A/N Here's the next chapter, thanks for the reviews thus far and I hope this one is to your liking.
Chapter Five
The days droned onward with Buffy and Tara growing closer. They shared dinners, a little dancing, and many heart to heart conversations over the loves and losses in their lives. They shared little about the problems of the super natural kind however, because they simply wanted a more relaxed ambiance in which to explore what lie ahead for them in terms of a relationship. The two wanted this time before the wedding to be spent furthering their relationship at a nice slow pace and had both agreed that they were not ready for full intimacy. They had a lot to deal with in many aspects and knew that deepening a relationship too much could only add to their plate. There was this Goddess issue, Buffy's lack of slayer abilities, and then the problem that both felt but neither spoke of, the Willow factor, which combined, served to slow their pace in furthering relations.
As the car the two women had rented at the airport drew closer to Dawn's apartment, Tara was glad that Willow wasn't going to be attending the wedding. She felt bad because she knew how close the gang once was but didn't know how it would work out if she had to see the redhead again. Buffy was glad that Willow wasn't going to be there also because she didn't want to see the hurt that she knew would be in her friend's eyes when she found out that she was trying to get closer to Tara. "We're almost there." Buffy said and gave Tara's arm a gentle pat. Buffy could sense that Tara was nerved up about something and thought that it had to do with discussing their findings with Giles.
"I know," Tara said softly and took note as to how her body began to tense up but she didn't know why. "I'm so excited to see Dawnie getting married." Tara said with a half-faked smile on her face, as she pulled the car into the parking space that Dawn had previously allotted for her guests. There weren't many available parking spaces for guests at the apartment complex but Dawn had phoned two days ago and let the women know that they could stay with her and that she had procured a couple of parking spaces from some of the residents.
As the two stepped out of the car, with hesitancy as to how they should enter the apartment, their decision was made for them. Both stood frozen still as statues, as Willow Rosenberg turned to face them with dancing but uncertain green eyes. "Willow," Buffy said in a hushed voice that spoke volumes to Tara. Buffy had hoped to convey the fact that she didn't know of this change of plans in her voice and was certain that she had done so by the glance that Tara gave her.
Dawn came bounding around the corner with a look of utter euphoria plastered on her face. She had worked for many years to get her two favorite lesbians back together and believed that she was on the road to success. Andrew thought that it was childish of her to still harbor this desire to see the women together but Dawn didn't care. When she was a teen, the two of them were her rock. They symbolized love and happiness in every sense of the words and Dawn was determined for them to reconnect on every level. She knew that all she had to do was tell Willow that Tara was coming and, if Willow still loved Tara, she would come without Kennedy. Dawn's calculation was correct because Willow didn't waste a millisecond in getting a flight and explaining to Kennedy how important it was for her to go see Dawn get married. Now here the two women were in each other's path again and Dawn was ecstatic with pride and joy for being the one to get them back on the right path.
Buffy watched as Tara headed back towards the car and Willow's facial expression dropped to one of despondent sadness. "Tara," Willow said in a soft pained tone of voice and the blonde stopped in her tracks. "I'll go," the redhead continued speaking with hurt etched on her face.
The raw emotion that Buffy saw being displayed by her friend caused pangs of guilt to sweep through her body like a vacuum. How could she have thought that she could have something special with Tara while Willow was obviously still grieving over the woman? As she looked over at Tara, she knew that the blonde was feeling much the same guilt. She also saw fear and confusion etched on Tara's face and felt great empathy for her. She wanted to race over and get Tara out of this situation as fast as she could. She wanted to go back to the security of Tara's house and pick up their slow-paced relations but knew that none of what she wanted mattered now. It was most likely fate that brought the two wiccans back together and Buffy knew that you could not go against fate. "Tara," she opened her mouth to speak but nothing more came out. She didn't have the words to help the befuddled blonde thus resolved herself to step quietly beside Dawn.
