Everything either belongs to Joss or it should, no infringement is intended and no profit is to be made. When you get right down to it I'm not really worth suing anyway unless you want a share of an underpaid civil servants wages and it just wouldn't be worth the hassle trust me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Demon Bar – Los Angeles – May 2004

'Sometimes you gotta go where everybody hates your guts' Faith joked taking a seat on the barstool next to Wesley.

Wesley half smiled and pushed her beer towards her. 'Sometimes you've got to go somewhere where you don't have to deal with a horde of teenage girls' he replied as Faith picked up her glass and chinked it against his own.

The barman looked at them with concern. 'I don't want any trouble' he told them. The scruffy watcher was one thing but Faith had developed a serious rep in the demon underworld as being the slayer the other slayers were wary off.

'So don't start any' Faith told him. 'We're just here for the beer and the ambience' she told him, 'maybe not the beer' she added after tasting it. To be honest the ambience kinda sucked too now she came to think about it.

Wesley swallowed a massive gulp. 'Trust me' he said, 'after you've tried Pylea's finest ales anything else seems like nectar' he told her. 'Maybe not Budweiser' he added after thinking about it.

'Smooth move telling B we were out doing a job' Faith told Wesley. 'I like the still being on the clock when I'm in a bar even if I ain't liking the looks I'm getting.'

'When do you ever go to a bar and not get looked at?' Wesley asked with a chuckle.

'Hey I don't mind guys looking at me like they want to eat me in the good way' Faith replied with a wink.

'Why Ms. Lehane I'm shocked' Wesley replied, feigning horror.

'Oh yeah because I bet your chick is all passive and doesn't expect you to do your fair share' Faith responded taking a decent swig of the beer. It wasn't remotely good but a few more and it wouldn't matter.

'So if I told you she just lies back and thinks of Vahla ha'nesh you wouldn't buy that then?' Wesley asked with a chuckle.

'I just ain't seeing it somehow Wes' Faith told him shaking her head. 'Now her pinning you down so she could have her wicked way with you, that I could buy.'

Wesley shrugged. 'It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it' he told her in his most stoic tones, before finishing off his beer. 'Two more' he told the barman putting a bill down on the bar and his empty glass on top of it.

Not wanting to let him get too far ahead Faith finished her own beer in one go and put the glass down next to Wesley's. 'So why me?' she asked.

'Why you what?' Wesley queried.

'This all expenses paid, on the clock drinking session' Faith answered. 'Why drag me along not the girlfriend?' she asked.

'Illyria doesn't really approve of my drinking, she call it poison, and she doesn't get drunk so she's no fun either' Wesley replied. 'I've done enough drinking alone and I don't want to get back into that so you drew the short straw.'

Faith smiled. 'You could have asked Chuck' she suggested. 'Or Spike, this is his kind of place and it's not like he's difficult to persuade to go get a drink.'

Wesley reached for his second beer which the barman had just put down. 'Want to grab a stall in that corner over there?' he asked.

'It's occupied' Faith pointed out.

'Oi you two' Wesley hollered at the two vampires sat in the stall. 'Go sit somewhere else or the slayer here gets some stake practice in' he told them, nodding his head slightly towards Faith. One of them looked like they were on the verge of objecting but after a second's consideration thought better of it and they vacated the stall and headed further down the bar.

Faith picked up her beer and followed Wesley into the stall sitting across from him one foot up on the bench seat leaning against the back corner. 'So as I was saying why me?' she asked.

'Spike's history too evil' Wesley replied, 'and anyway the vampire can drink me under the table and I drink too competitively not to try and keep up.'

'And Gunn?' Faith asked.

'Not evil enough' Wesley replied with a grin. 'It's like Goldilocks and the Three Bears' he continued. 'You're just right.'

Faith laughed. 'So I'm your drinking buddy this evening because you figure we're about equal in the asshole stakes?' she asked.

'That's about sums it up' Wesley told her. 'I can relax because I just can't see you being a hypocritical bitch and judging me and I really need to blow off some steam' he told her. 'I've spent months playing some kind of father figure cum military leader to a load of teenagers and I just want to unwind and be a jerk.'

'Well if you put it like that Wes…' Faith began then paused, 'no I'm still not honoured' she told him.

'Feel free to be a jerk yourself' Wesley offered, 'or should that be jerkette?' he asked. 'Tell the truth, all the team-playing and trying to be a role model and inspiration to the new slayers has got to get to you sometimes?'

