A/N thanks so much for the reviews, keep them coming.
Chapter Nine
Faith stood with the remaining three women. She didn't know fully what was on the go but knew that it was big. She could see the pain all over their faces and knew that it was something more than the power problems. She looked at each of them as if to ask, which of you is going to need my company? In turn, she received looks of utter confusion and sadness from the three of them. "Look, it's getting late. I dunno what's up here but if one of you needs an ear…"
Tara wanted to comfort Buffy for the loss of her slayer powers on a permanent basis. She also wanted to comfort Willow on being stripped of her Goddess title. She wanted to take Buffy in her arms and assure her that things were as they were before they came to the wedding but knew that she could not honestly do that. Most of all, she wanted to help them through the loss of Giles and this love life crisis that she had caused between the three of them. She didn't know what to do or which way to turn but knew that someone had to do something.
Someone did do something, Buffy turned towards Faith. "If you're not to tired, I think I could use a long walk. This is all so strange for me." Buffy gave Tara an understanding look but she didn't really understand. She knew that Tara and Willow had a great bond, one that could never be shattered. She also knew that she and Tara were forming a bond that would hopefully be as great as the one that she shared with Willow. She knew that Willow was in pain over her power loss the same as she was. She knew that Willow was aching over Giles and Tara the same as she was. She also knew that Tara was torn as to what to do and the only reason that she made the choice to go with Faith was to make the let down easier on Tara.
"Sure," Faith said and moved towards the door with Buffy following behind her. She glanced back and noticed that Buffy purposefully did not regard Tara in any way, shape or form. Frosty Buffy was alive and well, Faith thought with a grin.
The two walked in silence for a brief time and then Faith pointed to a park bench. "So whadaya say we sit here and you tell me what's up B?" Faith asked as she took a cigarette out of her jacket.
"It's been a long time since we've done this." Buffy said as she tried to remember when the last time that she and Faith shared a meaningful conversation was.
"Yeah," Faith said dryly and leaned back on the bench. "So, lay it on me B."
"Well, now that I have the chance to live a normal life, I don't know how Faith." Buffy's hands began to tremble as she spoke. She did not plan to really pour her heart out to the other slayer, but felt that it was going to happen.
"This has been my calling for such a long time and now I feel as though I have no identity." Buffy looked at Faith for understanding and knew that the slayer understood. Faith was the opposite of her, she lost her identity when she became a slayer because she never had the chance to be thee slayer. "I should be jumping off the roof tops and happy because I get to have a normal life but I'm not."
"Maybe it's all happening to fast B." Faith said and put her hand on the blonde's arm. She wasn't very good at comforting but was better at it with Buffy then anyone else. "I mean, we found this out about G-man and then the slayer thing all in one night. Maybe it's just a little much to take in all at once."
"I feel more alone now then I ever did as a slayer Faith." Buffy said softly, as she wiped her eyes. "I mean, here I was starting this relationship and now that's up in the air. It's all just so crazy and I don't want to be alone anymore."
Faith's face showed understanding in that she had figured out the other problem. "So you were hooking up with Tara? Now she's all mixed up, or so you think, because she helped out Red back there?" Faith asked and lit another cigarette.
"Exactly," Buffy said and fanned Faith's cigarette smoke away from her. "You smoke to much Faith."
"You fall for people to easy B." Faith retorted dryly. "Look, for what it's worth, you're not alone. I get where you're coming from, even with the caring for someone deal."
"Angel?" Buffy asked softly. She knew that there was an attraction there on Faith's part and realized that she was the one in the way of something happening there.
Faith laughed and tossed her cigarette away. "Fang? C'mon B, you can do better then that. There was nothin' on my part for fang cept to piss you off."
"Then who was it? Maybe you can give me some advice that I can relate to my situation and help clear my head if I know who it is." Buffy said in a desperate attempt to find some sanity in this mess.
"Let's just say that they were a special person who never noticed me. I probably wouldn't have let them notice me if they did back in those days but they didn't anyhow. So, I walked away and never tried to find out if that's what was for me. At least you're trying with Tara B and if she's for you, I wish you the best of luck. If she's not, I got lots of time to take long walks." Faith finished speaking and looked at Buffy who was relaxing a little more than earlier.
"I don't know if I should bother trying Faith. We've all been hurt enough, Tara, Willow, and me. It has to stop somewhere." The look on Buffy's face showed defeat, as she leaned against the slayer and began to cry.
Meanwhile, Tara and Willow were still at the hall that had been rented out for the wedding. Neither spoke for quite some time and then Willow looked pleadingly into Tara's eyes. "Tara," she began to speak in a trembling voice, which matched her trembling hands. "This is not a ploy to get you back but I can't be alone right now. I feel as if my entire world is shattered. It's like everything that I held to, knew and treasured is being taken from me all at once. I feel like I want to just die Tara. I have no purpose, no life, no love and no magical duties anymore."
As the tears flowed from Willow's eyes, Tara pulled her into a soft but firm hug. "Of course I won't leave you alone Willow." She was being honest, she hadn't a hateful bone in her body and there was no way that she could leave either Willow or Buffy during a time of such grief.
"When I was performing that spell," Willow continued speaking in between sobs. "I thought of you and then felt you there. Kennedy told me later that I even said your name. No matter what happens to us Tara, we're connected beyond anything that most normal couples have."
Tara knew that Willow was speaking the truth and there was nothing that she could do about it. Even if she and Buffy worked through this together, that connection would always be there. Tara didn't know if Buffy would be able to live with that after what happened tonight. "I know that Willow," Tara said softly but the pain resonated clearly in her voice.
"Do you remember any of it, did you feel the connection? Why didn't you come to me with this news?" Willow fired off the questions in her classic babble-style, as the tears continued to flow.
"I didn't remember Willow." Tara replied honestly as she wiped the tears from Willow's cheeks. "I was having these horrible dreams and went to therapy for quite some time. I didn't start piecing things together until Buffy showed up not so long ago."
"Tara, do you still love me?" Willow asked with a look of utter devastation plastered on her face.
Tara took note of Willow's fragile state and knew that she couldn't lie. If she lied, it would make things easier for her but not Willow. She didn't have a bone cruel enough in her body to behave in such a manner. "Of course I will always love you Willow. That doesn't mean that I can go back to where we were." Tara forced the last words out in hopes that it wouldn't send Willow over the edge.
"I would never ask you to go back to that place Tara. I don't want this to turn into one of those conversations because there are so many other things in my head right now that I need to sort out. If I asked you anything though, it would be to go to another place. A new place that we could start over but I don't want to go there right now because if you told me know, I don't think I could live with it."
Tara looked at Willow and knew that she was speaking from the heart. She also knew that she could not give Willow a true answer as to what she could or could not do in terms of a relationship with anyone. Her head was just as messed up as Willow's right now and she would not tread those waters at this time. "It's best that we don't go there tonight Willow, for all of us. Buffy is involved in this too and I do have strong feelings for her. I didn't plan on that happening but it did."
"I know that Tara." Willow said as she tried to compose herself enough to speak like a rational adult. "I just don't know what to do with my life right now, if I even want to live it. I feel lower than I ever felt in my entire life minus the time that I thought you were dead."
"I know that Willow and I'm here to help you if I can." Tara finished wiping the tears from Willow's eyes and coaxed her to stand. "Let's go get some sleep Willow and then we can all try to clear our heads tomorrow. I won't leave you alone, I promise." Tara said and held on to the redhead as she shakily left the hall.