AN: As usual, it never ceases to amaze me how repeated this story is. Thank you for all the reviews. In regards to MR3, there will not be any spoilers in here. I will continue this story as if I've never read it. Which is a good thing. I have so much more material to work with now.
Chapter Seven: Kind Of Like A Nightmare
The creation of the Mary-Sue is a tale told around campfires of many authors and aspiring writers. Gathered from ancient sources, evil stories of such undying creatures have twisted into horrific fictionist designs and have plagued the minds of writers all around the world. However, to counteract the ever increasing population of Sues, an organization of brave men and women has risen up to combat the wicked creatures in multiple levels of genres and media.
Many have given up their souls to serve. The fighting organization's numbers were always dwindling.
Agent Mac sat in the HQ's break room, brooding heavily with a cup of bubble tea in his hands. He was no more than seventeen by standard earth years, but he knew that he had lived much longer than that. Too long, in fact. He stifled a yawn, slumping back into the lumpy couch he was sitting in. His black tie was undone and his pinstriped business suit was ragged with dust and colored stains. All of which he was sure to be a strange mixture of old coffee and blood. A pair of dark sunglasses twirled idly in his right hand.
The door to the break room opened and a beautiful man walked in, amber eyes flashing. He wore the same suit as Agent Mac, though it was significantly cleaner and had been pressed to perfection with an iron.
"…Sir," Agent Mac said, rising to his feet belatedly. He declined his head in a sharp gesture.
The man paused, giving Mac a gentle smile. Mac's eyes widen slightly, fighting down a humbled feeling. He struggled for a moment, shaking his head to clear it.
"Sir. I haven't taken any medication… you're… affecting me," he mumbled apologetically.
The amber eyed man frowned delicately, a look of concern turning his pretty features even more handsome. He reached up, touching his hand to his face.
And yanked it off.
The mask came off with a painful peeling sound, leaving a red-faced man with a slightly big nose and narrowed eyes standing in front of Mac. The once beautiful man gave a disgusted grunt, stuffing the Sue mask into his pocket.
"Sorry, I didn't realize," he said, rubbing his forehead. The older man's voice was rough and strangely accented with a French tone. "Agent Mac, I trust your mission went well?"
Agent Mac pressed his lips together. He ran a hand through his deranged hair with a tired sigh.
"Yes, barely though."
His boss gave Mac a quick over look from head to toe. Mac tried to look as weary as possible, but the older man gave another snort and a wave of his hand.
"As long as you're back in one piece, I have another mission for you."
"What?" Mac exclaimed, falling back into the couch. He rolled over, turning his back to his commanding officer. "No…" he whined, voice coming out muffled. "I almost died just a few moments ago! At least give me a day off. I'm exhausted!"
The man tsked, walking over and hauling Mac to his feet. The teen groaned, but stood up.
"Which fandom is it this time, sir?" Agent Mac asked, his voice nearly going out into a full whine again, "Not something hard, is it? If its X-men or god forbid, Harry Potter, I'm going to die."
"Sues don't kill," the man chastened, "Only suck the will power of their victims and inject OOC venom. Hardly killing."
"Near enough," Mac muttered, dusting off his dirty suit, "So what is it?"
His boss regarded Mac carefully before replying, "Maximum Ride. But before you start complaining-"
"You're kidding right?" Mac interjected with sudden fear, "Last time I went there, I was almost taken over! You of all people should know! Hell, I was hospitalized for weeks after I came back."
"You're the only one available with experience in that area. Not only that, but you were a canon in the-"
"Weeks."
"And you're familiar with the environment as well-"
"And then I needed months of therapy-"
"With your age range, you should blend in-"
"What part of 'hospitalized for weeks' do you not get, Silas?" Mac asked, exasperated, "I'm not going back there. Not without a partner or backup… Sir." He added as a hasty after thought.
"You'll get no such thing," Silas said crisply, "You're one of the best. I believe you can do it. It's been two years since you went there. You've improved since then."
Mac scowled, glancing at his Rolex watch.
"Fine," he snapped angrily, "So what's the big emergency over there?"
Silas smiled, taking a PDA out from his pocket and handing it over to Mac. Mac took it and started scanning its contents.
