I don't own Detective Conan, though I wouldn't mind it at all if I did. I wouldn't mind owning Snow White either, because sometimes I want help with chores, but I don't own her either.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Part One

(Very Revised and Greatly Altered)

Once upon a time there lived a king and a queen who were childless and upset about it, as is often the case with fairy-tale kings and queens; and, as is often the case with fairy-tale kings and queens, after a while they stopped being childless and had a baby. They named her Aoko, which isn't known for happening very often in fairy-tales, but is fine all the same. Aoko is a nice name.

Aoko was a very beautiful princess. She had hair as brown as the prettiest brown thing you can think of, eyes as blue as the depths of the sea, teeth like pearls, and skin of a very pleasant peach color, so of course they called her "Snow White" because that's how the story goes. She was also talented and good-natured, though sometimes sharp-tongued, so that was all right.

Presently her mother the queen died, as fairy-tale queens often do, and of course the king began looking about him for a new wife to be a mother to his child and a prop to him in his middle-age and so on. That was all right, too, but he needn't have picked a witch for his second wife, though perhaps he didn't mean to. However, even if it was an accident, it was a dashed silly thing to do. You know how witches are, dear reader. If they aren't putting frogs in the bath-water and talking to furniture, then they're disguising their ugly daughters as their pretty step-daughters and marrying them to princes. They don't seem to be able to help it, but that's even less of a consolation that the fact that they generally die at the end of the fairy-tale - especially if someone was in the bath-water when they put the frogs there.

What's done is done, however, and it's no use crying over spilt milk. The story must go on, and go on it does.

As I was saying, the king got a new wife, and she was a witch. Pretty soon everybody but the king had cottoned on to the fact that besides being a witch, she was something else unpleasant. She used to sneak into the kitchen and steal things to make potions out of, which nobody really minded, but then she would use the potions to turn people into frogs, which they minded rather a lot. Being a frog is rather uncomfortable.

It sooned turned out that the new queen's fetish for turning people into frogs was only the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

Do you recall what I said about witches talking to furniture? Well, our witch wasn't really any different than any other witch, so of course she, too, talked to furniture. She had a mirror hung up in her boudoir, and about once an hour she would shut herself up in there with it and hold a short and to-the-point conversation with it. It started with her rhyming at it to tell her who the prettiest woman was, and ended with it telling her that she was the prettiest ever, O Queen. It sounds harmless enough, doesn't it?

It wasn't.

This is why: because, one afternoon when Snow White was about fourteen, the witch-queen stepped in for her hourly seance with her mirror, and when she had asked it who the prettiest woman was, instead of replying instantly with a sort of weary smugness, the mirror hemmed.

"I beg your pardon?" said the witch-queen, much surprised.

"Oh, don't, please," said the mirror politely.

"Don't what?" said the witch-queen.

"Beg my pardon," explained the mirror. "It's quite all right. I think I have a cold, that's all."

The witch-queen began to think that perhaps she had gone mad, or the mirror. She told it to take its stupid cold and drown it and to stop dilly-dallying and tell her who the was the prettiest.

The mirror hawed.

"Stop that," said the witch-queen, crossly.

"I'm sorry," said the mirror contritely. "What was it you wanted again?"

There was an odd little twitch in the witch-queen's eye as she repeated her question.

"You know," said the mirror earnestly, "I don't think you're going to like the answer. Do go and ask someone else who will tell you you're the prettiest because they're afraid you'll kill them if they don't."

"Whatever for?" said the witch-queen.

"Because I can only tell the truth," the mirror explained.

By this time a frightful possibility was beginning to suggest itself to the witch-queen. She said: "Who is the fairest?" and she sounded as if she meant it.

"Well," said the mirror, and stopped.

"It's not me, is it?" said the witch-queen.

"Well," said the mirror, and paused.

"Is it?" said the witch-queen, with frightful calmness.

"Well," said the mirror, and halted. "Well, no, actually. It isn't."

The witch-queen said something very terrible and flung herself out of her seat to pace back and forth furiously, as witches often do when thwarted. She darted a horrible glare out of the corners of her eyes at the mirror, which cringed and then tried to pretend it hadn't.

"Who is the fairest?" asked the witch-queen, pausing to let the shimmering mirror have it full-blast.

"It's," said the mirror, and faltered.

"Who?"

"It's Snow White," said the mirror.

Of course this did not make the queen very happy. She said a few more things which I cannot repeat in a fanfiction rated K, but it will no doubt suffice for me to say that she was deeply distressed, not to mention utterly, completely, and indubitably teed off.

After this, she contrived to make poor Snow White's life very unpleasant for her, by dint of being rude to her, pinching her cheeks by way of a greeting every morning, refusing her anything she might possibly desire (except food), and contantly sending her into the kitchens to help the scullery-maid, which is not the sort of thing one ought to do to a princess, however pretty she might be. Witchlike, the queen also managed to do all these unpleasant things when the king was busy or out of the country, which he often was, relations with the Crimaldean Empire being somewhat strained at the time. As for poor Snow White, she bore all this patiently, mostly because she wasn't a complaining sort of girl and didn't particularly mind having to help wash dishes or mop floors (she like mopping); but also because she knew that her father wouldn't believe anything he hadn't seen with his own eyes and a magnifying glass.

