Chapter 9

For the longest time it felt to Haley like she was stuck in some alternative universe. When she had been with Channing the night that they had found out, she had found herself unable to open up to her lover. Unable to tell him that the woman she had once spoken of as her mother had died. Unable to say what she truly felt. Instead, she acted her best role in her entire life, one of complete ignorance to her tormented soul.

But here – at the white house where all of their lives had taken place in the matter of two years – she found herself opening up again. Her body racked with sobs as she felt his arms around her. She knew it was wrong. Channing was the one she loved. She was supposed to open up to him. But how could she if he didn't even know the whole story. Heck…he didn't even know about Nathan…

After what seemed like hours of sobbing Lucas finally spoke as he pulled away and stared worriedly at her.

"You don't look good Hales…" he spoke softly, treading softly as if scared to break her even further. Haley let out a small broken smile before sliding her hand dramatically over her head.

"I'm fine Luke…Karen's death has just tired me out." It was funny to her how quickly they had fallen back into the habit of calling each other on their given nicknames. She knew it was probably to do with the fact that what had happened at the white house had not really been between her and Lucas. Sure, she had her reasons for leaving Nathan. But in leaving Nathan she had not wanted to leave Lucas. And he had never meant to hurt anyone… though she never really agreed with his decisions. But in making the decisions they made – to leave their loved ones so that they – the loved ones – could live their lives – they had created a hole between them. A hole that only now had seemed to vanish.

"Hales…" he started, tilting up her chin to look her in the eyes, "have you been sleeping at all since you heard the news?" Haley laughed as she shook her head and pretended to be okay.

"Of course silly!" but her words were hollow and unlike Channing and the rest of the world, Lucas saw right through her. With a tilt of his head she knew she had been figured out. She sighed and stared down at the floor.

"No. I've been pretending to be asleep. But I…I just can't find that rest." Her admitting that was the final loss as Lucas took her by the hand and led her inside. Climbing the stairs they found themselves in the area with the bedrooms.

"Look Haley. Nobody knew if you were going to come…and seeing as most people sent down their bags they kinda already had rooms…and we…" he paused, not knowing how to go further. But Haley understood. She should have guessed each one of the five would immediately grab the chance to have their old rooms. But she never had a room. Back in the day nobody stayed in Karen's room…and when she and Nathan started going out she had moved in with him. No matter how bad it would be she would have to suck it up.

"It's okay Lucas. I'll be fine. I'll go lie down for a bit." She said softly as she headed to Karen's room – her room for the funeral. Lucas shook his head and went searching for his brother.

Haley paused outside of the room – unable to enter the once private place of her mentor and mother-like figure. But Haley was tired and she knew she needed some sleep. Turning around, the room where she had once shared her love with Nathan called out to her. She walked to it – in her mind trying to convince herself it was only to see how it looked.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hours later Haley woke up to find herself on Nathan's bed, covered with a blanket. She sighed, knowing full well who had placed it on her. It was out and out a Lucas move. Nathan had once told her he didn't care of such things…because why keep you warm with a blanket if his body worked so much better.

She walked down slowly towards the living room and couldn't help but smile when she heard the familiar voice drifting through the house.

"What do you mean she's sleeping? Lucas Scott since when have I given a flying fuck what you think anymore…just tell me where my best friend is…" Haley knew the animosity between the three of them had never really ceased. But that's what happens if you break the girl's hearts. Haley guessed Peyton had accepted it…since she had gotten married. But something in Haley told her that the thing between Lucas and Brooke was far from done. Not wanting more shouting in the house she let herself be seen.

"Brooke…please stop shouting on Lucas. I don't think it's the time or place…" her voice betrayed her sadness and Brooke turned around to face her broken friend. They all had known Haley would take it worse than all of them. Haley knew Karen longer. Cared more. Brooke hugger her friend and Haley hugged back as tightly as she could.

"I'm so sorry Haley…I didn't mean too…" Haley smiled signaling to Brooke it was alright before returning her gaze to Lucas.

"No fighting you guys…for Karen's sake."

"Yeah guys…stop fighting like we're all 18 years old again…" this time the voice belonged to a sultry blonde who made her way into the house. Beneath the glossy eyes lied a sadness they all shared. Haley made her way over to her friend and hugged her – Lucas and Brooke hanging back for a while, but in the end their grief connected them as Brooke made her way over to Haley and Peyton and grabbed them into a hug.

"I love you girls so much!" Brooke cried as all three girls let their sorrow come out a bit.

"Oh god…we're back to where we started…" his husky voice rang out as the girls turned towards the blue eyed man standing beside his brother now. But Haley didn't want to turn – scared to meet his eyes. But the fighter in her won out as she turned around and their eyes locked. She prayed he wouldn't say anything…

"Hey Hales…"

Oh god. Two words and Haley knew she was a goner.