"A few months ago, a parody story emerged in the Maximum Ride fanfiction. It was a genuine effort to expose the several literary flaws that have infected the fandom using a series of OOC scenes and multiple uses of irony and sarcasm," the older man explained with his brows drawn down, "However, the author came across a glitch when she self-inserted herself into her own story."
Mac let out a sharp hiss. "The power got to her and she turned into a Sue."
"Precisely," said his boss with a sigh, "It would be fortunate if you could save her if it's not too late, but that would be a waste of good resources. I'd go for the usual then."
"Termination," Mac answered promptly with a feral grin. Nothing gave him more pleasure than destroying Sues, "and the canons?"
"Mild affection for the self-insertion for now. There's also an OC with them, though he hasn't much talent."
"Forth wall?"
Silas winced slightly, "Broken in several spots. The author didn't mean any harm by them. Observations have shown that she would've repaired the holes right away."
Mac grimaced. "Tough."
The PDA suddenly beeped in his hands. Mac tapped the screen and an image withed with static appeared. Broken voices filtered through and Mac and Silas leaned forward to get a better look at the live video.
"Who are you…?" Fang was asking in awe to the newly formed Sue.
The Sue blinked, tears welling in her pretty eyes. She gave a soft sob, urging Fang closer to her lithe body. He wrapped his arms around her in a needy cling.
"I think… I think I'm you're sister," the Sue said. Her violet eyes trailed away from Fang and into the direction of the hidden camera. She smiled gently.
The video buzzed and cut off. The PDA went dead.
"Crap," Mac cursed, dropping the PDA as it crackled and steamed.
"… We're too late," Silas said grimly.
o0o
The flock gasped collectively.
Miracle lowered her amethyst gaze, blushing slightly as she did. Fang froze, stunned.
"B-But.. I love you," he whispered, despite the painful fact that he had only own her for less than an hour.
Miracle gave him a brave smile, "Incest is not good for publicity though."
Fang, filled with teen angst and conflicting emotions, choked back a sob and pulled Miracle in a hug. However, he was roughly pushed aside by Mini. Mini grabbed Miracle and took her in his arms. He ran his hand passionately in her long black hair and gave her a heated kiss.
"Incest is indeed a disgusting crime," the pink haired boy said when he paused for breath, "Unlike Fang, I can offer you my undying love without the fear of conceiving deformed babies and-"
Mini was slammed in the head by Gazzy. The little boy wrapped his arms around Miracle's waist.
"Don't listen to him. He knows nothing of true love!" Gazzy exclaimed, "I'm the only one who can love you like a real man."
Miracle only smiled as Gazzy was then tackled off by Max. After beating him into the ground, Max stood up and took hold of Miracle's hands. Fang, Gazzy, and Mini were all to busy wrestling each other on the ground. Even Nudge and Angel joined in the fight for Miracle's attention.
"Oh, Miracle-" Max began.
"I'm sorry," Miracle said, "I'm not into slash."
Max blinked, but shook her head. She burst into tears.
"I'm such a bad leader! Ever since I saw you, I knew you were perfect. I give up my position as flock leader," Max sobbed, grabbing onto Miracle's shoulders. "I know you'll do a better job because you're so much more prettier and smarter and cooler! I'd follow anywhere! You can also have Fang, because I'll never become a good girlfriend like you!"
Iggy, blind to all the chaos, could only writhe in pain at what the Sue was doing to his friends. He tried to crawl away, but he soon bumped against Miracle's well-shaped and sexy leg. At least, that's how it felt. A very provocative picture formed in his mind and Iggy blushed and yelped. He was being sucked in.
"Oh Iggy," Miracle sighed, kneeling down in front of him, "Why do you hate me?"
"I… I…" Iggy squeaked.
"I.. don't understand," Miracle continued, her melodic voice breaking into a tearful sniffle, "I want to be with you, but you hate me so much…"
Iggy gasped and his mouth went on autopilot. "I don't hate you!" he blurted out.
Miracle's distraught face broke into a sunny smile. She gave him a very long hug.
