Everything either belongs to Joss or it should, no infringement is intended and no profit is to be made. When you get right down to it I'm not really worth suing anyway unless you want a share of an underpaid civil servants wages and it just wouldn't be worth the hassle trust me.

CHAPTER THREE

Great Northern Forest – Pylea – January 2004

Ashton had eventually managed to get the rebels into an approximation of a neat line and was now walking along it trying to get an appreciation of what he had to work with, so far he wasn't hugely impressed but it could have been a hell of a lot worse he considered. At least they didn't look half-crazed like some of the militia rabble he'd run into with the Legion in Africa.

Quite how the Groosalug had found them all out here and got them to head to the rally point the mercenary didn't know, but they did at least seem willing to fight and that was a start. They had already heard the tales of humans from another realm fighting the invaders with strange and powerful weapons, of a blue demon woman who had freed prisoners due for execution and that among the newcomers was the human who had led the rebels when they had taken the castle three years before. That very same human, one Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, was currently sat on the ground nearby, leaning back against a tree while he looked over a map of the region. Although most of the slayers and equipment had returned to Earth, after the raid on the castle five days before, some had stayed behind to scout and prepare for the start of the planned guerrilla campaign as had Wesley himself.

The mercenary stopped walking along the line and looked one of the rebels in the eye. 'Where you from boy?' he asked.

The rebel and former slave looked confused. 'Umm… Pylea' he answered eventually.

Ashton snorted. 'Pylea!' he exclaimed. 'There's only two things come from Pylea' he said, 'demons and pussies, and I don't see no horns so that kinda narrows it down' he said dismissively.

Wesley raised the map in front of his face so the rebels wouldn't see his expression as he fought back laughter.

The mercenary stepped back further from the line so they could all see him clearly. 'For some reason the people paying me think you're worth saving' he told them, 'personally I don't fucking see it but that's not my department' he said. 'My job here is to teach you ignorant bastards how to fight a war, a real war with real weapons' he announced holding up the rifle that had been slung around his shoulder up until now. 'Alright you primitive screwheads listen up' he ordered. 'This is my boomstick' he thundered, the line, which he delivered totally deadpan, causing several nearby slayers to start fighting back the laughter themselves. 'It's a Kalashnikov AK-47 Assault Rifle' he explained showing it around. 'This weapon carries a thirty round magazine of 7.62 by 39 cartridges which have a muzzle velocity of over one-thousand-five hundred miles an hour and an effective range of three hundred metres' he informed them. 'Now I know that means nothing to any of you but watch this' he said pulling back the cocking lever and shouldering the weapon aiming it a sheet of steel plate with a rough target painted on it which had been set up leaning against a tree stump fifty yards away.

The rifle fired a single shot, the sound of the report making several of the rebels jump as the mercenary placed the shot right in the middle of the target, punching straight through the metal and embedding itself in the stump behind. 'That piece of steel plate is over twice as thick as the bucket helmets we've seen people wear on this planet' Ashton told them, 'and this weapon can do that at three times that distance easy, not that I expect any of you to be any good at aiming' he added. 'One thing's for sure though, the demon you're shooting at is going to have himself a hard fucking time getting close enough to take a bite out of your ass' he noted.

'You're giving those to us?' one of the rebels asked.

'That's the idea' Ashton replied, 'once you've convinced me you won't accidentally kill yourselves, or much worse me' he continued, 'and if you liked that watch this' he added taking aim again and firing five shots in quick succession into the target. 'Set on semi-automatic this weapon will fire every time you pull the trigger and you can do that as fast as you want' he told them, 'but that ain't all' he said. 'Suppose you find yourself face to face with a ten foot tall demon charging at you, blowing a few little holes in the fucker ain't going to stop him in time to stop him ripping your head off right?' he asked rhetorically, 'wrong' he declared, pressing a slide on the side of the rifle downwards another notch.

The mercenary pressed down the trigger and, fighting hard against the recoil, dumped the rest of the magazine full-auto into the target, riddling the steel plate with holes and sending pieces of wooden tree-stump flying everywhere. The noise was deafening, the tongue of flame from the front of the weapon adding to the intimidating effect.

Ashton lowered the now empty weapon, 'Trust me, that'll stop the bastard right in his tracks' he told the awestruck rebels flatly. 'And if I ever see any of you waste ammunition like that when you don't really need to I will make this hell dimension live up to its fucking name' he informed them seriously. 'So now you've seen the future' he said resting the rifle against his shoulder. 'There's a saying back in my world, he that lives by the sword dies by getting his head blown off at a hundred yards by the guy with the gun.'