Faith opened her mouth to deny it then stopped. 'Oh shit yeah' she admitted. 'It's one thing teaching them how to bust heads but the rest of the crap just makes me want to scream some days' she told him. 'I don't even get enough field time to dump some tension wailing on something any more.'

Wesley smiled. 'You know what really pisses me off' he told her. 'It's people expecting me to be a bloody wisdom spouting patriarch like Rupert Giles.'

Faith snorted. 'Try being in Buffy's shadow' she told him.

'Tight squeeze with you being in there already' Wesley replied. 'It's munchkin sized to start with' he joked.

'And that's one that always got me' Faith responded, leaning in to whisper. 'If those Dagon Monk dudes made Dawn from Buffy why is she like a foot taller?' she asked, exaggerating quite a bit.

'Their order was based in Europe' Wesley replied, equally quietly. 'Maybe they cocked up the conversion from metric to imperial measurement when they measured Buffy up' he suggested tongue-in-cheek.

'Imperial?' Faith queried.

'You know, feet and Inches etc.' Wesley answered, 'You call it "standard" over here but that's a bit of a misnomer when you consider that only the US and Britain uses it much any more, and we use metric nearly as much as imperial ourselves back home.'

Faith shrugged. 'Hey you never know you could be onto something there with them screwing up the plans.'

'Could have been a lot worse' Wesley suggested. 'Imagine if they'd accidentally made Dawn five and half metres tall instead of five and a half feet.'

Faith laughed. 'Dawnzilla' she joked.

Wesley laughed and then leaned back talking another mouthful of beer from his glass. It wasn't just the drink in itself, he had always liked spending time in pubs and bars and had used up a great deal of his free time in them, hustling people at darts and bemoaning the lack of decent beers on this side of the Atlantic although some of the stuff coming from micro-breweries these days was becoming halfway passable he had to admit. 'So have you thought about your long-term plans?' he asked curiously. 'You realise that your life expectancy as a slayer has likely increased enormously over what it would have been in the old days.'

Faith shifted position on the bench seat to make herself more comfortable. 'Not thought about it much' she admitted. 'Always had my heart set on going down in a blaze of glory before I was twenty-five' she told him. 'Damned if I know what I'm going to do with myself now.'

'Find a nice young chap, settle down and have children perhaps?' Wesley suggested, fighting back the urge to laugh.

'Oh yeah that's what I've always dreamed of' Faith replied sardonically. 'Motherhood' she continued. 'Do you think that would be fair on some kid?'

'You might be good at it' Wesley replied. 'If I ever end up with children I've already got a foolproof plan' he told her. 'Do the exact bloody opposite of what my Father did and I can't go too far wrong.'

'Good plan' Faith agreed. 'I'll do the same with my Mom' she told him.

Wesley half smiled. 'To quote the great English poet Philip Larkin "They fuck you up your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you".'

'I like it' Faith told him raising her glass in salute.

'I thought it might be to your tastes' Wesley told her. 'Another beer?' he asked.

'Sure if you're paying' Faith told him.

'I'll fudge it on the expense account' Wesley told her.

Faith frowned. 'Watch out for Anya' she warned, 'She keeps a close eye on the accounts.'

'I like to live dangerously' Wesley told her. 'And another line of verse has occurred I think you'll like given this is your third beer' he told her. 'This one is from Dorothy Parker. "I wish I could drink like a lady, I can take one or two at the most. Three and I'm under the table. Four and I'm under the host".'

Faith grinned. 'Given what your girl would do to both of us if that happened it would take a hell of a lot more than four to override my survival instincts' she told him.

Wesley nodded. 'Good point' he told her. 'I don't like to live that dangerously no matter how tempting the notion might be' he added with a wink.

This time Faith feigned shock. 'Getting pretty close to breaching the watcher/slayer code of ethics with talk like that' she told him.

'Still time to amend the latest revisions to the handbook before it goes to print' Wesley replied then paused. 'Nope my girlfriends still too scary' he decided. 'No offence.'

'None taken' Faith told him, anyhow she was.

Hyperion Hotel – Los Angeles – May 2004

Buffy looked from Wesley to Faith. 'You two look like you went up against fifty vampires and lost' she told them. 'And don't even think about trying to put your drink bill against expenses' she told them.

Wesley opened his mouth to retort but the slightest movement hurt so he gave up on the idea of arguing.