"Oh, you make me so happy!" she said, standing up, leaving Iggy drained and shaking. Miracle primly looked about and went over to the fighting boys. "Please stop fighting," she said, sounding hurt.
Needless to say, the boys were all ears for her. They froze where they were, gaping openly. "We're sorry," they chorused.
"No.. it's okay," Miracle said with a sad smile, "but you guys must help me." She turned to the flock as a whole. "I'm the only raven hybrid with the powers to save the world. I'm also part vampire and werewolf since I'm actually from the medieval past when a wizard zapped me through his time traveling spell. As the illegitimate princess of the United States of America, there are bad men coming after me. They.. want to kill me. And my pet unicorn." She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes, as if pained.
Her unicorn magically appeared, nuzzling her. It was bright pink and sparkly with a heart on its left buttcheek.
The flock winced, hating to see her so sad. Mini stood up.
"I'll protect you, Miracle," he said, being very manly and heroic. Gazzy smacked him aside with a bolder.
"That guy can't even protect his own ass," he snapped, only to get whopped with an incoming chunk of wood.
Iggy beat the younger boy with a tree branch. When he was finished, he casually stepped over Gazzy unmoving body. He calmly took Miracle in his arms and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"Miracle, I'll always be here for you-"
He was then kicked in the groin by Fang. Iggy doubled over and Fang gently grabbed Miracle by the waist. He drew her in, talking softly in her ear.
"As your only brother, come with me so we can find a way to share our love which will no doubt lead us through a very satisfying chain of tragic events and angsty scenes until we can finally reach peace with our incest issues, only to find that we were not actually related by blood, thus able to marry without a problem."
Miracle blinked. She nodded and gave him a blissful smile. Their lips touched.
Gunshots rang out.
Miracle collapsed in Fang's arms.
"No!" Fang screamed.
A young man in a pinstriped suit wearing sunglasses ran over to them. He carried a large briefcase and a pistol in his hands. As soon as he reached the flock, he waved his arms frantically.
"Stay back. Get away from the Sue!" he shouted urgently.
"You killed Miracle!" Iggy screamed in anguish. He fell to his knees and started to cry. The rest of the flock followed in suit, mourning the death of their beloved friend, lover, sister… etc.
"Killed her?" the young man laughed hollowly, "If only it were that easy." His laughter suddenly turned hysterical as his gaze lingered on the beautiful body of Miracle. He twitched, adverted his eyes, and opened his briefcase. Pulling out a white bottle, he shook out three red pills and crunched them down. As soon as he swallowed, an immediate change came over him. He appeared calmer, in control, and now looked upon Miracle with a distasteful glance. He straightened his tie and took off his sunglasses.
Max's jaw dropped.
"You're that weird schizo computer guy from the subways two years ago!" she exclaimed.
The guy looked significantly offended.
"My name is Agent Mac," he said gravely, flipping out a business card with enough skill of a Vegas magician, "Indeed. We have met before, though back then the circumstances were quite more… pressing back in the subways. I was picking up emerging Sue frequencies and I was caught quite unprepared." He gave Angel a caustic look. "On behalf of S.T.F.U., I'm here to pick up this… Miracle." He nudged the still body with the toe of his shiny shoe.
Fang hung on to Miracle, glaring at Agent Mac. He took the card and stared at it.
"S.T.F.U.? That sounds like the worst acronym ever."
Agent Mac allowed himself a brief and fleeting smile, "S.T.F.U. Sue Termination and Facilitating Union. On the contrary, it seems like the perfect one. I'm a highly qualified agent. Now, if you'll let go of it-"
Fang shot up, leaving Miracle in the care of Iggy for now. He snarled and jumped on the bewildered agent. They fell to the ground and it seemed like Fang had the upper hand. However, in the middle of his torrent of punches, Agent Mac reached into his coat and drew out a tiny syringe. He jabbed it into Fang's arm, draining the drug into the avian boy's body.
"What…?" Fang gasped. He wavered and fell to the side.
Cursing, Mac stood up and winced as blood leaked from his nose and the corner of his mouth. He hastily wiped it with a sleeve and grabbed Fang by the arm. Pulling him into a stance, Mac delivered Fang a hard bitch slap across the face.
