Chapter Six: Of Dreams and Break downs
Lily walked to where James was standing in front of the charms classroom. "Potter" she said coolly looking him in the eyes. "I need my book" Lily said sticking out her hand she didn't expect that he would give it to her. She knew she would be made to beg, plead, or fight for it. It wasn't fun. Just the year before he had stolen her Potions Ladle. Luckily Professor Slughorn had seen him sniping it and had made him give it back. Still, she knew the way he was. She knew people like him.
"What do you say Evans?" James said faking a tired voice. He was in a playful mood. She could tell from his eyes. He didn't want to give it back.
"What do I say?" Evans asked out loud thinking. "Do you want me to apologize for something I didn't do?" Lily lied.
"Lily I Know it was you who kicked me!" James said and she could tell he wanted it to be her more than anyone else. She knew if it were anyone else they would be in pain. Grave pain. "If you didn't Evans, than who did?" James asked coolly.
"Potter, I shouldn't say." Lily said about to pull out her wand to threaten him to give it back to her.
"Who Evans" James asked grabbing her wand from her hand. He smirked pocketing it. He was trying to be a pain and Lily could tell. She didn't like this side of James, or really any side at that matter.
"It was John! Now give me my book and my Wand!" Lily hissed. She saw how his expressions change from playful to utter loathing. She knew he dind't like John and knew she had fed fuel to the fire of this hate. James shoved her book and wand into her hands and stormed off. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. She was scared now of what would happen what would become.
Lily walked in and sat in the classroom. She had five minutes before anyone else would show up. Yet she always went to classes early if she could. She hated being late; she never wanted to have points off. She didn't want anything to happen to John, but she feared what he would say, what he would ask if she told him James was after him. She thought it best not to do anything. Even though her whole self told her to tell him something.
Later that day after classes Lily was sitting in the common room. Hugging her knees the way she did when she was younger. She needed the comfort of being held close to her chest and closed off. She didn't mind what people would think, head girl sitting with her knees clutched. She leaned her head on her knees and sat like that for a while. It seemed like an hour had passed when Laura sat next to her and asked what was wrong. She knew Laura would ask this. Laura knew her, she knew her better then anyone else and Lily liked that. They were best friends.
Lily told Laura what had happened and Laura simply laughed. She told her she understood John was the first person to come to her mind. She said she was glad that she hadn't given her name off to James. Laura said that the most James would do was kick John off of the Quidditch team. Lily felt a pang in her heart as she remembered that John was one of the key members. John was the seeker, and she feared that they wouldn't find anyone to replace him in time. She knew that James would do something harsh, but she dind't know how harsh he would go.
"Laura" Lily said almost whispering. She felt the tears welling in her eyes. "Do you think it's my fault that John might be kicked off the team?" Lily asked tentatively. She didn't want to cause John such a trouble. His other love was Quidditch and before they got together it was his greatest love.
Laura shook her head but even though Laura had said no, Lily felt that yes was the correct answer. She smiled at Laura and whipped away the tears that had begun to fall. "How good of a girl friend am I if I say my boyfriend did something that I did?" Lily asked quietly and Laura laughed. Lily sighed as she was given a hug and received it with gratitude. She needed comforting and Laura knew this about Lily.
"I'm not going to go down to dinner," Lily said softly to Laura. "I'm not hungry" she smiled and sat in the common room as everyone left for dinner. She knew it looked weird to not accept Hogwarts dinners. Their dinners were great usually. She just didn't feel like eating at all right now.
Lily sat down in a large now empty chair next to the fireplace. She let the warmth waft over to her the sound of the cracking fire soothed her mind and she feel asleep. When she woke up she saw the hall was teaming with people again. She was still sitting in the chair but felt someone, or something up against her. Looking down at her knee where the pressure was she saw a small black kitten. She had seen it around the common rooms the past few months, but this was the first time she had been this close to it.
Lily shifted and stroked the neck of the small cat. It was a dark midnight black and had sparkling green eyes. It purred slightly and moved closer to her as she rubbed under its chin. She smiled and whispered "good kitty".
