion, still in the same position.
He sighed and stood up. "Look, it's not what it looks like. Flower pansy tried to rape her yesterday and she didn't want to be by herself, so I said she could stay here."
Zexion recovered and pushed Vexen's jaw back up. "Hmm, I guess that makes sense, considering Marluxia's nature."
"So what did you want?" asked Axel, putting on his cloak and handing Larxene hers.
"Well Demyx inhaled some of Vexen's gases and he ran off into the castle before we could diagnose the effects."
Larxene rolled her eyes and zipped up her cloak. "Breakfast ready?" she offered.
The kitchen was a zoo. All the member (minus Xemnas and suspiciously Marluxia) were there. Poor Zexion had to satisfy everyone's orders. Larxene of course wanted her waffles, Axel, Lexaeus, Xigbar, Xalden, and Saix wanted meat, Luxord wanted toast and coffee and Demyx wanted tuna salad (not a breakfast food, but Demyx was having an Atlantica fetish as of late). Zexion sat down as Vexen finished telling everyone about Axel and Larxene story, and Marluxia's rape attempt.
Luxord, after he had finished his coffee, said, "Who bets Marluxia doesn't come down from his room for a week?"
Demyx, Axel, Larxene, Vexen (who was hoping for more than one reason that this would be true), and Xaldin threw in twenties.
"Who bets Marluxia comes down from his room solely to exact revenge on Axel and Larxene?"
Xigbar, Lexaeus, and Saix threw in twenties.
"And who bets Marluxia doesn't come down for a week but still plans Axel and Larxene's downfall while brooding?"
Here Zexion threw in two twenties and Luxord a fifty.
"Aww!" everyone moaned. They had a strict betting rule that Luxord would go last, since everyone knew that he would be right. As if on cue, a bell rang above the stove.
Zexion and Axel got up and inspected it.
"What the hell is this?" said Axel.
"Room service!" came a voice.
"I didn't put in a room service line," said Zexion.
"Zexion, a short stack with twin berry sauce!" came Marluxia's voice.
Zexion sighed and got out a pan and pancake mix. Then he placed his chef hat back on, along with his Kiss the Cook, apron and made Marluxia his pancakes.
Everyone was finishing up their meals as Zexion fnished. Axel was leaning on the wall nearby, amazed that Zexion would actually be making Marluxia pancakes-to-go.
Axel suddenly felt someone hugging him. More like smothering...
"Axel! Let's have some fun!" said Demyx as he latched onto Axel. Axel abruptly shoved him to the floor.
"Get the hell of me, Demyx."
Zexion turned around with a beautiful set of pancakes and poured the twinberry sauce on.
"Do you think I put the right amount on? I don't want to have to little, but I don't want to overwhelm the taste of the pancakes."
Axel and Demyx stared questioningly at him. "Never mind, " he mumbled. "So, who wants to take His Majesty his breakfast?"
Axel immediately volunteered. "I'll take flower pansy his breakfast," he said, sneaking a bottle of hot sauce form the cabinet.
Axel's imagination:
"Oh boy! Pancakes!" said Marluxia as he stuffed them in his mouth at once. Suddenly the whole castle heard, "AXEL, YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY PANCAKES!"
Chibified Axel rolled on the ground as Marluxia ran screaming like a girl for water, eventually resorting to asking Demyx for water, which the empty-headed nobody nearly drowned him in.
End evil Axel dream
"Hehehe..." Axel chuckled darkly.
Zexion grabbed the pancakes from him. "No, Axel, you're not putting hotsauce on the pancakes. As much as I wish Marluxia would burn in hell, I won't let you ruin my perfect cooking concoctions!"
"Sorry, Emerl..." he mumbled.
"Wait, Zexy, I'll go with you!" said Demyx, chasing after him.
Axel shrugged and teleported from the room. Maybe he'd go find Larxene...
Zexion and Demyx traveled down the hallway. Poor Zexion was ready to rip his eardrums to stop Demyx's annoying voice from penetrating his ears. Plus he was calling him Zexy. Demyx had the annoying habit of nicknaming anyone he could think of. Zexy, Vexy, Lex, Mar, Xiggy, Luxy, and others. The only exempt ones were Larxene and Saix, since they both had a habit of assaulting him with murderous intent.
