Disclaimer: Not only do I not own anything related to CSI, I also own nothing about Jeopardy! or Wife Swap. I do however own not one, but two trombones. So there.
A/N: The next two chapters steer away from the Jeopardy! focus. But I just couldn't kill this. So if you want to get back to the Jeopardy! storyline, please skip chapters 4 and 5. If not, enjoy a little bit of Catherine-centric text.
Chapter 4
One fine day in November ...
Catherine Willows looked and felt great today. She strode down the halls a woman with things in check. A couple of cases closed, a shift without anything to break a sweat, Lindsey called to say she decided to go to a dance with that respectable boy who tutors her in math instead of the chump whose fingers have burns suspiciously like he's been smoking something... he shouldn't.
Then her cell phone rang. L.A. area code. Who the hell?
"Willows."
"Is this Catherine Willows of Las Vegas?" said the young woman on the other end of the line.
"Who is this?"
"Hi, this is Britney from ABC's 'Wife Swap.' I was given this number for Catherine Willows on an e-mail inquiry sent by a friend and co-worker of yours."
"Excuse me?" Catherine said, grabbing the phone a little tighter and plugging her other ear to make sure she is absolutely hearing everything correctly. "Where did you say you were from again?"
"I'm Britney Watson, an assistant producer from ABC's 'Wife Swap."
"Why are you calling me," Catherine said as she stopped dead in her tracks.
"We had an e-mail from a co-worker of yours at the Las Vegas Crime Lab that told us a bit about your background and how you would be a great candidate for 'Wife Swap.'"
"This must be a mistake, Ms. Watson," Catherine said in her calm cool way. "I'm not married."
"Yes," Britney replied in her perky way, "but according to this e-mail from your co-worker, you are definitely married to your work. And we thought, 'What a different concept!'"
Catherine's brain processed quickly. Co-worker? Warrick would never. Gil wouldn't have a clue. Brass? Maybe, but not likely. Nick? Depends on what it said...
"What exactly did this e-mail say?"
Britney seemed be pushing papers on her end. "I have it here. I just have to... Oh! Here it is!"
"Dear producers of Wife Swap,
First of all, kudos on such a wonderful show..."
After hearing that intro, Catherine had an idea and started walking again...
"I do believe that your show would benefit from the profile of a co-worker and close friend of mine here at the prestigious Las Vegas Crime Lab. Catherine Willows and I have known each other for more than four years and while she is a tough-as-nails single mom, my shoulder has been known to offer her comfort in trying times..."
With that, Catherine fumed, kicked up her step and turned the corner to head to her destination.
"Although not married to a man, Catherine is married to her work. And how different would it be for your show to be the first of its kind to recognize that being a spouse to your job is just as trying to being a traditional spouse. Having Catherine on the show could be a 'marriage made in heaven,' if you will pardon my pun."
Catherine bounded into trace, found Hodges with her glare before she pointed her left hand at him.
Hodges' color left his face.
"In my opinion, Catherine Willows would be a most appropriate profile on your show. Best regards, David Hodges, DNA technician, Las Vegas Crime Lab."
There was silence. Silence on the part of Britney. Silence on the part of Hodges. And silence on the part of Catherine.
Ever the leader, Catherine broke the silence.
"Britney, I'm going to hang up now because I need to talk to someone."
"Oh," Britney interrupted. "Would you be talking with Mr. Conrad Ecklie? Mr. Hodges offered your supervisor's contact information along with the e-mail and since this was such an unconventional idea, I thought I would speak with him before I spoke with you."
Catherine no longer felt good nor looked good.
"I tell you what," Britney said, not wanting to lose this one, for fear of her job. "Why don't you talk with your supervisor and perhaps the three of us could speak on a conference line."
Catherine didn't even know what to say.
"I'll call you back Ms. Willows. Have a good day."
Catherine clicked her phone shut. In front of her was Hodges, and all he heard from the phone conversation was "I have to hang up." And all he could see at this point was a very, very pissed off Catherine Willows. Not a pleasant sight. He better test the waters. I mean, this could be work-related, Hodges thought.
"Hello Catherine."
"You," she said fiercely, moving into the room. "You little, little man."
OK, not work-related, Hodges thought. Did she see me peeking at her as she changed in the locker room. No, that was two weeks ago. Did I park in her space? No. Call her "sweetie" by mistake. I don't remember that. Maybe... OH NO!
"Does this have anything to do with an e-mail?" Hodges said, meekly.
"It sure as hell does, you prick!" Catherine voice bellowed. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
Hodges face turned from fearful to curious. "Did they contact you from 'Wife Swap?'" he asked and incredibly sounded innocent about it.
"Yeah. Yeah they did. That was Britney. They want me to participate because of your fuckin' e-mail."
"Wow," Hodges said, sounding pleased with himself. "They choose my e-mail huh? I knew I had a flair with words."
"Are you really that stupid?" Catherine said, hoping to break his mood. "You told TV producers I would be a great candidate for an idiotic reality show. David, I can't even begin to tell you how you will pay for this."
Fear once again arrived at Hodges' face.
Before another tirade could start, Conrad Ecklie came into Trace.
"David. Catherine. Is there anything wrong?"
"And you," Catherine said, turning her attentions to Ecklie. "I think you know exactly what this is about. How could you possibly take a call like that and not come to me."
"Catherine, calm down. What exactly is going on here?"
Catherine could not believe her ears. Men... they're... they just suck. She pulled her fists in a downward motion, counted to five and let Conrad have it, in the calmest way she can muster.
"Conrad, I believe you got a call today from a Britney Watson from the TV show 'Wife Swap' that David here so thoughtlessly enlisted me as a candidate. They called me, Conrad, about being a part of the show," Catherine was slowly losing her edge and raising her voice. "They called me AFTER they said they talked to you."
Conrad gauged his response, and said, "Oh yes. Yes. A Britney Watson. I remember now. Listen, Catherine, if you want to be a part of the show, I don't think that would be a problem."
"Conrad, you've got to be kidding! I don't want to be part of the show!"
"Catherine, it might be good press for the crime lab. It will show the strength of the women who serve us so well. Women like you, Catherine," Conrad retorted.
Catherine paused. This was just too unbelievable. Her head began to process.
"Wait a minute. You want me to go on the show. You want me to trade places with another woman, and have that woman come here, to the lab," Catherine said.
Conrad nodded. "Well, it's up to you, but I think it could prove to be educational."
Hands on her hips, Catherine was beginning to understand. "So Conrad, who else knows about this phone call? The under sheriff? The sheriff? Just out of curiosity."
"As a matter of fact, I did have a discussion with both of them and the mayor, and, I tell you Catherine, they are on board with this."
No one was happier with this news than Hodges. "See Catherine, you could be a star. The public will be entranced by your beauty and intelligence"
"Shut up Hodges. You don't get a vote," Catherine barked, effectively castrating him with her words.
Conrad had to sell this. "Catherine, it's only for five days, and I'll have you know that because you would be promoting the crime lab in a positive manner, which I have no doubt you will do, it will not be considered vacation or personal time while you are out."
"So I'll get paid," Catherine asked.
"Yes."
"And the time will not go against any accrued hours."
"No."
"Give me a day Conrad. I'll talk it over with my family and Britney, then I'll let you know,"
"That's wonderful, Catherine, I think you'll be pleased…"
But before he could finish his platitudes, Catherine was down the hall.
Calming down.
Thinking.
Planning.
Scheming.
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TBC