AN: In which we can safely conclude that I will never write a songfic or another story so nauseatingly laden with dialogue ever again. I was dry-heaving throughout this chapter.

Chapter 4: Hello Love, Good-Bye Logic

"You know… I don't know what it is,
but everything about you is so irresistible."

- Jessica Simpson, Irresistible.
Put this song on repeat as you read this. I'm serious.

The razor stuck out of Minimum's arm like a bad punk fashion accessory. The boy momentarily pulled away from Max and lolled his head to smile impishly.

Don't you try and tell me that he's not my type
To hide what I feel inside
When he makes me weak with desire.

"F-Fang!" Max gasped. Her brain was going through a malfunction and she wordlessly kept looking from Minimum to Fang to the razor. Her thought process was painfully simple and could be divided into to main parts.

Some dude she didn't even know kissed her.

And that Fang just stabbed the guy.

The funny thing was, she couldn't make the connection between the two. However, her mouth was covered once again as Minimum kissed her more deeply. Max gave a groan that was meant to convey her shocked and confused feelings, but both Minimum and Fang took it the wrong way.

I Know that I'm supposed to make him wait
Let him think I like the chase but I can't
Stop fanning the fire, I know I meant to say no.

Fang exploded.

Theoretically speaking, of course. Literal implications might have made no sense at all. He shoved Minimum out of reach from Max, finally breaking their kiss.

But he's irresistible
Up close and personal,
Now inescapable, I can hardly breathe.

"What is your problem?" Minimum scowled, stepping up to Fang, "I was just saying hi and you come along and stab me! What the heck is wrong with you?"

"My problem?" Fang asked, exasperated, "You're the one who's making out with a complete stranger!"

"Woah! Max making out? What did I just miss?" Iggy asked, sounding appalled. Nudge was busy covering Angel's eyes.

"You're saying that I can't kiss a pretty girl?" Minimum challenged.

"Max doesn't even know you!" Fang said. He glanced over to Max to affirm his claim. When she didn't say anything, he became sickeningly worried. "Max? You don't know this creep, right?"

Max was staring at Minimum, a slightly perplexed and awed expression on her face. She nervously licked her dry lips.

More than just
Physical deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
And irresistible to me.

"Voice," she said finally, "It's not helping when you're singing that song in my head."

"What are you talking about?" the Voice said, "I never sing. If I was, then the lyrics would be included as part of my dialogue, therefore it would be enclosed in quotations and not shown as italicized."

"What?" Max asked, bewildered.

The Voice muted itself.

"Nevermind," it said hastily, "… um, you might want to stop your old boyfriend from beating the tar out of your new one… instead of.. you know.. talking to yourself."

"Voice, Fang and the weird guy aren't my boyfriends. And for the record, I wasn't talking to myself, I was talking to you."

"Yes, but that's not what everyone else sees."

Which was true. When Max looked up, Iggy, Angel, and Nudge were all staring at her as if she had grown an extra appendage or something of that sort.

"I was talking to the Voi-" Max tried to explain but Iggy cut her off.

"Yeah….yeah. We knew that," he said with a suspicious amount of cheery conviction.

Nudge, Angel, and Iggy all nodded enthusiastically. Max gave a long-suffering sigh and decided to focus her attention on more pressing matters.

Speaking of which, Fang was currently pressing Minimum painfully against the ground by more or less sitting on him. Minimum was still bleeding profusely with the razor sticking out from his arm but other than that, it was more of a verbal fight than anything else.

"What kind of stupid name is Minimum Walk?" Fang hissed, gripping Minimum's neck and attempting to strangle the boy.

Don't you think I'm trying to tell my heart what's right
That I should really say goodnight
But I just can't stop myself falling

"That's some strong words coming from a dude who calls himself a pointy tooth," Minimum responded in kind. He wheezed out a choking laugh, "But hey.. me and Maximum match at least. We're a couple… so it's cute."

No man should ever utter the word cute. Even Fang knew that.

"Your wings and hair are pink! You disgust me!" he yelled and tightened his grip. Minimum started to look like an interesting combination color of cotton candy.

"You're mom disgusts me!"

"I don't have a mom!"

"Gee, I wonder why! Are you mitotic? Or… Hah! You're father produces his young asexually!" Minimum jeered in what was the best insult ever.

Fang thought about it for a moment and eventually came up with not liking the sound of it.

"How can you talk like that when I blocking your air supply?! Just die already!"

Magically, Minimum suddenly realized that Fang was right. He shouldn't have been able to talk at all. While contemplating why such a paradox occurred was interesting, he wisely chose to save it for later and take advantage of his unexplainable state.