"Anyway, Zexy, have you noticed Axel and Larxene?"
Zexion sighed. "What about them?"
Demyx grinned and clapped his hands. "They're falling in love! Can't you tell?"
Zexion looked at Demyx like he grew a third eye. "Not really..." he said finally.
They reached Marluxia's door and Zexion knocked. Marluxia opened the door a crack, then opened it with a sigh.
"Finally! I've been waiting, you know!"
"Hey, Mar!" Demyx bawled in his ear.
"I have a restraining order, Demyx!" said Marluxia. Demyx retreated behind Zexion who sighed heavily and handed him the dish.
"These had better be good! After all, it's not like you have any other use around here."
Zexion scowled as Marluxia slammed the door. Then he pulled the bottle of hot sauce out of his pocket.
"On the off chance..." he said with a smirk.
As he walked away, everyone in the castle heard, "AAAAAH! YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY PANCAKES!"
There was silence, followed by Axel moaning loudly, "Awwwww!"
Axel wandered around until he found Larxene in the library. She was humming to herself softly while a slight smile played on her lips. She couldn't figure out why, but she felt strangely happy lately. Well, she was beginning to figure it out, but she tried to put that out of her mind. She had almost succeeded when Axel entered the room. So much for that...
"Ah, here's our apathetic princess," he said, with a little grin on his face. He then placed his hand on his chin as if in thought. "Wow, I didn't know blonds were reading these days," he said teasingly.
She looked up from her book. She wanted to retort with a nasty comment or throw some kunai at him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead she put it down and approached him, her eyelids batting seductively.
"You know," she said as she put her arms around his neck "that's not all we blonds are good at."
She saw his facial expression change to a nervous one. "Score," she whispered to him.
He smiled and leaned forward. His nose just barely touched hers, and he whispered huskily to her as their lips came dangerously close, "I know how else you can score..."
Her eyes widened and her face flushed. Axel laughed and pulled away. "Two to two."
She punched him in the arm and turned around. To tell the truth, she felt strangely disappointed.
"Hey, Axel," she said, turning around.
"Yeah?" he said, suddenly feeling very shy.
She walked over and stood in front of him. "I...I just wanted to say thanks again for...helping me."
She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek. She quickly turned away so he didn't see how much she was blushing. He stood there, his cheeks starting to turn pink, his mouth slightly open and his eyes blinking in shock. As she walked away, she turned and smiled cutely.
"That one's off the record."
She turned and left Axel, stunned and, confusingly, happy. He put his hand up to his cheek and held it there, genuinely smiling. He walked out the door, still smiling to himself.
Back at the library, Demyx leaned too far forward and caused Zexion and himself to crash into a desk and chair, landing books of all sorts on top of themselves.
"See? What did I tell you!" said Demyx gleefully.
Zexion grabbed the Webster's Unabridged Dictionary and smacked Demyx in the head with it.
"Owwww! What was that for!"
"For getting me into this stupid mess!"
"Hey, I didn't force you! Besides, you were the one who suggested we bring the video camera."
Zexion had to agree there. "Well, I'm done with this sneaking around. Let Axel and Larxene deal with their love problems ALONE."
Demyx grabbed Zexion's sleeve and wagged his finger. "Uh uh uh! We wouldn't want anyone to find out about why Saix got food poisoning last year."
Zexion's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."
Demyx grinned bigger than Zexion thought possible. "Try me!"
Zexion sighed in defeat as Demyx pranced about. "From now on, we are the SAD SALT!
"The what?"
"The Super Awesome Duo Scooting Axel and Larxene Together!"
"Whatever. Hmm...I wonder how much Vexen would pay to see this footage. He hates Axel almost as much as he hates Marluxia."
"Ya know...he has serious hatred issues."
They both nodded silently before Demyx shouted, "And now SAD SALT, let us go forth, for love and the pursuit of gossip!"
"Hurrah..." said Zexion mopingly.