Location: Tokyo Airport
Haruhi and Ryouji (aka Ranka) Fujioka stood in the airport, looking from a photo of the exchange student to the faces in the crowd. Where was she?
Then, a blonde girl wearing a yellow sweater and jeans came into view, running with a huge red roller suitcase, a stuffed teal back back, and a pink camouflage duffle came running. On her head was a clearly well-loved red muffin hat.
"Fujioka Ranka-san? Fujioka Haruhi-san?" she asked when she got closer. "Sorry I took so long! I have this thing with getting my own bags... ha ha. Sorry."
"Ah, you must be Shashuko," said Ranka looking at the photo. "Yes, I'm Ranka-san, and this is my daughter Haruhi. Before you ask! I am male."
"If you watch as much anime as me, you'd know I believe it." Shashuko looked from the father dressed as a girl to the daughter dressed as a boy, shrugged, and bowed.
"Well, Ranka-san, Haruhi-san, I am very pleased to meet you," she said smiling. "I hope we'll become good friends."
"And don't even think my daughter is a girl!" Ranka said. "Just because she got her cut, people think--"
"Hee hee. So by coincidence, Haruhi-san, people think you are a boy?"
"Yes," said Haruhi simply.
"I try to get her to dress in girly clothes, but she gets dressed so early in the morning! And she has to wear a boy's uniform to school because of that Host Club."
"Host Club? What's a Host Club?"
"Let me explain," Haruhi sighs. "There are these guys you pay to sit with. One of them will constantly flirt with you and be in your face. Two of them act gay. One of them is extremely short and cute, even though he's a senior. To sit with him, you also sit with someone who very tall and very quiet. There is also a Shadow Lord of a boy with glasses and black hair-"
"Oh! She means Kyouya-kun!" Ranka says triumphantly.
"Who manipulates the entire club from the shadows. People don't usually sit with him, but he always has the Host Club merchandise info."
"How do you fit in, Haruhi-san?"
"Well, I broke a vase. They mistook me for a boy and realized I was girl after they gave me a uniform-"
"Didn't your scholarship cover the uniform?"
"Yes, but we payed two month's rent with it."
"I see. Go on, please."
"The mistook me for a boy and realized I was a girl after I was already hosting and had been given a boy's uniform by them."
"Oh! So what to you do with your customers?" Shashuko asked suspiciously.
"I just be myself and answer their questions. They always have a lot of them. I think the others have called me a natural more than once."
"So people sit with all of them? Even the in-your-face one?"
"Especially the in-your-face one."
"Why? He sounds awfully bold."
"I some people like that."
"Brrr! Not my type. Overconfident boys have no confidence, so they act like they have loads."
"That's an interesting theory," says Haruhi.
"Thanks. I heard it from my Sunday School teacher."
Location: Fujioka Residence
"Here we are!" said Ranka-san happily. "This is our apartment! We're number 144."
"I'd better write that down," Shashuko notes. "I have a very subjective memory."
"Oh?" Haruhi asks.
"For instance, I can remember the names of almost all the anime characters I come across, but I can't remember the names of real people very well! I get blondes and brunette's names mixed up just because their heights and faces are the tiniest bit similar!"
"There's a pair of twins in our class," says Haruhi.
"Crap! I know for a fact I will never get their names right!"
(The Next Morning)
"We're taking the shinkansen (bullet train) to school?" Shashuko's eyes glimmer with excitement. "I've always wanted to ride the it..."
Haruhi sweatdrops. "Always?"
"Okay, not always, but for a really long time. I know, a stupid goal, right? It's just that my Japanese teacher back home said they were really cool. Do they really come in exactly on time?"
"They do."
"Sugoi..." Shashuko whispers.
"What other such goals do you have?"
"Anno... I want to learn how to make a bento box lunch... thanks for packing mine, by the way. I don't know how to make a lunch without peanut butter..."
"Don't mention it."
"No, really! Since the school is full of rich kids, I'm afraid of how much a school lunch will cost!"
"My thinking exactly. I always pack a lunch and eat in the classroom."
Shashuko started twirling around in her uniform.
"Um... Shashuko-san?"
"Hai?"
"Why are you spinning?"