This went on for almost two years, and then the witch-queen decided that she wasn't doing enough. She couldn't stand the sight of her step-daughter, and no matter how many spells she put on her face, every time she asked the mirror it told her that Snow White was the most beautiful. It made her blood boil, and after two years even tormenting the princess couldn't calm her. So she began dropping hints around the king. They were very delicate hints, but what they amounted to was that he should start looking for a husband for dear sweet darling Snow White, who was quite, quite bored knocking about the castle all day with nothing to do.

It took a great many hints (and perhaps a spell here and there) but eventually the king was brought around and agreed - reluctantly - to do something about poor-dear-sweet-darling Snow White. Not that there was much to do; the queen had already helped him decide which fellow king to approach first with his proposition, mostly because that king's son had a reputation for being decidely odd (he had apprenticed himself so a pick-lock or an acrobat or something nonsensical like that).

Of course she forgot to mention this to the king.

So away the king went, and the queen was so pleased with herself for finally getting rid of her step-daughter that she was almost nice to Snow White while he was gone. (This made Snow White extremely suspicious.) Oh, she was pleased with herself - until the king returned with the prince, at which point she was not.

The people she had heard of this prince from had all decieved her! They had mentioned that Prince Kaito was odd, but had they mentioned that he was handsome? Oh, no, indeed. They had spoken of his being apprenticed to a circus-clown or some such thing, but had they spoken of his rich, soft voice? Oh, dear me, no. And they had murmured about the way he had of sometimes looking at people sideways, as if he was laughing at them, but had they murmured about how those sideways glances came from brilliant blue eyes? Oh, no, not at all!

The queen would have had every one of those traitorous wretches drawn and quartered for decieving her so, if only she could have remembered who they were.

(That is what you get for eavesdropping.)

Perhaps she might have born it, since her goal after all was simply to get the hated step-daughter away somewhere, and the prince was obviously impressed with her beauty when he met her; but when Snow White entered the room he forgot all about her. He was obviously smitten, and this the witch-queen would not stand for, especially since the princess seemed to return his affection in her own awkward way. The witch began that very night to try and get her husband to send the prince away. However, the king was inordinately pleased with his prospective son-in-law (who undeniably had a very pleasing manner) and did not seem to notice her gentle, wifely hints. It seemed as if her Evil Plan (TM) would be foiled; but then circumstances came to her aid. Prince Kaito's kingdom was attacked by the Crimaldean Empire, and in the light of their proposed alliance, her husband was going to their aid. Both prince and king set off less than a month after Prince Kaito's arrival, after taking fond farewells of their respective sweethearts. The queen, with the aid of an onion, cried very much, and Princess Snow White promised Prince Kaito very faithfully that if he was killed she would murder him.

Of course once they had gone the wicked queen went straight to work. She put away her onion, went to her room, and called for her most faithful Evil Henchman (also TM); and when he had slouched into her presence she gave him a glare (at which he straightened slightly) and a knife (at which he blinked) and told him to oblige her by taking the princess off somewhere nice and private and cutting out her heart.

"And bring it back for me to eat," she added.

"Yess'm," said the Henchman, stolidly. I am very sorry to say that he was used to this kind of thing.

"And if you don't kill her properly," said the queen, "I'll have your heart on a platter before you can say 'Jack's your uncle'."

"Yess'm," said the Henchman, who was also used to death threats.

Then he slouched off.

I don't know how he got the princess off by herself, because she wasn't stupid and generally didn't talk to strangers, especially if they slouched and squinted and carried blood-stined knives. I suspect, however, that he hid the knife on his person and told her that he had news of Prince Kaito; but anyway, I wasn't there, so I don't really know. I had to go do my homework, and when I came back he had already got her (and her mop, because her step-mother had set her to work again the instant her father left) off into the nearest convenient forest. He already had his knife out, even.

"What's that for?" said Snow White, looking at it with a fair amount of suspicion.

"Well, to be honest with you, princess," said the Henchman, who did have his good sides, "and not to put too much stress on it, it's for cutting out your heart with."

"Oh, is that so?" said the princess.

"It's so, princess," said the Henchman, advancing. "No offence, I hope. It ain't anything personal, and it won't hurt a bit, anyway."

"Oh, is that so?" said the princess.

Then she committed assault and battery with her mop for a considerable length of time, and with considerable force (you can get quite strong muscles in your arms from washing pots, you know); and, having done that, and considered her situation, she set off to seek her fortune.

Now a forest is not generally a good place to look for a fortune in, since pirates prefer to bury treasure on desert islands and enchanted palaces are more commonly found in the midst of green fields, of which a forest is, by definition, devoid; but, as it happened, Princess Snow White found a fortune (of a kind) in this forest.

She didn't fidn it right away, however. First she had to walk, or stumble, or crawl for almost the whole rest of the day. In the course of the said day her fine clothes were torn to rags, she tripped and fell into a mud-puddle three times, and she lost both her shoes and her circlet. She did not lose her mop, which was forunate, since she had to use it to commit beasticide ones or twice, as the wolves were very rude, and also hungry. By the time the sun was beginning to set, she was wet, muddy, cold, tired, scratched, and very, very cross indeed. Also she was beginning to think that she ought to have taken the path that did not have brambles growing all over it.

