Reviews, por favor!
The Penguin's Flight was and the type of inn common to Tortuga. It didn't go much in the way of décor, its attraction wasn't the ambiance; it was to get drunk and find a girl to spend the night with. What wasn't common was that it was owned by a woman, a Miss Stephanie Griffin, famous for her large bosom and short temper.
Natalia and Matt were had been drinking steadily for about two hours. Natalia was notoriously good at making up drinking games, and her current one was a doozy. Every time she was asked how much her services were, she had to drain her glass, and every time Matt was propositioned by a hooker, he had to drain his glass.
Unfortunately, she hadn't realized that there were many more horny men than prostitutes, and she was about eight glasses up on Matt.
"Matt, zat last girl was pretty deshent. I think, you know what I think? I think you should have shex tonight. Płeć jest dobra.." It had gotten to the point where she kept switching from Polish to English without realizing.
"What was that last one? I don't fucking shpeak Polish."
"I was shpeaking English. Listen! I said 'Sex is good," her voice rising. "Yeah, that's what…," she stopped and stared off into the distance.
Matt clanked his glass on the bar, and her attention snapped back to him.
"Yesh, you need to get a girl. Maybe Mish Stephnaie? Her breasts are.." She squinted at him and tried to mime what she couldn't find words for.
"Enormous?" Matt supplied the word.
"YESH! That was good. How did you know what I was going to say?"
"I'm psychic."
"Really? Ok, what am I thinking right now?"
Matt stared into her eyes for a moment and said, "You're thinking that you want more rum."
"Holy shit," she whispered in wonder. "Why didn't you tell me that you were psychic before? We could of made sho much money in the circush…", and she was off, describing their life on the road with the giraffes and acrobats and what their stage names would be.
Matt cut her off in the middle of the description of the pet walrus she would teach rescue shipwrecked sailors.
"Nat."
"What?"
"You're drunk."
She closed her eyes as if to take a metal tally, and then said, "You're absolutely right. But guess what?"
"What?"
"You'll be the one with the hangover tomorrow." And then she laughed so hard, she fell right off her stool.
"Yes, yes, you have the amazing ability to drink yourself into a coma and wake up absolutely fine. Polish genes. So you've told me. Many times." And he helped her back on to the stool. She was still laughing uncontrollably.
Just then, a tanned man with dreadlocks and heavy eyeliner plopped down next to Natalia. Miss Stephanie rushed over.
"Jack Sparrow! How wonderful! Back with the Pearl, I hear?" she practically cooed.
"Back to see you love," he said with a hint of a smile.
"It'll be just a sec, I'm the only one working bar tonight, my girl Jules left on some ship this afternoon."
At this, Natalia turned her attention to Stephanie. "You need a new barmaid?" she said as soberly as she could muster.
Stephanie looked at her, all vestiges of warmth gone now that she wasn't talking to Jack. "Yeah. So?"
"Well, I need a job."
"Go romp for a few pennies. I don't hire weak girls like you."
"And what makes you think I'm weak? The fact that my breasts don't resemble mountains?"
At this, Matt and Jack winced, and sparks flew from Stephanie's eyes. Jack interrupted before Stephanie jumped the counter and tackled Natalia.
"Steph, love, this girl isn't weak. I saw her take down Francisco and curse at him in his own language. She has enough guts to talk that way to you. And how long has she been drinking here? About two hours, I heard-"
Nat's knife was in her hand and to Jack's throat before he could finish. She may be drunk, but her adrenaline was pumping and she knew what she had heard. She hissed in his ear, "Did my father send you? Tell me! How do you know this? Are you following us?"
Faster than she thought possible, Jack bent her arm back and under, and her knife dropped from her hand. She spun in and put all her centrifugal force into her elbow, crashing it into his face. His grip slackened and she took his momentary lapse to put her foot into his stomach. Jack fell, rolled and kicked her legs out from under her. Drawing his cutlass, he was on top of her, his blade inches away from her throat, and his face millimeters away from hers.
They stayed frozen in that position for several seconds. Then Natalia's head sprang up and kissed Jack full on the mouth. The blade slackened slightly from surprise, and as he kissed her back, she put her knee into his crotch, grabbed his hand and twisted his wrist, rolled out from under him, and forced his own cutlass to his throat.
"Who sent you?" she panted.
Jack grinned and said, "Give us another kiss, love, and I'll tell you."
She moved the blade closer to his neck and bent to his ear. "Or," she breathed, "You could tell me now." She moved the blade towards the waist of his pants.
Jack's eyes widened and said, "Well, as I see you mean business, I know you put Francisco on the floor because I was in the next room, attending to my own affairs. I know you were here for two hours because Layla," he nodded to a hooker by the wall, "told me that you two walked in about two hours ago, and all the men in the place went to you before her. Competition, love. She's not used to it." Only then did Natalia notice that the entire bar was watching the escapade with interest.
Satisfied enough with his explanation, Natalia stood up shakily. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the rum was back. The crowd had turned back to their drinks, now that the violence was over. "Fucking 'competition' got me drunk," she said under her breath. "Sorry, Jack, is it? Jack. Sorry." He stood up and winked at her.
"Not inconvenienced in the slightest, love."
She rolled her eyes. "Matt? MATT? There you are, where were you this whole time? Doesn't matter. Let'sh go." She was having trouble focusing on his face, the room seemed to spinning. "When did thish room decide to not shtay still? Ish there a button you push when you want it to confushe people? 'Cause .." That's as much as she got out before closing her eyes and hitting the floor with a thunk that resounded around the room.
Matt bent down hastily and scooped her up before any of the men could see that she was passed out and start to get ideas. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake. Matt looked down at her with pity and humor in his eyes. He made it to the door, when he heard, "Hey! Girl!"
Matt turned and saw Stephanie calling from the bar. Natalia cracked an eye and looked in her general direction.
"Be here tomorrow by 6 PM, ready to work."
She closed her eyes again, but before she slipped back into unconsciousness, she could have sworn that Jack winked at her and gave her a trademark grin, as if everything had gone exactly according to plan.