"Why don't we all just go inside and try to get comfortable." Dawn said in a hurried tone. She wanted Willow and Tara to be able to speak to each other before they made a decision. Sure, she wanted her two friends back together but knew deep down that if that could not happen, at least they could get some closure and truly move on. Dawn was certain that the moving on would not happen, but that the initial conversation had to be instigated in order for the women to begin their reconnection stage. "Faith, Giles, Xander and Andrew are here and it would be good to see them?" Dawn questioned with a little tentativeness in her voice. She had finally noticed that there was some huge underlying tension coming from somewhere.
Willow made the quick decision to let her emotions, rather than rational thoughts, lead her and moved quickly to the blonde. "Tara," she said softly and put her arms around the woman in a firm hug that she wished she could never let go of. "I've missed you so much." Willow blurted out as Tara cautiously returned the hug. It felt so right to Willow for them to be embracing like this and she wanted it to last for an eternity.
Dawn watched Buffy as she watched the two women's reunion. Buffy saw the tentative look on Tara's face and the look of fear but hope that Willow's face displayed. When the two women embraced, she saw and felt that old familiar charge in the air that the gang had grown accustomed to when Willow and Tara were in their presence. Her heart both felt joy for her friends and ached for what she was undoubtedly about to lose. "Dawn, let's go on inside and let them talk." Buffy said in a hesitant voice and turned towards the entrance of the complex.
Tara stiffened slightly and then pulled herself free of Willow's embrace. She looked into the deep emerald pools that once held her heart and felt that old familiar electrical feeling rise. "I don't think a talk is good just now." Tara stammered out and Willow backed away like a wounded pup. "We just got here and I wasn't expecting Willow to be here and…"
"Of course," Willow said with slight hope returning to her voice. "I didn't mean to crowd you Tara." She turned to Buffy and gave her long-time friend a quick smile. "I'll just go in and make myself scarce for the time being." She smiled at the two women again and followed Dawn inside.
"We can go Tara." Buffy said quietly with uncertainty oozing from her voice.
Tara wished that she could put Buffy's mind at ease but knew that she couldn't honestly do that at that moment. The feelings that she was developing for Buffy were real but there was no mistaking that the feelings she had locked away for Willow all those years ago were still there. "I've come this far, there is no reason to turn away now." Tara said in a quiet voice and tried to put on a brave face for Buffy.
- - - - -
A virtually silent dinner was ate that evening with everyone disappearing to their assigned sleeping areas or out of the apartment afterwards. Tara sat in the kitchen alone with confusion etched on her face. She had worked so hard to avoid this situation for so long and now it had caught up with her. She knew that she was attracted to Buffy but knew that her love for Willow was deep. As she rubbed her forehead with both hands, a soft hand touched her arm. "Tara, I'm so sorry." The blonde didn't want to lift her eyes to meet those of the speaker because she feared what would happen if she did.
"It's not your fault Willow." Tara said dryly without looking at the once light of her life.
"Yes it is Tara," Willow said and rounded the table to sit next to her. "Dawn told me that you were coming and I had to come. I have wondered all these years what would have happened if you didn't leave and if I didn't get all messed up by the first and then if I didn't mess with your mind to begin with. I had to come Tara because, no matter how much time passes, I still carry you in my heart. No matter where I go, I still feel you there with me. Even in the big battle, I could feel you Tara. It was as if you were there trying to keep me from screwing up." The determination in Willow's eyes was strong as she spoke. She was trying hard to show the depth of her feelings to the blonde and, if she had judged Tara's reactions correctly, it was working.
Tara could clearly see the love that Willow held for her in the redhead's eyes as she spoke and it scared her. She knew that so much was left unresolved between them but feared that she would make the wrong decision. "Willow, so much time has passed that I thought it best to…"
"No Tara," Willow cuffed Tara's hands in hers and looked deep into her eyes. "Don't say that you wanted to let go completely. Please don't tell me that you fell out of love with me and could never try at us again. Not now Tara, we've just found each other again and I'm begging you not to dismiss this so fast."
Part of Tara wanted to get up from the table and dismiss any thoughts of Willow forever while another part of her tugged at her to wait it out awhile. As Willow's lips moved closer to hers, Tara knew that she was in trouble. She could feel the electricity flash between them like a fierce bolt of lightening and didn't know if she was strong enough to stop it.