Sheppard came to consciousness slowly and with him a pounding headache surfaced. He cautiously opened his eyes and as they adjusted to the light he tried to assess his injuries and work out what the hell had just happened to him.
First off, his head hurt. He was probably looking at a concussion which meant he'd have a headache for some time and would probably end up throwing up at some point.
He raised his hand and realised that he was tied up. Great. His finger, although he couldn't see it, was throbbing incessantly and he clearly remembered the sensation as it dislocated. That boot. It had seemed familiar to him. Where though? Anyway, back to his injuries. He could feel something warm and wet running down the side of his face, blood, and his chest felt severely bruised. He'd blacked out pretty quickly so whoever had him tied up had beaten on him while he was out for the count. That much was obvious. Painfully obvious.
With his eyes now more focused and his nausea pushed back to more manageable levels, Sheppard could see that he was sitting on the ground, his legs outstretched before him and his arms tied behind his back. He was sitting up against a tree in the middle of a forest and as he squirmed, he realised that he couldn't feel the knife in his rear holster and all of his weapons had been removed.
Unarmed, tied up, beaten up – the usual then, Sheppard mused.
He scanned his surroundings, struggling with his bindings and all the while trying to convince himself that what had happened earlier hadn't in fact happened.
Those boots? He really didn't want them to belong to Ronon.
When he heard the others behind him, he knew it to be true.
"Aw……crap."
He'd been jumped by his own team.
The only explanation that he was going to believe was that they were sick; they didn't know what they were doing and in some delusional frame of mind had perceived Sheppard as a threat. It had to have something to do with that room they got trapped in. Sheppard had only been in there for an hour or so, he hadn't been exposed to whatever it was that Rodney had evidently shorted, and they had. It was the only explanation.
Either that or they all really hated him.
Sheppard tried to twist in his restraints but stopped when he felt a strong hand plant down onto his shoulder and give it a hard squeeze.
Something twinged and Sheppard mentally added it to his injury list.
He sucked in a deep breath, prepared himself and then resolutely met Ronon's eyes.
Ronon looked imposing as hell. He was crossing his arms, biceps bulging under his shirt and his eyes seemed cold and dead. It reminded Sheppard of when they had first met. Only then, Sheppard hadn't known what Ronon could do to make grown men cry before that.
"How are you feeling?" Teyla walked into his line of sight and stood next to Ronon, her eyes soft, her mouth curved into a smile. She almost sounded concerned. Almost.
Sheppard licked his lips, could taste blood, and spat it out onto the mud beside him before answering, "I've been better Teyla. Hey, how about you untie me now?"
He tried for a smile, but Teyla saw through him and laughed quietly as if they had just shared a joke.
"Nice try John."
"I thought so," Sheppard admitted, "Look, there's something wrong with you. We need to get you back to Atlantis."
He tried to appeal to a latent rational side.
Ronon pulled out a knife from a hidden sheath and started to twist it in his hands. Sheppard knew the kind of precision Ronon had with those things. He unconsciously closed his legs and pulled his knees up.
"We're fine. You're the one that's going to need help."
McKay appeared in his sights and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Absolutely."
McKay had never been a particularly arresting figure but right now, the way that he was talking and the crazy look in his eyes, was bone chillingly creepy.
"Especially if you try and get it first,"
Get what first? Oh god, they really were delusional. Sheppard felt as if he had been caught up in a nightmare. His team had seriously gone nuts.
"I don't know what you're talking about Rodney. Just……..untie me and we'll go home." And never mention this again, he mentally added.
"He's lying," Ronon alleged.
"He wants it." Teyla was pacing, her fingers twisting and her body tense.
McKay simply nodded.
"I don't know what 'it' is."
"Oh, he knows."
"Fine, Rodney, you can have it. Whatever 'it' is, is yours. I don't want it."