"I have twirly skirt disease. I love the uniforms, don't you?"
"Really? Some of the girls at school complain about the color or the puffy sleeves."
"I guess the puffy sleeves aren't that desirable, but I like yellow is my favorite color."
"Is it? Here's the train station."
The authoress would love to describe a shinkansen or 'bullet train' station, because that would mean she'd been to Japan at some point. But she hasn't, so we'll just say it impressed Shashuko.
"Here's our train."
The two uniform-wearing girls step onto the shinkansen, Haruhi sitting down, and Shashuko standing up and holding onto the rail.
When the train starts, Shashuko is nearly knocked down by its sheer speed. She decides to sit down.
"Why didn't you sit down in the first place?" Haruhi asks.
"Well... are you familiar with a car game known as 'Jello'?"
" 'Jello?' ... No."
"Well, you sit upright and when the car turns, you flop to the side."
"Huh?"
"You subject yourself to sitting loosely upright and let inertia take over."
"Oh, I get it. And you were trying to play this game on the shinkansen?"
"Well, it works on the New York subway! How was I supposed to know it was this fast?"
The bullet train screeches to a stop, sending Shashuko flying forward. As the doors open, she sits up slowly, sporting a large bump on her head.
"Haruhi! Is this the exchange student?"
Two red-haired twins were standing in the doorway.
"Yes, this is Shashuko-san," says Haruhi, stepping off the train as Shashuko stumbled after her, rubbed her injured cranium. She opens her eyes.
"Anno... hey! You two! Is that Weasley cosplay?" she brightly asks the twins.
"No. We've always looked like this."
"But your hair is bright red!"
"That's our natural color!" they say, glaring.
Shashuko just giggles. "I'm sorry. My brain thinks very randomly and sometimes comes to conclusions fast. I won't do it again."
"But, they are troublemakers," Haruhi says flatly. "Shashuko-san, this is Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin from our class, as well as the Host Club. Hikaru and Kaoru, this is Shashuko Archer-san."
"From the Host Club? Which two are they? Wait, I'll guess! Hmm, they're obviously not the tall one or the short one, so they must be either the gay ones or the In-Your-Face guy and the Shadow Lord!"
"We're they gay ones!" say the twins cheerfully.
Shashuko stares at them. "Isn't that incest?"
"Yes, it is! The girls at the Host Club find our forbidden romance most intriguing!"
"And I thought I was over-dramatic. Incest from twins, huh? Sounds like the sort of thing the Fred and George slash fans would go for..."
"Stop comparing us to the Weasleys!"
"Hikaru, Kaoru, why are you here anyway?"
"We wanted to meet the American girl. Plus, we should walk to school together anyway. We're in the same class, aren't we?" the twins pull Haruhi into a three-way hug.
"Is Tamaki watching? Because last time they pulled that stunt, you were doing it to get a reaction out of him."
"Who's Tamaki?" Shashuko questions.
"He's the In-Your-Face one," replies Haruhi.
"Why would the twins hugging you get a rise out of him?" Shashuko eyes gleam evilly.
"Tamaki-sempai is just weird. He has this 'family setting' thing going on. He refers to himself as 'Daddy,' me as his 'Daughter,' Kyouya-sempai, the Shadow Lord, as 'Mom,' and the twins as my brothers."
"What about the tall one and the short one?"
"Hani-sempai and Mori-sempai aren't included for some reason."
"That's stupid. If you're gonna do some weird comparison, you might as well include others. I bet they feel left out."
"Well put! We'll have to tell him that," note Hikaru and Kaoru.
"What are you two thinking?" Haruhi sounds suspicious.
"Oh! Look! Here we are!" Hikaru points at the one-block-away Ouran High campus.
"This is it," adds Kaoru.
"HUGE!!!" Shashuko yells suddenly. And loudly. Haruhi stares for more than a few seconds.
Ouran High School: Class 1-A
Haruhi opens the door to the classroom, followed by Hikaru and Kaoru.
"Shashuko-san, come on."
"I haven't been to a new school since kindergarten." Shashuko sounds extremely scared. "I doubt people will be as accepting."
"These people aren't that distant." Haruhi says.