"What's your name?" Mac demanded.
Fang stared at him. "F-Fang."
"Are you that girl's brother?" Mac asked swiftly, gesturing to Miracle, who was beginning to glow.
"…No," Fang answered, blinking.
"Are you in love with her at all?"
"What? Of course not! I barely know her!"
Mac's tensed shoulders relaxed slightly. He breathed out a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, Fang turned to his flock, puzzled to see why they were crowded around Miracle. Miracle was glowing a soft hue of purple. The bullet holes on her body started to heal. Pretty soon she was sitting up, sadly gazing at Fang.
"Why…?" she asked softly, "Why are you doing this, Fang? I thought you loved me."
"Hell to the no," Fang snapped, taking a step back, "Max, get away from her, she's dangerous!"
Max shook her head.
"You're wrong Fang. My place is beside my flock leader," she said.
Fang put his hands to his ears, unable to take the cheesiness of the line. He turned to Mac.
"Do something!" he pleaded, "Give them some of the medicine you gave me!"
Mac scowled, "That syringe was supposed to be for me! I have none left, thanks to you. You succumb to Sues pretty quickly."
"That's not my fault!"
Mac growled in frustration. He was sleep deprived, sloppy, and his Sue immunization vaccine was wearing off. He snatched his briefcase and started pulling parts from it. With military practice, he started to assemble it quickly. This was the only way to end it. He took Fang's hand and ran.
Miracle's large and exotic eyes narrowed slightly. She bravely stood up, much to the concern of the bewitched flock members.
"Miracle, don't!" Angel wailed, "You'll be killed!"
"Let me fight them!" Nudged cried.
"Allow me one final kiss," Mini said, tilting his head to hers for a very long and dramatically drawn out exchange of spit and possible STDs.
Iggy was still going through a state of confusion, for he wanted to have his kiss also, but was suddenly terrified for no good reason. He stayed on the ground in a curled position and cried. Miracle walked over to him, clasping his hands to her pronounced chest.
"Iggy, I know you're scared," she said calmly but with compassion, "but Fang has turned evil by the S.T.F.U. agent. You have to save him."
Iggy gave a small whimper.
"Iggy.. please do it," she cried and then added, "For me."
Iggy's fear suddenly vanished. He got up, eyes glittering fiercely. "I'd do anything for you," he droned.
Miracle smiled, "I'm so happy. Thank you, Iggy."
"Shiiiiiiit," Fang breathed, whirling to face Mac from behind the tree that they were hiding behind, "She's completely got Iggy!"
"She's got all of them," Mac said, matter-of-factly.
"What? Then why isn't Max and Nudge and Angel doing anything? They're just.. clinging on to her," Fang muttered, disgusted.
"Mary Sues don't want other female characters taking away their glory," Mac replied, still busy assembling his large device. It started to resemble a bazooka, "No doubt Miracle will issue character deaths for them later."
"Well, then what are we going to do about it?"
Mac gave Fang an exasperated glare. The whole Maximum Ride fandom was counting of him. While used to working under pressure, Mac had never worked directly with a canon before. Of course, he was part canon also, so he supposed that it could happen and actually succeed.
"You distract Gazzy and Iggy," he said, chewing his bottom lip. Mac glanced behind his shoulder, "Oh, and watch your back for the magical unicorn."
"Unicorn?!" Fang exclaimed, peering over to where Miracle was holding the flock hostage. He saw the pretty pink unicorn and ducked his head back. "That's just absurd."
"I'm glad someone thinks so."
"And what are you going to do?" Fang asked skeptically.
Mac snapped the last piece of the flame thrower together. Shouldering the briefcase-turned-gas-tank, he hefted the deadly weapon with both hands. "I'm taking Miracle out."
Fang regarded the flame thrower. He didn't look very impressed. "With just that?"
Mac stifled back a chuckle. He could die within the next few seconds and get his soul sucked by a Mary Sue, dooming the MR fandom for all eternity. He was so accustomed to the feeling that he was able to find comfort in it. "You'll be surprised how Sues can react with the right amount of flames."
Fang slowly nodded, not understanding but able to trust the agent.