Ashton turned towards Vi, who had been waiting for her cue, and gave her a nod. She stepped forward to address the new recruits. 'First things first' she said. 'You will all be issued with camouflage pattern clothing like ours' she told them indicating the disruptive pattern battledress uniform she was wearing. 'This will make you much harder for the enemy to see and will at least make you look like soldiers' she continued. 'Try and pick out the boots closest to your size, because we will be running your ass off testing your physical fitness as well as giving crash courses in hand-to-hand combat, weapons training and basic ambush skills.'

'The most important thing you need to remember is to do what you are damn well told' Ashton told them. 'If myself, Perković that's the tall guy over there' he explained, 'or any of the girls with us tells you to do something just assume we know something you don't and do it before you ask why.'

'Take orders from women? Little girls?' one of the rebels, a large heavily muscled man asked scornfully.

Ashton looked to Vi who shrugged then walked over to the man concerned. She grabbed him by the rough cloth shirt he was wearing twisted the material into a decent handhold and lifted him bodily into the air one handed. 'Any of us "little girls" could break you in half' she told him. 'Like the man said, just do what you're damn well told' she advised the man then lowered him gently to the ground as he stared at her wide-eyed.

'Best to keep the male chauvinism under wraps people' Ashton told the rebels. 'If you piss them off they can really put the hurt on you' he advised them seriously. 'Just be grateful they're really here to put the hurt on the enemy.'

'Why are you here?' one of the rebels asked him.

'For the hell of it' Ashton answered. 'Plus fifteen hundred US a week' he added before his face broke out into a grin. 'Okay maggots, welcome to the First Battalion Pylean Defence Forces' he told them. 'Grab your gear from the girls giving it out and then we'll get started' he said enthusiastically. 'So who knows how far they can run without throwing up' he asked rhetorically, 'because you'll all know by the end of today' the mercenary declared sadistically.

Hyperion Hotel – Los Angeles – January 2004

Emily burst out of the conference room in floods of tears and nearly crashed headlong into Buffy before heading for her room at a run ignoring the slayers question as to what was wrong completely.

Buffy looked into the conference room and found Giles sat there looking perturbed. 'So how's fatherhood working out for you?' she asked.

Giles speared her with a look. 'I could do without the sarcasm thank you' he replied curtly. 'I just got berated by another young lady and don't need any more abuse directed my way thank you very much.'

Buffy stepped inside and closed the door behind her. 'So what was that about?' she asked feeling suitably chastened by his reply.

'Stephen going to Cleveland' Giles answered.

'Ah' Buffy responded, 'should have guessed.'

'She thinks it's all my doing' Giles told her, 'that I'm trying to keep them apart.'

Buffy sat herself on the edge of the conference table. 'Why would she think you'd do something like that?' she asked.

Giles frowned. 'I found them in bed together' he said, 'no they weren't having sex thank God, just fooling around' he said quickly as Buffy's eyes widened in surprise, 'but needless to say I went ballistic.'

'Which is why she thinks you're sending him more than half way across the country' Buffy noted. 'It's not is it?' she asked. 'I mean not even a little bit?'

Giles rolled his eyes. 'If I had much of a choice I'd keep him here for a while longer as it happens' he replied, 'he's still got too much to learn, but the fact is he's the best available man for the job. We can't leave Robin there for ever and despite his field experience and upbringing he wasn't academy trained like Stephen, we could bring in one of the retired watchers from England but I don't think they'd react well to the way Kennedy does things, she's too headstrong.'

Buffy nodded her agreement. 'The girls yank Stephens chain but they all listen to him at least' she said. 'I overheard Rona chew out of the newbies once for calling him D'Artagnon, she told her she had to earn the right to do that first because he'd already proved himself which means she didn't get to talk back to him until she did too' she told him. 'I swear Stephen was trying not to cry' she added with a smile.

'He just wants to be taken seriously' Giles remarked, 'though he'd have better luck with that if he keeps the waterworks to a minimum' he added with a chuckle.

'So what does he have to say about it?' Buffy asked. 'Cleveland I mean.'