"Just us," say the twins.
"Anno... okay. Gimme a sec."
Shashuko takes a deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth. "Hooo-kay, I'm ready. Look out world, 'cause here comes Shashuko!"
Shashuko briskly walks into the classroom. Everyone stares.
"Anno... my name is Archer Shashuko! Pleased to meet you."
"So it's true," says a dirty blonde with a pink bow in her hair. "There is an exchange student coming here from America. May I ask you a question, Archer-san?"
"Ha-hai, but first, what's your name...?"
"An American! Renge could eat three bowls of rice!" Renge starts shaking her fists up and down. "Pleased to meet you, too! My name is Hoshakugi Renge and I'm the class otaku!"
"Class... otaku?" Shashuko's eyes widen. "There's such thing?" She gasps.
"JAPAN ROCKS!!!"
The entire class cheers.
"Wow... here I was thinking you people would not be very accepting."
"What are you thinking that we Japanese are cold and distant to each other?" ask the twins.
"No! I'm sorry! It's just that, in the movies and stuff, the new girl gets picked on."
"This isn't a movie..." Haruhi sighs and sweatdrops.
"I haven't been the new girl since kindergarten, and a lot of stuff in those movies is pretty true to life, except for the parts where the status quo changes. The Alphas and the Betas will never change. Gammas are the only ones with open minds."
There is a silence while everyone stares at Shashuko.
"... So, Archer-san, why did you want to come to Japan...?" asks a girl.
Shashuko's eyes sparkle. "You see, ever since the fifth grade, I've loved--" she pauses as if embarrassed.
"A boyfriend?" Renge eyes are wide. "A long-distance relationship? MOE!!!"
"--Japan." Shashuko finished sweetly, sporting a - expression. Renge falls over.
Shashuko chuckles and turns to the girl who asked the question. "That's why."
"I see. My name's Betty Miyako!" (a/n: I don't own Betty Miyako, graveyardbetty and chibiharu-chan do!)
"Nice ta meet 'cha!"
"You too! People usually call me Graveyard Betty!"
"What for?" Shashuko asks in an evil manner.
"You don't want to know!"
"I see."
"Shashuko! Do you like anime?" Renge asks.
"Umm... sure! I said I love Japan, and it's kinda hard to like Japan without liking anime, after all!"
"What's your favorite?"
"Right now? Probably Naruto by default for the fact that I am still in the middle of watching it."
"Oh! Has Sasuke left for Orochimaru yet?"
"No, the Gay One had not yet left for Orocchan." Shashuko smiles.
"SASUKE ISN'T GAY!!!"
"Have you seen his shippuuden outfit? Hello, OPEN KIMONO WITH BOW ON IT!"
Classes were all the same for Shashuko that day: introductions, questions, and awkwardness. But eventually, classes ended.
Shashuko walked out of the classroom when she was ambushed.
"Shashuko-san! You're American, right? You should join the baseball club!"
"No, the football club!"
"So, you're Shashuko-san from America! Do you have a club yet?"
"In America, did you ever see any movie stars?"
"Oh! Did you meet Lindsay Lohan?"
Shashuko glared at the asker of the last question. "Have you met the manga-kas Toriyama Akira-sama and Takaya Natsuki-sama?"
"Well, no..."
"Exactly."
"Ne, ne, are you Shashu-chan? I'm Hunny!"
"Huh?" Shashuko turns around 360 looking for anyone with a voice like that. "I'm sorry, but where are you?"
"Down here!"
"Oh!" Shashuko looks down.
There is a very short blonde boy standing in front of her.
"Sorry, didn't see ya there. I'm Shashuko!"
"I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni, but every calls me Hunny!"
"Anno... so, at your age, you're in High School? You must be super smart! How old are you? Ten? Eleven?"
"I'm turning eighteen next month!"
"SAY WHAT?!?" Shashuko turns to a tall guy about five yards away. "Is it true? He's seventeen?"
The tall boy nods. "Mitsukuni is very short."
"That's funny, Hunny-sempai, I thought you said every called you Hunny. A special case, I gather?" Shashuko asks darkly, thinking, 'Did this jerk just want everyone to call
"Yup! Takashi is my cousin! You can call him Mori!"