"Okay," Mac continued in good spirits, "You jump out and start going for your friends and that unicorn. I'll circle around to Miracle and torch her. Try not to look at her, I don't think the vaccine I gave you will be enough."
"Got it," Fang said. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. With the power worthy of a secondary protagonist, he ran out to battle his friends.
The unicorn roared and sprang forward to meet him. It spread its pink feathery wings and took up to the skies. Iggy, Mini, and Gazzy followed behind it.
Mac crept out from behind the tree.
He was instantly kicked at the neck, his head snapped back painfully. He fell but training instinctively kicked in and he rolled to the side, just in time to dodge Miracle's other foot. He noticed that her toenails were painted the same color as her stunning eyes…
"No!" Mac screamed, closing his eyes. He raised the flame thrower and pulled on its handle. Bright scarlet fire erupted all around Miracle.
When he opened his eyes, Miracle was still there. The fire flickered all around her, but she didn't burn. In fact, the glowing embers made her appear more beautiful. Mac started to shake.
"When I was little, my dying mother gave me a magical medallion. It makes me fire-proof," the Mary Sue said with a charming grin.
"You suck!" Mac screamed.
The Mary Sue suddenly flinched. Her long and gorgeous hair started to smoke.
"What kind of stupid, lame character are you? You're ridiculously beautiful, related to one of the canons, and everyone one in this piece of crap you call a plot is in love with you!" Mac babbled on desperately.
"Shut up!" Miracle howled, putting her hands over her ears, "Shut up! Just shut up!"
Mac smiled maniacally and laughed, "No, why don't you shut up?" He kept the flame thrower on. "Your whole being is a waste of imagination and I daresay there would be other people that would agree with me, you cheese sucking whore with no life other than creating fictitious relationships with other characters that aren't even real. God, you're lame. Salt of the earth, shame of humankind! Even signed reviewers spit on in your general direction!"
Miracle shrieked, her dazzling face melting with the intense heat. She convulsed violently, falling to her knees and clutching her stomach. She retched, violet eyes flickering to brown.
"You… have… no support to your claim," she snarled between coughs.
Mac wearily stood up. He let in more gas to his fiery weapon.
"Darlin', I'm flaming you," he laughed, "I don't need support since it's all there already. Obviously. Are you that stupid?"
Miracle's eyes dulled to brown. With a final dying scream, she slumped to the ground. Her beautiful body fizzed, leaving a ragged girl of plain looks in her place. The girl weakly looked up.
"…Agent Mac?"
Mac puffed out his cheeks and turned off the flame thrower. He peered cautiously at Tanya. Satisfied that the Mary Sue had been banished, he stood up straight.
"On behalf of S.T.F.U., I hereby place you under temporary custody until we can get things sorted out," he said, pressing the face of his Rolex watch. He pointed a finger at Tanya. "Do you have any objections?"
"No," Tanya sighed, sagging back down on the ground. Her body started to disintegrate. She disappeared.
Agent Mac put back on his sunglasses, glad to be alive.
The flock walked over to him. Fang had a few scratches and blood dripping down the side of his head and chest which suggested that he recently ran into the wrong end of a unicorn. Iggy and Gazzy weren't completely unharmed either, though they looked better than Fang by a long shot. Mini, of course, had ran away from any sort of fighting and just seemed tired. The girls of the flock simply appeared dazed and slightly horrified.
"My god…" Max whispered, realizing what she had done.
Agent Mac gave her a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry. It happens all the time. You guys were lucky."
"Um.. thanks for.. you know, saving us," Iggy mumbled.
"Hmph. That's essentially my job," Mac said with a shrug, "You're welcome. Now, I have to report back to HQ. Will you guys be alright?"
Fang was pale and wavered on his feet. His blood was quickly spreading over his dark shirt and the poor boy looked like he was about to faint.
"Yeah. We're good," Mini said.
"If you say so," Mac said. He gave a little wave and started walking off. He pushed the face of his Rolex watch and shimmered away into a billion sparkly pieces.
The flock was finally alone.
"Well, that was certainly interesting!" Nudge said brightly.
The pink unicorn snorted in agreement and everyone laughed heartedly.
Then Fang passed out.
End Chapter