Chapter 23: Contemplations
Lily walked into the potions lab the first day back from the Holiday break for yet another potions class taught by Harris Slughorn. The anxiety building inside of her like a tidal wave, she placed her bags down at her regular table and sighed running her hands through her hair and not caring what people thought.
"You look dashing when you are somewhat of a wreck." James breathed against her neck as she turned to meet him, she didn't know weather to take it as a compliment or as a complete diss. She decided to go with the compliment route. "I mean it Lily, you look dashing." He smiled and traced his hand up and down the exposed skin on her wrist.
"James not right now, I'm in not in the" she paused for a moment thinking of the word that would best describe her feeling, she could think of none that encompassed her whole anxious state. "Mood for compliments they'll just be more than a little painful—l" Lily sighed and ran her hand through her hair, James was staring at her his eyes flitting about her face, "Lets talk after class though. Meet me at the lake, during lunch. And don't worry, I can tell your worried. I won't break up with you." She spoke reassuringly and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, Lily smiled at him, and when he complied with meeting her during lunch she felt herself relax. At least they could talk now, talk about what? Would he leave her then and there if she exposed her want to spend the rest of her life with him? Would it scar him?
The class went by like a snail in hardened glue each minute dragging on for what seemed like hours. At the end of Class Lily and Laura made their way to History of magic where Lily divulged her plan and then practiced lines on Laura. "James I love you, and I want to marry you." Lily bit her lip and peered at Laura from behind her history of magic textbook during the period before lunch. It felt like it had taken hours to get to this class, hours upon hours, when in turn it had taken only two hours of potions and about three minutes of climbing numerous moving stairs.
"Lily you don't want to scare the boy do you? All I'm saying is be calm, not too wordy, and not abrasive." Laura smiled, "Like if you were pregnant ask 'what do you think of children? And having them, with say me?" Laura smiled as she finished her hypothetical sentence.
"But I'm not pregnant. Laura its not going to help that examples a bit much" Lily complained and sighed in dismay as she collected her books, Professor Binns had let them leave early because they had been the only two not to fall asleep in class and to finish all their work 'dorm-'work and class work. Then Lily furrowed her brow and looked at Laura with a little bit of confusion written about her face, "Explain." She spoke simply.
"Well, say 'Lets try' that'll spice things up a bit" Laura said and tried to Ignore Lily's simple statement of needing more information. Laura sighed under Lily's unbidden stare, "Lily All I'm saying is that wanting to father your children is 'hot', Sirius told me that." As Laura said this Lily's jaw dropped and she smiled to herself.
"Laura what do you mean by that? Are you--?" Lily's mouth was still a somewhat open in shock.
"Not yet, or at least I don't know. But we agreed to make an effort when school ends, and he told me that he wanted them or it—to have my last name." Laura blushed, "If I were, you and Sirius would be the first to know." Laura nodded, "I'd probably ask you how to tell him." Laura smiled dreamily; she was probably imagining what her children with Sirius might look like.
"Good, I'd probably kill you if you didn't." Lily gave Laura a cheeky smile. Lily and Laura had made their way to the Library and were talking calmly about ways to talk to James and tell him Lily was fully and deeply in love with him.