"Mori? Harpoon?"
"Yup! 'Cause he's taller than one is long!"
"I... see..."
"So, Shashu-chan, did Haru-chan tell you about the Host Club?"
"You mean Haruhi? Yes she- oops! He did."
"It's okay, I know," Hunny whispers. "Me and Takashi are in the Host Club. And this is Bun-bun!" he pulls out a pink stuffed rabbit.
"Oh, it's so cute! Can I see it?"
"Okay, but just for a sec, ne?"
Shashuko takes the bunny and squeezes it. "SQUEEEE! Thanks, had to get that out of my system." she gives Bun-bun back to its owner. "So I'm guessing you two are the short one and the tall one."
"Yep!"
She turns to Mori. "You're taller than me."
"... I know."
"You're then only taller person I've seen all day!"
"... And?"
"I don't know. I thought you might appreciate it."
"... Why?"
"Well, I know I like being tall... so if you're even taller..."
"... Not the way it works."
"I see that now. Sorry."
"So, Shashu-chan, are you going to the Host Club?"
"How can I resist that face?" she replies. "But... I don't know..."
"C'mon, I'll protect you from Tama-chan!"
"Who's--" Shashuko was pulled along by Hunny, unable to escape his grasp. 'He's definitely stronger than he looks!'
Mori jogs after them.
Location: Music Room 3
Hunny drags in an extremely winded and confused Shashuko.
"Hunny-sempai, what is the meaning of this?"
"Ne, ne, I got her, Kyou-chan!"
"Thank you, Hunny-sempai, now go get your costume on."
"Okay!"
There was a dark silhouette sitting at a table in front of the window.
"Archer Shashuko-san, I assume?"
"Yup, that's me. Waddaya want?"
"My name is Kyouya Ootori and I'm in class 2-A. I manage the Host Club Here at Ouran."
"Really? I think Ranka-san mentioned you once."
"Yes, he did. You are aware, of course, of Fujioka Haruhi's... situation?"
"I am."
"Haruhi is the most popular host here, next to Tamaki Suou, the Host Club King. It would be most... unfortunate if the fangirls where to find out, as they would no longer come to the Host Club or trust us in the future, so... we wish have you join as well, to keep an eye on you, as we do not know how trustworthy you are."
"WHAT? I'm not a guy! And I can't pose as one either, as people already know that I'm a girl! Why would I join the Host Club if I have no reason to?"
"Hmm..." Kyouya says, leafing through his ledger. "Archer Shashuko, Class 1-A. Foreign Exchange student staying at the residence of Fujioka Haruhi. Grades: low until confronted with an exchange opportunity, then taking a rise. Hobbies: Anime, reading, drawing, sleeping. Dream: To be taller than your own father."
"OH, YEAH! Girl height power! I have less than a foot to go!" Shashuko pumps her first in the air.
"Need I continue?"
"Umm, no, but why do you have all this on file?"
"It says here you like to dress up in fancy clothes."
"And?"
"Here at the Host Club, we cosplay often."
"COSPLAY?" Shashuko goes starry-eyed. "Cosplay! I'm in! But what would I do?"
"Well, you could help in the intelligence area with Hoshakugi Renge. She's in your class, isn't she?"
"Oh! Renge-san's in the Host Club too?"
"Yes, she is. Now go get dressed. Don't tell Haruhi's secret to her, she doesn't know and I don't think she can be trusted." Kyouya pushes Shashuko into a dressing room, where Renge is sitting in a chair, wearing a fancy dark red American colonial-style dress.
"Shashuko-chan! You're here! Your dress is blue." she shoves a dark blue bundle of fabric into the American otaku's arms. "There's also matching mobcaps, stocking, and shoes.
Shashuko stared at the outfit. "That... dress... you're wearing, Renge..." she starts shaking all over. "I have one just like it at home!!!" she squeals.
"Really?"
"I do! I do!" Shashuko says excitedly. "Only this one is shinier!" she spins the dress around excitedly.
Later...
The doors of the Host Club open to show the Hosts dressed in Colonial attire.
"Welcome," say the Bishies (plush Hunny, the Chibi) in unison.
