I don't own Detective Conan or The Sleeping Beauty. I tried kidnapping the Sleeping Beauty once but she was too heavy. It was all the stuffed peacocks, I guess.

The Sleeping Beauty

(Upside-Down, Inside-Out, and Probably Backwards as Well)

Once upon a time there were two small kingdoms whose rulers were very friendly with one another, for they had made a pact and agreed to seal the pact by having a marriage arranged between their children - when they had children; at the time that they made the pact, neither was even married.

But time passed, and presently one king took to wife a princess from a distant land, and the next year she gave birth to a son who was named Kogoro. A few years later the other king married a rich widow, and the next year she, too, had a child: a daughter who was named Eri. Everyone was very pleased at how neatly Fate had fixed things. Prince Kogoro's parents sent a letter of congradulations to Princess Eri's parents as soon as they heard, and invited them to come visit in ten years or so, when they would have completed preparations for the betrothal feast.

So they did; and a magnificant feast it was. There was all manner of kinds of food and drink, and entertainers, and the plates were all of gold, and the guests were all dressed like royalty. As a matter of fact, many of the guests were royalty. Prince Kogoro's parents had invited everyone of importance - fairies, monarchs, and nobility - in all of ten kingdoms - except one. In the hurry-scurry of preparations, they had, until the last moment, quite forgotten one bad-tempered old fairy. When they did remember her, it was far too late; and they thought it was just as well, since she was always so cross.

They couldn't have been more wrong.

Near the end of the feast, when everyone was sitting back and loosening their belts surreptitiously (except Prince Kogoro and Princess Eri, who were in a corner playing mahjong and discussing - that is to say, arguing over - philosophy) the doors flew open and in stormed the bad-tempered old fairy, who had somehow got wind of the feast and was much put out at not being invited.

"My good fairy," said Prince Kogoro's father, trying to be placating and failing miserably, "how - how unexpected."

The fairy glared.

"Do have a seat," suggested Prince Kogoro's mother, not very hopefully.

The fairy glared balefully.

"Have some tea," said Prince Kogoro's father, not hopefully at all.

Then the fairy spoke.

"I'm suing," she said, and left the room in a dead silence.

So presently Prince Kogoro's parents found themselves on the business end of a suit for discrimination.

They were rather surprised.

Oh, are you surprised too? Let me explain. At that time, witches were an endangered species (they had always been a minority, even before it became a fad for princes to run about cutting their heads off) and a great many things that people had been accustomed to do to witches without a second thought had become illegal overnight. Cutting their heads off, for one thing (this is why so many fairy tales refer to the hero simply as "the prince" - the prince might have gotten in trouble if his name had been mentioned); and for another, there was a newfangled thing called "affirmative action" which meant that for every seven fairies invited to a christening, birthday, betrothal, or wedding, there had to be at least one witch.

Now you may be wondering why I am explaining about all this when the bad person in question was a fairy. I'll explain that, too. You see, she was a fairy, genetically, but legally she was a witch, since over 99 of her spells were harmful. There, better now?

Anyway, Prince Kogoro's parents didn't have a leg to stand on, as they most certainly had not invited even one witch to the feast when they'd had seven fairies. Things were looking very bad indeed (the witch was calling for capital punishment, and, being a witch, she was probably going to get it) when one of the younger fairies intervened. Instead of being put to death, the King and Queen and Prince Kogoro, with their entire household, were sentenced to sleep for a hundred years, or until Prince Kogoro received the Kiss of True Love. Once it had been decided that Princess Eri's parents wuld rule the kingdom in it's king's absence, the sentence was carried out, and the Royal family was locked at the top of a tower in the middle of an uninhabited forest to discourage fangirls.

Then everyone promptly forgot that Prince Kogoro and his parents had ever existed. The kingdom ran as smoothly under Princess Eri's father as it had under Prince Kogoro's father. Everything was as it had been before - except that Princess Eri had no one to argue with. And she had suddenly and inexplicably decided to become a lawyer. Her parents were greatly astonished, and secretly worried that she might not be able to marry a man of her own station (who had ever heard of a prince marrying a lawyer?) but they let her do as she liked. After all, she was their only child.