"Midnight" Lily heard a voice behind her and froze. She knew the voice. She knew the voice too well. She turned her neck to see James behind her looking down at the cat in shock. "How did you?" he dropped off looking from Lily to the Cat astonished. "That cat hates people, you must be really lucky. It scratches everyone who tries to pet it…" James smiled and Lily knew he was thinking that maybe it was a sign. Lily didn't like the thought one bit.
"Oh Hi" she said waking herself up. She smiled in a tired way and continued gazing down at the small ball of fur on her leg. She noticed a small half moon in the crest of its head and saw the small paws. Small animals and creatures had always fascinated her. She had always loved going to the zoo. She hated the fact that the animals were in cages though. Before she had found out that she was a witch she had thought of running a pet store, or being a veterinarian. Anything that had to do with animals would suit her. However now after being immersed in the magical world for seven years and taking care of magical creatures. She knew that being an animal vet for magical creatures would be far more dangerous than any muggle career she could think of.
Lily moved the cat off of her foot and sat up. She saw James flinch as she touched it. It seemed he was ready to dive and catch the cat if it tried to attack her. However, she was lucky. It didn't attack her at all. "Lily" James said finally after standing behind her for a while. He walked around and sat next to her looking up into the fire. They sat like that for a while, both sitting up straight staring into the fire.
"Bye James" Lily said after a while and went to her dorm. She sat in bed for a while not able to fall asleep. She couldn't help thinking of the days past and the days to come. She wanted to know what would happen. She sighed and looked at her fingernails and lay back straight against her mattress. She drifted off to sleep after a while of thinking.
Her dreams came to her in confusing mazes of symbols sounds and anything really. She saw herself sitting in a field wearing a green cloak. A horse whinnied in the distance and she heard hoof beats. She saw two men on horseback coming out of the shadows. One wearing a billowing midnight black cloak and the other an intricate red and gold cloak. As the riders came closer she noticed the one in red and gold had dark lush messy black hair, and the one in the black had shiny sandy blond hair.
She watched as the riders dismounted and realized she knew them both. "NO" she yelled in her sleep as one yelled crucius at the other. The rider in red slumped forward and screamed in pain. Lily was running over to him and felt her heart racing. "No, don't! Please don't kill him! He didn't do anything to you!" Lily was tossing and turning. It wasn't until she felt real pressure on her that she awoke. She was tangled in her sheets her curtains open. Light just coming over the horizon. She saw Laura sitting on her bed beside her.
"Lily, you had a bad dream. You were yelling 'no!' and telling someone not to kill someone. What were you dreaming of?" Laura asked genuinely concerned. She was one of the people who believed in dream symbolism. She had many books on it and had studied it in depth. She was Professor Martha Bucket's favorite student.
"I don't remember" Lily said faintly trying to remember the dream. Every moment she thought about remembering it, it disappeared further and a mist covered more and more of it. In the end, all she remembered was there were horseback riders and she was in it watching.
Lily looked at her clock and saw it was only five am. She took a shower and washed away the remains of the dream. She got ready and grabbed her things running down the stairs. She needed to clear her mind and there was one way she knew would work no matter what. Lily walked down the stairs to the common room and out of the door. She didn't mind it being so early, the earlier the better in her mind. She walked to the entrance hall and opened the large doors. She stepped outside into the cold rainy October air. The grass was wet from a slight rain they had the night before. Lily placed her bad on a rock and began to run. She let her feet pound all of the confusion out of her mind. She let everything go and just flew over the ground. After a few moments of running she leaned against a rock and put her head back upon it. Tears were now falling down her face and she knew it was fine. She needed this; it was her time right now, no one else's.
She remembered how John had looked at James the other day and how James had acted when she told him that John had kicked him. She knew that they hated each other, yet she always added fuel to the fire. She didn't know why, sometimes she dind't even know how. She let go for a moment remembering everything that had happened and she knew she needed to get out of this mess. She knew she needed to tell John what had happened. She knew it was the right thing to do.