Tamaki steps forward. "In honor of our newest student here at Ouran, all cosplay will be American-related! We also have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to accompany our usual commoner coffee! Without further ado, let's get started!"
Renge and Shashuko are sitting at a table in a corner. "So he's the last one... he must be the in-your-face guy," notes the American girl.
"He's the most popular Host," says Renge, "because he flirts with all of his customers. He even goes as far as to say he loves them, but how could he love them all?"
"I feel sorry for his fangirls," notes Shashuko as she observes Tamaki guide five girls to his table. "It must be tough having so much competition. Part of the reason I only like anime guys, I guess."
"What?!?"
"Seriously. It's safer. Besides, what does a real guy have to compete with a fantasy? I have it so bad, I have a hard time telling what makes real guy 'hot' anymore!!!" Shashuko giggles. Renge stares.
"I thought I was obsessed," is all she says in reply.
"So, Hoshakugi-san, what sort of things do we do here at the Host Club?"
"Well, I think the most important thing is we get to dress up in these cute clothes," says Renge, eyes agleam.
"Ditto on that. But what our 'official' job?"
"We think of things like what food to use and cosplay ideas."
"We get to pick the cosplay ideas?"
"Kyouya and Tamaki, as the Host Club manager and King, have the final say, but most of my ideas get through."
"Hmm. Have they dressed up as anime yet?"
"Well, we dressed them up as Fruits Basket characters, but that's about it."
"Well, how about Tokyo Mew Mew? Do you think enough of them know that one?"
"Good idea! Hunny-sempai and Mori-sempai are a lot like Pai and Taruto!"
"I was thinking of how Kisshu-like Tamaki-sempai is."
"What about the twins?"
"The only legitimately possible gay couple in the series: Shirogane Ryou and Akasaka-san."
"What about Haruhi?"
"I think Aoyama-kun fits Haruhi's personality perfectly. Crap! The fanbase hates him. And we're out of guys! Ah, well, looks like the Shadow Lord won't cosplay." Shashuko smirks.
"Or we could have Kyouya-sempai be Masaya, which doesn't matter because no one sits with him anyway, and Haruhi can wear a Cafe Mew Mew uniform."
"But that's cross-dressing!"
"It'd look cute, though! Haruhi-kun looks cute in girl's clothes!"
Shashuko sweatdrops. "She--- He does this often?"
"Only sometimes."
"Umm... if Haruhi-san has no problem with it, then, I guess that'll work..."
"What'll work?" ask the Twins Hitachiin.
"We were discussing cosplay ideas for Tokyo Mew Mew. But there's not enough guys, so Haruhi'll have to wear the Cafe uniform or something."
"How about Mew Ichigo's outfit, complete with cat ears and tail? That's look cute," offers Kaoru.
"Wait, it wouldn't stay up," realizes the other.
"We were going to use Cafe outfits, not Mew outfits, you perverts," Shashuko growls. "I suppose Ichigo's Mew outfit would work well on Haruhi, and adding the ears and tail is a cute idea, but I think the Mew outfit would be a good one. It'd show too much. Plus, I don't think hot pink is really Haruhi-san's color."
"Point there. What about Minto's Mew outfit?"
"The, the feminine people are wearing the Cafe uniform. Besides, I have to have Minto."
"Why's that?"
"Because at home, some of my friends and have Mew Mew nicknames and I'm Minto. Plus I look good in blue. It brings out my eyes."
"That's an awfully stuck-up thing to say," reply the Weasley Rip-Offs (what? they are!). "Do you want a peanut butter sandwich or not?"
"PEANUT BUTTER!" Shashuko says in a yell-whisper (a whisper that has the tones of yelling. It's hard to describe). "Yes please!" she grabs five sandwiches and starts eating one. "I practically live off this stuff!"
"That's funny, I thought Americans lived on Big Macs," the twins say.
"That's nice. I'm vegetarian."
"You? Honestly, Amerikajin, you certainly don't seem the Hippie type." (amerikajin american person), note the twins Hitachiin.
"Just because I'm vegetarian doesn't set the the rest of my personality! I happen to only be a hippie when I'm in a certain---- what did you call me?"