It was fortunate, therefore, that she found the fortune before night fell.

The fortune was a house.

The house was very interesting.

It was shaped rather like a woodman's cottage, round, with a thatched roof, but it was far too large to be a proper woodman's cottage. Also the thatch seemed to be made of gold, the curtains were pure white lace, there was a gigantic stable in view behind it, and the artistic stack of wood by the carven door was almost certainly painted clay.

But the windows were aglow with golden light, and Snow White was cold and hungry and tired - most particularly tired. As a matter of fact, she was so tired that she dispensed with such trivial formalities as knocking and waiting, and simply staggered in the door, across the room, and collapsed onto a white-painted bed that stood against the wall. She was asleep before her head touched the pillow.

As for the startled inhabitants of the house, they stood in a semi-circle around the bed, somewhat dumbfounded, and staring with all their eyes.

Finally one of them spoke - a small, bespectacled boy whose blue eyes resembled Prince Kaito's.

"That neechan looks very tired," he remarked astutely.

This excellent observation broke the ice of surprise quite well. Three of the seven inhabitants broke out in a flurry of speech.

"Are those teeth-marks on her arms?"

"Look at those twigs in her hair!"

"She forgot to knock! Isn't that rude?"

"Is she an outlaw?"

"Maybe she's lost."

"That's my bed, where am I going to sleep?"

"What happened to her shoes?"

"What's that mop for?"

"Aha!"

The inhabitants, startled once more, turned to gaze at the declaimer of the latter exclaimation. (This was a young woman with honey-brown hair.)

"I just remember," said this person, triumphantly.

There was an expectant pause.

After the expectant pause had stretched for almost a minute, the blue-eyed boy broke it with a question.

"Remembered what, Sonoko-neechan?" he queried inquisitively.

"I remembered," said Sonoko, "that I sent for a maid last week, right after we got here. This must be her. She's obviously been lost in the woods all this time."

"Oh," said two of the inhabitants.

"Poor thing," said another two.

One said nothing in a distinctly uninterested manner.

One said nothing, not being in the mood to make contradictions and then have to explain them.

You, Dear Reader, will no doubt already have ascertained, by the simple expedient of looking back over the previous events that occurred in this narrative, that Sonoko's deduction was not entirely true at all. As a matter of fact, she had sent for a maid, and the maid had set out to answer the call of duty, but, in a most unfortunate turn of events, she had been eaten by a hungry bear before she arrived at her destination. However, the inhabitants did not know this, and by the time Snow White woke the next afternoon, it had been too decisively determined that she was the sought-for maid (the presence of the mop had cinched the matter for most of them) for her to have made any headway arguing that she wasn't, even if she had wanted to, which she didn't. To tell the truth, she was pleasantly surprised to find herself provided with an excuse for her unceremonious entry the night before, not to mention a job that paid a silver coin every hour, plus room and board and medical expenses, if necessary.

So, having introduced herself to her employers as Aoko (she was confident that she would be more anonymous under her true name than under her nickname) she settled right into her position as maid-of-all-work.

On the first day of her new job, she learned that the inhabitants of the house were all members, or wards of members, of the royal family in the kingdom between Prince Kaito's homeland and the Replublic of Husiwatsit. They had come out to this summer-house on the recommendation of an uncle, to whom it belonged. The two young women were the Princesses Sonoko and Ran, daughters of the king. The small freckled boy was Mitsuhiko, a cousin on the princesses' mother's side; the small dark-haired girl was Ayumi, a cousin on the princesses' father's side; the boy who looked rather like a brown beach-ball was Genta, and he was cousin to all four of them in an infuriatingly complicated way. The small serious girl was the princesses' uncle's ward, and the bespectacled boy did not appear to have any family, but was (unofficially) Princess Ran's ward.

They were all very pleasant, polite people, and Aoko soon found herself as happy and contented there as she had ever been in her father's castle.

To Be Continued...

A/N: My first TBC ever. Aren't you pleased?

Actually it's like that because I really, really think I should post something, and I haven't quite finished it. I'm nowhere near done typing it up, either. (Ugh!) I'll try to finish it this week, but I may not post it until next week, because I'm trying very, very hard to concentrate on NaNoWriMo this month.

Speaking of NaNoWriMo, the novel I'm working on this year is actually a fanfiction. An AU Detective Conan fanfiction, as if that wasn't enough. Read it. Please? And I won't ask you to review, btu I will mention that I'm practicing my skills as a forshadower, hint-dropper, and detailer in this project, so I'm extremely interested in hearing predictions, guesses, etc. D

Thanks to my reviewers: sweety-1914, PunkDetectiveGeek6, 30Kyu, Lluvia-the-Wolfgirl, Animefangirl2007, Rani07, Rosienessness, katiesparks, RanMouri82, randombutterflies, and AVAAntares. May the sun shine on you but not, I hope, give you skin cancer or anything nasty like that.