'If a vampire had bitten either of them it would have fallen over completely rat-arsed after the first pint' Spike declared. He himself had not only gotten stoned off the blood of a Hippy Lady once in the Sixties he still remembered that Scotsman the one time who must have had two bottles of Whisky in him. 'I can smell the alcohol seeping out of their skin' he declared, Angel and Connor nodding in agreement.

'Rat-arsed?' Dawn queried. 'I'm guessing that's another colourful British phrase for drunk?' she asked, handing out typed reports to everyone.

'He was so drunk when he returned to the Hotel he was not even interested in sex' Illyria complained, causing Dawn to have to fight back laughter.

'Well not capable I'd bet, rather than not interested' Spike opined getting two fingers from Wesley in response.

Faith pushed her dark glasses back up her nose, they had slipped down while she was resting her head on the conference table. 'It was a mistake shifting from beer to Jack Daniels' she said ruefully.

'Beer bad' Buffy told her. 'Whiskey worse' she added.

'Did we have to have this meeting so early?' Wesley moaned.

'It's nearly lunchtime' Giles told him.

'Please don't mention food' the younger watcher replied.

Illyria glared at her Qwa'ha Xahn. 'He is very unattractive when he is like this' she declared. 'I am therefore happy that he remains less than amorous.'

'They don't set a very good example to the younger watchers and slayers' Dawn observed.

'I don't remember ever signing up to be a role model do you Wes?' Faith asked.

'I don't remember much of anything at the moment' Wesley replied. 'Does anyone know if breaking an Orlon Window works on a hangover?' he asked plaintively.

Willow dashed into the Conference Room. 'Sorry I'm late' she began. 'I was talking to Xander on the phone' she explained then grinned. 'You'll never guess what Anya did yesterday' she told the group taking her seat.

'Something irksome no doubt' Giles responded.

'I imagine the local wildlife thought so' Willow told them. 'Xander was supervising a delivery of concrete when he heard a load of gunfire followed by a huge explosion near the trailer where he and Anya are staying.'

'Anya is alright isn't she?' Illyria responded instantly, rising to her feet. 'If any our of foes have injured her I will slaughter them.'

'It's okay' Willow told her. 'Anya's fine, it was her making all the noise' she explained.

'Well what was she doing?' Buffy asked.

Willow grinned. 'She was out sunbathing when a rabbit ran past her and she freaked' she told them. 'Next thing she does is to go and get Xanders gun and she starts blazing away at the poor furry thing full-automatic, shoots holes in everything but the rabbit according to Xander.'

'And the explosion?' Giles asked nervously.

'She figured out how to use the grenade launcher fitted to Xanders M-16 and blew the rabbit to bunny heaven in itty-bitty pieces' Willow replied.

'Oh that poor little rabbit' Dawn moaned.

Willow nodded her agreement with Dawn's sentiment. 'When Xander found her she was holding his rifle over her head and screaming what she told him later was a Viking battlecry.'

'Does fighting rabbits get you into Valhalla?' Buffy asked Giles.

'Somehow I don't think Odin would go along with it' Giles told her, 'nothing short of the Rabbit of Caerbannog anyway' he added with a smile.

'Defeated by the Holy Grenade Launcher of Antioch' Spike joked causing Wesley to laugh though he immediately regretted it as his head started pounding again.

Connor looked at them blankly. 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' Illyria told him. 'I have been researching the Arthurian Legends and related film and print media in some depth of late' she explained to Spike who looked at her with surprise. 'It was better than the musical Camelot' she added.

Buffy picked up her pen and tapped it against the water jug on the table a few times. 'Alright that's enough fun for now' she said. 'Fred is helping Knox finish off the special scythe and Medousa says she'll get it enchanted in record time so that it's ready in case we need it.'

'Plastic fantastic' Spike commented. 'It just sounds tacky to me' he opined. 'They'll have slayers with formica stakes next.'

'Wouldn't work' Angel told him. 'I got some of that stuck through me back in the forties' he told him.

'Cordelia is still working with Drusilla trying to get her to earn her keep on the vision front' Buffy continued, ignoring the two vampires.

'At what point do we give up on that and give her a taste of good old fashioned wooden stakeage?' Dawn asked surprised by the looks she received from both Spike and Angel at the suggestion.

'Given the fact we are pretty much cut off from the Powers Drusilla remains our best bet in terms of access to visions' Giles replied. 'She might be awkward but she's all we've got for the moment' he noted.