Sheppard shifted where he sat and felt the distant pull in his abused side. His hand brushed against the rough trunk of the tree and he grunted as pain seared up through his arm and into his shoulder. He sucked in a breath and found his team members watching him.
"I think you broke my finger," Sheppard muttered.
The whole situation was ridiculous. He half expected the others to turn around and say it was all one big joke but then he hardly thought beating the crap out of him would be part of their humorous plan. Yeah, he could just see it. "We had to break your finger to make it believable" The pain that was strafing through his body was undeniably believable.
"You shouldn't have struggled," McKay said and sat on an outcrop of rock opposite him.
Teyla was all tense and jittery and McKay was…..serenely calm. He'd never seen the scientist look so relaxed.
"I thought we were under attack. I was trying to get up so I could protect you guys."
"We don't need protecting."
"I can see that," Sheppard shifted again, "What happened in that room?"
Teyla shared a glance with Ronon and Mckay but didn't say anything. So, they had seen something.
"What did you see?" Sheppard enunciated slowly and waited for an answer but they were still being evasive and Sheppard's patience was wearing thin.
"We didn't see anything," McKay answered.
There was an element of Rodney he recognised. He always had been a crappy liar at the best of times.
"Right…okay, so you didn't see anything, fine," Sheppard tried to pull his hands out of his restraints again and continued to distract them with talk, "But you're not well. Come on guys. You just beat me up and tied me to a tree."
Teyla crouched down beside Sheppard and feigned a shocked expression.
"Yes, we did."
Teyla's voice was packed with spite and her expression was devoid of emotion, it was all heartbreakingly uncharacteristic of her. Sheppard had always been able to rely on Teyla for compassion and understanding. She was strong willed and she cared; it was why he had formed a close bond with her. It was why he had chosen her for his team.
He had outright admitted once that he felt close to his team members, and it was frustratingly true.
"Yes you did," Sheppard repeated with a smile.
He wanted to coax her back, charm her, remind her of the first time they met with simple looks, but she wasn't playing.
He tried a different tact, "But you don't have to. What do you think I'm going to do?"
"You forget Sheppard. We know what you're capable of. We are members of your team," McKay sneered.
Sheppard didn't know what he meant by that. Everything he had done for them had been to protect them.
"You're right," he stated evenly, "So you should trust me."
"Sixty genii soldiers," Teyla spoke over him and continued to knead her hands together.
She had pulled that example from her mind so quickly that Sheppard started to wonder whether it was something she did dwell on. Something she thought less of him for.
Sheppard tried not to react. This wasn't them. They weren't thinking straight and there was no way that they would use past incidents against him if they weren't out of their minds with fever. Still, he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"Teyla, you were there. You know why I did that. Besides, as you so rightly mentioned Rodney, you are on my team and as you might also remember I did that save you," He tried to keep his voice even.
The ropes were cutting into his wrists as he tried to pull free. He needed to get back to the gate and get help.
"And you killed the other Genii soldiers that were looking for you," Mckay agreed, ignoring what Sheppard had just said, as if they were having a completely normal conversation that didn't involve their leader being tied to a tree.
"They were going to kill me!"
"There were a lot of bodies. All covered in blood. Point blank shots-" McKay shook his head wistfully, "You'll do that to us!"
Sheppard could still remember that period vividly. The Storm. He had hidden up in the rafters and used his laser sighting to pinpoint each man and-
"I would never do anything to-"
"You nearly shot Elizabeth taking Kolya out like that!" McKay reminded him.
Sure, the shot had been risky but he'd had Kolya in his sights. He would never have hit Elizabeth.
"I had to make a judgement call-"
Ronon continued the personal assault. "Kolya."
Sheppard was beginning to lose his ability to remain calm and collected. They had witnessed what Kolya had done to him. Watched him get fed on by that wraith. No. This wasn't them. It also reminded him why he never told anyone anything, because it always came back to bite you in the ass. That's why he never had real close friends and that's why he kept people at a controllable distance.