"Did…" Minimum began, wheezing out every word, "…you know… ugh… that if you take out… huuh… the 'n' in fang…ahh… you get-"

"Ooh.. that's real clever, I haven't heard that one in, like, five minutes."

"Guilty," admitted Iggy and Nudge at the same time.

And as fun as it was to listen to the two argue, Max got down and bodily separated the rowdy boys. However, as soon as she caught a whiff of Minimum's cologne, she needed to sit back. The smell was insanely strong and she wondered how Fang could stay at such a close distance. She swayed and fell against Minimum, much to Fang's distress.

Maybe I'll tell him that I feel the same
That I don't want to play no game
Cause when I feel his arms wrapped around me
I know I'm meant to say no (I meant to say no)

"Oooh, hey babe," Minimum said, propping himself up.

Max clung on to his shirt, finding the smell to be pleasantly intoxicating now. She shook her head to clear out her cluttered thoughts. Blushing, she abruptly got up.

"Hey… um.. Minimum, you're sort of… bleeding… a lot," she stammered, "Do you want me to…?"

Fang looked devastated. Minimum paled and slid his yellow eyes down to his bloody arm. He slowly stood up and gave a twitching grin. He started to look a little green.

"Nah, Max-babe," he said, "This is nothing compared to what I usually get. Now, if you'll excuse me… I'll be right back in a minute. Don't move."

It was amazing how his mouth could easily tell a lie, but his face was just screaming, 'Oh god, I'm bleeding and there's a razor stuck in my arm.' It was so obvious, but the flock didn't have the heart to destroy his tough-guy demeanor, not even Fang.

Minimum shot out of the alleyway, limbs floundering. The flock stared after him and then moved into a group huddle.

He's irresistible
up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe

"I think we should take him in," said Angel, the ever sympathetic little girl who couldn't leave an injured creature behind, "He's hurt and has funny thoughts. Max, what's mastr-"

"-absolutely not!" Fang said, "He's not joining the flock… and Angel, don't you ever read Minimum's mind again."

"Aw, but I agree with Angel," Nudge said, "We can't just leave him for the Erasers."

"I'm siding with Fang," Iggy said, shrugging. He was thinking about the ratio of girl to guys. With Minimum joining, the scale would tip and Iggy just liked things balanced. Six was a good number. Yes. Good.

More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual (oh yeah)
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me

"Well… I think we should-" Max began, but the Voice blocked cut her off.

"Max, Minimum Walk is dangerous. Don't let him follow you. Get rid of him."

"But," Max argued, "Why? The Erasers were chasing him! He's one of us… except a little more pink, Voice."

"Then choose whatever you feel is right."

"For god's sake, Voice," Max said, exasperatedly, "Can't you give me a straight answer for once?"

The Voice didn't reply. Max waited as the rest of the flock pretended to be deaf.

"Hey, Voice! Ugh! You suck."

Suddenly the Voice came back, its calm monotone sounding quite angry now.

"It's always 'Hey Voice' this and 'Hey Voice' that. I'm so sick of you're demanding attitude!" said the Voice, "I did give you a straight answer; you just never listen and always bitch about it. You think you have it hard? Try living in your own brain! God, I just wish you could shut up or stop thinking thoughts for a minute so I can have some peace and quiet…"

Max took an unconscious step back. The Voice had never lost it before. Sure, it had been sarcastic at times, but never anything else-

"I can hear what you're thinking," it said disgustedly, "get over it, I have feelings too!"

"Voice…"

"Oh, and that's another thing! Just because I'm a voice inside your head, you think that's actually my name?" it continued, the pitch getting higher and more indignant until it was practically screaming, "I congratulate your creativity, Max. It's no wonder why I fucking love being your fucking conscience! I have a fucking name, you artarded-butt-munching ho!"

Max was startled into being meek.

"I-I'm sorry," she said awkwardly, "I just assumed that… oh, nevermind. Is it too late to ask for your name then?"

"…No," the Voice said huffily.

"Oh. Um… what's you're name?" Max asked, shifting into a kindly state to palliate the Voice. It would do her no good if her so-called conscience started hating her.

"It's Ryan."

"Well… uh… Thank you, Ryan. I'm very happy to share my head with you."

This lovely conversation would have one on, but Minimum made his appearance into the alleyway. The boy had mysteriously changed into an oversized white hoodie with its sleeves cut off. The Itex company logo was printed in a splattered design on the front. That in itself was enough to convince Max that maybe taking in Minimum wasn't a good idea. She took an overall look of him and found that the rims of his eyes were oddly red. Fang was actually the one who had noticed it first though.