Before she was twenty, Princess Eri had become the most successful, most famous, and most beautiful lawyer in twenty kingdoms. She astonished everyone by winning every single case she took in hand. She astonished them further by refusing to be paid for her services. Then she astonished them greatly by demanding that a case from many years before (Witch vs. Royal Family) be re-submitted, and that she be allowed to defend the Royal family.

She couldn't imagine why everyone was so surprised. I think it probably had something to do with the fact that she always referred to her ex-fiancee, Prince Kogoro, as "that idiot". I may be wrong.

At any rate, a Princess is a powerful person when she wants something, and the case was brought back up with a new judge and a new jury. All the principle witnesses were hunted down and dragged back. There was some confusion as to what they should do about having the accused present, but in the end they just shipped the beds back from the tower and shoved them into a corner of the courtroom. Then the trial began anew.

I have Princess Eri's speech written down somewhere, I think, but I can't seem to find it. You'll simply have to take my word for it when I tell you that a better, more eloquent, more moving speech had never been made. Half the courtroom was in tears by the end of the first paragraph, and that was a lot of people, since the case had been so widely publicised.

Her speech rested upon the fact that Prince Kogoro's paternal grandfather had been turned into a toad by the witch which they had failed to invite, and that they had known no other witches, and as Section III, Part B of the Witch Protection Act of 1296 clearly stated, no one was obliged to invite witches who had caused them or their family damage already, and if there weren't any witches to invite, they could not be sued for not inviting any.

Of course she won the case; the judge ruled that the orignal sentence had been a mistake and must be reversed at once.

That was when the real trouble started, for the only way to lift the curse was to fulfill one of the conditions, and obviously they couldn't sleep for a hundred years at once; and the judge turned solemnly to Princess Eri and said:

"As it is by your efforts in this case that the name of this most honourable family is cleared, I am sure that you will have no objection to raising the curse as well. You will, of course, kiss the prince."

The princess nearly fell over.

When she had recovered her balance, however, she said a few things which made it abundantly clear that there was no "of course" about it.

The judge smoothed his immaculate white suit, adjusted his monocle, and stared at Princess Eri in some confusion. "I fear I do not understand," he said, and there might have been a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I," said Princess Eri, clarifying matter, "am not going to kiss him."

"I beg your pardon," said the judge, reproachfully; "do you mean to say that, having spent much time, and gone to great pains to prove that the sentence passed upon him and his family and their household was unjust to an extreme, you now refuse to be the means of reversing that must unfortunate sentence?"

"Yes," said Princess Eri.

"Order in the court," said the judge, sternly, to the howling reporters. "Your majesty, this will not do at all."

"I don't see why not," said the princess. "Get somebody else to do it."

"Order!" said the judge, more reproachfully than ever. "Someone go suppress those fangirls," he added. "Princess Eri, this is simply unacceptable. If you do not kiss that young man this instant, you will be held in contempt of court."

When he put it like that, of course ... So Princess Eri agreed to break the curse, and the judge considerately told everyone to go away outside ("This isn't a cinema, you reporter reprobates," he said, and he was definitely grinning when he did - what kind of a judge grins, I ask you?); and as I was outside with everyone else, I don't know precisely what happened. However, I suppose she did kiss him, because presently they came outside together, holding hands and blushing rather. And they were married suddenly the next day, and later they had a daughter, who was named Ran, and Princess Ran --

But that is another story.

The End

A/N: A thousand thank-yous to my reviewers. You have no idea how pleased being reviewed makes me - I tend to bounce around like an immobility-challenged rubber ball with ADHD, skirts, and a liking for burnt marshmallows. Well, now you do have an idea. But I won't be put off by lack of reviews; I haven't read anything by Jasper Ffordes - I see now that this was a mistake and will have to remedy it; and I'm glad I amuse y'all. I do aim to please.