"He deserved it. And you know that!"
"I know that you killed him in cold blood." McKay continued his cool demeanour slipping.
Sheppard sighed, "I'm not…..i'm not listening to this, you don't know what you're saying."
"No, you're dangerous. You can't have it so you're going to stay here." Mckay wasn't making sense, none of them were.
"Have what?"
"Very clever Colonel," McKay laughed, "That…..is why you're dangerous."
"I am not dangerous."
Sheppard had to believe that. He'd done a hell of a lot of reprehensible things, killed, hurt people. He suffered the burden of command quietly. He was completely selfless and most definitely in control. He had to be. No sense in him losing it. He couldn't just….snap. Is that what they thought? That he was unstable? A post traumatic stress case just waiting to happen?
"Hmm right, how exactly does an Air Force pilot get to be so good at fighting on the ground?" Mckay asked the question and Sheppard wondered if he really thought that. On some level he had to, otherwise where was he getting that from.
Sheppard kept his mouth shut and feigned indifference.
"It didn't help him save Holland though did it," Teyla said meeting Sheppard's gaze.
Sheppard nearly choked. He'd told her that in confidence. He never expected it to resurface, much less in front of his team.
"Holland?" Ronon was interested now.
"Sheppard tried to rescue him. Couldn't get him out. He died."
Sheppard felt sick. He'd tried dammit! He had gone against direct orders to rescue Holland – how was he to know that Holland had suffered internal injuries that would kill him, long before Sheppard could get him to the border?
"You don't know what happened," Sheppard defended.
"Just another body in a long line of failures."
Sheppard pulled on his ropes again with as much vitriol as he could manage. It was all getting too personal and he just wanted out. He was surprised to feel a short sharp kick to his leg and looked up at Ronon.
"Quit struggling."
Sheppard relaxed and turned away as they continued.
"Let us not forget Mitch and Dex," Teyla said smiling.
They're chopper was hit by an RPG in a med evac. Sheppard had tried to help them too but it just wasn't good enough.
"Colonel Sumner, Everett….he let all of them down," McKay shook his head disapprovingly.
Sheppard was having difficulty keeping his mouth shut as his friends discussed his personal life.
"Probably why his marriage failed." Ronon tossed his knife up in the air and caught it as it careened back down to earth.
Now that conversation had definitely been private.
"You were married?" McKay looked truly amazed and rubbed his hands together.
"Yes," Sheppard said drawing a painful breath.
"Really? Why didn't it work out? What did you do?"
"Why do you think I did something?"
"I don't know. Figured she got bored of you being so emotionally unavailable."
Sheppard knew that was the case. He tried not to be open, he liked to keep a little of himself away. There were certain things that they didn't need to know about his life or about his job. But, he only ever did it to protect them.
"Look, just……" Sheppard's voice broke, "just …...give it a rest, okay. You'll all regret this later so….." he sighed and ceased pulling at his ropes. He was getting nowhere.
They were laughing at him. Laughing at all of his failures. Sheppard hadn't even realised that he had divulged that much about himself, but over the years, little things must have leaked out. He realised that he was closer to them all than he had initially thought. Now that was dangerous.
"Colonel Sheppard would appear to have had enough," Teyla said geefully.
"Anyway, I need to go back to the lab," McKay said getting up and pulling out his LSD.
"Why?"
Sheppard noted the suspicious tone of Ronon's voice.
"Because of the thing," McKay reiterated.
"Oh no," Teyla came in, "No, you're not going alone to steal it."
"I wouldn't."
"You once wanted to steal from children," Teyla reminded him curtly.
McKay remembered the incident that much was obvious, and he relented easily, "Fine, we'll all go."
Ronon hooked a finger back towards Sheppard and he raised his head expectantly.
"What about him?"
McKay gave Sheppard a disgusted look and sighed, "Oh, bring him along."
TBC………………….