'He thinks it's his duty to go where he's needed and that means a lot to the boy' Giles answered. 'On the other hand he seems split between being really happy at the promotion and being really unhappy at leaving Emily behind' he told Buffy. 'He says he loves her, as a matter of fact when I found them in bed together and lost my rag he practically screamed it at me, we almost came to blows.'

Buffy chuckled. 'Think you could take him?' she asked.

'I've got a better right hook but he's pretty handy with his fists himself and faster so I wouldn't want to have to find out' Giles replied. 'At least he didn't challenge me to a duel like at Halloween, he'd cut me to ribbons with a long blade' he said with a grimace.

'That boy was definitely born two hundred years too late' Buffy agreed. 'So would you like me to have a word with Emily?' she asked.

'Would you?' Giles asked in mild surprise. 'I don't think she'd listen to me.'

'I can't guarantee she'll listen to me either' Buffy told him, 'but I'll try and get her to stop crying. But you have to do me a favour in return.'

'What?' Giles asked suspiciously.'

'When I tell Spike the mission we've got planned for him you have to stop him crying too' Buffy deadpanned, her eyes twinkling.

Giles grimaced. 'I'm getting the worst of the deal' he replied. 'It's one thing sending a fifteen year olds boyfriend to a Hellmouth two thousand miles away, but sending some poor bastard to go get Drusilla is downright despicable, sometimes I wonder when we became so heartless.'

'Think I should tell him Angel's going with him at the same time to get the whole thing dealt with all at once, or should I stagger the bad news?' Buffy asked breaking out into a grin.

'Don't prolong the agony, tell him everything' Giles suggested. 'Given that Drusilla is the girl in question he's bound to realise we wouldn't be sending him alone' he continued. 'You don't think Angel will cry too do you?'

'No he'll get just introspective and maudlin' Buffy replied, 'and he'll bicker with Spike.'

'So no effect on him whatsoever?' Giles queried.

'Nothing noticeable' Buffy agreed.

Family Homestead – Pylea – January 2004

The two warrior demons had the family matriarch pinned against the wall, she struggled but they were far stronger, of a demon clan from offworld that possessed considerably greater physical strength than one of the Deathwok. Their officer stood in front of her playing with a large blade, it already bore the blood of the family Flehegna beasts which they had slaughtered in front of her eyes as a warning before dragging her back in the house.

'I have not heard of Numfar in four moons' she protested. 'I only know that he went to join his cousin Landokamar to fight against you offworlders as any true Pylean would.'

The officer snarled. 'We are no interested in your idiot son Numfar' he said. 'He was caught and sent to our holding camp in the Scumpits of Ur long since past' he told her then smiled viciously. 'Landokamar's body was fed to our Hellhounds and his head sent to our enemies as a warning, it is your other son we are interested in.'

'I have no other son' the Deathwok demon protested.

'Krevslorneswath, known as Lorne' the officer declared. 'That is the one we're interested in.'

The matriarch looked confused. 'Why would you care about that disgrace to his family, I forsook him years ago you the shame he bought to his clan.'

The officer lifted the sword to her throat, one of the more entertaining ways to kill a Deathwok was to decapitate them and then prop up the disembodied head to watch while you tortured the flesh of their bodies until they died. 'Our seers have told us that he has been wandering the land as a spy, gathering information on our forces' he declared. 'I doubt he would visit this world without coming to see his own mother, where is he?' he asked.

'My son has no more regard for me than I for him' she protested, then frowned 'Why would he spy upon you?' she asked in confusion.

'He is affiliated with the greatest enemy of both the Covenant of Trombli and the forces of the Wolf Ram and Hart, almost all of their forces are human cattle he however can move around this world unchallenged as our own troops cannot tell one member of the Deathwok from another, you all look and smell alike.'

'Well that ain't so' a voice interrupted from behind him. 'I always put on a splash of Calvin Klein aftershave in the morning' it said.

The Officer froze. 'Krevslorneswath?' he asked.

'In the flesh' Lorne replied, 'and some really itchy local clothes' he continued. 'The sooner I get back into a nicely tailored suit the better.'

The officer looked at his two men who had the Deathwok Demons mother pinned to the wall but who were now looking at the figure stood behind him. 'Does he have a strange device in his hand pointed at me' he asked.

'Why yes I do' Lorne interrupted. 'I could lie and say it was a hairdryer, because those locks of yours really could do with a little volume added' he said, 'but I'd be terribly insincere because I couldn't have dealt with the other three flunkeys outside with one of those now could I?' he asked sarcastically. 'In case you want to know my friend Wesley says it's a Berreta 92F with a silencer fitted, honestly I just pull the trigger and somebody falls over, that's all I need to know myself.'