"We called you Amerikajin, Amerikajin, because you're an Amerikajin. HEY EVERYBODY! Shashuko-san is now Amerikajin!"
"Okay!" says Tamaki.
"Okay!" say the fangirls.
"Okay!" says Renge.
"Okay!" says Hunny. Mori nods.
Kyouya smirks and takes note. "Okay."
Haruhi sighs. "You two, stop causing unnecessary trouble."
"Amerikajin... huh?" Shashuko starts trembling and looks down, clenching her teeth.
"That's exactly like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh!" Shashuko squeals. "Even the people's reaction. Except Haruhi's and mine. W00T! Cliche breaking!"
Everyone stares.
"Err, sorry." Shashuko sits back in her chair and tries to shrink into a smaller mass.
The fangirls study her face. Their eyes bore into her as she keeps attempting to shrink, which is pretty hard for someone who's really tall.
"Amerikajin's an otaku!" they all squeal at the same time, running up and surrounding her.
"Is it true that all anime in America is horribly dubbed?"
"No! The originally American animes aren't dubbed."
"They have non-dubbed anime in America?" one fangirl gasps.
"Sure they do! Only one of them is worth mentioning, though. It's called Avatar: The Last Airbender. Complete Naruto rip-off in some respects, but it's pretty cool. You can watch it or rent it on Netflix. Netflix? What're those?"
"Youtube's a site where people post or download videos and post them so you can watch 'em. Netflix is a video rental thingy... now that I think of it, I don't think you can get it in Japan. Ah, well."
"Why would anyone rent videos when you could just buy them?" Renge asks.
"Eh heh... me." Shashuko visibly sweatdrops.
Haruhi explains, "It's a commoner thing. Renting videos is cheaper."
"So, Shashuko, this Youtube... can you show it to us sometimes?"
"Easily. Oi! Kyouya-sempai! Can I borrow your laptop?"
"No."
"Meanie! Ah, well. I suppose it's not banned here, so we'll be okay if I just use the school computers later."
"Banned? Have you been doing something... illegal?" Tamaki questions, looking more than a little scared.
"No, it's banned at school because... well, I have no idea why it;s banned at school. But one girl got kicked out of my computers class for going on a banned site during school hours. I think it has something to do with the whole swearing-and-freedom-of-speech-and-children-shouldn't-see-this-sort-of-content-dolores-umbridge-ish-crap thing."
"Huh?" The entire Host Club, fangirls included, Kyouya not included, asked (Kyouya doesn't know or care).
"Too lazy too explain. Sorry."
"Some sort of American conflict, Amerikajin?" Tamaki's eyes gleam with tears of... overdramatic-ness, I suppose.
"Well... now that I think of it, it's probably some stupid theory of mine. Or maybe my views of the world are too narrow! I must work on that," Shashuko notes seriously, putting one finger to her lips in contemplation. "I do that a lot, think the wrong thing, assume the wrong thing, hear the wrong thing, say the wrong thing. I guess I'm just wrong all around!" she furrows her brow. "I suppose I'm stereotyping. That's bad!"
"There is nothing wrong with stereo-typing! Even I do it!" Tamaki bellows in his tenor voice.
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised, especially since you're so stereotypical yourself," Shashuko says angrily.
The Next Day
Shashuko is walking to the gym for P.E., which her parents had made her take as an elective so she wouldn't get too fat, when she bumps into brown paper bag. More importantly, she also bumps into the person holding said paper bag. A plushie falls out.
The plushie is of a guy wearing a black cloak and holding a cat puppet. Shashuko holds it up and stares at it.
"It's so cute! Hmm... black cloak, a puppet, cat incorporation... is this Kankurou's Shippuuden outfit? I haven't gotten that far into the series yet."
"N-No," whispers the girl holding the bag, "Th-that's not an anime plushie. It's a voodoo doll."
"Why would you have a Kankurou voodoo doll? That's weird. I'm sorry, but it won't change the series. Kankurou might not show up at all."
"No, it's a voodoo doll of Nekozawa-sempai."
"Who's he?"
A dark chuckle erupted somewhere near Shashuko's ear.
"That, Shashuko-san, would be me."