"Dude, were you crying?" Fang asked gleefully.

Minimum shuffled up to them, glaring at Fang. He hastily wiped his eyes, sniffed, and twiddled his thumbs.

"No."

"Aw, it's okay, Minimum," Angel said, "Fang stabbed you pretty hard. It must've hurt. It's okay to cry."

"I wasn't crying!"

Iggy tilted his head and started to reach out to touch Minimum's injury. "Here, let me feel if your arm's alright."

However, the Minimum drew back and hissed like a cat. Even his pink hair stuck up on end.

"Don't touch me!" he shrieked in a not-so-manly way. With a little skip and hop, distanced himself away. A manila folder fell out from the impossible large pocket of his hoodie. In fact, the action alone defied time and space but Minimum was too busy in the process of freaking out to notice. The flock, on the other hand, was more curious about the folder than the actual wonderment of how it fit right inside Minimum's pocket.

"Oh my golly!" said Total, who hadn't had anything relatively important to say since his fist appearance in Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment. Everyone expectedly ignored him.

Fang picked up the folder before Minimum could protest and opened it. His eyes widen ever so slightly and he quietly handed the folder to Max. Taking it, she leafed through the papers inside, arousing the curiosity of the younger members of the flock. She pulled out a photo and squinted at it.

"What is it?" Nudge asked, peering over Max's shoulder, "… woah. Is that Jeb?!"

"Hehe. He's covered in strawberry jam," Angel giggled morbidly, "And his body's in pieces."

Her little hint of evilness was mistaken for guileless innocence, as usual. Only Iggy had enough sense to glance in her direction with a slightly uneasy expression on his face.

Minimum, apparently recovered from his little episode, smirked.

"Yeah. I just nicked his autopsy report while I was running away from the Erasers. I think Ari wanted it back."

Max slowly lowered the folder. She stared at Minimum.

Whenever he's close to me
I really find it hard to breathe
He's so irresistible

"You killed Jeb?"

"Baby, I did it all for you."

The flock gagged. Except for Max. She put the photo away and took a quick step towards Minimum. She held out her hand, an insanely huge grin on her not-so-sane looking face.

"Welcome to the flock, Minimum. Hey, may I call you Mini?"

Baby you know
It's more than just spiritual
His ways are powerful
He's so irresistable
(You're so irresistable)

"I'm down with that," Mini said, saving the author from having to type out three extra letters ever again.

Fang was about to scream. Iggy was turning around in ovals. Angel was clapping. Nudge started jabbering.

Gazzy, who had gone mysteriously missing up until now, suddenly burst into the scene. He was dirty, bruised, and panting. The ten-year old boy looked at everyone, from the raging Fang to the love-stricken Max. He decided that it would be for the best if he did not ask. Instead, he waved his arms frantically.

"Guys, you wouldn't believe what just happened to me! I was in the alleyway when this huge gaping hole swallowed me up and-"

He's so irresistible
(You're so irresistible)

"GOD. I HATE THAT SONG WITH A PASSION," Iggy suddenly yelled. Everyone jumped at the sudden use of caps-lock.

"What are you taking about?" Max asked. She had recently mastered the art of ignoring things such as the voices inside of her head. This included songs.

"At first I thought it was playing from a radio nearby, but then when it started fitting in with the whole Max and Mini thing, I just let it go. But then I realized that some of the lyrics were cut and then it got all out of synch with what was happening. I've been hearing it ever since we got into this creepy alleyway!"

While Iggy was ranting, everyone had shifted into a crude line. Unknown to their blind friend, they started to do an imperative dance. Max was lip-singing with Mini dirty dancing (or attempting to) on her. Fang, Nudge, Angel, and Gazzy provided a beautiful array of background movements. It was such a spectacular show.

He's irresistible (yeah)
up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me

And then the song ended.

Iggy turned around and would have been in time to see Max, Mini, Fang, Nudge, Angel, and Gazzy do the last, dramatic, finishing pose... if it weren't for the fact that he was blind.

"You're hearing things, Iggy," Nudge said, getting up from the ground and uncrossing her arms and legs.

"You sure you don't have a Voice like Max?" Angel asked, climbing down from the human pyramid that consisted of Fang, Gazzy, and Mini.

Iggy, ignorant of the abnormal scene in front of him, shrugged helplessly.

And, in a worldwide epidemic of short attention spans, the flock walked off to go eat lunch.

End chapter.