'So she was lying' the officer observed staying perfectly still, the power and effectiveness of human weaponry had been clearly proven only days before and he had personally witnessed the aftermath, whole cohorts of demon soldiers cut down like wheat before the scythe.

'No, this is the first she's seen of me in three years and our relationship is a touch strained' Lorne replied, 'dysfunctional they'd say back home.'

'Home? This is your home' the officer replied, stalling as he tried to think of a way out of this situation that didn't end with his brains all over the rug on the floor.

'Home is where the heart is they say' Lorne responded, 'and I don't mean my left butt cheek' he added. 'My home is Earth, I don't even like Pylea, or my family when it comes right down to it.'

'Then why are you standing behind me in your mother's house with a gun to my back?' the demon officer asked.

'Good question' Lorne conceded, 'well borrowing a sentiment from an unusually good sequel there's a difference between not liking your birth dimension and family, and not caring when some evil prick invades it and pins your mother to a wall with a sword at her throat' he answered and pulled back the hammer of the pistol in his hand with a nice metallic click. 'Please drop the weapon, and tell your goons to drop, I mean gently lower my mother before I get sentimental about my cousin Landok and blow your head off.'

'I could open her throat up with a flick of my wrist' the officer declared. 'You drop your weapon' he replied.

Lorne laughed. 'If you had that steel pointed at her ass I might take that seriously but even taking her head completely off just means I've got to reattach it afterwards' he pointed out. 'That would be after I've dumped your corpses in the river over there you understand.'

'How do I know you won't kill me anyway?' the officer asked.

'You don't but honestly I'm not a violent man' Lorne told him. 'I hate hurting people and I really hate killing them' he continued, 'but that doesn't mean I won't do it, I'll just feel bad about it afterwards' he confessed. 'Now drop the damn sword.'

The officer knew that as soon as he dropped the sword he was dead. He only had one chance, he span around as fast as he could to try and disarm the Deathwok.

Lorne pulled the trigger and put a round straight through the officers skull before he was half way around, why couldn't he have listened, Lorne thought despondently, he would have honestly let them go he thought to himself as he gunned down the other two demons that ran at him after he killed their officer.

'Shit' Lorne swore. 'Why did they have to make me do that' he asked sadly. 'Hi Ma' he said to his shocked mother. 'You don't have to do the dance of joy' he told her. 'Grab the things you can't leave behind and we need to go meet up with my friends' he said. 'They'll look after you' he reassured her.

'Why… why are you here?' she asked him looking down at the three demons he had so effortlessly slain.

'I was walking past a patrol a few hours ago and did you know that Darmeen Demons could whistle?' he asked. 'Well neither did I, but they can, and I found out that another squad was going to be heading up to see you today so I thought I'd better intervene.'

'You're dressed like a merchant' she said.

'Easier to get around without attracting suspicion that way' he told her. 'Come on we really do need to be going, I can't fight the whole occupation off with a pistol, I'm not even that good a shot' he admitted. 'The sooner I can get you out of here the sooner I can see about getting Numfar out of the pokey.'

Lornes mother blinked, 'I would not have come for you' she admitted.

He smiled back at her. 'I'll take that as an admission I'm a better son than you are a mother' he replied. 'You may have just saved me a few thousand bucks worth of therapy, thanks Ma' he told her with a grin.

Lorne gently lowered the hammer on his pistol, put on the safety catch and began to unscrew the silencer so he could stick it back in his pocket. Maybe now he was back in this neck of the woods he could see how things were down at the waterhole, try out some of the lines he'd learned on Earth with the senoritas? Oh well, too much to do to be thinking about getting some loving, he decided. 'Hey Ma' he called out to his mother who was now in the next room throwing things into a bag. 'Have you got any of those cakes I liked which you always gave to Numfar instead?' he asked, 'I've been living off these things called MRE's for two weeks and even your cooking sounds good right now' he declared stepping over the dead officer heading for the kitchen.

Note from the Author:

This fanfic runs on reviews.

In case you don't know an MRE is a US Army ration pack ("Meal - Ready to Eat", or more often "Meal - Rejected by Everyone/Ethiopians" depending how politically correct you are). This Fanfic does not run on MRE's :-p