Dawn crossed her arms. 'And what about Harmony?' she asked. 'Don't tell me we haven't got access to other typists because of the PTB's' she said.

'Harmony has her uses' Illyria interjected. 'If nothing else we should assume she is still secretly working for the Wolf, Ram and Hart and we could use her to feed false information to them.'

'You think she's a spy?' Buffy exclaimed.

'She almost certainly will be at first' Illyria told her. 'Harmony was always self-serving' she continued. 'In the original timeline she was fairly loyal to Angel while he seemed to be on the ascendant but she betrayed him to Hamilton in the end because she likely perceived the Half Breed to be on the losing side of the developing conflict.'

'So if she thinks we're the winning team she'll be on our side?' Faith asked, her headache was slowly starting to fade though not fast enough for her preference.

'No she will remain on her side' Illyria replied. 'As to which faction she is currently affiliated with that could shift with the ebb and tide of war, in some ways she could have utility as a barometer.'

'She's evil' Dawn declared. Her history with Harmony tended to colour her opinion on the matter.

'Be fair Knibblet' Spike responded. 'She wasn't ever any good at being evil now was she?' he asked rhetorically.

'Wasn't she your girlfriend?' Angel asked, 'before you replaced her with that robot I've heard about wasn't it?' he asked with a definite smirk on his face.

Spike frowned. 'I never treated her very well' he admitted, ignoring Angel's other comment. 'Feel bad about it now too' he continued. 'Look I'll keep an eye on her' he told everyone. 'Keep her in line like' he said. 'You know she always missed her friends, used to tell me so.'

'She never bit Cordelia when she had the chance' Angel agreed. 'I hate to agree with Spike but compared to Drusilla she's not much of a threat at all.'

'And you know how much he hates to agree with me' Spike pointed out. 'Ringing endorsement I call it.'

'So do you have any other vampire exes we can expect to find around the place anytime soon?' Giles asked Spike sardonically.

'No it was just Dru and Harmony' Spike replied. 'Dru dusted my other occasional dalliances and there was only a couple, which isn't bad when you think how long we were together… and the fact I didn't have a soul' he added.

'I do not have a soul in your terms and would never cheat on my Wesley' Illyria declared haughtily.

'And he'd be too scared to cheat on you' Spike retorted.

'As it should be' Illyria replied.

'I wouldn't anyway' Wesley stated honestly.

Illyria smiled. 'If your breath smelled better I would kiss you' she told him.

'Good call' Wesley agreed. 'You should try breathing it from my side' he added.

'So when are we heading for Cleveland?' Dawn asked.

'We're not' Buffy replied. 'You're staying here' she told her sister.

'I am not looking forward to the flight' Illyria stated. 'It would be wise to sit me next to Glory so she can restrain me if I become excessively agitated' she continued. 'You would not enjoy it if I punched a hole in the fuselage.'

'Yeah that would suck' Faith joked, she really was starting to feel a lot better now. Certainly better than Wesley, although to be fair he had drunk a lot more than she did.

'I wish you could portal there, or I could teleport you over' Willow remarked. Illyria stuck in an enclosed space for any length of time was not a nice prospect for anyone to consider. Even if she likely did have enough self-control not to go postal and bring down the flight Willow was basically a nice caring person and didn't like the idea that Illyria was likely going to have to suffer another bout of claustrophobia.

'I need the shell at maximum stability' Illyria replied, 'we do not know the full extent of Beriths power, I need to be there and I need to be able to use my powers as freely as possible just in case.'

Buffy nodded. 'As soon as we arrive at Cleveland we'll head for a park or something' she told her. 'I've told Stephen to meet us at the airport so you can ride in his convertible.'

'Thank you' Illyria replied. 'I am sorry for any inconvenience caused by my weakness' she added in clear embarrassment over her phobia.

'Whatever you are "weak" isn't it' Buffy told her, 'and I don't just mean the fact you can throw someone Angel's size over a building' she continued. 'If you were weak you couldn't face to get on the plane to begin with.'

'I would not have you face our enemies without me' Illyria replied with a shrug.

Buffy smiled. 'Well I'll say one thing for you' she said. 'You're the only one here that's more worried about travelling there than you are about fighting the Demon Lord at the other end.'

'Not quite the typical "fight or flight" reaction' Giles agreed with a chuckle.

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